r/polyamory

Tanner Glass said:
The best case scenario for this dude is that he's been entirely replaced sexually by the long distance guy. The worst case is that his wife has been online cheating on him for a little while and that's what reignited her sex drive. He does state that she's been supportive, but makes no mention of her even having a thought of slowing down or stopping what she's doing even though he's likely super distraught over it. There is also only slight mention of her and him having sex, but none of his fantasies are being met (the BDSM or the Sharing) and because her BDSM relationship is long distance (for now) it might be a case of "This is what is available right here, better than nothing".

This guy is getting dunked on so hard the backboard shattered.
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I bet she reconnected with the guy online, saw her chance to fuck him, and rushed to her husband to "reopen" the relationship. That seems to be a common thing in /r/polyamory: having somebody all lined up to fuck suddenly inspires people to suggest poly.

I wonder if the wife actually even knows about the husband's "hot wife" fetish. If she does, and she's actively refusing to let him read her sexts or conversationally tell him about the BDSM bullshit she's doing with her lover, that's pretttttty shitty - it would require almost zero effort on her part and 75% of his sexual unfulfillment would probably go away.

Finally, polyamory is not exactly a haven for attractive people, but for some reason I'm getting the vibe that everyone involved in this pathetic story is really really really ugly.
 
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Potatis Salad said:
I bet she reconnected with the guy online, saw her chance to fuck him, and rushed to her husband to "reopen" the relationship. That seems to be a common thing in /r/polyamory: having somebody all lined up to fuck suddenly inspires people to suggest poly.

I wonder if the wife actually even knows about the husband's "hot wife" fetish. If she does, and she's actively refusing to let him read her sexts or conversationally tell him about the BDSM bullshit she's doing with her lover, that's pretttttty shitty - it would require almost zero effort on her part and 75% of his sexual unfulfillment would probably go away.

Finally, polyamory is not exactly a haven for attractive people, but for some reason I'm getting the vibe that everyone involved in this pathetic story is really really really ugly.
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There isn't a chance she doesn't know; or if she doesn't know after 20 (or more) years in a relationship, she frankly doesn't care.

The best case scenario for this guy is that his wife is just being bashful and enforcing polyamory boundaries (and/or her other guy isn't into sharing his sexts).

The fact that they were poly before and the fact that he likes seeing his wife sexually charged with other people (and his wife almost certainly knows that) leads me to believe that there is something non-sexual that his wife is afraid of him finding out about. It could range from her venting about him to the new guy "My husband is so pathetic he keeps begging me to sub for him, what a cuck" to the worst case scenario - her outright planning to leave "I'm saving up and I've got a lawyer, we'll be together soon".

She probably has a reason to keep secret.
 
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This one is from an image I found on /r/itsafetish. The dude transitioned and is now a naughty little nympho who cries herself to sleep from sexual frustration.

714331
 
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Potatis Salad said:
I bet she reconnected with the guy online, saw her chance to fuck him, and rushed to her husband to "reopen" the relationship. That seems to be a common thing in /r/polyamory: having somebody all lined up to fuck suddenly inspires people to suggest poly.

I wonder if the wife actually even knows about the husband's "hot wife" fetish. If she does, and she's actively refusing to let him read her sexts or conversationally tell him about the BDSM bullshit she's doing with her lover, that's pretttttty shitty - it would require almost zero effort on her part and 75% of his sexual unfulfillment would probably go away.

Finally, polyamory is not exactly a haven for attractive people, but for some reason I'm getting the vibe that everyone involved in this pathetic story is really really really ugly.
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Some pictures would definitely help us get a better feel for this lovely couple.
 
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Wow so I just stumbled across my ex on Tinder, who's now in a poly relationship. Feels weird, man.

When she and I were dating she said she was strictly monogamous. Fuck knows if that's true.

Knowing her, I think she's simply not sexually satisfied in her new relationship and wants to bang other guys while having a long-term doormat who'll deal with all her emotional bullshit. What a mess.
 
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SweetWhosBeenGroundUp said:
Wow so I just stumbled across my ex on Tinder, who's now in a poly relationship. Feels weird, man.

When she and I were dating she said she was strictly monogamous. Fuck knows if that's true.

Knowing her, I think she's simply not sexually satisfied in her new relationship and wants to bang other guys while having a long-term doormat who'll deal with all her emotional bullshit. What a mess.
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Lol update - just saw her on Bumble and now there's no mention of the open relationship at all. WELP.
 
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SweetWhosBeenGroundUp said:
Lol update - just saw her on Bumble and now there's no mention of the open relationship at all. WELP.
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She's likely still in the poly relationship, just removed it from her profile. Most poly people don't put "poly" on their dating profile because it causes normal people to skip them/avoid them. The people that don't avoid them are not usually super respectful about it, so it makes sense to not mention it.

They try and awkwardly work it in later, if they're looking for a relationship that is.
 
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Today on Time Travel Polyamory I take a look at a fresh "update" post and tie it together with the historical post they are referencing. Let's see if we could have predicted this wild turn of events.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/88vjt6/sometimes_i_dont_want_to_do_this_anymore_but_i/ (Archive)
One Year Ago
I(f) just sometimes just want to stop because I'm fed up with sharing partner A (m, 4 years relationship) with partner B(m) - even though partner B isn't demanding or anything at all. Nobody's acting in an unreasonable or unfair way. We have a strong relationship between each of us and all of us. They're my very best friends. There's never any drama, we don't argue, we're all travelling in the same directions ish in life.
We did come to this through cheating though. A had a pre-existing FWB thing with B but it was complicated by A not coming to terms with his sexuality. When A started dating me they broke it off, but after about a year and a half B moved away. A went to visit family in that city, saw B and cheated on me. They continued to chat in an inappropriate way and A visited him a second time. I found out after then because B pressured him to tell me. I decided to stick it out with A because otherwise the relationship was perfect and I didn't feel it was something we couldn't get past. B moved back. Same social group so we were often at gatherings together. I saw how much A missed B, and said if they wanted to be FWB I didn't mind as long as I knew what was going on in a vague sense. B didn't want to be FWB. A month or two passed. I learned about polyamory and said I would be okay with that if that's what they wanted (I could see how badly they missed each other, and they'd said as much).
I ended up falling into a relationship with B. So now we're a triad with no hierarchy (the A and B bit is actually their initials lol) and we've lived together for about a year and a half. Sometimes I wonder if my relationship with B started out of survival. But I care for him so much.
A and I are buying a house together (B isn't in that position financially and won't be for some time). And sometimes I just wish it was the two of us like I imagined at the start of our relationship. I miss being his 100% focus, but I guess I never really was because B was always there in some way.
I've told them how I feel, and they get it. But i don't know how to move forward.
I guess I'm looking for some advice? Or reassurance that feeling this way doesn't make me a bad person.
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OP and her boyfriend (A) in a 4 year relationship. "There's never any drama"
Unless you count him cheating on her with another dude (B)
The cheating didn't ruin the relationship though, because A stuck with it (the cheating, he kept doing it)
OP decided that she may as well just open the relationship because A would not stop with B.
Why not go whole hog and start dating B herself? (Despite the fact he slept with her boyfriend).
They all move in together, there's no hierarchy and everyone is happy!
They even got a mortgage together, despite the fact that she isn't super happy but isn't sure why*

(* = she likely isn't happy because she's bottom tier garbage in her own relationship and everyone in it (A and B) have betrayed her trust multiple times but she doesn't have a spine).

That was a year ago, how did it turn out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b9jf0d/its_over_triad_25_years/ (Archive)
Three Days Ago
Hey,
My triad of 2.5 years ended last week. Not with any great drama, but with the recognition that we wanted different things... Or rather they wanted different things. They're monogamously together now. I'm "seeing" someone, we've been on 4 dates over the last month. I still live with them and will continue to do so because I'm on the mortgage. It's a bit awkward and I feel a bit sad but I'm trying to push on. I don't think I'd do polyamory again, I like the potential of it but idk if it's necessarily for me at this point.

The longer version:
I was with A for just over 5 years when we broke up. He cheated on me early on, I forgave, he cheated on me again twice and about 2.5 years in I said "Just keep seeing the person, we'll make it work because I only care that you're lying to me". I think I was trying to be accommodating so A could explore his bisexuality but idk how okay I really was with it when I look back?? B came into the picture and I ended up having a relationship with him too. It was good, but part of me feels like it was a bit of a survival strategy for me. I love/loved him a lot, but maybe not in a pure or neat way. It was always all complicated by the fact I didn't really trust them and still held some resentment for their cheating.
I just started my PhD and realised that I want to travel and my career is going to require a fair bit of moving around when I finish. They don't want that. They want to settle down in the state we live in and they both have careers that mean they can stay with a company for a long time. One of them has very country-specific knowledge so moving overseas would be an issue for them and their job.
So it was break up now or break up when I want to move in three or four years. It feels like it was inevitable. But I'm resentful that they're staying together and that I basically facilitated their relationship. I helped them work through their communication issues and build something strong. And now I'm single and trying to learn how to date.
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They dumped her because she was going to have to travel for her job once she graduated in 4 years. This is despite the fact she's apparently in a PhD program and would have been working towards this job nearly the entire time they all knew each other.
(Side Note - why buy a fucking house if you're going to move, lmao - they probably talked her into it)
She still lives in the house with them because she's on the mortgage (lmao)
They aren't polyamorous, they're in love with each other now. Not her. They have the relationship she wanted (and got cheated on a bunch for)
She's now resentful that she made the relationship and they're getting the happy ending.

Another success story.
 
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Tanner Glass said:
Today on Time Travel Polyamory I take a look at a fresh "update" post and tie it together with the historical post they are referencing. Let's see if we could have predicted this wild turn of events.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/88vjt6/sometimes_i_dont_want_to_do_this_anymore_but_i/ (Archive)
One Year Ago


OP and her boyfriend (A) in a 4 year relationship. "There's never any drama"
Unless you count him cheating on her with another dude (B)
The cheating didn't ruin the relationship though, because A stuck with it (the cheating, he kept doing it)
OP decided that she may as well just open the relationship because A would not stop with B.
Why not go whole hog and start dating B herself? (Despite the fact he slept with her boyfriend).
They all move in together, there's no hierarchy and everyone is happy!
They even got a mortgage together, despite the fact that she isn't super happy but isn't sure why*

(* = she likely isn't happy because she's bottom tier garbage in her own relationship and everyone in it (A and B) have betrayed her trust multiple times but she doesn't have a spine).

That was a year ago, how did it turn out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b9jf0d/its_over_triad_25_years/ (Archive)
Three Days Ago


They dumped her because she was going to have to travel for her job once she graduated in 4 years. This is despite the fact she's apparently in a PhD program and would have been working towards this job nearly the entire time they all knew each other.
(Side Note - why buy a fucking house if you're going to move, lmao - they probably talked her into it)
She still lives in the house with them because she's on the mortgage (lmao)
They aren't polyamorous, they're in love with each other now. Not her. They have the relationship she wanted (and got cheated on a bunch for)
She's now resentful that she made the relationship and they're getting the happy ending.

Another success story.
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Thank you for your service in putting this together. :semperfidelis: Allow me to add this little tidbit:
719395

She's been living in a dumpster fire with two dudes who have never wanted her around.

And this comment she got on her post about breaking up:
719406

Time requirement? Nope. He just doesn't want her around.
 
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One more for the road.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/b92p1h/my_husband_has_become_a_completely_different/ (Archive)

Hi guys, I am in need of advice and different perspectives.
My husband and I (36 and 35 respectively) have been poly a few years. I had a relationship that lasted a year, about five years ago, and my husband also had an outside relationship for a few months at the same time.
My health took a nosedive and social activities kinda ceased. I've recently got back to full time work and things were looking up. In November, my husband met a girl on FetLife and said he wanted to start dating her. I told him I was happy he'd found someone and was supportive, but I'd need lots of reassurance as my confidence wasn't great due to the health issues. Our relationship had been not as physical as it once was, but he was supportive and said numerous times we had all the time in the world to get back to where we were. He was patient and understanding.
The new girlfriend is very young. She's just turned 21 in January. Their relationship got very intense very quickly, they were seeing each other most days, including her being in our home a lot. She lives in a hostel and he can't be there too much. She has sent him numerous very intensive texts, along the lines of her heart is ripped out every time she sees us together and she feels a third wheel when she is here. My husband said she'd had a crying fit about a month ago over the fact that she couldn't be with him forever.
She is not a polyamorous person. She is monogamous but apparently was fine with the situation. Seems like she never was to me.
About 2 weeks ago, my husband and I had an argument about money. We're deeply in debt. His girlfriend was here, as she's here a lot. Apparently she later told him that I'm abusive and manipulative. He asked for a break from our marriage. After a week, he said he didn't love me any more, wants to be with her and have children with her. We decided to be childfree years ago. I've never wanted children and was very vocal about that before we married. I was sterilised six years ago and my husband was all in favour. He originally volunteered to have a vasectomy, but I really wanted fixing myself for my own piece of mind.
I'm really confused by this huge 180 switch. I'm concerned that NRE is messing with his head, along with these overblown dramatic declarations of undying love from his girlfriend and the insistence they are soulmates.
I could really use some guidance from people not involved in the situation who understand how poly works. We've never had this before. I feel he is being manipulated by her, as he is a very caring and giving person. She has a strong abuse history, including having a miscarriage following being beaten by an abusive ex. I feel my husband has been taken in by this and feels a need to save her.
But throwing me to the curb.......this is not him. My husband is not an impulsive nor cruel man. I've been with him 18 years.
ETA: Many thanks for all your input, I have many angles to consider, some I hadn't thought of at all. The couple of, "tough love," comments are also most welcome. I can't lose sight of my part in this, and owning that, the parts that are my responsibility that I have some modicum of control over is the most constructive thing I can do.
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OP (36F) and her husband (35M) are doing the poly thing for a few years, looks to be 5 or so.
Married "happily" for 18 years.
OP gets sick with health stuff, husband picks up a 20 year old from FetLife (A Fetish social/dating website, if you are unaware) in November.
Despite the fact that OP clearly states "I'll need help with confidence issues", her husband brings his new 20 year old side chick over the house frequently.
Side chick isn't poly, avoids the OP and badmouths her to the husband when they're alone.
Side chick is also a typical "damaged girl" you'd find on Fetlife (abused sexually, abusive exes, abortion/miscarrages).
Two weeks ago, OP and her husband get into a huge blowup over money (they are also massivley in debt). Husband asks for a break in the marriage.
After one week of break, husband declares that he no longer loves his wife and only loves the new girl and wants to have a family with her.

OP is now in full on "I hate this man, and I hate all men" mode and through comments on other threads, answers the question we all were thinking.
"What was OP not giving her husband, that he was getting from this damaged Fetlife girl?"

(From her comments in other places)
Turns out that after 18 years with a man I used to praise as, "not like the rest," I was actually with a pornsick loser who suddenly had to bed a 20 year old at the age of 36. A 20 year old who, "identifies as a little." They have one of those gross Daddy girl relationships.
I'm not sure I'll ever trust a man again. Fortunately, I'm bisexual, so I don't have to if I don't want. I feel truly sorry for all you straight women. Men are, without exception, disgusting pigs.
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Looks like he's really into Daddy Dom/Little Girl roleplay (KF Thread on DDLG - If you want to learn more about that nightmare) and she's swearing off of men forever.

I thought because my (soon to be ex) husband didn't smack me around and sometimes made a nice dinner, that he was the Second Coming. It's only been with distance I've realised how compelling he was, how he went crazy any time I had anything to say he didn't agree with, and that he's not been doing the few things we agreed were his responsibility.
It's true, men are so ridiculous and abusive in general, they pretty much just need to not be overt with their shirty ways and we think they're awesome.
I reckon it's because the wool was coming off my eyes that he got himself a younger, more naive fluff piece.
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No children, fortunately. I never wanted kids, was very vocal about that. In fact, I was sterilised six years ago. His main excuse for switching lanes is that he needs children now. I reckon he's always been pissed I didn't want kids because that would have made me easier to control still.
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Another success story. Tango down on an 18 year marriage.

==========================

Potatis Salad said:
She's been living in a dumpster fire with two dudes who have never wanted her around.
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I disagree.

They absolutely wanted her around. They wanted her around as a relationship councilor for when they fought, they wanted her around as a co-signer for the mortgage (even though everyone knew that she would be moving around for work), they wanted her around when one of them was bored and wanted to fuck a girl, and they wanted her around to fill a relationship/intimacy void when they were fighting/apart from each other.

She put in a ton of work and got them to a point in their relationship where neither of them need/want her anymore. They're free to relax and settle down in a house she's paying for half of. So they kicked her out.
 
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"Men are, without exception, disgusting pigs."
"I thought because my (soon to be ex) husband didn't smack me around and sometimes made a nice dinner, that he was the Second Coming."
Huh, her standards being the bare minimum prove that all men ain't shit.
I'm sure she's as damaged as the 20 year old, just in a more subtle way.
 
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trashbat said:
nothing subtle about it. the guy might be an obvious shittbag, but "my husband wanted kids so he could control me" is nutty as hell
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Well, she may be on to something. The girl he's with is young (20) but if you take the OP's age (36) and subtract the amount of time they were married (18 years, allegedly), that would make her 18. Which is young, but then you have to factor in they probably dated for at least a year or two before getting married, meaning she was 15-17 years old.

Even though he was the same age, he likely liked the fact that she was young and (probably) not that bright and stayed with her through the years. She says they were poly for ~5 years, so that would mean when she just got past age 30 they "opened" the relationship up. He could have been looking for a really damaged, young, and dumb girl for a few years and just finally found one. The fact that he is into DD/LG would lead me to believe he is a weird control freak.

EDIT - We also don't know during their poly relationship the other girls he would go for, but I would not be shocked to hear if they were all 23 or younger.
 
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