Hey… so, I’m worried I might have HIV and didn’t fully understand how serious it could be until now.
For the past few years, I’ve had some troubling symptoms—persistent tiredness, frequent fevers, and tonsils that became so swollen (permanently) I could barely breathe, which led to surgery to remove them. I also had a serious rash that spread across my body, especially around my groin and stomach. Doctors thought it was a swamp infection and said my other symptoms might be mono (kissing disease). At the time, these diagnoses seemed to fit, and I didn’t realize how these symptoms could align with HIV, which wasn’t tested for despite my previous STD tests.
Here’s the tough part: I’ve had several unprotected sexual encounters with men, involving every type of sex you can imagine. These experiences were traumatic and unhealthy, and I still struggle to process them. Due to this, and the intense homophobia and religious judgment in my small town, I chose to stay silent with my doctors. They didn’t ask about the genders I’ve been with, and I didn’t fully grasp the consequences of not being open about these experiences.
Now, at 23, I’m feeling better overall but still dealing with persistent tiredness and throat infections/fevers every couple of months. I’m still sexually active with women but plan to use protection moving forward. Learning more about HIV and realizing how my symptoms fit has me pretty stressed out.
I didn’t understand the full seriousness of HIV and feel pretty naive looking back. I’m unsure whether to trust my doctors, who didn’t consider HIV, or to get an HIV test myself. What steps should I take, and how do I go about getting tested? Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
UPDATE (please read): I having a massive anxiety attack right now because of all the comments and some of the personal attacks, please read this because I feel like I can’t breathe and am crying.
1) For clarification and as stated in many replies, I stand corrected that “protected” sex isn’t actually protected with HIV and so I can’t and will not have sex before getting tested. I will find some variation of getting tested, whether homekit or lying to a doctor about why I am getting the test or doing it abroad, whatever I come to a conclusion is the best and most reliable for me.
2) No, I genuinely did not know HIV was a current threat. As stated, I did STD check that came bsck negative and thought I was safe—it was not on there, I never had a “reason” to look it up symptoms and what it was since I got other diagnosis from docs, etc. Yes, I am still not a smart person, I know, but I can’t change my prior understanding, only do something moving forward.
3) No, it is not an easy “just go to the doc” situation or just the fear of doc judging me. I am genuinely in a position where it is really, really harmful and potentially dangerous if it gets out, both for me and for my family. I have experiences backing this up, some are referenced in my replies. You simply have to trust that it is not as easy as it would have been where you live snd ik your circumstances. I am still looking for a way to get tested, but I am really shaken and stressed right now and would appreciate some space from these comments and understanding. Also, I cannot share my country with you because I have disclosed sensitive information about a big politician in my country on my account. But I appreciate wanting to help.
4) As stated, my unprotected experience with the men traumatic and unhealthy. I was not gonna state this, but all the comments about this being all my choices and bad behaviour, consequences of my actions are adding to my stress and anxiety right now, so I feel like I have to say this in here and not just in my replies because people keep commenting about it. I was raped and assaulted, that’s why it was traumatic. It was not my choice or my will. Some experiences with both sexes in the aftermath coping with these experiences were unprotected, too, and stemmed from this sick and unhealthy mentality I was talking about, because sometimes after trauma has happened to you, you think that is what you deserve and should do. But I have been trying to back away from this, so it is more normal for me to have safe sex today when I am with different partners. I know now that it has to be safe with everyone at all times, and I am getting tested. Please do not ask more questions about what happened or why I felt the way I did afterwards. It is what it is. It was very hard for me to share this in the first place, I did not even want to share this last bit, so this is my last update.