random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Jonah Hill poster]

Imagine getting into a fatal car crash, they pry you out with the jaws of life and EMS hears a triangle and a loud WOAHHHH BUDDY.

HES CARLESS, HES CAN'T AFFORD INSURANCE.

 

[Autistic Joe]

Well shit, I'm in the wrong line of work. Fuck devops, I need to lease me some toaster-hoes!

 

[JustSomeDong]

I'm happy to talk about lubes(Industral, not the ones your mom uses).

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Guys, I think I might be turning into a tranny.

"WHERE ARE MY DIARRHEA PILLS!?!?!"

14 FAT CANADIANS PULLING UP TO CUCK RANCH IN PANELED STATION WAGONS LOOKING TO FUCK!

‘Everything wound up falling into the lap of this guy Null. This guy had the social skills of a fuckin hermit but he was a savant on computers. One time, he kept a website up for years and the whole time there was this dickless Mongoloid trying to take the thing down. He also had a romantic obsession with fat women but that was another story entirely.’

 

[Jimmy Dean Bowl]

I guess an analogue would be if one of Ralph's pals convinced him while he was unbelievably high on benzos to perform liposuction on himself using an xacto knife and a hoover so that his gunt could be put into Scarlett's ass cheeks.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

did you also concern fag your uncle?

 

[Paul Revere Pantry Raider]

There's several stories about what happened. One of his records says he was anally penetrated with an object when he was very young. Afterwards he started drawing genitals and butts on random things including in school and generally being vulgar. It's possible his obsession with poop and diapers is because his poopy butt was sexualized by the penetration/abuse at a young age. Some freudian shit.

before the invention of rust, JavaScript used to be the greatest source of open source cancerous projects.

Running your post-apoc warlord empire off a Hot Wheels PC would be fucking based and I will not be denied this.

ordinarily wood

 

[Eternal Gopnik]

This is what happens when an unappeasable mob meets a man who won't stop being retarded

 

[Two Dollars]

Gen Z are so unfunny they even make shitting on jews boring and cringe. Trully incredible

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

I would take a handjob from anyone tbqh.

 

[King Metalia]

A bathroom Keurig burned down Chris's house, Andy used his family's to poison them. They are dangerous with the wrong kind of autist.

 

[JustSomeDong]

I'm gonna say it, Sneed is one of the most feeds I have ever seed. He's completely chuck with no suck and fuck moments whatsoever, just some bart sneedfag who does shart and fart yet we're supposed to give a fuck about this subtle joke. Sick and tired of hearing about sneed it's all the same exact feeduck every time and it completely drags down the sign every time it's talked about.

 

[GunCar Gary]

Islam is just Neon Genesis Evangelion with Iseaki characteristics

 

[Rozzy]

The closest I have gotten to being pregnant is an eye infection from being pissed on but I don't think that counts.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Nevada Supreme Court says fuck off.

I know people don't automatically explode when exposed to the vacuum of space, but I'm more than willing to prove or disprove this theory using Jack.

One step forward sideways, one step back. Pretty good day by his standards.

I feel like this clip fits the general antisemitic thread but it could work here too

"idiot loses entire family and livelihood over chasing the skirtgospinny dragon but the call of perversion is too strong for him to resist" is one of my favorite genres of Ls

Whatever the true story is, this guy obviously needs to stop cooming.

Women are sexualizing men by estimating the size of their dicks, women most affected.

Dude is just a skin sack full of rats, trying to pretend to be a human being. No I will not accept any evidence to the contrary, thank you.

screw you guys! im going to space and get some alien pussy!

You're ascribing higher level philosophical thought that you need an IQ of 90 minimum to even understand, to a species where the standard is sub-70 IQ and they don't have the cognitive ability to hypothesize what will happen 5 seconds in the future.

I waited for a reaction from the locals but they appeared not to notice, and continued standing around fatly or pressing their faces towards sources of nutrients.

You are spiritually Indian. God will punish you with 100,000 years in purgatory as a sewer diving dalit.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I used to think this place was full of thirsty men, but now I realise my mistake, you are all autistic boys and girls, with autism face blindness, and you are doing your very best.

He married a goth horse girl. That nigga has 100% been pegged with a bad dragon strap-on.

You should totally get worms.

If you cannot keep your tit size consistent in a smut fic, get out.

It's like Little Lord Fauntleroy discovers Fetlife.

TAILS DO NOT COME FROM THE BUTTHOLE THAT IS BAD ANATOMY

Jack would renounce the holy spirit for a cheap steak with butter on it, and choose it over healing from Christ himself.

 

[Spectate]

im currently in immense pain after consuming 6 tablespoons of salt about 3 hours ago, and ive made the decision to end my life.

Spoiler: Screenshot from video

 

[PetiteFeet]

Who would have thought that sometimes your balls just get in the way?

 

[Celebrate Nite]

Ask a millennial to host a barbecue for him and his friends and it'll be done. Ask a Zoomer to host a barbecue for his friends and he'll ask what's a barbecue

 

[Gog & Magog]

it's the same response every time. two different topics. you focus on imagination, I'm focused on physical reality.

That makes it sound like you're a sports commentator doing play-by-plays of people jerking off. Is there an audience for that? I don't know but you could try publishing it on Amazon.