Containment Random Chris Updates

[dacwcman68]

I'd hope a baseball player would pick a child, but since Chris's profile pic is a drawing only a child(or rétarded adult) would draw, I guess that puts his chances at even.

I really want to see Phil's reaction when he has to choose between somebody actually in need and Chris.
"Hmm, child in poverty with stage 3 cancer, or Benjamin Franklin seaweed monster in a skirt? Decisions, decisions Phil!"

 

[Mason Verger]

Chris won't win, theres probably 100 people on Twitter already ruinimg it for him...I hope.
This year I'm hoping for an authentic Chanel lambskin handbag, but I'll probably get what I want because a few people in this world actually like me.fftopic::powerlevel:. I mean genuinely like and not just tolerate.

Have you tried openly posting your wishlist with demands for minimum donation amounts?

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

That's an awesome idea.

 

[Orkeosaurus]

Chris trying to convince Padres pitcher Phil Hughes that it would be beneficial for Phil to give his Switch to Chris:
View attachment 602849

what the fuck did Chris mean by coup? He wants to take the government down?

 

[ContinentalButterchip]

what the fuck did Chris mean by coup? He wants to take the government down?

Perhaps he was referring to beau coup? Insinuating that there will be a pay-off for both him and Chris.

 

[Mason Verger]

Perhaps he was referring to beau coup? Insinuating that there will be a pay-off for both him and Chris.

It's always so hilarious to me that this is how he thinks adults talk. His combination of phoney academic and "I was raised by grandparents" will never not by funny to me, among which.

 

[Guardsman42]

It's not the fact he uses terms like Coup, or Among which that bother me. It's...he never uses them properly.

Also any one got an empty Switch box? We could decorate an actual light switch up and send it to him as his prize. It's technically a switch..and with enough decals and shitty paint, it's Chris-Chan style brand merchandise.

 

[fiu0cm]

His combination of phoney academic and "I was raised by grandparents" will never not by funny to me, among which.

His poor grasp on the English language also leads to his jokes falling flat every single time:

Spoiler

It's not the fact he uses terms like Coup, or Among which that bother me. It's...he never uses them properly.

He used coup properly. Its English meaning is qualitative, as in "good move." The French meaning is not qualitative, so blame that quirk on the English language rather than Chris' poor understanding of language.

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

He used coup properly. Its English meaning is qualitative, as in "good move." The French meaning is not qualitative, so blame that quirk on the English language rather than Chris' poor understanding of language.

Yup, he used the word properly (and apparently has a better grasp of it than some posters here)... except that the idea that a professional baseball player would reap any reward from giving a Switch away to Chris Chan is, of course, exceptional.

 

[Mason Verger]

View attachment 602456
View attachment 602457

Haha I just saw this post. I know it was a sick burn on Drumf, Chris, but both your elderly parents have actually HAD mite infestations..

 

[Guardsman42]

Yup, he used the word properly (and apparently has a better grasp of it than some posters here)... except that the idea that a professional baseball player would reap any reward from giving a Switch away to Chris Chan is, of course, exceptional.

Well, he'd get his own thread on Kiwifarms. So ..I mean, he'd at least have some level of internet immortality....

 

[nvrwastetree]

Perhaps he was referring to beau coup? Insinuating that there will be a pay-off for both him and Chris.

What's the payoff going to be for Phil??? Knowing that he just gave an extra Nintendo switch to a delusional idiot, or is Chris going to give Phil a blowjob+anal?

 

[Another Fellow]

except that the idea that a professional baseball player would reap any reward from giving a Switch away to Chris Chan is, of course, exceptional.

I have a theory that Chris once heard the "giving feels better than getting" spiel and it registered as "if you give me ___, you'll get Warm Fuzzies because giving is better than receiving!"

 

[jc17]

His poor grasp on the English language also leads to his jokes falling flat every single time:

Spoiler

View attachment 603104
View attachment 603105
View attachment 603106

He used coup properly. Its English meaning is qualitative, as in "good move." The French meaning is not qualitative, so blame that quirk on the English language rather than Chris' poor understanding of language.

... Did Chris just say "To bad Hitler died in 1945" because he wants to make a poorly excuted joke about nazis and Transformers...?

"Hmm...yeah, I wish Hitler's rain of terror went into the 80's so Optomuss Prime could give him quite the verbal beatdown he needed."
Seriously, Chris.

 

[StarryGreenEyes95]

You know, I'm still not really sure what autism is. But I can safely say that Chris has a separate mental illness. The autism probably doesn't help but it's not an excuse for years of foolish behavior.

 

[fenny]

A neural network could write better jokes than Chris.

 

[Guardsman42]

You know, I'm still not really sure what autism is. But I can safely say that Chris has a separate mental illness. The autism probably doesn't help but it's not an excuse for years of foolish behavior.

He's a byproduct of people trying to shelter him from the world, but also telling him he was the best at every thing. Humor the Court Jester's delusions of grandeur to long and they believe it. This is what happened with Chris. Growing up he was never forced to acknowledge he was infact, just a third rate any thing. He was never forced to face reality. Now he's truly insane and I don't think any thing will..fix him.

 

[StarryGreenEyes95]

That makes sense. I would post a rhetoric but ehhh. Leave it at that.

 

[The Dude]

It's always so hilarious to me that this is how he thinks adults talk. His combination of phoney academic and "I was raised by grandparents" will never not by funny to me, among which.

Chris is a living embodiment of poetic irony. He believes he is a genius of Albert Einstein caliber, believes he is of royal blood, uses big pseudo-intellectual words to seem intelligent, and thinks that being on the honor roll in high school proves he is smart. The reality is Chris likely has a double digit IQ, his genetics come from inbred Appalachian hillbillies, he misuses those big pseudo-intellectual words more often than he uses them correctly, he often misspells easy words, and he got on the honor roll by being in SpEd class and being on an easier curriculum. I mean, fucksake, he got anthropomorphic mixed up with anthropology despite having his whole life and identity based around anthropomorphic characters. And that doesn't even touch on his delusions.

If someone were to introduce a character exactly like Chris to be used as a caricature of obnoxiously childish mongoloids and Autists who insist they are intelligent, when in reality they are barely functioning morons, that character would be criticized for being too unrealistic, extreme, and mean-spirited. Chris is clown shoes, man.

 

[fiu0cm]

Chris actually asking people to help someone else:

I have a theory that Chris once heard the "giving feels better than getting" spiel and it registered as "if you give me ___, you'll get Warm Fuzzies because giving is better than receiving!"

Most of the time he uses give it's self referential, so you're probably right. There are a few tweets where he implores people to donate to some charity (there're only 4 instances, including the one above, as far as I can find), or to give up trolling him, or give him a break, or some shit like that.

Chris is a living embodiment of poetic irony. He believes he is a genius of Albert Einstein caliber, believes he is of royal blood, uses big pseudo-intellectual words to seem intelligent, and thinks that being on the honor roll in high school proves he is smart.

It's like how he thinks that his mind going blank and/or going in so many directions at once that he gets dizzy is a superpower:

I don't think he really has a concept of pseudo-intellectualism. Usually, it seems like, because he believes he has a great mind, he doesn't make an effort to sound smart. And when he does try, he fails.