random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[PBR Streetgang]

I caught my reflection in my monitor while reading this post, and it was making me make a Stephen Hawking face.

 

[Jack Awful]

I smell like cigarettes and pee... what else do you want

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Do I like it when a cute 23-year-old waitress smiles at me? Yes. Would I like it if every cute 23-year-old woman smiled at me? Yes. Am I going to write a fucking essay about it and publish it where my humiliated wife will see it? Fuck no, I'm not a narcissistic sociopath, but apparently the pussy pass means me me me me me is an acceptable way to live.

 

[I am vomit]

I wanna fucking skin OP and wax my balls with it...

39 year old woman is whining that she had a hot flash while donating plasma because you little shits didn't donate $60 to her egg and weed fund

The fact someone paid her to step on them with her shoe and she got anything more than a pizza or a happy meal baffles me

Sell some of your 5 phones or step on more dicks and buy some.

1 percent black seven generations ago does NOT qualify me to have dark skin.

I'm glad there was no penetration and just a shoe.

If that there jury don't consist of twelve pickle men with puckered lips that sentence Chris to be tickled to death, I'm gonna ask for a refund.

Emily's milkshake brings all the farmers to the thunderdome.

If there's a god in heaven such a statue would trap any ween that climbs inside it and start up a furnace below it like a fucking Brazen Bull, bellowing sounds of tard rage as the ween is slow-cooked to death.

Dont question a genius at work. He fucked his momma and he aint gonna take no shit about it.

I want Clarence Thomas to learn what a pickle suited nigger is.

Does that also work with lolcows? And if they're niggers would we get chocolate milk?

Chris' religion could be to autists in jail what NoI was for Basketball Americans in prison.

calling me a fucking koikatsu user is cringe at best

Futanari can drive you mad, this is very concerning.

If this person thinks teabagging is sexual assault, I can't imagine the abject horror they felt when they realized you can murder people in the same game.

My favorite arguement is, "Would you misgender Hitler?"

Ok but seriously Hitler probably doesn't sperg out for being misgendered so why would I use it against him?

It would be like an old lady vagina buffet for him.

We've reached a point where I would not be surprised if Chris would tie up his own mother and throw her on some train tracks like a silent-movie era villain.

"The other 95% of the time we dress like the fat smelly chicks we are."

"Wow Gromit!! I love calling myself a little girl and talking about tampons to children!! SQUEEEE!!!"

Weird autism simulators are the Germans' revenge for losing WW2.

 

[SevenEightNine]

From chat:

I gave him a choice. You get to the hospital or you go get some cocaine.
And he refused to do either.

 

[Sparkling Yuzu]

My Fluttershy tulpa (a trans girl with the cutest smol birb) won't stop talking about gun control, send help

 

[Table Country]

Fatrick had a mental break down. Call that a Patty Melt

Baby sitting directions unclear. Dick stuck in family dog.

 

[Skitarii]

Seeth, cope, and pray to Allah.

 

[Table Country]

Das ist Verboten und Befhel ist Befhel.

lol
Dattebayo.

 

[Kill a Troon for Pikamee]

Complete and utter nigger death. Based.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Never trust a decompressed fish who sends you links to sissy hypno!

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Why are you trying to have an earnest conversation about the nuances of heathenry and Norse paganism on KiwiFarms?

God, going through his history is even sadder, all he has going on is Legos.

Got a phrase for that sort of person around here: "Knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."

Phineas and Ferb portrayed modern suburbia waaaay better than Clarence even attempted to, and the characters in Phineas and Ferb weren't insufferable faggots.

Watching the Cunt Life video now, good times.

If I ever get any kind of power, this will be my pedo test. Draw me a basic character and if you draw one of these crimes against art it's straight to Nonce Island with you.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

Literally the literal Superbowl for literal people who literally already watch the literal (?) Superbowl.

 

[Vingle]

women and gay dudes, are insane and they love touching those sorts of scars, like it's some kind of forbidden fruit. Omg he's letting me touch his weird looking injuries. So intimate.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

Don't worry, my dad works for 4chan, I'll get him on it

 

[Puff]

Your alpacas probably don't have penises, either, so you may have to edit those in, or buy a new batch of penised alpacas.

Assuming you want them.

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Mr. Gorbachev, please put that wall back up.

You should never mistake herpes for confidence.

Lets face it if people started aborting tard babies this entire forum wouldnt exist

Fuck your pronouns.

Conflict escalation is a human right.

No concrete block ever went into meth psychosis and ran down my street screaming with its dick out.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

LOL, I was channeling Suzanne Sugarbaker when I typed that, just FYI.

 

[LurkTrawl]

How long will complete dindu saturation take to occur?

 

[Table Country]

Her clitoris must have a divot like a worry stone.