Questions for the female autists here - Sneed

[bjarven]

How many lady spergs on here are employed compared to the men? I genuinely wonder this because it's a known thing that autistic people struggle with finding decent employment.

I rage-quit my job about a month ago, that is why i am back on kf all day. I never had issues getting employment so it is no problem, you just act the way you are supposed to act, and outside work you can be yourself and sperg all you want.

 

[Android raptor]

How many lady spergs on here are employed compared to the men? I genuinely wonder this because it's a known thing that autistic people struggle with finding decent employment.

Yo, I'd imagine it's just as much a problem for autistic women as autistic men.

Doesn't help that the jobs that are easiest to get tend to be sensory nightmares (like fast food and retail). I learned that the hard way.

My parents wanted me to marry when i was like 16, because that is what my mother did, and i wanted to study and make mods for games. My brothers never had these expectations.

What the fuck. Your parents are pedo enablers.

 

[AnOminous]

Women autists mask better. But programming is a more usable special interest than writing Pokemon fanfics.

I'm not sure if it's masking so much as that male autists actively sperg out in disruptive ways that attract attention (and psychiatrists). Female autists tend to be shy and withdrawn, which isn't seen as incredibly abnormal for females, so they often don't get the help they need.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

I'm basically gathering that normies handle autistic behavior differently depending on the sex of the person doing it. I tend to stim, a lot when dealing with large amounts of noise/people so I naturally get stared at. Maybe if I was a chick it would be looked at differently? Idfk

Employment is a bitch, still trying to find something I can handle without having to LARP around all day.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

That's a good goddamn question. Do you think it would be any different if we look at aspies vs "normal" autism?

I mean, autism is a broad spectrum now (which I kinda disagree with, I do not believe in putting someone with Asperger's as the same as a mute permanent psych ward patient.)

 

[Chromeo]

I'm not sure if it's masking so much as that male autists actively sperg out in disruptive ways that attract attention (and psychiatrists). Female autists tend to be shy and withdrawn, which isn't seen as incredibly abnormal for females, so they often don't get the help they need.

I guess I have male-pattern 'tism, 'cause my meltdowns are always the big scary loud kind. I have way less than I did as a kid, but I generally have more control over my life and don't have to be in nearly as many upsetting situations as when I was a kid. My autism doesn't keep me from being employed, though sometimes it makes work interesting. A couple years ago I had a meltdown at work that actually stopped a shoplifter from ever coming back.

Spoiler: story

I worked overnight at a local gas station (no PL, I don't work there anymore anyway,) and was completely alone in the store until 6 AM when the manager's shift started. Being the only person in the store, I had to do everything by myself - cleaning, prepping food, helping customers, you name it. One night, I was running behind on my usual tasks and had a lot of customers on top of it. I had like 5 pans in the fire, and one of them was emptying an ice barrel of the water that had melted throughout the day. One of these things (but bigger):

While I was stuck helping customers, the water bucket started overflowing everywhere and I couldn't mop it up. It wasn't actually that big of a problem, looking back at it now, but in the moment I was terrified of being punished by the bad manager if she found out in the morning. The customer that I had to help while that was happening was a black woman, a regular, who loved stealing shit whenever we weren't looking directly at her. She had a hell of an attitude for someone who was getting shit for free, and she'd fly off the handle whenever any of us spoke to her. I made the mistake of asking, genuinely, if the lighter by her purchases was hers or came from the lighter display (spoiler alert: it was from the display, she was stealing it.)
She lost her mind and started screaming at me, more customers showed up, customers that were already there were traipsing through the now huge puddle that wasn't slowing down, and I couldn't handle it anymore and freaked the absolute fuck out.
I was screaming/crying/trying to do my normal cashier duties, hyperventilating, trying to be calm and get this woman the FUCK out of my store so I could ring up everybody and stop the water and do everything else, but that didn't work because obviously you can't pretend to be calm when you're melting down. The shoplifter was stunned nearly silent, and I scared the ever-living shit out of the other customers in line. The only customer that wasn't scared was the last guy to come in; an off-duty police officer.
He called for back-up, escorted the scared customers out of the gas station, had his other cop friend direct new customers away from the building, called the fucking EMTs, and helped calm me down enough to call my mom and the good manager (who lived further away but I was NOT about to call the bad manager.)
The poor shoplifter, she had no idea what to do. She offered to come behind the register and help me somehow and that made me panic worse because I did NOT need anyone coming near me or stealing cigarettes or what the hell ever could happen. I threw up at least twice.
Once everyone showed up, the cops and EMTs and my manager and my mom, the shoplifter slipped out and never came back to our gas station again. I guess she was so traumatized by witnessing all of that, she decided it wasn't worth it to keep stealing from our location anymore.
I got to go home early once my manager showed up, that's where it ends for me, but I did have some EMTs ask if I wanted to go to the hospital for my meltdown. It was sweet of them to offer, at least.

That job is actually how I learned panic attacks and meltdowns feel different, because both happened while I was working there. I work somewhere different now, and I haven't melted down like that at all in my current job. I recently got to spearhead an autism awareness event, and nobody cared that I used puzzle pieces or "autistic people" instead of "people with autism," it's such a relief working with normies. I swear, the most mentally exhausting people (besides managers and shoplifters) have to be the autism advocates, they stress me tf out with the constantly changing language and ideology policing.

 

[Chromeo]

Employment is a bitch, still trying to find something I can handle without having to LARP around all day.

sorry for doubleposting (though this guy doubleposted too tbh)
My best advice is go overnight. Fewer people, less larping. I've worked a few overnight jobs and they're all pretty great. Some places even let you listen to music so long as you get your stuff done. Depending where you are, too, there are orgs whose sole purpose is finding disabled people work. You could search for one of those in your area.

 

[Rekeita's Kidneys]

sorry for doubleposting (though this guy doubleposted too tbh)
My best advice is go overnight. Fewer people, less larping. I've worked a few overnight jobs and they're all pretty great. Some places even let you listen to music so long as you get your stuff done. Depending where you are, too, there are orgs whose sole purpose is finding disabled people work. You could search for one of those in your area.

I'm trying to dig my claws into some remote sysadmin shit but it seems like an absolute bitch to get into. I'm probably going to have to go back to college... Again...

 

[Android raptor]

I've done overnight work, the work itself wasn't bad but the sleep schedule fuckery started causing bad mental health shit after a while.

 

[ShiftyBoi]

I've done overnight work, the work itself wasn't bad but the sleep schedule fuckery started causing bad mental health shit after a while.

It's not overnight but I work till 11pm friday to sunday and I wish I was dead. I have no time for anything when I should have the most freetime. It's horribly annoying trying to do things with friends or get homework done or just draw.

I'm just glad I'm not working overnight at the warehouse I used to work at. I think that would've turned me into a zombie.

 

[Chromeo]

I've done overnight work, the work itself wasn't bad but the sleep schedule fuckery started causing bad mental health shit after a while.

It's horribly annoying trying to do things with friends or get homework done or just draw

It IS annoying that nothing's ever open and nobody else is up when I'm awake, but I was already nocturnal on my own. It just made sense to find a job I could do when I was already naturally awake. I swear, society needs to be better about accommodating people who aren't rise-and-shine morning people. That's the worst post-covid change, is everything that used to be open 24 hours isn't anymore. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, WALMART.

 

[Android raptor]

I go to Walmart as late as possible b/c it's a sensory hellzone but even at 1030 pm there's always shrieking kids. Them shits should be at home in bed, especially on school nights, it's always wtf. When I was a kid my parents would yell at me if they so much as caught me awake after 9 or so, they sure as fuck weren't dragging me to Walmart.

 

[Chromeo]

I go to Walmart as late as possible b/c it's a sensory hellzone but even at 1030 pm there's always shrieking kids. Them shits should be at home in bed, especially on school nights, it's always wtf. When I was a kid my parents would yell at me if they so much as caught me awake after 9 or so, they sure as fuck weren't dragging me to Walmart.

It's like that on Sundays at the walmart I used to go to all the time, everyone takes their ENTIRE FAMILY to get groceries. Like, I understand wanting input on what everybody wants, but jfc you don't need to have >4 people shopping together at the same time.

 

[Sun Sucker]

How many lady spergs on here are employed compared to the men? I genuinely wonder this because it's a known thing that autistic people struggle with finding decent employment.

I don't have autism, but I do have disruptive ADHD and usually less than mediocre people skills, so if that counts, here's how I manage work:

I just don't socialize much with my co-workers, eat by myself, and keep good rapport with my manager to make sure I'm up to date on stuff. I tried to be friendly to co-workers when I first started, but I apparently pissed off the gal that's been at the workplace the longest (still unsure of the reason by the way, but I think it was that her boyfriend and I chatted for a while and he asked me to come get coffee with them afterwards) which after that the next week; she slammed my documents on the coffee table in the break room when she realized they were mine, and when I stopped greeting her as a result, resumed with slamming doors whenever I passed her by.

Everyone else tends to congregate around her so I just stopped going to the break room. No big loss for me, but whole thing was just weird.

Yeah, I don't get it either.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Bonus question: what age did you get diagnosed
21, with level 2. I know how weird it is to be diagnosed with that so late in life, but my upbringing was full of drama that made a diagnosis the last of anyone’s priorities. The testing also revealed that I have exceptional verbal/communication skills, which I guess is why I’m able to be someone who is both level 2 and able to write this comment.

How did you come to get tested?

And to you, and everyone else: would you be hurt or offended if a well meaning someone (who didn't know you were dx autistic) asked you at early 20s if you'd ever considered the possibility that you might be or suggested you were/should get tested?

Also, for anyone diagnosed "late," was it helpful to have a dx? If so, why/why not?

 

[NoReturn]

Also, for anyone diagnosed "late," was it helpful to have a dx? If so, why/why not?

There's probably no point if you're doing alright in your normal life (or would just have been diagnosed with Asperger's in the 90s).
If, however, you're still in school and could use some accommodations or extra help, then it's probably helpful so you can get access to those things.

Spoiler

I have been explicitly told by a medical professional that there is no point/benefit in getting diagnosed late in my case.
I'm a mostly functional adult and I don't need any workplace accommodations in my chosen profession.

 

[Android raptor]

For me it probably would've been even harder to access resources like VocRehab, housing voucher, meds, etc, without a diagnoses.

I was a kid when I was diagnosed, so I've had it most of my life at this point.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

I don't need any workplace accommodations in my chosen profession.

you should still take the opportunity and demand your emotional support tendies

 

[glass_houses]

Also, for anyone diagnosed "late," was it helpful to have a dx? If so, why/why not?

It was for me, but I'm not a "straight" autistic, I have other impairments on top of my social retardedness and having the assessment done was very important in terms of sorting out my (dis)abilities. I knew that I was impaired in certain areas, both physically and mentally but until I had the tests done, I didn't know how badly off I was; I've basically spent my entire life compensating for this, and the long term stress of this is one of the reasons I've got such problems now. It also paved the way for my later ADHD diagnosis; amphetamines are quite possibly the best thing that the human species ever invented.

I also had a bit of paper to wave in front of certain family members; that helped them understand that I couldn't, not wouldn't, and while it took a few years and more ups and downs, our relationship has been much, much better since then.

All in all, the diagnosis is the best thing I've ever done for myself, given how fucked up my skull meat is. But it is very much an individual circumstances things. Aside from the cost of the assessment, having it on your personal record can cause problems when it comes to employment and accessing other services. A lot of potential autists decide that it's not the best path for them because of things like this.

 

[The Cunting Death]

amphetamines are quite possibly the best thing that the human species ever invented.

You have no idea how much those things saved my ass in the end.