I feel like I'm crazy every damn day. I look around me and see nobody care anymore. I wonder if something has changed that lets people be so care free or careless. Something has broken in the past few years where people just don't care.
I've tried to talk about covid in other sub reedits and my posts were swarmed with people denying what I was saying. My post was expressing gratitude for those still masking in a continuing pandemic and was just overwhelmed with people saying "it hasn't been a pandemic since 2021... you seem very ignorant", " It only kills 300 people a week, masking is a little overkill" "its just a flu". There were a few people who spoke up for what I was saying but I was not prepared for the vitriol. My post was quickly deleted because of how nasty the comments were getting. What is worse is that these nasty comments were upvoted hundred of times while the helpful ones were blocked. Maybe it was just my mistake for trying to spread the word outside this community. I'm just so tired of everyone having their own separate reality and separate facts to justify their actions.
I have a history of anxiety, ocd, depression and trauma related to negligence. Once the world opened back up my all that anxiety and trauma came back after years of trying to get my crap together. As everyone around me eventually stopped masking even though the pandemic continued everything and everyone became a threat due to overwhelming unknowns. I know you won't die from covid anymore but I just feel triggered that 99.9% of the world does not care anymore. Like when vaccines came out and mandates ended they still said it is dangerous. I just can't comprehend how someone without trauma and anxiety would go through a pandemic and then just so easily stop caring. I can't get past how many people just went from we are in this together to every man for himself. I know they don't mean to be negligent and most seem unaware that vaccines aren't enough. I know they are good people but I just can't get over how people don't seem to have a scrap of concern anymore. Its not even covid that's bothering me as much anymore. I mask and take precautions and it is what it is. Its more that no else cares that drives me crazy. Its how my PTSD response is back and it feels like its everyone's fault. I'm just exhausted. I angry at Biden for declaring things over for a political win, I'm mad at church and family members for promoting antiscience and anti empathic dogma. I'm mad at mainstream media and capitalism denying the realities of things as well. The gaslighting and confusion has been getting to me so bad that I wonder if I'm wrong. I believe I'm following the science but what good is it if no one will listen? What good is it if I mask and no else is. i feel like I'm in a sinking ship and everyone is in denial. I've just never felt so crazy and yet so sane.
It just sucks that while the careless get to enjoy their life, enjoy their own separate truths everything for me has gotten worse. To be fair whose life hasn't gotten worse the past few years? I understand that people are anxious to continue to their lives but surely their must be some middle ground between lock down and completely no concern at all. Its just a lot of unspoken gaslighting for someone prone to anxiety and low self confidence. The worst part about is that I know its not their fault but so much of the world I've been left with mirrors my initial negligent trauma. The false facts, the denial, the gaslighting. My ptsd is back on top of years of pandemic stress and it just feels cruelly unfair.
(Before anybody asks yes, I am in therapy and I know this post seems bad but I'm actually in the middle of grieving process and am dealing with lots of reoccurring anger as I work towards acceptance. I just needed a place to scream into today.)