r/childfree - Where child-haters congregate

[Cosmos]

In recent years, more and more young people are deciding that parenthood really isn't for them and so decide to remain childfree. Many of them receive a lot of blowback from the people around them for their decision, which is understandably frustrating. So they turn to online forums for support and a place to vent.

r/childfree is one of those forums.

r/childfree has mutated from a place where like-minded people could vent about the frustration of having the people around you not respect your life choices to a place where unabashed child-haters go on and on about how "crotch fruit" are the worst things ever and, like, why do people even have kids? What a bunch of idiots, propagating our species! In other words, r/childfree used to be about "I personally don't want kids- I don't hate them, I just don't want them- and I just wish people would accept that" yet is now about "How dare parents breeders allow their children demon spawn out in public? I'm so glad I was never a child!"

Before we get started, let's go over some important terms:

• Breeder: Parents, or a person with children. This is actually a term co-opted from the gay community and originally referred to straight people.
• Crotch fruit/Demon spawn: A clever and totally not offensive way to refer to children.
• Mombies: A combination of "mommy" and "zombie."

Anyway, here's a small sampling of what r/childfree has to offer:

I wasn't kidding about "crotch fruit" guys.

Also, what the fuck was that little boy even doing wrong? He literally just sat down at OP's table. He wasn't screaming or harassing OP at all (if he was, I'm sure OP would have described it in vivid detail). So yeah, if my 3-year-old son just sat down at someone's table and they flipped out, I'd think they were a psycho, too.

A collection of flairs that gives you an idea of r/childfree's userbase.

OMG YOU GO, GIRL, THIS TOTALLY HAPPENED!!!

Also, here's an article about r/childfree with a bunch of childfree people bitching in the comments because the author pointed out how salty they all are. I tried to archive it, but the comments wouldn't save so whatever.

Oh, and I almost forget, there was quite a bit of drama two years back. You can read all about it here (archive here), but basically the subreddit got in hot water when it turned out that a father who left his 22 month old son in his car while he was at work (sadly, the baby died) had visited r/childfree in the past. He had also Googled "how long does it take a child to die in a hot car" among other things, which along with his visitation of r/childfree suggested that the baby's death was first-degree murder instead of a tragic accident. For a time r/childfree went private but was soon back.

 

[Roland MT-32]

r/childfree is like r/atheism.
People making bland alternative lifestyle choices and pretending that they're a persecuted minority because of it, while shitting on people who disagree with them.

 

[ShavedSheep]

yeah, fuck the children

 

[chimpburgers]

You can replace this with MGTOW and I still wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them. That's what I got from reading some of the salty posts in that sub.

 

[Adrian Țepeș]

Children are noisy wads of expensive play-doh that shit themselves. And half of them don't even have a father to apply the backhand treatment and put them in their place.

 

[Purple People Eater]

This seems like a prime breeding ground (no pun intended) for internet stories that totally, definitely happened. Hear tales of woe as poor /childfree falls hapless victim to... children.

 

[no·to·ri·e·ty.]

yeah I tried lurking childfree years back. From what I remember they had their roots in livejournal. it started out the same there and degenerated to what we see in reddit today. funny thing is most of these people grow out of this

 

[Postal Dude]

The only ones who should've stayed r/childfree are their parents.

 

[Too Many Crooks]

"Crotch fruit"

Gosh, they seem nice. wow

 

[fcgh vgcf]

hey if they're aware they are unfit for kids and admit it it's a step above the average e-supremacist lol

the whole "crotch-spawn" bullshit is really cringy though. reminds me of early (like REALLY early) rawr humor when being offensive online was more popular

 

[Bluey]

Most of these posts seem to be centred around unruly kids

 

[Innocuous]

Oh boy, I know about these types

It's like these people base their lives around not having kids. Like mombies, they have a name for fathers as well: "daddicts" which I don't understand

 

[Kazami Yuuka]

Oh, and I almost forget, there was quite a bit of drama two years back. You can read all about it here (archive here), but basically the subreddit got in hot water when it turned out that a father who left his 22 month old son in his car while he was at work (sadly, the baby died) had visited r/childfree in the past. He had also Googled "how long does it take a child to die in a hot car" among other things, which along with his visitation of r/childfree suggested that the baby's death was first-degree murder instead of a tragic accident. For a time r/childfree went private but was soon back.

What's even worse was the dedication he put into the whole thing. Not only did the man (Justin Ross Harris) put try to claim it was an accident, he also put on a spectacle to make it seem like an "honest mistake". And while his kid was dieing in the car, he was literally sexting other women at work.
Oh, and these people are major assholes:

Guys, I'm so excited. I just found out that my most frequented mall indeed has "family parking" spaces, which are reserved for expectant mothers. This elite spot also happens to be located next to my favorite department store. Next time I go, I'm gonna park there too cos fuck you, you're pregnant, not disabled. And as one awesome person mentioned before (I'm sorry, I forgot your username!): They can't force you take a urine sample to verify. Or if anyone mentions how I don't look pregnant, I'll just bemoan how difficult it is for me to put on the weight needed to keep mah precious snowflake. Oh, maybe throw in that I've had like five miscarriages prior.
Yeah, I really am this diabolical. Bwahahaha!
Edit: Keep downvoting, mombies and daddicts. Pregnancy is NOT a disability by law. It is NOT a protected class. Therefore, it should NOT be treated as such.
EDIT 2 for clarification: These spots are NOT for mothers or parents in general with existing children. They're solely designed for pregnant women. You could literally be one-week pregnant and exploit these spots.
EDIT 3: This is a heavily trafficked mall at all hours because it has the only 24-hour gym facility in the area. Even the actual handicapped spots are frequently all taken. At peak hours, you have to circle around for 15 minutes or park at least a half mile away.
All right, my inbox is getting out of control. If you want to call me an asshole or further develop this glorious conversation with me, please utilize PM.

(https://redd.it/44adpn, posted by /u/running-shorts)

 

[melty]

This exact sort of thing happened on Livejournal. Originally the childfree community was just a neat place to vent frustrations about shitty family members, but then a bunch of people got salty at the people who didn't outright hate all children so they formed cf_hardcore which had some really violent fantasies about kids they encountered at times.
I will say though their terminology for kids is hilarious. Fuck trophy, crotchspawn, vagina turd, that shit is funny.

 

[Slowboat to China]

They're spending a lot of energy complaining about the generation that will eventually replace them. It's like the "get off my lawn" mentality in fast forward.

 

[Buck Bumble]

Found one for randomtxt.

 

[Cosmos]

This exact sort of thing happened on Livejournal. Originally the childfree community was just a neat place to vent frustrations about shitty family members, but then a bunch of people got salty at the people who didn't outright hate all children so they formed cf_hardcore which had some really violent fantasies about kids they encountered at times.

Oh God, "cf_hardcore" just triggered a memory. A couple of years ago, I was looking for internet drama to laugh at and somehow came across this incredible rant originally posted on cf_hardcore (it's since been deleted, but aside from the Google Doc I posted Encyclopedia Dramatica also has it archived in their cf_hardcore entry). Basically, back in 2005, someone went to a Harry Potter book release and entered a costume contest, only to lose to a child. Their reaction is... well, to say they took it badly is an understatement.

Spoiler: The rant in all its glory

RANT TIME

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.

We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?

WRONG.

Fucking moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and fucking gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*

THE FUCKING KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. FUCKING CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.

I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo fucking woo.

I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY FUCKING LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.

I fucking hate breeders and child-lovers. FUCKING GO TO HELL.

I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO FUCK YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

 

[wifflypuff]

Oh God, "cf_hardcore" just triggered a memory. A couple of years ago, I was looking for internet drama to laugh at and somehow came across this incredible rant originally posted on cf_hardcore (it's since been deleted, but aside from the Google Doc I posted Encyclopedia Dramatica also has it archived in their cf_hardcore entry). Basically, back in 2005, someone went to a Harry Potter book release and entered a costume contest, only to lose to a child. Their reaction is... well, to say they took it badly is an understatement.

Spoiler: The rant in all its glory

RANT TIME

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.

We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?

WRONG.

Fucking moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and fucking gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*

THE FUCKING KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. FUCKING CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.

I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo fucking woo.

I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY FUCKING LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.

I fucking hate breeders and child-lovers. FUCKING GO TO HELL.

I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO FUCK YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

YES! This is my favorite LJ post of all time. It's got everything!

 

[Rou]

cf_hardcore either sounds like a Counterstrike map or a federal offense.

 

[BT 075]

These people are to non-parents what people like the Duggars are to parents.