random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Aunt Carol]

Most of A&N would've been offered to Queztlcoatl by this point.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

SHOUT THE BATTLE CRY OF THE PONYDOME!

 

[CEO of Gay]

Purple and bacon are not complementary colors.

 

[Tablet County]

Stupidest shit I've heard is someone explain to me that Australia was somewhere near Arizona.

Nothing says Burt Reynolds like a man with a nose ring

I don't have a prostate retard.

All of his fucking songs are either about wanting to suck dog penis or acting like a dog while sucking penis

 

[CansOfCant]

Is this lady a black albino? Or Italian?

 

[Abella]

IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE
IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE
IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE
IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE IM NOT MAD KIWI FARMS YOU ARE

 

[Chuck McGill]

You dont play chess with a pidgeon. You send a cat to chase it. Both will fuck the chessboard up, and the cat might scratch and hiss at you, but its better than a bird shitting on your chessboard.

 

[Tablet County]

Something about "pig raep". What a winner.

Black women will not date me so buying them seemed like a viable alternative.

if God created the black man, that proves that He is fallible

 

[Meiwaku]

Homosexual woman hater turns out to be a pedophile sexpests? Shocking!

The most beautiful words in the English language are "Interesting new matter of public record attached.."

We've always been at war with Eastballdosia

Why is it always "LOL, YOU RIGHTIES ARE MAD ABOUT PEOPLE WANTING TO MURDER YOU AND RAPE YOUR CHILDREN?! WHO'S THE SNOWFLAKE NOW?!?!"

This is vintage, wagyu lolcow, the kind my ancestors hunted on horseback back in the aughts.

William, please extend my thanks to your mother for her sloppy coat hanger work. She may have botched your abortion and created a retarded faggot, but just an inch more to the left or right and we might not have the gift of laughter that your adult face provides.

 

[Gog & Magog]

#MakeMisogynyStraightAgain

 

[Tablet County]

lolsuits have changed, they are no longer about False DMCA claims, ideologies, or snack trays. They're an endless series of proxy filings, filed by practicing and non-practicing retards.

Lolsuits--and their consumption of court resources--have become a well-oiled machine.

Lolsuits have changed.

Balldo-sponsored retards shit out balldo-sponsored filings, use balldo-sponsored gear. Pluripotent narcotics inside their bodies enhance and regulate their retardation.

Narrative control, orgasm control, emotion control, battlefield control... everything is monitored and kept under control.

Lolsuits... have changed.

The age of lawsplaining has become the age of cooming and copestreams, all in the name of averting catastrophe at the hands of scandinavian prudes, and he who controls the copestream, controls the narrative.

Lolsuits have changed.

When the balldoverse is under complete control, lolsuits become routine.

 

[Aunt Carol]

The demons of addiction, rape, murder, and junk food are currently too powerful.

“I bought this object to replicate the visual effect of a man with an unusually large penis, I don’t understand why people keep staring at it!”

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

How's the rule 34 looking for this series? There are some serious waifus wandering around

 

[Mourning_Cloak]

I will vote for Biden if he offers to send the creator of the webp image format to gitmo

 

[BrunoMattei]

Gay blowjob porn. Thanks guy.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

All faggots are gross pedophiles

Crackheads and fentheads are so insanely dangerous and deranged looking that if whatever part of your brain sends out danger signals doesn't start firing off like crazy you're a genetic dead end and a defective person.

 

[CEO of Gay]

The recipe appears to be two pinches of shitposting per pint of policy, mixed with about three tbsp of incredulity with a caramelized creme coating of anti-establishment sentiment.

 

[JustSomeDong]

God is absolutely a farmer.
According to Enoch. the first 3 shallowest layers of heaven are dedicated to observing and recording the dumb shit people do.
Kiwifarms is ironically the closest thing to heaven on earth.

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

"FUCK YOU DAD!"
"please son I just want to make sure you're not going to kill yourself"
"DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A SOYJAK IS?"

>can't pronounce the guy's name
>says it was mispelled then admits it was his own jacket
>devolves into niggerbabble

 

[BirdUp]

Observe the indolent young men of today: their brains sleep. Not one of them can stay awake in the pursuit of a worthwhile project. Their minds are possessed by sleep, laziness, and an industry in the pursuit of wicked ends more reprehensible than sleep and laziness. Lubricious pleasure in singing and dancing rules these effeminates. Their preferred way of living leads them to arrange their hair exquisitely, to mould their voices until they are as sweet as those of women, to compete with woman in the softness of their bodies, decking themselves out with filthy fineries.