Professor Cat's Steampunk Spergtime Gallery

[WireSponge]

Steampunks are just clockwork spergs who don't have the balls to admit that they think gears look cool and are too lazy to actually learn about how machinery works.

 

[millais]

My first and (thankfully) only real life experience with steampunk enthusiasts:

A few years ago, some of my amateur photography was featured in a small exhibition gallery at a local library and my grandparents insisted on seeing it in person while they were in town. Upon arriving, I discovered to my horror that the library was hosting was an annual steampunk and dieselpunk convention that same day. I cringed every step of the way to the photography gallery trying to get past the mob of overweight cosplayers in corsets and top hats while simultaneously attempting to steer my grandparents' attention away from the big-band jazz music coming from the neighboring conference room full of dieselpunk hobbyists and vendors. I wasn't about to let my grandparents' childhood memories of the 1930s and 1940s get ruined by a bunch of smelly hipsters in goggles and zoot suits trying to be retro.

 

[the Borg]

Ah, steampunk. What lovely memories.

My first foray into it was finding some art that looked badass. Some big, stompy robot fighting some weird mechano-zombies. After that, I was hooked, but never made outfits or wore anything steampunk. It just wasn't something for me to wear, I'm a rational human.
My first steam build was an arm that threw a ball for my dog to fetch when my mom's tea was ready. The novelty wore off a few minutes later, and it was also my last and only steam build.

The whole idea of actually emulating this stuff in real life is just absurd. We have electronics that far outpace it and it is just a waste of time, save for rich people hobbies.
I found that the only purpose of steampunk is to make games with a solid techno fantasy background. Games like Rift, WoW, and even games like Warmachine (the source of that picture that got me hooked, as I found out years later).

I still enjoy the aesthetic, but if I saw it in real life, I would definitely turn around and walk away.
This is probably the only thread that I can say I enjoy the thing being poked at while also enjoying that people are poking at it.

 

[The Knife's Husbando]

This is a public service announcement:

Want some durable, dependable, FUNCTIONAL gears? That don't require a lot of muss & fuss?

So you can build stuff like this? That is a fully functional wooden planetary gear drive. A coat of good brass paint & not only is that "Steampunk" as hell, BUT IT WORKS.

Then go to "woodworking for engineers": http://woodgears.ca/

His custom gear-generator program is off the goddamn chain.

The basic version is even free! All you have to do is enter in the prerequisite data & the program does number crunching FOR YOU. If the gears in question are smaller than a standard sheet of printer paper, you can even print out the whole shebang to use as a template. He even has a handy glossary/how-to-use-this section under the program.

Quick link to the free gear generator: http://woodgears.ca/gear_cutting/template.html

Thank you for your time, now stop breaking antiques you fucking twits.

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

If these people were interested in functionality they wouldn't all put goggles on their top hats, making it impossible to actually pull the goggles down onto their eyes

 

[Optimus Prime]

The whole idea of actually emulating this stuff in real life is just absurd. We have electronics that far outpace it and it is just a waste of time, save for rich people hobbies.

Which is where the greatest irony of all lies - both coal power and nuclear power are actually steam systems! Burning coal and cooling nuclear fuel rods are just two ways of accomplishing the same feat of mass steam generation by boiling water, the steam then getting forced into turbines.

Steampunk to these morons means nothing more than slapping a bunch of mechanical shit and other brass crap on leftover Sherlock cosplay materials.

This is a public service announcement:

Want some durable, dependable, FUNCTIONAL gears? That don't require a lot of muss & fuss?

So you can build stuff like this? That is a fully functional wooden planetary gear drive. A coat of good brass paint & not only is that "Steampunk" as hell, BUT IT WORKS.

Then go to "woodworking for engineers": http://woodgears.ca/

His custom gear-generator program is off the goddamn chain.

The basic version is even free! All you have to do is enter in the prerequisite data & the program does number crunching FOR YOU. If the gears in question are smaller than a standard sheet of printer paper, you can even print out the whole shebang to use as a template. He even has a handy glossary/how-to-use-this section under the program.

Quick link to the free gear generator: http://woodgears.ca/gear_cutting/template.html

Thank you for your time, now stop breaking antiques you fucking twits.

That is awesome. Thank you for sharing your knowledge this day because that looks like a fun program to toy around with.

If these people were interested in functionality they wouldn't all put goggles on their top hats, making it impossible to actually pull the goggles down onto their eyes

*Obligatory "THE GOOGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!" joke here*

 

[Linako 2.0]

I'm just waiting until we get people who try to emulate atom punk by dressing up in fedoras and talking like used car salesman.
we already got te first part going.

 

[The Knife's Husbando]

Which is where the greatest irony of all lies - both coal power and nuclear power are actually steam systems! Burning coal and cooling nuclear fuel rods are just two ways of accomplishing the same feat of mass steam generation by boiling water, the steam then getting forced into turbines.

Steampunk to these morons means nothing more than slapping a bunch of mechanical shit and other brass crap on leftover Sherlock cosplay materials.



That is awesome. Thank you for sharing your knowledge this day because that looks like a fun program to toy around with.



*Obligatory "THE GOOGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!" joke here*

Which, when I think about it, is probably for the best that they stick to that. Anything steam powered is actually pretty fucking terrifying when you get down to it. Old school or new, the pressures they operate at are immense. Take your walls for instance. Yep, that thing to the left of you. Looks pretty sturdy, right? Feels pretty sturdy. How many PSI (pounds per square inch) do you think it would take to knock that down? 100? 200? 1000? Lol. Nope.

An average house wall, 8' high by 10' long. That's 80 square feet, or 11,520 square inches. That equates to nearly six tons of pressure at one PSI. About 1/4 a PSI would bring it down around your ears. An average kitchen pressure cooker operates at 15 PSI. An average steam boiler can run up to a hundred. A really good example of just how "energetic" a runaway steam reaction is the episode of Mythbusters with the exploding water heater. IIRC, a three hundred PSI steam force chunked a 55-gal. water heater five hundred feet into the air, after crunching through two layers of 2x4 joists, and a asphalt shingle roof, all built to code.

And the thought of one of those mechanical illiterates attempting to build anything run off a boiler...Well, to quote Burt Gummer- "The possibilities for disaster boggle the mind."

Glad you liked the generator. Cruise around his site a bit, he's got a lot of great stuff. Matt is an absolute mad bastard. He even made a fully-functional wooden bandsaw.

 

[Another Fellow]

This is a public service announcement:

Want some durable, dependable, FUNCTIONAL gears? That don't require a lot of muss & fuss?

So you can build stuff like this? That is a fully functional wooden planetary gear drive. A coat of good brass paint & not only is that "Steampunk" as hell, BUT IT WORKS.

Then go to "woodworking for engineers": http://woodgears.ca/

His custom gear-generator program is off the goddamn chain.

The basic version is even free! All you have to do is enter in the prerequisite data & the program does number crunching FOR YOU. If the gears in question are smaller than a standard sheet of printer paper, you can even print out the whole shebang to use as a template. He even has a handy glossary/how-to-use-this section under the program.

Quick link to the free gear generator: http://woodgears.ca/gear_cutting/template.html

Thank you for your time, now stop breaking antiques you fucking twits.

Holy shit, that looks amazing. I know what I'm doing this weekend...

Putting them on my top hat.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

I honestly like the look but I'm a sucker for overly stylized, slightly impractical outfits. I just don't understand why some people would willingly take a sledgehammer to some mechanical clocks for the sake of their cosplay.

I mean, we've already touched on how insensitive it is to destroy antiquities like that, but besides that, stuff that old tends to be really expensive. I'm pretty sure you can find brass cogs or whatever the fuck at a sixth of the price of a fucking grandfather clock if you look for them. Hell, even if you can't, just get some cardboard or some foam or something and mold it into the shape of a cog. You don't see cosplayers walking around with actual fucking giant metal swords around.

There's a line between "being genuine" and "being a complete psychopath."

 

[StupidSexyFlanders]

Tch, Dieselpunk is so much cooler

 

[Duke Nukem]

Tch, Dieselpunk is so much cooler

You know what's cooler than Steampunk?

Literally anything.

I personally prefer the cyberpunk aesthetic, but, being a rational human being, I'm not going to go out searching for old computer parts to glue to my clothes like a delusional moron. The gears don't even mesh properly most of the time with these guys.

Hey steampunkers, want to know how mechanical things actually work? I have something that might be at about your level of education:

Spoiler: I regret nothing

 

[John Titor]

Steampunk is considered a lifestyle? I thought it was suppose to be a genre of science fiction. I'm not even sure I heard of the same for Cyberpunk.

I AM CALM! I....

Just kidding.

These people are a personal hatred of mine. As they are to any actual machinist, custom fabricator, antique dealer, or serious gearhead.

True story.

Back in my college days, I had to take a prerequisite "Machine Tool 101" class. All it was, was how to use a basic miller & metal lathe. Tools I had plenty of practical experience on before I even got there. The only project the entire semester was to make an all-metal claw hammer out of a length of 1" square steel stock, and a bit of 1" aluminum round for a handle. I whipped that out in the first class, first day. So every other class, I just basically hung out with the professor & chatted, and occasionally even helped some of the students do things like reading a non-digital micrometer & setting up 4-jaw chucks on the metal lathe, etc. Mickey mouse stuff all told.

One day me & him were walking out of the building after class, and on of the students came up to us. He wanted to know if he could borrow the machine shop a bit after class the next session. At first me & the professor were both surprised & happy. Then we asked what he wanted. He just wanted to use the Piranha (a diamond-abrasive blade cutoff saw) For a few minutes. Well, we asked why.

I will remember this to my dying day. And I Quote: "Oh, My pappy left me this big 'ol Grandfather clock he made. I got all the brass gears I could out of it with a sledgehammer for my costume, and I need some help to get at the rest."

Okay, I was mad. But my professor was livid. I've never seen a person so angry.

This idiot not heard of ebay?

 

[Another Fellow]

There's a line between "being genuine" and "being a complete psychopath."

That is just on point right there.

Spoiler: More sperging

I'll admit I actually do put together steampunk costumes (sans gears because I shoot for "realistic," y'know?), but IMO it's more cost-effective and reliable to just go to a hardware/parts store or a historical re-enactment dealer for clothing and parts/accessories. You achieve a similar effect cheaper, and no original antiques are harmed in the process.
It still baffles me that they wouldn't think of that.

 

[The Knife's Husbando]

Gluing gears on a hat isn't steampunk.

This is steampunk:

A fully functional 9mm. MP-5 submachine gun, with the exhaust gases from each shot powering an automatic clockwork magazine ejector. Also note the fucking fantastic engravings the gunsmith put on it.

A steam-powered stainless steel vibrator. Powered by a fucking Tesla turbine drive. Easily achieves no-load speeds of 10,000 RPM with a normal kitchen pressure cooker or shop compressed air system.

A custom PC keyboard rebuild. Most of the parts are stripped off a vintage Atlas typewriter. Pretty and fully functional.

 

[DangerousGas]

This is a public service announcement:

Want some durable, dependable, FUNCTIONAL gears? That don't require a lot of muss & fuss?

So you can build stuff like this? That is a fully functional wooden planetary gear drive. A coat of good brass paint & not only is that "Steampunk" as hell, BUT IT WORKS.

Then go to "woodworking for engineers": http://woodgears.ca/

His custom gear-generator program is off the goddamn chain.

The basic version is even free! All you have to do is enter in the prerequisite data & the program does number crunching FOR YOU. If the gears in question are smaller than a standard sheet of printer paper, you can even print out the whole shebang to use as a template. He even has a handy glossary/how-to-use-this section under the program.

Quick link to the free gear generator: http://woodgears.ca/gear_cutting/template.html

Hah, I use that software at work. It's good stuff, and exports very nicely to DXF (I do CNC stuff, so it's all digital for me). Used it to build a peristaltic extrusion drive for a 3D printer's feedstock mechanism recently.
Grandfather clock kid made me want to put my fist through my monitor. What a terminal fucking luddite.
Steampunk tards aren't quite as prolific here in the UK, but I have spotted a few knocking about: I live fairly near the venue for the London MCN Expo, and there is always some cringe on display walking there when it's on.

 

[Linako 2.0]

A steam-powered stainless steel vibrator. Powered by a fucking Tesla turbine drive. Easily achieves no-load speeds of 10,000 RPM with a normal kitchen pressure cooker or shop compressed air system.

I know what I'm getting for Christmas

 

[AnOminous]

A steam-powered stainless steel vibrator. Powered by a fucking Tesla turbine drive. Easily achieves no-load speeds of 10,000 RPM with a normal kitchen pressure cooker or shop compressed air system.

So a literal Steely Dan.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

If a stereotypical steampunk fan were to somehow travel back in time to 19th centruy England, I imagine it'd be like someone from the future traveling back to our time, while wearing a fedora with moddern safety goggles attached to it, a mish-mash of several exaggerated modern clothing styles, and a whole bunch of plastic boxes with blinking LEDs and electric motors that don't do anything. And resistors, capacitors, microchips, etc. glued to the clothes. And the parts would be from (by then) antique computers and smartphones. They'd try to speak in a greatly exaggerated parody of contemporary speech - possibly consisting mainly of internet memes and text messaging speak (for example, "u mad bro T-T-Y-L").

 

[Van Darkholme]

I think it's cool in videogames and shit but fucking embarassing to run around like that in real life.