Rebel Moon - Star Wars But Not Star Wars

[Cringestorian X]

I don't understand why the faction with mecha walkers and dreadnoughts doesn't just bomb the dirt farmers from orbit.

Because they need the wheat until Zack forgets about it. This whole fucking movie is stupid, every scene is filled with plot holes and inconsistencies.

The bad guys have a technology that can bring someone back from the dead but are too stupid to produce wheat, fucking coal-powered spaceships, the fucking dirt farmers built a Vietnam-style tunnel in a single day complete with working lights, the simple Jack haircut lady kicks a soldier and the entire squad behind him falls like a fucking domino.

I can't believe they give him $166 million to make this shit. Netflix could split and give that kind of money to multiple indie filmmakers and they'll produce shit way better than this.

 

[Lazy Printer]

I still upset that in the first movie they traveled to a arena to get the general but didn't showed him fighting or any fight at all, at least they should had riped off that geonosis scene from clone wars.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Defiler is more of religious undertones, might as well go Despoiler. Writing wise, scarring is an evil thing to do, so it's retarded trying to make it your waifu title. Legitimately it will be a cooler title being "The Scarred one" or "the scar bearer" since it makes the character appear stronger.

Fuck it, call her "The Regicide," since that's literally what her reputation is.

Okay, this tentacle-fucking Bad Dragon enthusiast is officially 0-2. He can stay dead, right Zack? RIGHT?!
View attachment 5941819

Holy shit, the reviews weren't kidding about Ed Skrein getting down to 1% body fat. Poor guy needs a sandwich.

 

[Bunny Wigglesworth]

Having all your main characters sit in a room and go “let’s go around and share our sad backstories in a row” is certainly a new low.

Snyder rips off Seven Samurai, but because he’s a shit writer he misses everything in its screenplay that makes it good. Didn’t need an expository backstory for Kikuchio, everything you needed to know about him was in his passing comments & when they rescued the baby from the burning house & he wails “This kid is me! The same thing happened to me!!”

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

Okay, this tentacle-fucking Bad Dragon enthusiast is officially 0-2. He can stay dead, right Zack? RIGHT?!
View attachment 5941819

Why did the Lord Farquaad looking people resurrected this guy again?

 

[Mussolini’s Merkin]

Because they need the wheat until Zack forgets about it. This whole fucking movie is stupid, every scene is filled with plot holes and inconsistencies.

The bad guys have a technology that can bring someone back from the dead but are too stupid to produce wheat, fucking coal-powered spaceships, the fucking dirt farmers built a Vietnam-style tunnel in a single day complete with working lights, the simple Jack haircut lady kicks a soldier and the entire squad behind him falls like a fucking domino.

I can't believe they give him $166 million to make this shit. Netflix could split and give that kind of money to multiple indie filmmakers and they'll produce shit way better than this.

Is it ever explained why they even need the grain? Can't they just fly somewhere else and buy some?
The entire movie is retarded, but for some reason the grain thing pisses me off the most.

 

[Sniperwoof]

Is it ever explained why they even need the grain? Can't they just fly somewhere else and buy some?
The entire movie is retarded, but for some reason the grain thing pisses me off the most.

No, for some reason dirt peasant planet is literally the only place in the universe where you can grow grain and the faction that has mastered cold fusion and light speed travel cannot figure out how to grow it. They are also not competent enough to take it by force from the dirt peasants either.

I've seen a lot of retarded shit in my day but even so the plot of this slop is something else on the retardation scale.

It's like a fever dream of stupidity, literally none of it makes sense.

 

[ArthuriusMartyrius]

Is it ever explained why they even need the grain? Can't they just fly somewhere else and buy some?
The entire movie is retarded, but for some reason the grain thing pisses me off the most.

One excuse I've heard is that it's supposed to be some kind of parallel to the Roman legions being responsible for extorting supplies from local villages as they patrol the borders of the empire (though obviously that doesn't really work when you have FTL transport that can get you to Rome the Motherworld and back with fresh supplies in 20 minutes). One thing I will say in defense of Part 2 is that the evil general doesn't actually give a shit about the grain, only reason that he doesn't blow the fuck out of the village with his giant spaceship lasers from the start is because Regent Baliwhateverthefuckhisnameis ordered him to bring Sofia Boutella in alive so he could publicly execute her ass. It's only the villagers that assume he's after the grain.

By far the stupidest thing is the resurrection shit though. If you can literally bring people back from death then how the fuck are there any stakes? They can literally just keep reviving the evil general over and over for rounds 3, 4, 5, 6, etc.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

One excuse I've heard is that it's supposed to be some kind of parallel to the Roman legions being responsible for extorting supplies from local villages as they patrol the borders of the empire (though obviously that doesn't really work when you have FTL transport that can get you to Rome the Motherworld and back with fresh supplies in 20 minutes).

Yeah, they shot themselves in the foot with the whole space vagina portal thing. If this had been a sci-fi setting with slower/unreliable FTL travel (like Star Trek or 40K) then extorting a bunch of space Amish as a last resort would make some kind of sense: it's not the food supply they want, but it's the one they have. This would also establish the Blood Axes as a very effective rebellion that has done substantial damage to Imperial forces in this sector of space, effectively cutting their supply lines and forcing them to forage. But Snyder can't be bothered to think this stuff through, so no sense of time/speed/distance is present in the movie, even though those are crucial to the ticking clock that the Imperials should be experiencing w/r/t their supply situation.

By far the stupidest thing is the resurrection shit though. If you can literally bring people back from death then how the fuck are there any stakes? They can literally just keep reviving the evil general over and over for rounds 3, 4, 5, 6, etc.

Again, this is indicative of the lack of concern in the world building. Since they establish he was brain dead for a while, theyre clearly using something more generous than thr Stargate/Schlock Mercenary system where resurrection is possible as long as the brain is intact. There may be some upper limit to this tech (it should have brought the king and queen back after all) but again there's no context or explanation for anything.

 

[Mussolini’s Merkin]

Yeah, they shot themselves in the foot with the whole space vagina portal thing. If this had been a sci-fi setting with slower/unreliable FTL travel (like Star Trek or 40K) then extorting a bunch of space Amish as a last resort would make some kind of sense: it's not the food supply they want, but it's the one they have. This would also establish the Blood Axes as a very effective rebellion that has done substantial damage to Imperial forces in this sector of space, effectively cutting their supply lines and forcing them to forage. But Snyder can't be bothered to think this stuff through, so no sense of time/speed/distance is present in the movie, even though those are crucial to the ticking clock that the Imperials should be experiencing w/r/t their supply situation.

With a few revisions you could make the premise work I think.
Have them be miners rather than farmers. They mine some mineral that's used to starship fuel and it needs to be done manually because its volatile/EMP-like/some technobabble reason, so you can't use robots.
It solves a bunch of issues; now have you a solid reason why they need to extort the villagers, why the villagers are living like medieval peasants, how they are able to dig defense tunnels so quickly. Even goes some way to explain that retarded space coal scene.
Hell, if you really want to have that farming scene in the second movie, say that everyone needs to work in the mine so that the 'heroes' need to work on the harvest.
Now, all of that would not solve the problem with the rest of the movie being so fucking stupid, but with even a little thought given to the script you can tighten it all up a bit. However, as you mention, that kind of writing is beyond Snyder.

 

[The Doom Slayer]

This scene feels like Snyder in a nutshell, and the guy's hilariously bad line delivery is the cherry on top.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

Is it ever explained why they even need the grain? Can't they just fly somewhere else and buy some?
The entire movie is retarded, but for some reason the grain thing pisses me off the most.

I think it's meant to be a demonstration of power but it comes across like a tesla owner wanting to show how cool his car is by going to an Amish community. There is no way to not make the plot sound stupid no matter how you slice it.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

With a few revisions you could make the premise work I think.
Have them be miners rather than farmers. They mine some mineral that's used to starship fuel and it needs to be done manually because its volatile/EMP-like/some technobabble reason, so you can't use robots.

So Vibranium, basically. I can see it. Though if it absolutely must be farming (because we're doing Seven Samurai IN SPACE!) I thought of a better way, given that parts 1 and 2 were shot at the same time: crash the King's Gaze at the start of thr first movie. Noble and his men are trapped on Veldt, and Captain Chucklefuck is going to pick them up soon-ish, but they need supplies to tide them over in the meantime. Now, when Kora heads off into space to collect gunmen... samurai... rebels... whatever, have her wind up fighting and killing Captain Chucklefuck instead. That means that when they trigger the retreat protocol (which is retarded, but whatever) they wind up putting the King's Gaze and it's crew on the ropes, forcing roughly the same events as part 2, but with the Imperial forces already reduced to a point where beating them may not be complete impossible. This also would allow for a much straighter adaptation of Seven Samurai. Noble would only need two scenes in the first movie: his initial introduction, and his communication with Captain Chucklefuck where he hands off the bad guy baton and Chucklefuck cam drop some foreshadowing about their plan to defeat a bunch of rebels on the way.

 

[Drag-on Knight 91873]

With a few revisions you could make the premise work I think.
Have them be miners rather than farmers. They mine some mineral that's used to starship fuel and it needs to be done manually because its volatile/EMP-like/some technobabble reason, so you can't use robots.
It solves a bunch of issues; now have you a solid reason why they need to extort the villagers, why the villagers are living like medieval peasants, how they are able to dig defense tunnels so quickly. Even goes some way to explain that retarded space coal scene.
Hell, if you really want to have that farming scene in the second movie, say that everyone needs to work in the mine so that the 'heroes' need to work on the harvest.
Now, all of that would not solve the problem with the rest of the movie being so fucking stupid, but with even a little thought given to the script you can tighten it all up a bit. However, as you mention, that kind of writing is beyond Snyder.

Unobtainium. It's telling when James Cameron as a full-on hack does everything Synder does better in every way.

 

[Mega Black]

Snyder is probably the ultimate example of an idiot bumbling into success I can think of. The guy has a grand total of two watchable movies under his belt, with everything else being trash, but he just keeps trucking.

It's kind of respectable in its own way.

 

[National Defense Advocate]

There's like 3 versions of Rebel Moon now. Book, Game and I guess TV show now.

 

[Safir]

Madam Teppanyaki, after her wooden fishing village is sacked, remembers she's in a science fiction movie and uncovers a set of cybernetic gauntlets from her ancestors. She cuts off her right arm, and after a jump cut, is shown to be fitting her right arm with a gauntlet with her other already gauntleted hand, which means she must have cut both arms off before attaching either gauntlet.

Exemplary attention to detail on the part of @Vect. Made my day.

 

[Male Idiot]

This movie duo is impressively retarded.

It is almost like a movie equivalent of Sonichu. But Sonichu makes more sense.

When Sonichu makes more sense, you hit a new low.

I would go tl,dr, but basically the whole movie doesn't make sense.

 

[God of Nothing]

don't know if this has been shared before but