Maybe it's because I don't sleep around enough, but I don't understand this obsession with labeling yourself as "dom" or "sub". Can't two people just sex each other and take turns in different positions? If you have to turn it into a power thing, you're probably overthinking it.
Well, according to the people who do this stuff, people who can either "dom" or "sub" are called "switches", and I am 85% sure that's a pun.
The thing is, what consenting adults do in their bedrooms is up to them. I don't much care. But please don't make sex, or any one thing really, into your entire identity. It gets annoying and I frankly don't want to know unless it's really funny.
And as far as fetishes go, femdom isn't the worst to have, consenting adults and all that. It becomes an issue when it veers into dangerous territory. Some people just read some smutty books or watch some porn and think they can just do that stuff. And then my ER nurse friend tells me about that one time time some dude had something funny up their ass.
There's reasons professional, as in legit business, dominatrix's have very strict rules about safe words, what they won't do, sterilization, all this shit is so the client won't get seriously, irreparably hurt. There's some pretty neat interviews about this stuff, sex work in general is a fascinating field to look at.
But back to femdom. Drinking with the lads and sheepishly admitting that on special nights your wife puts fuzzy cuffs on you and calls you a bitch is fine, we all laugh with you and share stories about something that embarrasses us. You and your droogs go back to making fun of each other, because it's not a big deal at all. But when it goes into more dangerous stuff like piercing your sack with needles, or spending absurd amounts of money in a "findom" thing, or something that's legitimately harmful, that's when it get's worrying.
And a community that encourages this stuff is very troubling. Most do the whole safe, sane, consensual thing, but enough don't, and even give out terrible advice that can lead to harm down the road. Because here's a little bit of wisdom; just because it feels good does not mean it's good for you. Drugs, pleasure spending, watching to much TV, eating an entire case of doughnuts, and yes, even some sex stuff, can feel good but harm you at the same time. You like spanking, but you get hit too hard and now you have a nasty bruise that keeps bugging you. You like butt stuff, but you fucked up and now you have something stuck up in you. You like buying a lady presents, but she put too much on your credit card and now you need to work overtime while you could have been doing something more enjoyable. It's a fine line that people just seem to skip over sometimes.
