So I was friends with a girl named Alex for several years, and she met a guy she liked our sophomore year. She insisted I had to meet him, since we were "besties" and all, so I did. Something about him gave me the heebie jeebies, but I did the whole "don't judge a book by its cover" thing and gave him half a chance of being friends. Side note: he looked like a goat. Like he had the human face equivalent of a goat face. He was aware of this and quite proud. Also stereotypical emo kid with Tripps and everything.
So Alex and I hang out with him a bit and I find out he's been "courting" (his words) a girl named Kirstin while simultaneously fucking a girl named Eve, his female best friend who had a crush on him for a couple of years. Kirstin is super uncomfortable with his relationship with Eve for obvious reasons, since he refuses to go official with her until her dad gives him the okay. Alex is telling me that it's all fine, because he's poly, and she's also poly and bi, so she's going to be dating him, Kirstin, and Eve. Um, no.
This is where things get freaky. He starts claiming that he's half vampire and also the son of Beelzebub, high ranking demon from hell, and Alex, Eve, and Kirstin are all predestined to be his wives harem-style. Their souls are bound to his for their own safety and wellbeing, thus they should all be okay with him sticking his dick in each of them and more. On top of that, if they weren't okay and tried to leave, then their souls would be claimed and destroyed by other demons because reasons. Alex ate this stuff up and insisted that she and Goatdude were soulmates or twin flames or whatever the newage-y spiritualists call it these days, and that they had to be together or a demon living inside her head would kill her on her 16th birthday.
He then tries to drag me in on this, since Alex is definitely not his physical type and I'm closer to it (I assume, based on the appearances of Kirstin and Eve) and I was in an emotionally vulnerable place. Teen angst and shit. Same spiel, my soul belongs to him so I should worship him, whatever. Proceeds to punch me in the face for not giving him a beej. Punch him back. End of my involvement in the cult. Alex then tells me, two months after the punch, that she "just can't be friends" with me anymore. Whatever.
After a year or so, Eve and I sit down and catch up over some school project. She tells me that Kirstin jumped ship not long after I did, since Kirstin isn't into sharing and found out he was still sticking his dick in Eve behind her back. Eve then became the primary girlfriend, though had a similar situation with Alex. Eve thought she and Goatdude were monogamous, as he told her not to worry and he wasn't into Alex that way. He was telling Alex that they were a poly triad, so she constantly made art about how "in love" with both of them she was. After a year of dating, Eve dumped him because she realized she deserved better than that shit.
Alex reached out to me a year and a half ago and filled in some more blanks. Apparently, after Eve left, Goatdude finally started boning her and they were basically monogamous. They were/are engaged and briefly lived together, but had to stop because the neighbors called the cops on them too many times for domestic violence, which she vehemently denies ever happening. She moved back home and was forced into therapy by her dad, where she was diagnosed with a smattering of mental health disorders that contributed to her very sideways beliefs. I don't know how much of that newage bullshit she still believes in, but it sounds like she's getting help now.
