r/polyamory

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Insecurity, they need validation in being desirable through wanting multiple people around them at all times. Your friend might have self-image issues, or might just like the attention she gets from the goblins (likely desperate men)
Also, a lot of nerds who are generally unkept are into it

Desperation is a big part, at least from what I've seen with all the fat chicks with a harem of slovenly nerds. That and all the troons.

 

[Maldavius Figtree]

One of the stupidest and most destructive parts of the polyamory world is the "anyone can be poly" idea that applies even to people with significant mental illnesses.

Indeed. Only people with significant mental illnesses can be poly.

 

[UncleTusky]

One would think that with all of the polytard communities and support structures, and with all of the books and podcasts and therapists and information, it would be very fucking hard to do it wrong.

Unless it's all a bunch of horseshit.

The whole cottage industry of books + podcasts + therapists is the first warning sign right there. Are monogamous relationships easy? No. Do I need to spend hours a week getting advice on my relationship, just to keep it from falling apart? Also no. If polygamy/open relationships (let's call these things what they are) aren't inherently less stable than monogamous ones, they are a magnet for people who are not mentally fit to be in a relationship.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

The whole cottage industry of books + podcasts + therapists is the first warning sign right there.

Ehh this applies to monogamous relationships as well.

 

[The Demon Pimp of Razgriz]

Do I need to spend hours a week getting advice on my relationship, just to keep it from falling apart? Also no.

Maybe you don't. But there's also a cottage industry of marriage help books specifically for regular old monogamous marriages. Relationship issues are limited to just polyamorous ones.

If polygamy/open relationships (let's call these things what they are)

Well the one thing they aren't is polygamous. Polygamy refers to one or more people being involved in multiple marriages. We are talking polyamory, people who are simply engaging in multiple relationships. Open relationships is when two people engage in an ostensibly monogamous relationship, but agree to sleep with other people outside it. This doesn't necessarily mean polyamory, because in most open relationships, the only thing allowed is sex, not necessarily trying to engage in full on relationships. So, think one night stands and hook ups. Though, there is overlap these days since polyamory itself has become more common/popular.

 

[Phoneposter]

redditors should be put in a submarine and depressurized so their eyeballs explode from their head

 

[Petronella]

Ehh this applies to monogamous relationships as well.

The issue I see with advice for monogamous relationships vs polyamory is that most of the polyamory advice I see is telling people it's wrong or unnatural or controlling for them to be uncomfortable with the idea of their partner fucking other people, or giving them pointers on how to ignore their jealousy or hurt feelings about their partner proclaiming to be in love with other people.

There is a plethora of advice about monogamy, sure, but the difference I see is that a lot of polyamory advice boils down to convincing people to go along with the core concept of the lifestyle.

 

[The Judean People's Front]

"We all go to therapy, you probably should too."

I dunno why this particular line grates on me so much. Maybe it's because I'm sick of the assumption that everyone needs talk therapy when it's a prime cause of iatrogenic mental illness, maybe it's because it's clear that the field of Therapists has been watered down to the point that "going to therapy" means basically nothing, but I suspect it's more than that.

Similarly to how it's clear that the surgeons and doctors and such who cut off healthy genitalia to make trannies happy are lazy sacks of shit who prioritize money over good outcomes, these polyamorists who all see therapists are seeing people who have completely thrown their "healing" craft out the window. These polyamory therapists are fucking worthless from the various examples I've seen, and all they do is asspat the horny freak with no boundaries and tell them they're sooooo brave for fucking their third person that month. It's fucking disgusting that these "therapists" exist.

 

[DumbDude43]

"We all go to therapy, you probably should too."

I dunno why this particular line grates on me so much. Maybe it's because I'm sick of the assumption that everyone needs talk therapy when it's a prime cause of iatrogenic mental illness, maybe it's because it's clear that the field of Therapists has been watered down to the point that "going to therapy" means basically nothing, but I suspect it's more than that.

Similarly to how it's clear that the surgeons and doctors and such who cut off healthy genitalia to make trannies happy are lazy sacks of shit who prioritize money over good outcomes, these polyamorists who all see therapists are seeing people who have completely thrown their "healing" craft out the window. These polyamory therapists are fucking worthless from the various examples I've seen, and all they do is asspat the horny freak with no boundaries and tell them they're sooooo brave for fucking their third person that month. It's fucking disgusting that these "therapists" exist.

in certain liberal circles, going to therapy is seen as inherently virtuous, it is treated as something that shows what a good and moral person you are, so they virtue signal about it to everyone who will listen

 

[The Judean People's Front]

Polygamy refers to one or more people being involved in multiple marriages. We are talking polyamory, people who are simply engaging in multiple relationships.

I've sent y'all there before, but check out Yonah "Basic Becky" Gerber's thread for some honest-to,-gooness (typo, it stays) polygamy. Well, sorta. Becky is legally married to cuck #1, and went to Germany to fake marry cuck #2. She's a great example of literally all the stuff we talk about here and has rapidly become my favorite cow. She also sees a "therapist" all the time, and according to Becky, the therapist spends the session "dunking" on her ex-lovers and telling Becky how special she is. Money super well spent (she's told us her therapist is $250 a session).

ETA: just for extra fun, she recently discovered a long-lost bio sibling and promptly got weirdly sexual about him, to the point that supposedly one of the cucks and/or a random fuck toy told her it was gross.

in certain liberal circles, going to therapy is seen as inherently virtuous, it is treated as something that shows what a good and moral person you are, so they virtue signal about it to everyone who will listen

Having a therapist has become basically a "quip" like "oh, I see a therapist, so all my behavior and thought is perfect now" as if that's how therapy works.

Therapy is like the precursor career to Speech Language Pathology. I've noticed that the field of Speech Language Pathology got flooded recently; consequently, suddenly it seems like practically every kid needs one whereas they used to be for stutterers or lispers only. But you've got all these people graduating with very expensive degrees and you need to put them to work. Suddenly the accepted knowledge is that "everyone" needs one. Therapy is the same. The field is flooded, and although I might be an unusual specimen, having spent a decade in a related field before GTFO, I know a half dozen therapists - currently practicing - who are smooth-brains. One is a Marriage and Family Therapist who is a 29 year old virgin who's long-distance "fiancee" cheats on her regularly. Another decided to focus her practice on pooners giving birth.

I'll stop ranting about how terrible "therapy" usually is now - but you guys should check out Abigail Shrier's new book Bad Therapy if you haven't yet.

 

[Internet Wizard]

they are a magnet for people who are not mentally fit to be in a relationship.

This is what I get out of it too, oftentimes it feels like members are too afraid of true commitment to stick with one person - but don't want anything casual, because the safety of a "relationship" helps them get over insecurity by innately making it harder for someone to call it quits.
It's bound to happen that one person feels left out or unloved by the others, whether they express it publicly to others or not. They'll repress it because they're too scared of things falling apart to realize how they're being treated

 

[UncleTusky]

in certain liberal circles, going to therapy is seen as inherently virtuous, it is treated as something that shows what a good and moral person you are, so they virtue signal about it to everyone who will listen

To build on this, many of these circles treat as preventative maintenance no different from a yearly physical. The difference (apart from being useless) is that it can easily cost $50 / session, maybe closer to $200 if the practitioner has an MD or PhD, for monthly or even weekly sessions. Apart from being a license for therapists to print money, this also means 'I'm going to therapy' is code for 'I have a ton of disposable income'. It's an easy way for elitists to weed out the poor people they supposedly care so much about.

One other thing I'll add is, from my limited exposure to these types the things they discuss with a therapist are things most people would discuss with a friend/family member/minister. Nothing resembling a formal diagnosis or treatment, just a sounding board. In some cases the sounding board doesn't even push back and becomes a yes-man instead.

I'll stop ranting about how terrible "therapy" usually is now - but you guys should check out Abigail Shrier's new book Bad Therapy if you haven't yet.

One other thing to read is Lisa Selin Davis' article in 'The Free Press'. It's short, it's easy to read, and it illustrates how the whole therapy industry is rotten to the core.

 

[scathefire]

View attachment 5999236
Stole this one from the other farms.

"The reason you don't like our lifestyle is because you're uneducated", dear god. Could you possibly get any more insufferable even if you tried? Besides, why are they opposed to just explaining it to people themselves as opposed to acting condescending to random people online? Oh right, that's how they treat literally every progressive issue.

 

[Maldavius Figtree]

okay what is it with all those polys saying they’re having a therapist to work with them on their poly shit and suppress the natural feelings that arise? What fucking therapist agrees to that? Every single one I ever met (talking ppl with decades of practical experience) that I had asked was very decidedly against anything poly. Are they lying, are they misinterpreting the psychologists neutral stance as support, did they go doctor shopping until they found a rare nutjob, or is the new generation of psychologists completely made up of danger hairs?

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

okay what is it with all those polys saying they’re having a therapist to work with them on their poly shit and suppress the natural feelings that arise? What fucking therapist agrees to that? Every single one I ever met (talking ppl with decades of practical experience) that I had asked was very decidedly against anything poly. Are they lying, are they misinterpreting the psychologists neutral stance as support, did they go doctor shopping until they found a rare nutjob, or is the new generation of psychologists completely made up of danger hairs?

The last one. Constant pushing of therapy increases demand, standards lower to increase supply, couple that with the noted tendency of the mentally ill to gravitate towards the mental health care professions, and modern therapists are literally just septum-ringed tumblrinas from five years ago.

 

[DumbDude43]

did they go doctor shopping until they found a rare nutjob, or is the new generation of psychologists completely made up of danger hairs?

both of these.
they specifically seek out therapists who are positive on poly shit, similar to trannies who specifically seek out "trans affirming" medical professionals.
also, the relevant academic fields that spit out these therapists are pozzed like crazy so most younger therapists are insane leftoids.
read this article posted earlier here, it goes into detail a bit on how fucked up therapists are:

One other thing to read is Lisa Selin Davis' article in 'The Free Press'. It's short, it's easy to read, and it illustrates how the whole therapy industry is rotten to the core.

 

[AMHOLIO]

in certain liberal circles, going to therapy is seen as inherently virtuous, it is treated as something that shows what a good and moral person you are, so they virtue signal about it to everyone who will listen

Therapy is the atheist version of going to church to them. It's a ritual where you get lectured about the topic of the day on how to be a better person, but instead of Jesus it's focused entirely on you. Sadly, that's a recipe for self centered disasters.

One other thing I'll add is, from my limited exposure to these types the things they discuss with a therapist are things most people would discuss with a friend/family member/minister. Nothing resembling a formal diagnosis or treatment, just a sounding board. In some cases the sounding board doesn't even push back and becomes a yes-man instead.

Sounding boards can be great if a group of friends or family are fighting and you need an outside party who's completely removed from the conflict to chime in with new ideas or just help you organize your own thoughts. As you stated though, yes-men throw a wrench into things and outside parties can make bad calls or change the problem in their minds to something more "chronic" instead of one to three sessions and done.

Are they lying, are they misinterpreting the psychologists neutral stance as support, did they go doctor shopping until they found a rare nutjob, or is the new generation of psychologists completely made up of danger hairs?

All these things can be true in different amounts. Can't afford a therapist, too lazy to go, or want to win an arguement fast? Lie. Can't read your therapist - a lesser amount of study and sometimes different field from psychologists - properly when they're sensitive to your feelings? Misinterpretation. Are desperate for asspats? Specifically ask if doctors/therapists are ok with polyamory before going to them or asking friends for poly recommendations. Live in a city or near enough to a college that pumps out dangerhairs who like softer sciences and chose psychology because they "already have [mental illness]" so they have a leg up on studying? Or they have higher empathy or a need to help socially so they're easily suckered into dangerhairism as well as drawn to therapy? It's a recipe for disaster.

I'm much less critical of therapy than others in the thread since I've seen enough successes to balance out the failures, but there's a lot of minefields people with and without mental illness have to navigate to not make their problems even worse that we shouldn't be having. I hope it keeps evolving and we begin to see a trend to be more critical and flush out the worst aspects as best as possible. There will be no 100% fix of course, that's just how it is, but any changes would be welcomed.

Besides, why are they opposed to just explaining it to people themselves as opposed to acting condescending to random people online? Oh right, that's how they treat literally every progressive issue.

To be enlightened is to be in a club of the elite. To become enlightened, they will not do the work for you, YOU have to do the same work they did (but didn't really) and research the sacred tomes yourself. Everyone can read the bible, why are you asking me when it is your duty to be reading it?

 

[Petronella]

The therapy thing was a *huge* thing with my old friend group.

Spoiler

Not to make this all about me, but when I got acquainted with them and began an open relationship with one of the guys, I had recently gotten divorced. This group decided that I was irreparably traumatized as a result, and everything I did or said from that point was proof that I had not healed from my ex. I can't begin to tell you how exhausting it is to be surrounded by people who insist your every move is because you're damaged goods.

I bring this up because they also were very tone deaf and out of touch when it came to therapy. Therapy to them was a magic cure-all that instantly fixes all your problems. I brought up how expensive it can get and was immediately shouted down about how, if it's important to you, you'll "find the money."

 

[hunter2]

The therapy thing was a *huge* thing with my old friend group.

Spoiler

Not to make this all about me, but when I got acquainted with them and began an open relationship with one of the guys, I had recently gotten divorced. This group decided that I was irreparably traumatized as a result, and everything I did or said from that point was proof that I had not healed from my ex. I can't begin to tell you how exhausting it is to be surrounded by people who insist your every move is because you're damaged goods.

I bring this up because they also were very tone deaf and out of touch when it came to therapy. Therapy to them was a magic cure-all that instantly fixes all your problems. I brought up how expensive it can get and was immediately shouted down about how, if it's important to you, you'll "find the money."

I am extremely pro-therapy that isn't talk therapy.

This shit is just "You can't sit with us if you can't pay up". Very elitist and classist.

 

[Scream Tail]

I had a very positive experience with a psychologist and CBT. It was hard but improved my life massively.

This was before current year though so i would probably have just been told i was trans and had to transition immediately and get into a poly relationship with other trannies as a panacea.