- Joined
- Nov 26, 2019
What do most of them call themselves? I'd imagine most would be gay or bi, but in reality most are straight uggos with abysmal standards(pan).
r/polyamory
- Thread starter Crunchy Leaf
- Start date
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2020
I would wager a majority of these instances are happening on dating sites where your sexual preferences are kind of a necessary and relevant topic.
All the men are straight and all the women are "bi". If there is a mtf troon they are highly likely to be lesbian. Ftm are probably pansexual.
Personal stories time (read the final spoiler if you want the cow):
I know a couple who became poly about eight years ago and got married three years ago. She also had a live-in boyfriend of 5 years who wasn't interested in dating anyone else while his (diagnosed autistic) girlfriend of 4 years didn't live with them because she lived with her own spouse. It was incredibly stable and my only exposure to polyamory for the longest time.
I'm friends with them 90% because I really like them as people, but also 10% because their lives fascinate me and I keep trying to work out if they have cracks in the marriage and/or cow potential. Aside from the poly thing they really don't seem to be cow-ish.
They work stable high-paying jobs as a statistician and an engineer. They're incredibly nerdy about things that actually require intellectual effort. And when I asked why they opened up their relationship they didn't have an answer, they were both like "idk it just made sense" and shrugged it off. They didn't have a good answer. Like I think they legitimately just think if one person is good, more must be better. Weirdly over-logical.
They seem to have a fairly stable relationship and they told me the secret to making it work is that they're really boring. She also says that polyamory is 15% dating, 15% sex, and 70% indulging her calendar fetish. So if you're wondering how they make the time to see all these different people, that's how. Also no kids.
She also said she tried really hard for a while to be the bisexual girl stereotype but finally gave up and admitted to herself she was "just" a straight cis white woman and that was okay, which is pretty unusual for poly people. She definitely leans left, but is hardly the sjw type.
I'm friends with them 90% because I really like them as people, but also 10% because their lives fascinate me and I keep trying to work out if they have cracks in the marriage and/or cow potential. Aside from the poly thing they really don't seem to be cow-ish.
They work stable high-paying jobs as a statistician and an engineer. They're incredibly nerdy about things that actually require intellectual effort. And when I asked why they opened up their relationship they didn't have an answer, they were both like "idk it just made sense" and shrugged it off. They didn't have a good answer. Like I think they legitimately just think if one person is good, more must be better. Weirdly over-logical.
They seem to have a fairly stable relationship and they told me the secret to making it work is that they're really boring. She also says that polyamory is 15% dating, 15% sex, and 70% indulging her calendar fetish. So if you're wondering how they make the time to see all these different people, that's how. Also no kids.
She also said she tried really hard for a while to be the bisexual girl stereotype but finally gave up and admitted to herself she was "just" a straight cis white woman and that was okay, which is pretty unusual for poly people. She definitely leans left, but is hardly the sjw type.
My other experience with poly is my highschool friend who moved interstate for work, then started off having all kinds of casual sex to blow off some steam, then became the casual sex unicorn for a married couple (the wife was definitely into chicks) then fell in love with them both. Clearly the feeling was mutual because they asked her to move in. Last I heard they had given her an engagement ring and she had the husband's baby. I like her so I really hope it works out for her. She's in a closed triad where they all bang each other, and I would say that that's the most likely type of poly relationship to succeed, anyway.
And then there was this one chick I met who was super angry and judgemental about everything, made a lot of assumptions about quiet people being weak, and had studied like 5 different degrees including sexology but didn't work in any of them, wouldn't shut up about all of it, or the fact that she was poly and into bdsm. None of that shit mattered where we were but all of this was her opening line. She really glommed onto me for some reason, wanted me to be her new best gal pal.
I strongly suspect she had been sexually abused and was projecting that injustice on the world around her. Constantly getting ready to defend against the next threat. Normally I try to be a friend to people in that situation, but i just couldn't stand her. She had no semblance of self-awareness or willingness to find a way to accept what had happened and move on with her life. Both of which are essential to dealing with trauma. She also seemed like the kind of person who would have said men can't get raped, too, and I know two guys who were raped by women, so I didn't want much to do with her.
Also she was pagan and kind of fat. Not landwhale, not skinnyfat, just... kinda chunky. Definitely a m.ilky lolcow if I had cared to look into her more but I just wanted to avoid her as much as possible. She was not a danger hair,
didn't wear problem glasses, just looked like she was still in the awkward teenage phase even though she was in her late 20s.
I strongly suspect she had been sexually abused and was projecting that injustice on the world around her. Constantly getting ready to defend against the next threat. Normally I try to be a friend to people in that situation, but i just couldn't stand her. She had no semblance of self-awareness or willingness to find a way to accept what had happened and move on with her life. Both of which are essential to dealing with trauma. She also seemed like the kind of person who would have said men can't get raped, too, and I know two guys who were raped by women, so I didn't want much to do with her.
Also she was pagan and kind of fat. Not landwhale, not skinnyfat, just... kinda chunky. Definitely a m.ilky lolcow if I had cared to look into her more but I just wanted to avoid her as much as possible. She was not a danger hair,
didn't wear problem glasses, just looked like she was still in the awkward teenage phase even though she was in her late 20s.
Edited to add more formatting and details.
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- Joined
- Feb 2, 2019
People don't even have to be really into the poly idea. The 1PP is a pretty common arrangement. There's a reason bi women that are attractive and interested in having sex with a couple are called unicorns. Plenty of demand. Not much supply. Though, typically they get treated as you just said, sex pets or even sex pests, further depleting supply.
It makes more sense to make one gay and one straight profile anyways, if you're really serious about bisexuality (though when okcupid did research on it, bisexual people almost exclusively respond to one sex' messages, lol).
Also... lmao:
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- Joined
- Apr 15, 2020
Ewww. Also what is going on with that face.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2017
My guess is drugs. You don’t get a weird looking face without drugs or serious injury, and she doesn’t look injured.
RadicalCentrist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2017
...Wait, what? A poly couple with a live-in BF who only dated his other gf who didn't live with them?
Always the worst part of this thread, trying to make sense out of these gordian knot relationships
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2020
That’s exactly what Onision did.
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2020
Sorry. The wife had a live-in bf who didn't want to date anyone but her. The husband had a gf who didn't live with them.
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2020
I briefly tried a dating site way back because I was bored and since it was one with questionnaires on different topics I could try finding people with similar personalities. I mostly just got messages from dudes. No girls except for a troon or two if that counts. 99% of the "lesbians/bi girls" were trans, natch.
I mentioned it in another post, but I also feel like a closed triad has the highest chance of working. Having a relationship with one person can be mentally and time consuming. The more branches you add, and the more complex relationships there are, the more there can be cracks. It's simple logic. I have no ill-will to the poly relationships that magically work out, but they are few and far between. People with mental health problems or other issues highly up the chance of failure.
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2019
Blarmed&Dangerous
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2015
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
Wtf is it with these people?!
Suicidal boyfriend blah blah, girlfriend needs “a break” so sets up “a dick appointment”.
Yeah, the bf might sound like a whiny shit, but goddamn! If you don’t like having an angsty, depressed boyfriend then maybe quit chasing dick for a while?
Polyamorists somehow manage to sound pompously morally superior, while at the same time being enslaved to their sex drive and acting like fucking animals.
Sex a few times a week isn’t enough?! Get a fucking vibrator.
Suicidal boyfriend blah blah, girlfriend needs “a break” so sets up “a dick appointment”.
Yeah, the bf might sound like a whiny shit, but goddamn! If you don’t like having an angsty, depressed boyfriend then maybe quit chasing dick for a while?
Polyamorists somehow manage to sound pompously morally superior, while at the same time being enslaved to their sex drive and acting like fucking animals.
Sex a few times a week isn’t enough?! Get a fucking vibrator.
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2020
Jesus Fucking Christ this poly shit is ruining so many highschool sweetheart relationships.
"She said I was too sad [after cheating behind his back] so she suggested a break, she did it again because my sex drive was too low"
"She said I was too sad [after cheating behind his back] so she suggested a break, she did it again because my sex drive was too low"
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2016
That's just like those blacks who have to make a point to let you know "they take care of they kids." as if it's some amazing accomplishment rather than what you're supposed to do.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
That... Stereotype isn’t entirely wrong. Friend of mine lived in a black neighborhood for a while when his kids were small.
Every fucking time he went out with one of them to play or for a walk or whatever, he got comments about “how good it is to see a dad taking care of their kid” or something along those lines.
He even got phone numbers a few times, lol
Weird.
Jesus Fucking Christ this poly shit is ruining so many highschool sweetheart relationships.
"She said I was too sad [after cheating behind his back] so she suggested a break, she did it again because my sex drive was too low"
In a saner age, they might have done what out grandparents did. Gotten married, had kids and stayed together for 60 years.
RadicalCentrist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2017
I am 99% sure that the bf is depressed because he's too beta to leave an emotional black hole of cock.
If things are at a point where her friends are openly floating dick her way, she's been fucking around for years.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
Yup. The question is though: Would she have cheated on him if she had never heard of polyamory?
Don’t get me wrong, whores are gonna whore and infidelity is as old as marriage.
But... I kinda wonder if the societal pressure in the old days... Say 20 years ago, (and today among anyone who isn’t a fucking degenerate) would have been enough for her to say: “Nah, I’m not going to fuck around. I’d like some dick, but I don’t want everyone to call me easy and other girls to call me a whore behind my back!”
Polyamory seems like a permission slip in some people’s minds to follow their own lowest instincts and just do whatever. “I can’t help it! I’m poly! Giggle!”
Amber the Hedgehog
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2018
Hard to say because... well gays. There is more than enough evidence that gays didn't stop fucking despite far reaching condemnation and potentially deadly consequences, but they sertainly kept it more secret. I'm sure some more risk averse men didn't have any relations but many didn't care beyond not getting caught.
So likely without poly she wouldn't do it very openly, but whatever she wouldn't do it all isn't clear. Social presure affects our behavior absolutely but isn't full story. People are great making excuses for their own behavior or find braking social rules deliciously rebelious. If you have reasonable deniability or are able to pull of an open secret, outside of acceptable circumstances sex happens even openly. Kinda like Nancy and John Redcorn in King of the Hill, an affair that pretty much everyone knows about but is left alone not cause drama.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2017
And we have an update from our, train wreck even before the poly, OP
Link (Archive)
Why am I having heart palpaltations? Should I end this or continue..
Honestly debated writing this for weeks.. I low key think something is truly wrong with me but the world hasn't caught up with me like that..
Think charming girl, easy to get what I want and yea I try to be humble but it's hard when men make it so easy.
I committed once. Once. I loved him, dearly.. But he was not good for me and he berated me for my spiritual beliefs. In the end after 5 years I broke free.. I don't know if it was the relationship or what but I went full polyamorous mode.
Now idk if this was a tactic to avoid commitment, be with multiple people as I like attention and I like to share to some degree.
I went through all flavors of that lifestyle and then some.. It's such a thing to be sought after, so desired.. And to see otherwise straight edge men bend their morals out of inability to lose me so that I could exercise this wild part of myself. It was liberating and therefore karma came for me big time.
Fast forwards to wanting my ex back.. Even though I left him? What is wrong with me that that was the highest love I could imagine? Toxic bs. But it changed my heart I no longer claim myself full as poly.. Even though I can't seem to break those tendancies.
It never feels wrong until someone is hurt. It never seems bad. I just don't understand myself. One day I love a girl and the next I want a man. Then I want a couple. It's just so exhausting..
So I met someone and it's giving me a lot of anxiety. Normally I could care less.. I tell the guy after a while (once it stop being fun) either they become one of many or they get gone.. And they usually stick around until I fade them out.
I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling so sweet and innocent in someone's eyes and then feeling like an asshole when I fuck it up.
This person that I met well I respect him. I haven't told him much about my past. Why do I feel this intense anxiety in my heart? Is it even about him? It was light, fun, filled with fantasies and excitement. Truly a high I haven't felt in what seems like forever. All these guys around are always just so uneventful.. This guy blows my mind.
But when he asked me my idea of a relationship I had a two day panic attack and was very confused.. For the passed 2 1/2 years I have never felt anything like this. Usually I don't feel much of anything.. There can be deep emotion but I can switch it off usually..
Not saying I can't switch this off but the anxiety is getting to me and it seems like there's nothing even happening to cause it and I'm really confused
Is it best I cut this off and save this guy from having to endure me? Should I tell him my past and let him choose if he wants to stick around after he knows what he's signing up for? Considering I can't make any promises. I just can't, and I don't know why.
Is it obligated I tell him my past when this is me moving forward? Sometime I don't trust myself. I don't know what I want. But I don't want to lose him either..
Honestly debated writing this for weeks.. I low key think something is truly wrong with me but the world hasn't caught up with me like that..
Think charming girl, easy to get what I want and yea I try to be humble but it's hard when men make it so easy.
I committed once. Once. I loved him, dearly.. But he was not good for me and he berated me for my spiritual beliefs. In the end after 5 years I broke free.. I don't know if it was the relationship or what but I went full polyamorous mode.
Now idk if this was a tactic to avoid commitment, be with multiple people as I like attention and I like to share to some degree.
I went through all flavors of that lifestyle and then some.. It's such a thing to be sought after, so desired.. And to see otherwise straight edge men bend their morals out of inability to lose me so that I could exercise this wild part of myself. It was liberating and therefore karma came for me big time.
Fast forwards to wanting my ex back.. Even though I left him? What is wrong with me that that was the highest love I could imagine? Toxic bs. But it changed my heart I no longer claim myself full as poly.. Even though I can't seem to break those tendancies.
It never feels wrong until someone is hurt. It never seems bad. I just don't understand myself. One day I love a girl and the next I want a man. Then I want a couple. It's just so exhausting..
So I met someone and it's giving me a lot of anxiety. Normally I could care less.. I tell the guy after a while (once it stop being fun) either they become one of many or they get gone.. And they usually stick around until I fade them out.
I'm tired of this. I'm tired of feeling so sweet and innocent in someone's eyes and then feeling like an asshole when I fuck it up.
This person that I met well I respect him. I haven't told him much about my past. Why do I feel this intense anxiety in my heart? Is it even about him? It was light, fun, filled with fantasies and excitement. Truly a high I haven't felt in what seems like forever. All these guys around are always just so uneventful.. This guy blows my mind.
But when he asked me my idea of a relationship I had a two day panic attack and was very confused.. For the passed 2 1/2 years I have never felt anything like this. Usually I don't feel much of anything.. There can be deep emotion but I can switch it off usually..
Not saying I can't switch this off but the anxiety is getting to me and it seems like there's nothing even happening to cause it and I'm really confused
Is it best I cut this off and save this guy from having to endure me? Should I tell him my past and let him choose if he wants to stick around after he knows what he's signing up for? Considering I can't make any promises. I just can't, and I don't know why.
Is it obligated I tell him my past when this is me moving forward? Sometime I don't trust myself. I don't know what I want. But I don't want to lose him either..
Looks like our risk taking for the sake of it, speeding, cutting, druggy free spirit who thrust poly on an unsuspecting boyfriend finally realised just how damaged she is.
Well the relationship she was in for the last posts doesn't even get a mention (go figure) but it sounds like she's screwed up relationship after relationship, dragging the unsuspecting victim with her, with her damaged as fuck brain.
At least she's realised she is utterly toxic. She's finally recognises the reason all her relationships go to shit is her. She admits to basically being a psychopath with her ability to "just turn off" her emotions to live with her trail of victims. Now let's hope her next move is intensive therapy and a chemically induced zombie state for the good of her and everyone within her cluster B fallout zone.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2016
Spend too long on the cock-roulette, and getting off isn’t as easy as getting on.