Husband found videos from my past (
self.Christianmarriage)
submitted 1 year ago * by
Remorseful_Wife889 Married Woman
Hey everyone, this is a throwaway for obvious reasons. My husband (29) and I (2
have been married for almost two years now and although we've had a few struggles, we've enjoyed the life we're building together as we planned to have kids in the future. I need to mention that I came to Christ at 26 years old (I'm born-again) and unlike some in the US who have been Christians all their lives, I had a bit of a rocky past starting from my childhood being in an unstable home. When I was 21 as a junior in college I made 2 small amateur adult videos with a relatively known adult film company (*WHO I WILL NOT NAME as to remain private and prevent others from sinning*) who, at the time reached out to me through a man (late 20's) I met on Instagram offering me a "modeling" job in my area. I was naively looking for attention in all the wrong areas and trying to find an easy way to make money, I accepted the offer.
Recently, this only became important after my husband (who I love with all my heart) wanted to know more about my past. Before we were married, we only talked once about our pasts together, he told me he was a virgin, and I told him that I had been with 5 previous partners, two of which were in committed relationships in my later years of high school and freshman year in college. He told me he was fine with it, that he believed if Christ has forgiven me that he shouldn't hold it against me either, so we got married.
Only now, he wanted to know about the three other men, which I never explicitly told him about. After a week of him continuously asking me about it, I reluctantly told him the truth that when I was in college I foolishly made two adult films (the first film was with 1 man, while the second I was with 2 men simultaneously). He laughed as if I was joking at first but then immediately got silent as if he was in shock, and after a few moments asked me for the names of the videos, I told him I wasn't going to tell him the videos, as they weren't a reflection of who I am now in Christ as his wife and the future mother of his children. He then asked me for the name of the company that I worked for and I told him.
The next day, I come home from work only to find him at the kitchen table, watching both of the videos of me when I asked him not to look them up. We get into a big argument with him yelling at me, demanding why I never told him about my past, I told him that it was a part of me that I wanted to let go and stay dead and that him bringing it up breaks trust, I told him that I loved him and that I don't do those things anymore, they were mistakes, and that I'm a new creature in Christ, that my sins are forgiven. He said that I was basically a "porn star" (which isn't true at all as it only happened twice) and said that if he had known about my past he would have never married me. I never cried so much than I have in that day. That was a week ago, and since then he left me to stay at his parents house and hasn't spoken a word to me since, until today.
He came home and said we needed to talk. When I saw him, I immediately rushed over and tried to come into his arms and tried to kiss him, but he softly pushed me away. He told me he's been thinking, and told me that I've broken his trust and because of me not telling him about my past he doesn't know if he can trust me at all. I told him that he could trust me, that those videos were from almost a decade ago and that I've never hidden anything from him. He said he only came home to pack another bag to go back to his parent's house. He said he doesn't want to divorce me as we're both Christians but, he can't be in the same house as me right now. I've prayed, but I don't know what to do, I'm ashamed of my past life and I don't do any of those things anymore, I didn't tell him about this part of my life because I loved him and wanted him to marry me. How do I fix my marriage how do I get back to where I once was? Any advice and words would be appreciated.
Edit: Neither me or my husband condone any sexual sins or pornography whatsoever.
What a delightful little mystery this has been.
