random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Cats]

But, this is a mental problem and people have to respect to them. Because you just born with autism problem.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

(the most concise rationalist)

Today I went on my bi-weekly journey to the White Trash Museum, also known as 'Wal-Mart' to most. Though my favorite name for this drab establishment is 'Wally World'; an endearing term I heard people of The South call it on occasion. I once asked a kindly old man --who was missing several teeth and very likely voted for Trump, if his 'Make America Great Again' cap was any indication-- why he called Wal-Mart 'Wally World', but I never did receive a sufficient answer. I suppose it could just be a silly name that stuck around because it sounds funny. This is what I contemplated as I browsed around the grain aisle for my favorite organic and gluten free bread.

Much to my dismay, I discovered that this Wally World was lacking the very thing I came here for. At this point, I had to assume in my past life, I had been a rich and spoiled king, who would not share bread with the poor peasants. I surely must have delighted in seeing these peasants starve to death while I ate all the bread. Yes, that had to be it. I had spent 20 minutes emotionally preparing myself to come here, but the Universe decided today was The Day to bring me karmic justice. This lack of bread was not due to Crony Capitalism or another train derailment in Ohio; no, I was in some sort of Karma Cosmic Court, and this was my punishment. No bread for me, no sirree.

It probably would have been best for me to accept my fate and go home with dignity. But fuck that. I wasn't joking about having to emotionally prepare myself to come here. Shopping is stressful for me, and I very likely wouldn't be back here for another week! There was NO WAY I was coming back home empty handed. I had debated on what to buy; the cruelty free tomato soup was a tempting option, as was the cage-free white rice. Unfortunately, I had not washed any bowls or pots recently, due to taking a very necessary self care week. By the way, I feel I shouldn't have to say this, but I'm saying it anyway: There's nothing wrong leaving your dishes in the sink for a week. Or two. Or a month, as was the true amount of time I had taken off from the emotionally draining chore.

I digress. I started to feel discouraged about what to get, and came very nearly close to leaving, but then I saw it: soy flavored frozen pizza. The perfect meal for someone going through a Self Care week month, such as myself. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner? Screw karma, I don't believe in that shit anyways. I quickly bought the pizza went home, happier than I've ever been.

 

[Sea Hag Henderson]

Ralph is an alcohol.

 

[Pit Viper Salesman]

 

[KiwiFuzz]

"As a Ukraine-fluid person myself, I know how the gender euphoria feels after eating beet soup with pork fat spread."

-Daddy Null

 

[Hepativore]

...Nevertheless, the smell persisted.

No matter where I went, I was convinced I was standing in the middle of Pike Place Market. I started to think that sleep deprivation was getting the best of me. I emptied the garbage in the kitchen and the bathrooms. I made sure there was nothing rotting in my refrigerator. I even took a look outside to see if there was an animal that had died under my deck. Because that’s a totally normal reaction when you can’t identify a fishy scent, right?

Later, in the bathroom, I realized with horror that the rank stench was coming from “down there.”

 

[Friendly Primarina]

you are a stupid nigger, you are the dumbest, blackest, most retarded gorilla nigger I have ever seen, it's literally keyed, you can see it in the design doc, it's keyed, it's keyed, you dumbass, you stupid fucking asshole, fuck you

 

[Cats]

@Hepativore "...Nevertheless, the smell persisted" is a perfect random.txt in itself. I could acutally see that being up there

 

[Sprocket]

Now this sounds more like something written by a californian.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Here I sit, account suspended, tried to sneed but just offended.

I ... don't... understand ... anything...

How is any of this happening in this lifetime..

I would think he is suspicious just on the amount of times he has typed the world "child". It's like 25 childs/hr on this night alone

Tam Tam would give birth like a kangaroo. The baby would live the first year of its life in her fat folds suckling on the sweat cheese.

At this point, I think Kiwi Farms could produce a better version of 1000 lb. Sisters.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Any Farmers up for a gang rape? Just eight of us and some slut going home and really forcing the D on her?

It’s ok! Mallard ducks gang rape female ducks all the time so gang rape is perfectly natural!

I just want to know if they named the birds Pepe and Enrique because they are fags, or if the birds are fags because they're named Pepe and Enrique.

Well isn't she just adorable. Truly the smollest of beans manliest of mans.

Dad's tired of your shit; time to become livestock.

Suspect #2: The Internet

This entire thing is a humiliation ritual psyop to demoralize the general public.

This guy was selected for this on purpose, theres no way the Secret Service/FBI when doing their background checks on him didn't flag up some aberrant sexual behaviours in the past or on his personal devices.

Jesus Christ. He looks like a rat. With lipstick. How do you even go about fucking your head so much to convince yourself that this horrific visage is in any way, shape or form attractive or desirable?

The animals are just learning what it means to be prison gay.

He cant die yet, the wendigo is still hungry, and it knows about the 15lb sack of raw chicken still in the freezer.

“Insert *Redditor’s Barely Disguised Fetish* here”

Finally a photo that answer a question that nobody asked. What if we forced a male Neandhertal to wear a homo sapiens female makeup?

Either women in the workplace is a mistake, or HR department is a mistake, or both.

The nurse is hoping she put enough potassium cyanide in his breakfast.

Dare I say the second coming of Terry A Davis?

 

[Meat Target]

I watched the first several episodes of Attack on Titan while trying to get into this weeb chick's pants (it's probably best not to ask)

 

[Useful_Mistake]

Holy shit, why is this 7182 pages? I just want Pippa Pipkin posts.

 

[Hepativore]

@Hepativore "...Nevertheless, the smell persisted" is a perfect random.txt in itself. I could acutally see that being up there

Yes, but the fact that she was stinking up the entire house and searching around for the source, not realizing the smell was coming from her own vagina makes it even more ridiculous.

 

[NoReturn]

From: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/software-piracy-scene-and-r-crackwatch.85862/page-9#post-15076045

 

[lolcow yoghurt]

babies are delicious

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Whoever wrote that is gay, and should sit down and work out the pros and cons of committing suicide.

attn karl: as op of your kiwifarms thread I hereby issue a super srs internet retard fight challenge! make an account and defend yourself from my evil blood libel!

you probably wouldn't have to burn your nazi larp gear if you never owned any but that's none of my business

Dear fucking god there are not enough languages in all the universes that will ever exist to describe the sheer lunacy of that tweet.

 

[Hitman One]

I want you to imagine for a moment that you're at the Altruistic Rape party

 

[Gentlebastard]

Humans are so intelligent that we mutate and mutilate our bodies to chase an impossible fantasy. Hamsters on the other hand are stupid and only do things like eat, breed, and continue their species.

there is no fucking way the Glowniggers didn't have his degenerate tendencies flag up, he's not exactly covert about them, look at the sodomite pillow biting nigger lol, this was 100% a planned PsyOp.

The human neo cortex has been a curse.

I think the important bit is to emphasize how ridiculous the transgender idea is by letting them see the troons. No one creates transphobia like a troon.

Dear fucking god there are not enough languages in all the universes that will ever exist to describe the sheer lunacy of that tweet.

Ukraine is hosting one of the great epics of this century ❝We are Harry Potter and William Wallace, the Na’vi and Han Solo. We’re escaping from Shawshank and blowing up the Death Star. We are fighting with the Harkonnens and challenging Thanos.❞

If this isn't proof NATO is dog shit, I don't know what is.

That is some Grade A based turbo autism i have not seen since Terry passed away

My thoughts are with the nursing home staff who have to sponge bath this bitch

 

[JustSomeDong]

"The trannies stink in the dark, you can smell them if you're driving. You just run them over, that's what you do."