“As you can see, I am in control 100%, but my body is not. My body is reacting in the way it would react if I had seen it for the first time. I just want to show you a bit of what’s going on in my body right now.”
*takes off large, warm looking sweater to show off sweat stains*
“That is sweat, these are tissues, underneath my armpits that I’ve been changing. Sweat, on my chest. Sweat, this beautiful dewy glow I have on my face – sweat. Now, one of the main reasons I do not like being in this body is because the lack of control – the lack of visceral control that it has. Takes a lot of energy – it takes a lot of energy for me to be out here and for me to be handling this.”
(Responding to comment) “That’s okay. Yeah, mmhm. He did. He was speaking to me directly into the camera it was very uncomfortable. Especially for Elsie,” *chuckles* “Who she knew the video was about. Oh, I know. Especially as someone who wants to attract all the little's. Seems a little bit sick, doesn’t it? Seems a little bit sick. For somebody who has gone through sexual trauma themselves when they were young. Ya think that he would understand a little bit about the way that mental, psychological manipulation works. Yep, we were friends. I was the one that told him that he should start a podcast on spotify. I’m also the one that told him all of the options that he has to post his reading out loud on different platforms. That was me. I was the one who did that. So.”
“Thank you. I love you too, I do, I love you too. But as you can see, because of my arrival here I had to go to the store. And I bought a vape with some nicotine in it because I smoke cigarettes, but the body doesn’t react to cigarettes very well. Just like the body does not react to me very well. The body has a very difficult time dealing with how I handle situations. I’m not wanting to show you this, but this is what’s going on to my body as I am sitting here speaking to you clearly.” *Shows the camera her hand which is shaking* “If you- any of you who are lurking. If any of you knew what it sounds like to hear a child have a BPD meltdown, like, she. She. She is drawing shapes in our skin with sharp tools. I’m not blaming anybody for that, okay? I’m not blaming anyone for that. It’s just sick. It’s sick. The screaming - the screaming. The effect that Elsie’s BPD meltdowns have on the people around – oh God, I’m switching. Oh my God.”
*incoherent mumbles from Brandon*
“I switched.”
“You switched?”
“I think so. My body is really uncomfortable right now.”
*incoherent mumbles from Brandon*
“I don’t know, but I’m drenched in sweat and I’ve already taken two clonazapam. Yeah. Oh wow.”
Editing cut
“I feel a little bit better, yeah. Yeah, you guys missed Grace, but -”
Another cut
“I just feel so sad, like I feel like Elsie’s influencing me, I just feel so full of shame and so sad but I have to keep telling her there’s no reason for you to be ashamed. You were abused by somebody who made you believe that was normal and that that was the only way for you to get attention. Like, Elsie isn’t hypersexual. Elsie doesn’t like to be touched. She was taught that that’s the only way – she was taught that that was the only way to get attention and to get love. And I took that down. I destroyed that empire that he tried to build using me. I destroyed that empire and here it is coming back, people saying that I’m a bad person. I’m NOT a bad person. I literally dedicated my life and my safety to ending a BDSM sex cult that centred around hurting traumatized people who age regress. I did that. I did that. Why is nobody talking about that? I have hundreds and hundreds of people who witnessed it, who are willing to talk about it. But nobody wants to hear it. It’s been proven over and over again and it’s like the reason I found out I had dissociative identity disorder is was because of the extreme abuse Elsie was going though and because of the abuse the others were going through. And if it wasn’t for – and if it wasn’t for Grace, if it wasn’t for fucking Grace and Damien, dude, I probably would have been part of the cult. I probably would have been trying to get people to join it. It would have been me.”
*incoherent mumbles from Brandon*
“Like, I fucking, I killed it. I ended it. It took so much of my life. It destroyed – it destroyed me as a person. And I started my channel to talk about that. The evidence is out there but everyone is turning the cheek just so that they can hate me. Nobody wants to hear about the BDSM cult. Nobody wants to hear about the littles, and the fucking diaper baby burlesque bullshit, they see that and they think I’m a part of it. No dude, I was forced to be a part of it. I was manipulated and fucked. Literally raped into doing things. And nobody wants to talk about that. No one wants to make a video about that, defending me. Goddammit, dude, like she was physically fucking held down and raped, like, and then told that that was normal. And that it was just BDSM, and if I wanted him – I wanted him to be my Daddy then I would have to take it and I would have to do that to be a good girl. You guys don’t want to hear about that, do you?! No! Nobody wants to hear about the shitty stuff. They just – they just look at what’s on the surface. No one wants to hear how he peed on me. He make me fucking open my mouth and peed on me. He made me do that. Because if I didn’t do that there was gonna be worse things that happen. I’d be punished. Until I did it. That’s humiliating. That’s humiliating. What do you think you have to do to a person to get them to do things like that? To get them to think things like that are normal? Why do you think that like 80% of my system is either asexual or sex-repulsed.”
*incoherent mumbles about water from Brandon*
“That’s like the most humiliating moment in my life that I can remember. And that was Elsie. If that was me I never would have let that happen. I would have punched him right in his fucking nuts.”
Another couple of strange edits
“Thank you for - ”
“Grace doesn’t usually yell, so”
“Poor Brandon” (maybe?)
(Responding to comment) “...read what some of these things say. They are starting to kick in, actually, yeah...”
“All the time. I know. I didn’t even know I had DID, I wasn’t even diagnosed until after. And then once I was diagnosed dude I fucking ended the cult, man. Once I was diagnosed I realized how much power I had and I fucking ended it, dude. It was that last night – that last night that I woke up at his house and he had fucking scratch marks, and bruises and a bunch of shit all over him and he was smoking a cigarette outside, and I said, “Well, what happened?” and he – he admitted to me, that he raped me and he asked if I knew that I knew jujitsu, which, I don’t know that I know jujitsu but apparently I do. And I beat him up. No one wants to talk about that, right? But they wanna talk about all of the fucking forced things that I had to do, like, how do you think cults work?! Dude?? THIS is why – this is *exactly* how cults work, okay? He gets all of that, and for all that damning shit about you, he gets all those photos, all those videos, all those pictures all because he’s making you do it – making, making it look like it was your own will, and then when you leave the cult they fucking destroy you. They try to blast, to destroy you. Well, you know what? He couldn’t do that because he’d already been destroyed, but everyone else on the Internet's gonna do that for him.”
Cut edit
“I do, I have a bunch of testimonials of people who’ve thanked me for saving them. Thanks, thank you. I do, I have a bunch of testimonials of people who’ve thanked me for saving them, but I can’t post those, they’re private.” *Sobs*
*incoherent mumbles from Brandon*
“What do you mean?”
*incoherent mumbles from Brandon about just blurring names*
“I can’t – it’s too intimate. The details of being in something like that are humiliating and, and even if someone posted my story and they blocked out my name I’d still feel personally attacked by the comments underneath it. You know what I mean? Devon is the only one that willing to speak out about any of it and it sucks because he wasn’t – he wasn’t even abused, like, I was his mistress/ I was the one that was supposed to be manipulating him into doing the bidding for the cult. That was my job, because he was a target, we targeted him, well, we – he targeted him because he had the – he was already breaking away from a cult, which was the, uh, fucking Jehovah’s Witnesses or whatever. So, like, I vaguely remember a conversation, but after I had started being his Domme, um, Mark had started trying to tell me how to use like, do things in front of people to make them jealous of him and use him to say things to those people to get them to like.... Devon, at this point, was, like a life virgin. He’s been sheltered his whole life. Practically even a regular virgin and he’s being exposed to all of this, like, of course -”
*incoherent mumbles about the Amish from Brandon*
“Yeah, he’s like the Amish kid, but, but like of course he was entranced and believed everything that I said. Devon believed – believed and would do anything that I said. Anything at any time. And, I found that to be really like, at first I thought it was really funny, but then when Mark started talking to me about the cult, I started to have a really different feel about it, like, like, Devon told me that he liked to do all the things I would make him do but I could tell that he didn’t. And I started asking him, like, “You don’t like this, do you?” and he was like, “Yeah, no”, and I was like, “You don't like this, do you?” and he was like, “No”, and I’m like, it hit me like a ton of bricks, dude. Like, oh my god. Oh. My. God. None of these people want this. They just think they do. Like, that’s when it hit me, I didn’t even want it. I was brainwashed. I was the one being used to find people like Devon. And, Devon, I was supposed to send Devon out to find people like Devon. And so on and so forth. I was supposed to find women like, not like me, but women like Devon, basically. Or even worse. People who had been so badly abused that they literally, oh, god. Oh, god, the people that I saw go in and out of that club, man. Oh man, they were so fucked up. And I could have saved them, I could have done something, but fuck, man, I did. I don't like to talk about it because it makes me feel like all those people that I left, like, all those people that I got into it, like, whoa-”
Brandon says “mumble mumble It’s not your fault”
“But it kind of was. I was just blind to it for so long, until he actually used the word “cult” I didn’t realize what was happening. I thought that these people who were being beaten liked it, like, that’s – and then I remember one time I saw him hitting this girl and she was my friend and she was like, “Can you switch to the other cheek?” or whatever and he was like, “Okay” and then he started beating her harder on the same cheek and I’m like, and then he was teaching that as being like, “I’m a Dom, she’s a sub, she has to take it.”. That’s what we were – that’s what I was taught, like, and and and so he’s like, “Are you a Dom or are you a sub?” Well, I’m not a sub, cause I don’t like being beaten, so that must mean I’m a Domme.”
(Responding to comment) “Did you go to the police? No. I didn’t, because he has so many people. Like, it’s over now. What will the cops do? You know? Like, I – I called CPS on his kids or on his unsafe environment in his home. I did everything that I could, cops don’t do anything. Cops don’t do anything, social workers will.”
(Responding to comment) “I thank you for saying that, Stevie. I appreciate that.”
weird edit
“...before any of us did. He exploited it, and pretended not to know that... he was a very smart man. Mark was an extremely intelligent man and he knew that I had DID. One time, cause he pretended to be autistic...”
weird edit
“...the - a bunch of candles burning in the...”
weird edit
“I guess it made it triggered”
weird edit
“...the place and like, he copied me, because he didn't want...”
weird edit
“more of like a no no no, like, I can’t, blah blah blah, rather than a...”
weird edit
“Like, he thought that I was his minion, like, he made me call him Father. And he would talk about my father all the time and he would always remind me of how my father would hurt me, my father would belittle me, he was my real father and all this stuff.”
*drags vape*
~fin~