POLICE ISSUE A STATEMENT

[RodgerDodger]

Chris is probably going to have a paper suit and an empty cell. He'll probably be jerking off incessantly.

it will be hard to swallow all that man milk if they don’t let him have his Fanta.

 

[OhChieChie]

I'm pretty confident chris is going to the looney bin. It's a bit of a no brainer when you speak to her/him. To be candid the only thing stopping it before was misguided Liberal woo combined with conservative stingyness.

I think it’s unlikely, it’s obvious that although stupid he has some grasp of what’s right and wrong, that’s what the judge and psychologists will be looking for.

 

[Morally Reprehensive]

I think it’s interesting how media outlets are describing Chris.

“Comic creator”

“YouTuber”

I’ve even seen “blogger” a handful of times.

I know they’re struggling to put Chris in context for normies but “comic creator” doesn’t even begin to describe who he is or why we’re talking about Chris. “Internet icon” is the closest to an appropriate title that I’ve seen but even that comes off as misleading. It’s a shame the mainstream media doesn’t have the balls to title their shit “Retarded Troon Fucks Up”

 

[Comfy Gondola]

Imagine if, due to all of the extensive documentation, the doctors are able to somehow piece it all together to and either find a cure for his (and maybe all) autism or possibly enhance and weaponize it via some kind of applied gain-of-tard-function research.

Get ready for the army to deploy professional autism squads in the middle east to overthrow dictators with concentrated autism beams.

 

[USS Farquhar]

To be fair, his comics are better than what Marvel has been shitting out the past few years.

I'd rather read every edition of Sonichu than 'The Adventures of Captain Citrus"

 

[weedcum]

Is this it?

The Chronicles of Chris-Chan: Goatee B Gone

youtu.be

jesus christ it's like he's grinding a messy weld

 

[Mason Verger]

This is going to be an amazing trial. We’ve always wondered how crazy “pure Chris” is without his many puppeteers, now we'll get to see. Any of his enablers with half a brain should be locking down.. Chris likes to dox his pals. How’d you like your name tied to this incoming shit storm? Hahaha this is gonna be glorious.

 

[spinch]

This is going to be an amazing trial. We’ve always wondered how crazy “pure Chris” is without his many puppeteers, now we'll get to see. Any of his enablers with half a brain should be locking down.. Chris likes to dox his pals. How’d you like your name tied to this incoming shit storm? Hahaha this is gonna be glorious.

rape trials are almost always sealed up, especially if they involve a minor or an otherwise protected class of person.
if you're watching court online you can always tell when a rape case is about to go before the judge because the stream goes offline for a while lol.
rape victims, in general, like to be protected. it's a really shameful experience.

 

[OhChieChie]

rape trials are almost always sealed up, especially if they involve a minor or an otherwise protected class of person.
if you're watching court online you can always tell when a rape case is about to go before the judge because the stream goes offline for a while lol.
rape victims, in general, like to be protected. it's a really shameful experience.

It will have medium media interest though and I’m sure the proceedings will be detailed on certain news sites, maybe even big ones if this level of interest is kept up.

 

[SuperPooperTrooper]

I might be a tard for asking this but Barb and Chris have years of unpaid tickets and undealt with fines, do you guys think they’ll take the opportunity to cash in those tickets? Cause if they move Barb into assisted living and Chris gets thrown in the pokie do you think they’ll just auction off their shit? Mind you their entire “estate” is worth less than an Applebee’s gift card but still a thought.

 

[weedcum]

rape trials are almost always sealed up, especially if they involve a minor or an otherwise protected class of person.
if you're watching court online you can always tell when a rape case is about to go before the judge because the stream goes offline for a while lol.
rape victims, in general, like to be protected. it's a really shameful experience.

can't we always get the transcript? courts usually allow right of access

 

[Fappy]

I think it’s interesting how media outlets are describing Chris.

“Comic creator”

“YouTuber”

I’ve even seen “blogger” a handful of times.

I know they’re struggling to put Chris in context for normies but “comic creator” doesn’t even begin to describe who he is or why we’re talking about Chris. “Internet icon” is the closest to an appropriate title that I’ve seen but even that comes off as misleading. It’s a shame the mainstream media doesn’t have the balls to title their shit “Retarded Troon Fucks Up”

Do you think that they’d get ‘chronically online spastic’ past their editors?

It’s not like his antics ever really constituted a job. Trying to explain this debauchery to normies is a lost cause - they’re better off not knowing.

 

[ladyhimitsu]

I disagree entirely on why he transitioned. Chris hates men, and I think he always hated being one. Pipe dreams of joining a lesbian polycule were just a fringe benefit in my opinion.

nah, i think it’s mainly his hatred of men and his shit luck with women; what are lesbians if not the ultimate boyfriend free girls? as we can see by how he described his thoughts(“i was really horny”, he said) leading up to what he did to barb, he’s an opportunist.

 

[Pekora]

Even our Latino brothers are reporting on this! Naturally the whole world is reacting to the completion of the decade+ long “love quest”

Spoiler: He raped his MADRE

View attachment 2407589

"detenidO"

based latino bros.

 

[Looks]

I think it's going to be fairly uneventful for at least another week.

I dunno what kind of infrastructure y'all have but jails have visiting hours. If he brings a pen he can write down a number. But you might need to put money on his books for him to actually make the call.

I'm not from Virginia but visiting an inmate isn't difficult and knowing how Chris is you can still have access.

 

[TheMockTurtle]

Hey how’s it going guys it’s been a while

I hope Chris hasn’t done anything crazy like raped his mom or anything, right guys?

…guys?

 

[+MarkOuttaBat+]

This is going to be an amazing trial. We’ve always wondered how crazy “pure Chris” is without his many puppeteers, now we'll get to see.

Next thing we know, the entire prison burns down and he is the only survivor.

 

[catmasterj]

He would have gotten away with it if he was in Alabama

 

[OhChieChie]

Do you think that they’d get ‘chronically online spastic’

I prefer “Terminally online”, the problem every lolcow faces is that over share and can’t stop. Chris is the king of them all. Explaining these people to normies who barely get past Facebook and Instagram is almost impossible.

 

[Mason Verger]

rape trials are almost always sealed up, especially if they involve a minor or an otherwise protected class of person.
if you're watching court online you can always tell when a rape case is about to go before the judge because the stream goes offline for a while lol.
rape victims, in general, like to be protected. it's a really shameful experience.

I don’t hope to dream of full trial coverage, but this is getting high profile enough that I hope we’ll get some juicy Chris statements. Plus I think there’s gonna be a reckoning amongst his orbiters. Lots of niggas throwing each other under the bus.

And real talk: this shit should’ve ended when there was “protected” evidence of him hitting her. They think hiding that stuff helped him? Fuckers about to go down for elderly abuse AND incest rape.