Required Threads for New Members - What threads should new fags lurk first?

[Shroom King]

The Maddox thread is a cautionary tale about what happens when a man believes his own bullshit. Maddox went from OG internet badass to balding cuck dumbass with the bedsheets of a 7 year old boy in the short span of a few years.

 

[Xenomorph]

Every newfag should see Chinnys naked gunt, the vampire who picked her legs off ALR's blood clot and shit filled toliet and of course my personal fave Julay Terryberry's sharpie in pooper RIP shed princess

 

[Secret Messages]

A&H, never post anywhere else and call josh part of the jewish conspiracy when he removes your post calling for attacks on politicians

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

Nick Bate.

Suffer.

 

[taco freak]

Timothy Whitbeck; Everyone's favorite "otter" failure in the Rat King. Prepare to be disgusted quite a bit, but for a fat, probably legitimately retarded cooming troon, at some point in the thread you realize he's harmless & kind of start to root for him. It's quite something.

Fledgling kiwi here. This was indeed a good read and I second the motion to make it required reading for noobs. I thought for sure you were wrong about the rooting for him part, but you weren't, and that's hilarious.

 

[L50LasPak]

I recommend @Spunt's Guide to Britain For Fat Americans as it will quickly give anyone a rundown on why Kiwi Farms hates the British. If you already hate the British, but aren't British, the thread will more than likely enlighten you on a great deal of smaller things that are horribly wrong with the UK beyond just what you've read on /pol/. My personal favorite was the hilarious reason that railroad gauges are too small in the some parts of the UK.

 

[C0d3]

I don't want to shit up the tranny social media sideshow thread, so I'll ask here, where's the thread with the FTM's stares I think they called them tims(?) I used the search function but I can't recall the terms.

 

[TokiBun]

I don't want to shit up the tranny social media sideshow thread, so I'll ask here, where's the thread with the FTM's stares I think they called them tims(?) I used the search function but I can't recall the terms.

I think this is the thread you’re looking for!

 

[crows in guns]

id say boogie because he's fat and the thread i lurk on the most.

 

[Double Dee]

Anything based around security is a huge one. But in terms of cows, I'm surprised no one mentioned The Stalker and his Mountain friends who love to sue us.

And honestly, I'd advise looking in the Off-Topuc stuff, especially if you're prone to getting MOTI or dug through some of the Horrorcows. Mind bleach, you know?

(ETA: premature sending, finished thoughts.)

 

[Calandrino]

MovieBob is the only one that makes me legitimately angry

MovieBob's amazing because he doesn't even do anything other than be a fat dumbass on Twitter. Nothing schizo, criminal, or even perverted by cow standards. Yet he's such a master of the art that people are perpetually pissed off at him. He should seriously sign up on the Farms, he'd get 800 trash cans ever time he commented on the weather.

 

[Skitarii]

This informative how-to guide on what NOT to do when writing threads

 

[Autistic Joe]

I don't want to shit up the tranny social media sideshow thread, so I'll ask here, where's the thread with the FTM's stares I think they called them tims(?) I used the search function but I can't recall the terms.

Late reply, but is this the thread you're looking for? The Gayden Glare / FtM Stare

 

[Vampire]

Another vote for Nick Bate's thread here. It's a complete HorrorCow saga of immense proportions.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

The Remilia thread is a good reason why chopping your cock off isn't the best idea.

 

[5t3n0g0ph3r]

@REGENDarySumanai From a technical standpoint, these threads:

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/archival-tools.6561/

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/we-have-to-talk-about-you-faggots-not-being-able-to-figure-out-thumbnails.113862/

Those are a must-read.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

Chris-Chan

 

[Jeff_the_Thriller]

Blue Moon Nursery

This was what made me return to kiwi farming. It was deadwing's video that sparked my interest and I wanted to solve the great smurf in hand mystery.

Ethan Ralph is a fascinating and completely irredeemable piece of shit but there's way too much info to parse through. If you want info on cwc there's a 50-some hour documentary on him. I see suggestions for moviebob but a 5000 page thread is intimidating to go through.

I think a good digestible (pun definitely intended) is JustinRPG. He's absolutely fucking bizarre with his weird overly specific scenarios of being eaten by pokemon. The best way to introduce Justin to someone is just start playing his music without context so you look fucking insane.

 

[MadDisaster]

Anything based around security is a huge one. But in terms of cows, I'm surprised no one mentioned The Stalker and his Mountain friends who love to sue us.

Holy shit, that guys is a trip. Definitely a solid cow recommendation for concentrated crazy!