r/childfree - Where child-haters congregate

[Zoobles]

The only people I've met that swore off children in their early twenties wound up having kids in their late twenties and early thirties. For 95%, it's a phase, just like everything else in the world.

 

[Fougaro]

I understand that some people for varying (and sometimes reasonable) reasons decide not to have children, but good Lord, this subreddit has to be one of the biggest concentration of unresolved daddy and mommy issues I've ever seen.

 

[Brian May]

Oh God, "cf_hardcore" just triggered a memory. A couple of years ago, I was looking for internet drama to laugh at and somehow came across this incredible rant originally posted on cf_hardcore (it's since been deleted, but aside from the Google Doc I posted Encyclopedia Dramatica also has it archived in their cf_hardcore entry). Basically, back in 2005, someone went to a Harry Potter book release and entered a costume contest, only to lose to a child. Their reaction is... well, to say they took it badly is an understatement.

Spoiler: The rant in all its glory

RANT TIME

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.

We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?

WRONG.

Fucking moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and fucking gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*

THE FUCKING KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. FUCKING CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.

I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo fucking woo.

I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY FUCKING LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.

I fucking hate breeders and child-lovers. FUCKING GO TO HELL.

I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO FUCK YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

 

[wifflypuff]

After some poking around in r/childfree I found this:

Spoiler

I own a house with a pool.

Recently, the community pool closed its doors and was bought by a new owner. Whatever the reason was, the guy has made it a private pool and only people who pay for his gym get to use it. Fine. But he also has a no kids rule.

This has caused a fucking uproar in the neighborhood. But on my block, with its quaint little cul-de-sac and the mommies with their matching kids... it has made my backyard the hot spot. Because, dear Childfree, my house is the only one with a pool.

And the lady who lived there before me used to throw fucking parties every weekend so the kids could swim. I have lived there for about six months, and have had no problems. I have a dog and a few cats, but no one came to pester me when it was cold. Minus the kids selling chocolates.

Now, everyone knows I am the owner. They all brought me food and welcomed me into the neighborhood. They talked about how sad it was Mrs. Former Own died. They talked about how wonderful she was and how they were sad to see her go.

But that was it. I was waved at sometimes, but because I had no kids and no husband, guess no one was interested unless they asked me to babysit. Upon which I claimed a busy schedule and went on my way.

But now that the pool is closed to kiddies, and it is hotter than Satan's ball sac... they want to be best friends. Some of them would knock and ask to use it. I said no.

But four weeks ago I came home to my dog lying on the front porch chilling. He is very good and I have often let him hang out out when I worked in the yard. But this time I hadn't let him out and always make sure the gate is latched. I head around the back, with Steinbeck following, and what do I see...

Fucking Mrs. Brownnoser with two of her kids swimming in my pool.

I am furious. I yell at her to get the fuck out of my backyard. She claimed she didn't know, Mrs. Former Owner was okay with it. I told her to leave. She tried to dry her kids off and take her fucking time, but I picked up their shit and threw it onto my front yard. I was livid. Absolutely livid.

I might have taken it a step too far, but she got the message. Or so I thought.

I decided to give the benefit of the doubt, and put a lock on the gate.

I come back to another kid in my backyard. He'd climbed the fence.

I drained the pool. I put a cover on the thing.

Then people started knocking on my door asking to use the pool. WTF

Then I got yelled out, when getting my walk on. I was planting some new flowers and this woman walks up with her son in swim trunks. He plops down by my dog and starts petting him. Fine. Whatever.

Mrs. Cuntpickle tells me that Mr. Cuntpickle has forbade them from spending extra money. On useless things. So Junior could not get to use the fancier, $180 a year swimming pass for another pool twenty minutes away. She could not take him to the lake.

But she was so put out and it was so hot. So could Junior please use my pool this weekend or even today. Apparently, she wanted to host a party in my backyard.

I told her no.

I got up and went into my house and made a phone call.

Maybe I overreacted.

But a week later I had a beautiful brick wall surrounding my front and backyard. It had nice, beautiful black spikes on the top to keep those pesky little kids from trying to climb over. And the best part was Steinbeck was the happiest dog in the world. Now he has even more room to run around.

The neighbors had a shit fit. I got about 16 notes saying it was an eye sore and I was being a bitch to deny people the pool.

But they cannot get to me because I have a sliding electric gate I pull my car through, then it closes and no one can approach the house. Too bad for them. Their kids can go suck a cock.

The thing I've noticed with the more... enthusiastic... CF folks is that the stories always start with a scenario that engenders sympathy. Weird-ass neighbors busting into your pool? Totally understand why you'd be upset.

And then we travel straight into either a) STDH-ville or b) Crazytown. Why is that?

 

[Randy Lahey]

After some poking around in r/childfree I found this:

The thing I've noticed with the more... enthusiastic... CF folks is that the stories always start with a scenario that engenders sympathy. Weird-ass neighbors busting into your pool? Totally understand why you'd be upset.

And then we travel straight into either a) STDH-ville or b) Crazytown. Why is that?

Haha like a brick wall will keep them out, kids can be crafty

 

[Vorhtbame]

Oh, and these people are major assholes: (snip story about Stork Spaces)

(https://redd.it/44adpn, posted by /u/running-shorts)

No, sugar, pregnancy is not a disability. That's not a handicapped space, after all.

But it's also not public property. That's right; that parking lot is private, and that means that the people who own it get to decide who parks where. If they want to designate parking spaces for pregnant women only, dogs only, or "autistic comic artists wearing My Little Pony glasses" only, they can do that. And guess what? If you park there anyway, they can legit have your car towed, and have you removed from the premises permanently.

It's a shame that they don't have "assholes who think they're better than people who aren't too dysfunctional to reproduce"-only spaces, but that's life.

 

[Slowboat to China]

Oh God, "cf_hardcore" just triggered a memory. A couple of years ago, I was looking for internet drama to laugh at and somehow came across this incredible rant originally posted on cf_hardcore (it's since been deleted, but aside from the Google Doc I posted Encyclopedia Dramatica also has it archived in their cf_hardcore entry). Basically, back in 2005, someone went to a Harry Potter book release and entered a costume contest, only to lose to a child. Their reaction is... well, to say they took it badly is an understatement.

Spoiler: The rant in all its glory

RANT TIME

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.

We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?

WRONG.

Fucking moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and fucking gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*

THE FUCKING KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. FUCKING CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.

I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo fucking woo.

I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY FUCKING LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.

I fucking hate breeders and child-lovers. FUCKING GO TO HELL.

I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO FUCK YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

I would be legitimately curious to see what happened to this person. Do they still remember how they were denied the ultimate honor of opening a box containing a Harry Potter book on July 16th, 2005? Has this evolved over the years into an epic tale of abuse at the hands of breeders? Did they just forget about it? Or did they grow up?

 

[Maruukat]

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/4xowsq/do_you_seek_ways_to_actively_avoid_children/
http://archive.is/5cAwV

Yes.

If I play a day trip, especially when it's someplace that often has a lot of kids like a zoo, I only schedule them on weekdays outside of school holidays.

During the school year I go to the supermarket in the middle of the day to avoid kids and mombies who just dropped theirs off (and will still have small kids in tow).

If there's a kid having a screaming tantrum in the street I'll cross the road to avoid them.

Which is why it's such nonsense when mombies complain about the CF; I can't speak for everyone, but I give them all the space I can to avoid them. There's no way my actions actually have any effect on them whatsoever, which is more than I can say for their actions.

Yep.

One time at the office, I was about to head through the big main doors that lead to my cubicle when I spotted a fellow employee with a bassinet and a crowd of cooeing women through the glass.

Being female myself, I knew that if I went it that way, I'd be expected to fake-fawn over the kid for at least five minutes or risk being identified as the heartless bitch I really am.

So, I took a quick look around me if to see if anyone was watching and then headed for the fire escape to take the long way around.

"What's that? There's a child? Instead of dealing with it like a mature human being I'm going to do elaborate plans to avoid them!" -Whoever replied to the link's OP.

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

I dunno guys, maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions here, but it seems like the vast majority of these people are adults with intimacy issues (or, if you want to use kiwi-lingo, loveshies) who're very quickly reaching middle age and are met with the crushing reality that their biological clock is ticking and that they'll never have a big happy family like they pictured they would.

In a way, this is like the next evolution of loveshy. Not only are they insecure about not being able to get laid, but they're also insecure about not being able to raise a kid of their own. What a life we live in, huh?

 

[Mrs Paul]

After some poking around in r/childfree I found this:

The thing I've noticed with the more... enthusiastic... CF folks is that the stories always start with a scenario that engenders sympathy. Weird-ass neighbors busting into your pool? Totally understand why you'd be upset.

And then we travel straight into either a) STDH-ville or b) Crazytown. Why is that?

I'll take "Things That Totally Never Happened" for $1000, Alex.
Seriously, WTF? Please tell me no one fell for that. For one thing, I believe in most areas, you're required to have a fence around your yard if you have a pool, aren't you? So they'd have to climb a fence to get in in the first place. Second, I would imagine any sane reasonable person would've just called the fucking cops and reported them for trespassing.

 

[AnOminous]

If you don't want to have kids nobody is forcing you to. If you have a pathological, obsessive hatred of kids, though, you have some fucking issues. W.C. Fields didn't like kids because he was a misanthropic asshole, but he wasn't as much of a dick about it.

At some point, it seems the Internet turned the whole concept of being a weirdo upside down. You used to be able to just be a weirdo and be okay with that. Now, people are not satisfied to just be weirdos, they have to have a pathological hatred of everything normal, too.

 

[Waifu_Chan]

"This is not a petting zoo for your spawn"
"crotchfruit"

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

TBF people who let their kids bother other people are kind of annoying. I also think "Hey, lady, your kids cannot pet my show cows" is pretty reasonable.

But just lmao at the overreaction in this subreddit. If you go out in public, there's gonna be kids present. Deal with it.

 

[Purple People Eater]

"This is not a petting zoo for your spawn"
"crotchfruit"

This guy greatly over exaggerates the fragility of livestock. A show cow is gonna be trained to deal with distractions like that anyway. I'm sure he was more bothered by the kids than the animals were.

 

[Vorhtbame]

For one thing, I believe in most areas, you're required to have a fence around your yard if you have a pool, aren't you?

It's called the "Attractive Nuisance Doctrine".

This guy greatly over exaggerates the fragility of livestock. A show cow is gonna be trained to deal with distractions like that anyway. I'm sure he was more bothered by the kids than the animals were.

We're talking about a species that's so unbothered by anything that you can walk up and push them over.

That being said, yes, parents should be sure to explain to their children that animals belonging to other people are not to be touched without permission.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids, and it's understandably frustrating to have people try to pressure you over something that's a very big and very personal decision, but these people seem pretty nutty.

:powerlevel:When I first decided that I probably wouldn't want kids, I poked around in communities like this, only to find that most of the userbases were completely batshit.

Here's another pretty cringy one: http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/list.php?2

 

[Purple People Eater]

These forums have essentially become a place for people to whine about other people not raising their kids properly, not even so much to do with childlessness itself.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Sadly, I almost, ALMOST get where these folks are coming from. Once you hit a certain age, people feel the need to ask about your reproductive plans... even total strangers. :powerlevel:That shit happened:powerlevel: You get tired of answering questions that are nobody's fucking business. But... the answer is NOT to advertise your decision not to breed to the entire world.

 

[AveraDiane]

As a fencesitter (aka a person who is mixed on having kids), these people act like having kids is the worst thing in the world ever. "Oh, kids can ruin your life/your finances/your relationship (or marriage)/your body (if you're female), etc.!" It's okay to not have children, but don't act like a smug piece of shit over it.

 

[AnimuGinger]

Every post there:
"I was doing something I enjoy. Then SPAWN came and did SPAWN things. I couldn't behave like an adult, and instead acted like a child."
"Great job! You showed those BREEDERS! REEEEEEE!"

Except the meetup post. That just made me realize it's a bunch of lonely people with intimacy issues.