6/25/25
Ethan Ralph has scored a huge W in his one-sided feud with Aaron Imholte.
Ralph reacts to seeing Aarons mugshot
if this emotionless agape mouth isn't pure, blissful joy then I don't know what is
"GAWD SMILED ON THE RALPHAMALE ONCE AGAIN... SMITTED HIS ENEMY!!! How much of a stupid faggot do you have to be to get locked up for revenge porn?"
Ralph uses this time to force
They Not Like Us down his viewers throats for the millionth time:
Ralph still doesn't know the lyrics (0:30), Ralph mimics shooting a basketball and bumps his hand on his jumbo sized Yankees hat (0:35)
Soyface
Look closely, you can see that even with sunglasses on he is too shy to look at the camera (he's staring to his left)
"Weekend or Anticipated Release: No-- Wha?!
"
Of course Ralph would find out that he was immediately released from jail and go back to the regularly scheduled deep sighing whilst poking at his phone screen... It does beg the question though:
Well... How Did We Get Here?
It was many eons ago when Ralph, after destroying everything he ever hitched his trailer too, was given the opportunity to latch onto yet another unsuspecting victim: The Dabbleverse.
For all intents and purposes, this should've been the easiest grift Ralph has ever rode in his life, all he had to do was project everything he hates about himself onto one Aaron Imholte and just verbally beat the shit out of him in a desperate attempt at trying to feel good about himself. All the other dead beat drug addicts are doing it, so why shouldn't Ethan Oliver Ralph, host of the illustrious Keelstream, get in on this action as well? Well, as it turns out, the reason is because Ralph couldn't stop himself from illegally restreaming one of Aarons court appearances, becoming wanted by Stearns County, and ending the entire fiasco with
one of the greatest Pillstreams ever recorded + 1 year probation and a $589 fine.
Now keep in mind, the only "rational" reason Ralph has to a-log Aaron is because he thinks Aaron is the reason why the courts decided to issue the warrant. That does not explain his irrational hate of Aaron that triggered Ralph hard enough to record the hearing and even state he's going to bribe someone inside the prison to murder Aaron... Does Rekieta even hate the Toe this much? God damn.
Kill Toe Mourning Show
It wasn't that long ago, when Ralph stated that Aaron Imholte needs to die. He even proclaimed if he ever saw him in person, he would give Aaron 55 stab wounds:
Ever since, Aaron Imholte has become the next Tucker Carlson to fill-in 3-6 hours of dead air on the Killstream. I swear to god there is not 1 show that goes by without at least a 30 minute spiel on this idiot.
I think it's safe to say that Ralph is more obsessed with The Toe now than he is Null, maybe even Taylor Swift if you want to know the truth about it! The only conclusion I can make is that Ralph was violated in the same fashion as Rekieta during his troubled return home from Minnesota:
Mm, yeah. I'm giving this a
How Fortuitous out of 10 on the Troo & Vindicated scale IYWTKTTAI (the "TWU" of the sektur, that's right baby it's official
)
Bonus pig:
More trickle-down Clipenomics from last months Mexican "Feast". Ralph listens to Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd and breaks down crying:
"Tru-buhl.. Pass.." (1:25), "Uhpp abooove" (1:40), Ralph hides his eyes under the brim of his hat, preventing viewers from seeing the tears in his eyes (2:20),
Ralph is officially TKO'd after hearing "all that you need, is in your soul" and collapses into his hooves (2:35),
