Random.txt Horoscopes - Scientifically more credible than regular horoscopes

[ye's Official KF Burner]

Here's how this is going to work. You will refresh on this page 3 times.

Refresh #1 random.txt represents your past.
Refresh #2 represents your present.
Refresh #3 represents your future.

I'll start.

Past: ”no matter how old you are stumbling upon a guy who is a cum terrorist is weird”
Present: ”The fuck is wrong with his balls?”
Future: ”So if you kill yourself, don't come crying to me.”

 

[0 0]

Past: ”I'm running out of vaginas.”
Present: "kiwifarms.net, you win. You're going to get what you've wanted. Another tranny grave to piss on.”
Future: “[Encyclopedia Dramatica] was my job for almost a decade.”

 

[Pedophobe]

Past ”I don't believe I've ever posted about my anus but I could be wrong. I do drink.”
Sounds about right.

Present ”I won't respond to questions about KiwiFarms. KF is a terrorist website.”
On the money

Future “The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.”
Ah shit

 

[Kid Named Rocket]

Past: Please, fellas, be sure to wear a bra!
Present: “Every time I consider doing some furry porn and sharing it out someone reminds me that Kiwi Farms exists.”
Future: ”Possible ratings manipulation. Harassment website”

 

[Wellington]

Past: ”The real problem with Kiwi Farms is that unlike Gamergate, they have no stated mission. They exist only to watch the world burn.”

Present: ”So, I might have a girlfriend. She's 24. We met at psychiatric intake.”

Future: ”Stalking is a much more nuanced and deeper issue than you all think.”

Uhh, guys? Help!

 

[Schwarzwald]

Past: ”THROUGHOUT THE WORLD!!"

Scarily accurate. My entire life, I've always been somewhere throughout the world.

Present: ”THE COURT: I'm not sure what's wrong with corn.”

If you took off the blindfold, maybe you'd be able to see what's wrong with corn Lady Justice, you dumb bitch.

Future: “I just hope methed up samurai will be okay”

Me, too. God, should I warn him now? I don't know what I'd do in a world without methed up samurai...

Quite the arc!

 

[Deep Noise]

Past: “No, child, you did not fart in my wife's vagina”
Why did I just read this with Null's funny voice?
Present: “Fuck you. First of all this was the week before I started doing meth.”
Somehow the present became the future.
Future: ”Kiwifarms basically took advantage of a very vunerable mentally ill person I knew on Facebook and turned her into a nazi”
The influence of the Kiwi Farms know no bounds...

 

[Clovis]

Past:
”Stop Telling me to "Get a Job". Gawd!!!”

Present:
“You are worse than Reddit!“

Future:
”FIRED FROM LIFE!!!”

tough love from the random quote horoscope today.

 

[keytar]

Past: “It is tragic that I had to lose my virginity to a semi retarded mute girl who wasn't my girlfriend and didn't like me who I ended up never seeing again”
Present: "kiwifarms.net, you win. You're going to get what you've wanted. Another tranny grave to piss on.”
Future: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEEEEEEE”

It probably is more accurate than a newspaper horoscope, you're right. Though for legal reasons I would like to state that I did not in fact lose my virginity to a semi retarded mute girl.

 

[Autistic Mushroom]

Past: “God, you fucking dullards. You khaki clad chads.“
Present: “OBVIOUSLY this ended in a late night call to the Trans Lifeline.”
Future: ”I might actually look back at my days on here and empty a 12-gauge into my mouth.”

Unfortunate horoscope, but I think the story arc of "I was offended, so I called the Dilation Department and then considered suicide." is funny.

 

[BirdUp]

”Very Boring, One-Horse Town”
”What if Chris bought a pint of tard cum?”
”Are you that desperate for people to agree with you that you took it to a stalker forum”

 

[skekChuck]

Past: “those >bleeping bleep bleeps<“

Present: [Unintelligible]

Future: ”My life has literally been a nonstop sequence of successful experiences.”

Yeah checks out.

 

[gobbles]

1. Fuck you kiwi forums
2. Quit lying, you hate me because I have autism.
3. We paied them 1300 and i think they doxxed me

This feels both true and ominous.

 

[IKOL]

1. ”Photography or sniper rifle? How should I know?”
2. "kiwifarms users are like the jews of the internet."
3.

Sigh...

 

[Coelacanth]

Past: ”She's the only car I've gotten intimate with.”
Present: ”melanin directly communicates with cosmic energy”
Future: “I had McDonalds and now I feel good. Things are going to be ok I think.”

The last one.

 

[The Cunting Death]

Past: roadkill is literally the worst organic matter to put your dick into


Present: “I'm a KF Regular” - Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka

Future: Dead Niggo Storage


Lol

 

[libRT]

Damn

#1: There was no reason in Hell for you to post on Kiwifarms. Nothing good could come of it.
#2: I've learned that you cannot hide your faggotry from the internet and KF is an expert site at digging up your shit so it's better to take it now then when it's a lunch money at your door calling you a dumb cunt along the way
#3: Dead Niggo Storage

 

[AbyssGazer]

Past: ”thank god you are back”

Present: ”i don't generally think of horses as being sexual-looking, but that could be just me”

Future: Sponsored by Kraken Rum.

Sounds like I'm at my life's peak atm.

 

[BMO_]

kiwifarm is it's own lolcow, full of thin, effeminate anime-idolizing, tranny rhetoric-abiding pussies

The nipple removal thread made my nipples hurt

high quality non-primitive female

eh???

 

[anliteralidiot]

1. “Kiwi Farms is now lying about my dick being circumcised. It’s not. Circumcision is Satanic.”“Kiwi Farms is now lying about my dick being circumcised. It’s not. Circumcision is Satanic.”
2. “Kiwi Farms is now lying about my dick being circumcised. It’s not. Circumcision is Satanic.”“Kiwi Farms is now lying about my dick being circumcised. It’s not. Circumcision is Satanic.”
3. ”you have been reported I hope the lock your Acct”

What does it mean...