r/polyamory

[Overwritten Tapes]

Never seen an attractive person with that word on their bio.

 

[Potatis Salad]

I noticed this post (link | archive) on /r/polyamory and wondered what the hell was really going on with this situation.

The full post is extremely long. l'll post the full text under the spoiler below but here's the tl;dr:

• OP identifies as "demisexual." OP has a low libido, has almost never felt sexual attraction to anyone. OP's wife is high libido.
• OP and the wife are polyamorous, but OP is not dating anyone else. OP's wife has a boyfriend.
• The wife's boyfriend has moved in with them.
• Two weeks in, OP and the boyfriend are staying up talking and cuddling for hours while the wife is not around. OP is out of her mind horny for the boyfriend. Wat do?

Spoiler: Full text

My Meta has come to live with my Wife and me very recently. Long story short (seriously, when first writing this out it was a novel), Meta and I are Demi and Wife is our only partner. We are new to poly. Wife is polysaturated at two. Meta and I have low libidos and are not interested in other partners but know having other partners is an available option. Wife has told us both it would be adorable if Meta and I fall in love too. I brushed it off as being ridiculous because I have only had any sort of attraction to 4 other human being on earth, one of whom I married. The other 3 I never dated, just were friends. It's been only two weeks living together and I feel myself falling for Meta.Facepalm. Meta has only had one person he has even been attracted to and that is Wife, so he may be even "more Demi" than me, lol.

This would absolutely not be an issue, but as Demisexuality goes, you can't exactly flip the switch on/off for attraction. Meta and I have become best friends in only a couple weeks of moving in, talking for 3 hours almost every night on the couch when Wife goes to work. Meta says in 3 years he thinks he'll be interested in a relationship with me. Again, as a Demi, I find that attraction isn't really my choice and assume he is in the same boat. Although it may happen, it also may not happen. Either should be fine but I really don't want to be in puppy-love for that long. I work in a detailed oriented job and was losing focus yesterday thinking about our evening chats and looking forward to hearing his voice and such. Puppy-love is a good description of what I am feeling.

When we are together, Meta flirts with me and I flirt back. I do that with some guy friends, so I don't read anything into it, it's just fun. Meta is also super cuddly and huggy. Although I would LOVE to do that with him all the time, my brain puts cuddling into the relationship category for some reason, so I try to only do hugs/cuddles with Wife in the middle. She absolutely adores being sandwiched, so it is fun for everyone.

We will eventually be seeing a couples/poly therapist but it is taking a while to figure out the insurance. We planned on seeing one from the start but Meta was forced to move sooner than any of us were expecting. So far we have only read books and listened to poly podcasts and such.

Question/TLDR: Anyone have any ideas on how to stop crushing but continue to be BFFs with my Meta whom lives with my Wife and I?

---

Update:
No flirting from me any more.
I'm nice but am finding polite ways to get out of group hugs and such.
When Meta calls me cute or compliments me, I say thank you but then get back to the task at hand. We are currently working on his resume, so that he can get a job.

I talked with Spouse tonight about the useful Reddit suggestions. However, we are going to wait until Meta has a job before having a big conversation about the option of going back to the original plan. He's already has been through way too much and feels a great deal of self-imposed pressure to get a job and be more self-sufficient. We are not going to add to his stress right now.

He has all along been planning on getting an individual therapist once he has insurance, because trauma sucks. Still trying to figure out our insurance for the poly therapy thing.

I am trying to throw him into a "brother" category in my mind and it has actually been working so far. I have a brother and also a college buddy I consider a brother too, so the brother category is pretty familiar to me.

I think a lot of the issue was that I was just blindsided by actually feeling attraction to a fifth person in this world. But of course I don't have to do anything with that information. I have no interest in a triad currently because we are newbs and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize Wife and Meta's relationship/happiness.

Let's investigate!

Please note that almost all of the following screenshots are OP commenting on other people's posts. So OP did not write the post titles.

It's probably obvious, but OP is a woman. She's a mother to a young boy, posts a lot in /r/toddlers, /r/parenting, /r/Mommit. She's interested in child nutrition and the Montessori method.


OP and her wife are lucky to live near both sets of grandparents, who are highly involved in the child's life. OP says elsewhere that the grandparents provide free childcare while OP works.


OP's wife is not so involved. When the baby was born, OP's wife did not want to be disturbed by night feedings and a fussy baby, so chose to fuck off permanently to a different wing of the house. OP handled it all.


It seems that OP handles everything else too. OP is a nurse and is the main breadwinner. The wife has crippling ADHD (lol) and is therefore conveniently unable to help around the house. To get her wife to do anything at all, OP has to micromanage every step of the way. This naturally upsets OP, but OP feels that her only recourse is to accept her wife's shortcomings.


OP and the baby have to live in the upper floor of the house because all the rest is completely taken over by the wife's filthy hoarder-level clutter. Darn that ADHD!



OP literally has to physically bathe her wife.



OP is totally fried and has no time for herself.


OP has never had another sexual partner other than her wife.


For OP, having sex with her wife is "unpleasant."


Anyway, the wife. The wife kinda sounds like....a weeaboo?


SURPRISE!!!!! The "wife" is a troon.


Before he trooned, this asshole became obsessed with the idiotic edgelord idea of uprooting his wife and child away from their support system (both sets of grandparents) and moving to New Zealand, because fuck Amerikkka.



And after the troon-out? He's now claiming they have to move to New Zealand because he is "afraid for his life" as a troon in Amerikkka.
( link | archive)


Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, back to the original post in /r/polyamory, where OP is surprised and confused when she finds herself getting horny for her wife's boyfriend. How very strange! Surely she must be demisexual because she doesn't enjoy sex with the only person she has ever had sex with, a slovenly troon who doesn't lift a finger around the house and leaves her to do 100% of the cleaning and childcare, earn 90% of the money, and waste what's left of her energy fighting off his retarded idea to uproot the family to New Zealand. How is it possible that she wants to fuck a different dude, a guy who is capable of bathing himself, pays attention to her, and gives her physical affection? What a confusing conundrum! Help, poly fam!!!!!

 

[Harvey Danger]

How is it possible that she wants to fuck a different dude, a guy who is capable of bathing himself, pays attention to her, and gives her physical affection? What a confusing conundrum! Help, poly fam!!!!!

Holy fuck that was a ride. Your final paragraph is proof positive that "common sense" doesn't exist in the brainwashed.

 

[Vampirella]

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, back to the original post in /r/polyamory, where OP is surprised and confused when she finds herself getting horny for her wife's boyfriend. How very strange! Surely she must be demisexual because she doesn't enjoy sex with the only person she has ever had sex with, a slovenly troon who doesn't lift a finger around the house and leaves her to do 100% of the cleaning and childcare while earning 90% of the money, and forces her to waste what's left of her energy fighting off his retarded idea to uproot the family to New Zealand. How is it possible that she wants to fuck a different dude, a guy who is capable of bathing himself, pays attention to her, and gives her physical affection? What a confusing conundrum! Help, poly fam!!!!!

I can guarantee that if this chicks "wife" wasn't a troon reddit would be telling her to leave this abusive relationship yesterday.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Holy fuck that was a ride. Your final paragraph is proof positive that "common sense" doesn't exist in the brainwashed.

The fact that she took this mess to /r/polyamory is like someone posting to /r/cooking: "Help! My roast chicken is drying out!" when the issue is that their house is on fire.

 

[Kheapathic]

You almost had me at the "is a mother" and "never sexed anyone else (while having a wife);" because despite current year insanity, my mind goes the easier route of fucking around instead of troonery.

It's also hard to believe this shit isn't a poe, or other form of lie. There's a point where it crosses the line of "bad situation" and moves to "you're just making shit up now."

 

[Kier]

You almost had me at the "is a mother" and "never sexed anyone else (while having a wife);" because despite current year insanity, my mind goes the easier route of fucking around instead of troonery.

My mind even went to "hey lesbian couples get doners all the time" before even considering that troons exist

 

[Lady Bizness]

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, back to the original post in /r/polyamory, where OP is surprised and confused when she finds herself getting horny for her wife's boyfriend. How very strange! Surely she must be demisexual because she doesn't enjoy sex with the only person she has ever had sex with, a slovenly troon who doesn't lift a finger around the house and leaves her to do 100% of the cleaning and childcare, earn 90% of the money, and waste what's left of her energy fighting off his retarded idea to uproot the family to New Zealand. How is it possible that she wants to fuck a different dude, a guy who is capable of bathing himself, pays attention to her, and gives her physical affection? What a confusing conundrum! Help, poly fam!!!!!

This hits all the same notes as a very extended family member of mine - not blood related but another family member keeps me updated because it's dramatic. However, there is no trooning and it's the opposite end of the political spectrum. Thinks Montana is the place to uproot his family to and has absolutely no clue how much the current family involvement in his shitty life is keeping him, his wife, and children from being homeless.

A few years ago he moved another woman and her kids into his house and his wife tried to be open minded. It didn't last long when she found out he was a loser and his house was filthy.

 

[Overly Serious]

@Potatis Salad So if I have this straight, OP is female, married and had a child with a guy who then trooned out. He is even in her own biased accounts, a lousy parent and useless around the house. She has little sexual attraction to him which she attributes to her being "demi-sexual" but in all probability is just that she doesn't find her husband (whom she calls a wife) arousing. He has now brought in a third party who is... also male? He has flirted with her and she found herself responding. So she has now mentally forced herself to not think of him that way in response.

Why does she not just trust her feelings, begin dating the new guy since her partner seems to be actively okay with that / like it? She will then realise the low-libido is actually just her not being attracted to her husband and the new guy might actually fall for her. They can then possibly mutually escape the relationship with the father of her child and the child can maybe have a better parent and male role-model in its life.

If I have it wrong and newcomer is female then pretty much all still applies except for the male role-model. But two happy and functioning parents is still better than a hoarding, useless, "ADHD" ridden troon parent who wants to uproot a child at a very sensitive age.

 

[break these cuffs]

@Potatis Salad So if I have this straight, OP is female, married and had a child with a guy who then trooned out. He is even in her own biased accounts, a lousy parent and useless around the house. She has little sexual attraction to him which she attributes to her being "demi-sexual" but in all probability is just that she doesn't find her husband (whom she calls a wife) arousing. He has now brought in a third party who is... also male? He has flirted with her and she found herself responding. So she has now mentally forced herself to not think of him that way in response.

Why does she not just trust her feelings, begin dating the new guy since her partner seems to be actively okay with that / like it? She will then realise the low-libido is actually just her not being attracted to her husband and the new guy might actually fall for her. They can then possibly mutually escape the relationship with the father of her child and the child can maybe have a better parent and male role-model in its life.

If I have it wrong and newcomer is female then pretty much all still applies except for the male role-model. But two happy and functioning parents is still better than a hoarding, useless, "ADHD" ridden troon parent who wants to uproot a child at a very sensitive age.

I assume "Meta" is a woman or another troon given the low libido comment. The fact we can't even be sure of the sex of everyone involved is newspeak verbal gymnastic horseshit. I seriously doubt the type of fag who tranny chases a married man does so not wanting to fuck them. Who knows though, this is all neigh incomprehensible to me.

You're giving far too much credit to both op and the troon fucker if you think they can escape the troon influence and live some type of happy life together. They're all fucked in the brain no matter their sex and chosen degeneracies. The fact they find themselves in this position is all the proof I need of that.

 

[Potatis Salad]

The newcomer is a male. Based on my deep dive it seems like the guy was in some kind of dire circumstances and moved in with OP and her husband extremely quickly. He had no job and, around the time of the post, was taking his sweet time trying to look for one. OP and her troon husband have provided the guy with a nice apartment-like setup within their house.

So it's not that this third guy is a troon chaser, he was just desperate for somewhere to live and someone to support him, and he got it.

 

[Pedophobe]

Either way he doesn't really sound like great second husband material.

 

[break these cuffs]

Either way he doesn't really sound like great second husband material.

None of the people featured in this thread should be procreating.

 

[HR Pickens]

@Potatis Salad So if I have this straight, OP is female, married and had a child with a guy who then trooned out. He is even in her own biased accounts, a lousy parent and useless around the house. She has little sexual attraction to him which she attributes to her being "demi-sexual" but in all probability is just that she doesn't find her husband (whom she calls a wife) arousing. He has now brought in a third party who is... also male? He has flirted with her and she found herself responding. So she has now mentally forced herself to not think of him that way in response.

Why does she not just trust her feelings, begin dating the new guy since her partner seems to be actively okay with that / like it? She will then realise the low-libido is actually just her not being attracted to her husband and the new guy might actually fall for her. They can then possibly mutually escape the relationship with the father of her child and the child can maybe have a better parent and male role-model in its life.

If I have it wrong and newcomer is female then pretty much all still applies except for the male role-model. But two happy and functioning parents is still better than a hoarding, useless, "ADHD" ridden troon parent who wants to uproot a child at a very sensitive age.

I think that's exactly why she's trying to hold herself back. Deep down she KNOWS that she isn't "demisexual" she's just a normal straight woman who has lost attraction to her husband after he trooned out. She doesn't want to face that reality and watch her world come crashing down.

I hope she does, though. I hope she goes for it and wakes the fuck up.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

I have known multiple women in hetero marriages with future troons, who declared themselves asexual or demisexual prior to the troonout.

In their milieu, the only way you can opt out of depraved sex roleplay scenarios is to have it be some part of your identity, which cannot be challenged. Otherwise, you'd better follow the Dan Savage circa 2000 advice to be "good, giving, and game" or you're not being a good enough girl!

They literally cannot imagine a reason they don't want to peg their husband while he shouts "daddy, fuck my boy pussy" that isn't "I'm just not very into sex."

 

[Roland TB-303]

I have known multiple women in hetero marriages with future troons, who declared themselves asexual or demisexual prior to the troonout.

In their milieu, the only way you can opt out of depraved sex roleplay scenarios is to have it be some part of your identity, which cannot be challenged. Otherwise, you'd better follow the Dan Savage circa 2000 advice to be "good, giving, and game" or you're not being a good enough girl!

They literally cannot imagine a reason they don't want to peg their husband while he shouts "daddy, fuck my boy pussy" that isn't "I'm just not very into sex."

Some people will tie themselves in knots trying to justify the most insane shit instead of cutting their losses and jumping ship.

 

[scathefire]

Some people will tie themselves in knots trying to justify the most insane shit instead of cutting their losses and jumping ship.

Sunk cost fallacy, "I can fix him", etc. etc. etc.

 

[DumbDude43]

Sunk cost fallacy, "I can fix him", etc. etc. etc.

plus "he'll call me transphobic and all my friends will cancel me" (if she's a leftist and hangs out with leftists, like most young-ish women do)

 

[AfghanBlue]

The newcomer is a male. Based on my deep dive it seems like the guy was in some kind of dire circumstances and moved in with OP and her husband extremely quickly. He had no job and, around the time of the post, was taking his sweet time trying to look for one. OP and her troon husband have provided the guy with a nice apartment-like setup within their house.

So it's not that this third guy is a troon chaser, he was just desperate for somewhere to live and someone to support him, and he got it.

the very fact the meta is being referred to with male pronouns, honestly suggests to me that its actually a woman.

 

[FarmerKhourtney]

the original application for "rape culture" was (mens) prisons in america where the inmates would routinely rape each other into submission as a show of force, and it's a very real and serious issue.
but it got ruined when retarded feminists started using it to refer to anything and everything, while also re-defining "rape" to the point where basically every man who isn't gay or castrated is a rapist by default, which eventually resulted in shit like pic related:
View attachment 1288329
so now people associate "rape culture" with pink-haired harpies who screech about random nonsense and incoherent gibberish, so serious discussion about it is almost impossible.