random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Cnidarian]

We don't have anything juicy to confess to slutty ancient hermits.

 

[Tablet County]

I can't believe a story that has someone using MySpace in 2011.

Oldfags are natures greatest gift and we must keep this endangered species safe.

Part of becoming a man is accepting that even pretty girls take mean shits.

 

[Meat Target]

The coom house will get you pregnant just by stepping into it.

 

[Gog & Magog]

I was returning home from work, passed this woman was sitting on the bench while her little boy was riding around on his scooter, just out and about, caught them mid conversation. She said to him "You're a man, men don't suffer", and I thought to myself "That's fucked up" I can only wish this was true, what a fucking thing to say to a little boy. Though his response was funny "I suffered when I didn't have Minecraft."

-@Astro Galactic Megalul

 

[Pedophobe]

Socks and sandals is always a good combo for showing off you give no fucks.

Why can’t they just be normal?

Some people are joking, some may just want attention, and then there are some that probably actually believe it.

 

[Tablet County]

The stairs beckon, you obese retard

I am the last person who wants to defend a show produced by Ben Shapiro.

How can your book be award winning if you haven't released it yet?

Rizzed by the Warcraft King, a Kiwifarms love story.

I wonder what is worse for children, having no father at all or having your father be a massively retarded faggot on the Internet.

Yeesh, she looks like the least desirable piece in a Hells Angels clubhouse.

“Look, I care so much about the poor oppressed peoples of the world, and I am definitely not a horrible X-files Monster-of-the-week pigmonster who kidnaps them in the dead of night and turns them into pepperoni.”

 

[Wu-Terf Clan]

Nigga, you ain’t supposed to read the link I provide. You’re supposed to accept my claims at face value.

 

[tehpope]

Park cleared. The police have fully regained control of the playground.

 

[Kayfabe]

Andy is the nigger of retards.

 

[LucasSomething]

"SAing her mom is a terrible crime, but I don’t know if she would’ve been pushed into that mindset if she wasn’t constantly beset upon by internet vultures picking and prodding her."

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/youtubedra...odycam_footage_of_christine_chandlers_arrest/

 

[Tablet County]

Gentlemen: when you inevitably age, do so gracefully. Shave your head.

No, embrace your norwood as the spiritual armour it is.

Brah is legitimately shook and saddened. Total goyslop induced pathos.

Null please start a collection for the Kamp Kiwi Kompound

I don't own a rich people shower, are they supposed to look like someone was murdered in them?

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Thinking about Jan 6 still makes me mad, because my wish of Baked Alaska getting shot in the dick by a beanbag round never came to pass

 

[Tablet County]

Not having balls to store pee in, a woman has no other option but to piss herself when she needs to go

My fellow Americans, "lorries" means "trucks".

I have a big heart. And an average but perfectly adequate penis!

If count skankula had trained his pug to patpost, would he have enjoyed prison?

 

[demicolon]

The coom house will get you pregnant just by stepping into it. You could even call it the rape house. Because it rapes you.

 

[Tablet County]

They tell you to imagine people naked to feel better at public speaking, then someone does it with AI and you get all offended.

Null beat all of them to the punch and just looked around one day, said “I don’t like black people” and simply left.

This is beyond Copium, we're dealing with pure, uncut copentanil, manufactured in the hills of Guangzhou. Just one grain could kill 3 dozen seasoned a-logs.

the cop worship happening in this thread is cringe as fuck.

I could never be a mod on this website because I'd see shit like this and just immediately permaban.

It's not cop worship. It's Nigger Hate.

It's the fucking Prancing Pony from Lord of the Rings. Presumably so Baldo Baggins can visit.

 

[Oliver Onions]

No one's playing cod because they want to support women having their breastmilk stolen or whatever.

 

[Mr Bunny]

less blunts and more OCD

 

[Tablet County]

Ian used to be obsessed with trains and hung around train tracks so much police had to intervene

she can taste a much wider spectrum of flavours than most humans, including infra-sour and ultramami.

What if i take a transatlantic flight and slip an audio recording device under my foreskin? Americans will never expect the secret foreskin pocket.

COKE♂BALLDO♂FANTASIES

 

[grenouille crétine]

I don't know why but there's just something very not heterosexual about fucking a sandwich.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

At least when the gays get into depravity they go the whole nine yards with the hellraiser shit. Swingers seem to just wanna attend a horrible BBQ for the rest of eternity where everyone's leathery wives get plowed in the poolhouse.

This is the difference between Porn World and reality. In Porn World, all the women are dime pieces with curves in all the right places and the guys are ripped pack studs. They perform sex positions that you need 5 years of yoga to pull off. In reality, it looks like a bunch of alligators are fighting over the last deer carcass.