random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[pikachudidnothingwrong]

im gonna get super fucking drunk and light fireworks like a true 'merican, hell yeah!!!! HAPPY 4TH OF JULAAAAY!!!!!

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

HE LOVES KIIIIIIIIIDS

 

[Hooked on phobics]

the zoosadist-for-hire that he hooked up with was a MINOR.

...My brain almost had a stroke reading that one.

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

diary of a faggot

Of course a black guy would beat up a 81 year old drunk with severe dementia...

1. Three- rhymes with me and I am the best
2. Four - rhymes with more and more is better
3. One- rhymes with fun and who doesn't like fun?
4. Two- rhymes with you and nobody likes you
5. Five- rhymes with jive which is nigger talk

 

[Tablet County]

I'm starting to think the New York Times think that being funny is a racist conspiracy.

I am so poisoned by the internet that I thought 1 Guy 1 Jar caused a civil war.

 

[dumb squid]

Even if every woman on earth rejected me i still wouldn't care.
Also, losing virginity isn't even a problem since you can just fuck a hoe. Not that i will since it doesn't bother me.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Maybe "fly to LA and die fighting niggers" was the last item on her bucket list?

 

[Gangstalker #32194]

Waiting for Katsu Kitty flesh light, will buy two

 

[National Defense Advocate]

Every moment you spend thinking about Kat Dennings is a moment you're not thinking about something important, like Warhammer figurines or Hitler. You should hate her for that reason alone.

 

[3MMA]

I never thought I would have to include sexual minorities in my threat model when selecting an operating system

 

[Inco G. Nito]

is it feel that bad just to be hated?

 

[Aunt Carol]

I HAVE NOT TESTED THIS. I'M ONLY LIKE 85% SURE THIS IS LEGAL. I'M JUST SOME RETARD ON THE INTERNET.

Would the farts be morale boosting in a survival situation?

 

[barbie meat]

Abusing allergy meds for a high and then getting YWNBAW'd by the phantasms that appear to you is absolutely hilarious I'm sorry

 

[Dojima's Dragon]

Wait, so we're the providers for random.txt.? I thought the lolcows were the ones being quoted

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

any Kiwi Farms member who spots Greer in public is legally entitled to put him over their lap and give him a sound spanking

Bob only cares about big explosions, scissoring, and nazi punchings.

Who is this handsome daredevil called Joshua Moon? We should invite him here.

Gen Z is utterly retarded

 

[Hitman One]

Anime pfps are highly respected around here, particulary so by the site's owner, Null

 

[Tablet County]

Wait, so we're the providers for random.txt.? I thought the lolcows were the ones being quoted lol.

No john, you are the lolcows

 

[Gentlebastard]

along with my intricately detailed dreams of sexually violating fatrick I am now also considering how one would hypothetically process him into meat products I might throw into something like a Gumbo or Jambalaya or the weird ass Cajun Cassoulet thing I made last night

The sheer number of things he's capable of being belligerently wrong about still astounds me.

How dare you insult the inventor of the Beef Unwellington?

I am at this very moment prepared to claim that his efforts into cooking are as much a crime against food as his efforts at writing are a crime against language in general.

his face is a crime against anybody who has the ability to see visible light

The brakes, who the fuck needs BRAKES?

Most people would die of shame first but I could see Trannys actually doing it.

ITS A MA'ADAMS APPLE YOU BIGOT

I tend to just scramble any eggs I'm making if the yoke breaks. Early morning, hung over, having steak and eggs, one of which is sunny and the other is scrambled. To be young again.

Whatever it is, I imagine a humpty dumpty shaped indent in that part of the couch.

Do you think there's basketballs and empty buckets of KFC chicken under his porch like there were bikes and sex toys under Ronald Brown's?

Hey fuck you, scrambled eggs mixed with chorizo is the shit

 

[Snaaake]

Time to establish the Kiwi Farms as a church and start the Kiwi compound.

Context: In response to the "Self-Sufficient Meta" thread.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

I legitimately don't understand sending dick pics to anyone, for any reason. It's a live event, not a national monument.