Resident Evil - Virgin Vampire Wine Mom vs Chad Magnetic Lebowski

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I tried to give the show a go, but I could not get into it. I know they went for it purposefully but I hate how sterile everything feels in the past.

I cannot connect with it at all for that stupid reason alone.
 
CharcoalChkn said:
I tried to give the show a go, but I could not get into it. I know they went for it purposefully but I hate how sterile everything feels in the past.

I cannot connect with it at all for that stupid reason alone.
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I feel ya, how far did you get? I only started getting really into it by ep 2.
 
Michael Wade said:
I feel ya, how far did you get? I only started getting really into it by ep 2.
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I only watched one episode, it quite honestly felt like a chore to get through so I just assumed that feeling would carry on through out the series. If something I am consuming for entertainment feels like a chore, then it's not really entertainment.
 
The tragic thing about the RE 3 remake is that it actually did a few things better than the original, like most characters that arent Jill. The mercs felt like a more engaging and human characters, even the villain felt like he had more character outside of just being the evil merc guy (he still is but at least he is more enjoyable to watch).

It just sucks that Jill herself is a massive downgrade
 
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“No. Im not playing this game. Im your fucking father and you’ll do as your fucking told!"

(Sorry for being late, hope to finish the rest of these sometime this weekend.)



So most of episode 5 is taking place in the past, but I didn’t mind. It’s the best episode in the setting so far, as the kids finally start to piece together what’s going on. It’s a bottle episode where they figure out Wesker left a secret cache, in the event umbrella went after him. They have to solve RE style clues to figure out where it is, and have enlisted the aid of the hacker son of umbrella boss Evelyn to find it.

This show knows Jade is a bitch. It knows and I love it. Wesker has left the clues for Billie to figure out, not Jade. And that widens a rift between them that has been steadily been picking up ever sense the show started. Billie doesn’t want to get involved with the zombie shit, she wants to live life normally and forget anything ever happened. She has repeatedly tried to deescalate the situation and pretend nothing is wrong, but Jade cannot let it go. Jade has to repeatedly tug at the thread, and they are coming to blows in a way that felt natural and compelling.

I think they did too good a job in the beginning making Jade an bratty teenager, but the show is completely aware of it, and her writing is handled shockingly well to me.



We finally have the infamous 4chan virgins scene, and Im seriously starting to wonder if this show is secretly based. Because number 1: the lesbian, villainous, boss of a pharmaceutical corporation is the one saying the line, and number 2 the conspiracy is completely true. So… maybe all the hate this is getting is astroturfed by some bitchy soy pod liberals. Just a thought.

It is a bit tainted by the fact that the guy doing the leaking is a Ron Toy looking bastard, who was dumb enough to try and talk shit to Wesker bout his kids. Still, this show’s writing is good enough to make me wonder.



The most ridiculous reference of the day, was when Jade mentions Clannad. This show is completely unafraid to have people just say whatever the fuck pops into their heads and I love it.



William Birkin is mentioned, which was a nice touch. We see a short video tape of Lance Wesker in the coat calling Lisa Trever a bitch…. and man do I want to see more of that shit!

Lance in the last 10 mins of this was incredible. Just fantastic acting and a wild gauntlet of emotions coming from his character. For whatever reason he does not have superpowers, he’s got no healing factor or anything. He’s just an earnest dad trying to keep his kids safe…… who just so happens to have a basement filled with horrific shit for a child to find. I don’t know who the fuck had this idea for him but that man deserves a raise.

Still enjoying it.
 
“I got peed on in college once”



Episode 6 is an episode I enjoyed, but nothing really happens in it for 30 mins or so. It’s similar to the last episode only It’s primarily in the future following adult Jade and her family on a boat.

it was at this moment were I properly understood why people hate this series. It is taking the ideas, monsters and concepts of resident evil and not really playing up the ham as much as it could or should.

It’s focusing on the drama angle and keeping the story relatively straight. There are humorous moments, with characters occasionally blurting out the most random and stupidest shit possible, but more than any of the other RE stuff ive seen, it wants to be a meaningful zombie story. I respect that. And it does have some decent ideas and meaningful character interactions. It’s just… not bog standard resident evil.

So anyway Jade got captured at the end of the last episode by Billie, we confirm that the umbrella bitch is still alive, and Wesker dad is dead. Billie tells her she’s dying and lets her go after cutting out a tracking chip. Jade takes the severed head of the queen zombie from the last episode and takes it back to her buddy’s on a boat.

She then proceeds to Study the head with an Indian science chick. while balancing being a mom and a wife to some Arabian dude who isn’t even her kids dad. I did like getting a window into the lives of the survivors, but I can totally see somebody be bored by it. Eventually Jade and the Indian chick figure out away to make a zombie repellent out of the queen’s head. Which is great, but for some stupid ass reason Jade wants to immediately go out and test this shit on a live zombie without notifying anybody else.

So she pulls a zombie out of the water (there’s a bunch of em chilling down there) knocks it out, hauls it on her back in a body bag and decides to go test shit on it. To her credit, it does work and it probably would have been fine if her idiot savant daughter didn't disobey her and get close to the zombie. She’s fine of course, but the zombie gets loose and bites the fuck out of the scientist chick’s throat.

There’s a solid minute on the boat where everybody gives Jade a “WTF did you just do stare”. She takes responsibility, almost gets shot, and is more then likely about to be kicked off the boat. THANK GOD umbrella helicopters are here to save the day!



Lol, Oh yeah ive seen this movie before! Im sure this will end well.




Also we finally get to see lance in his iconic clone role. It’s getting a bit weaker, but lets find out how this ends.
 
ThatDumbPhilosopher said:
I'm still surprised that you think we bother to read these though.
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I would have posted it to the other live action RE section but I didnt realize it existed till I was half way though this, so im staying the course.
Smaug's Smokey Hole said:
Yeah, the entertainment industry is taking turns holding down and fucking the RE franchise.
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Re has always been pretty stupid though. It's not like they are holding back a masterpiece of writing and ingenuity. The animated films are petty close to the games and they are still dumb as shit with some interesting ideas thrown in the pot.
 
The handsome tard said:
The tragic thing about the RE 3 remake is that it actually did a few things better than the original, like most characters that arent Jill. The mercs felt like a more engaging and human characters, even the villain felt like he had more character outside of just being the evil merc guy (he still is but at least he is more enjoyable to watch).

It just sucks that Jill herself is a massive downgrade
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Nicholai being a cheerfully unrepentant psychopath was a fantastic change and I will defend it to the death. His grim dark serious vibe from the original was trying too hard to be badass.

Nicky's a snivelly little coward but exploits the shit out of being so. Its great.
 
Gravemind said:
This is some powerful shilling for the live action show.

It's really strange.
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Just being honest. I keep waiting for it to completely shit the bed like The Final Chapter or become an political anti white mess, but it's surprised me. Then again, you really have to work hard to fuck up Resident evil.

Most of the worst parts of the series are concentrated in the first 20 mins or so of episode 1. Once you get past that it's smooth sailing.
 
Articles and Nudes said:
Nicholai being a cheerfully unrepentant psychopath was a fantastic change and I will defend it to the death. His grim dark serious vibe from the original was trying too hard to be badass.

Nicky's a snivelly little coward but exploits the shit out of being so. Its great.
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To be honest, Nicholai was Wesker except it was extra obvious he would turn against everyone. At least the remake tried to make that intentionally obvious and have him chew the scenery a bit.

Nicholai as a character has this fatal flaw that is difficult to fix without changing his character entirely so the remake embraced it in a weird way
 
OH MY GOD :story: HAHAHHA Holy shit this was good. This is the best episode . THE BEST.

Were the fuck do I begin?

The cheese gate has been lifted. The Narm has come home. LANCE FUCKING RIDDICK HAS BOTH AN ICONIC CLONE ROLE AND IS MOTHERFUCKING BLADE WESKER


Holy shit! We have the full on reveal and he looks fantastic and shit at the same time, its glorious. AND HE HAS SUPERPOWERS. FUCK YEAH.

So in this continuity Wesker has got soul, he cloned 3 guys to build him shit because he couldn’t trust no mofo and he still somehow died in a volcano.
Im still processing how amazing this is. They are straight up ripping off metal gear and it is glorious. He aged up these 3 clones 20 years in 6 months. One of them dies, one becomes a violent retard and the other gets to become a science dad. They all need transfusions to survive, so science dad made kids to secure some blood bags.

My mind is just… its Swiss cheese from all the crazy shit in this. The last 15 mins alone were the lovechild between Starship troopers and Resident evil! And the hell of it is there are some FANTASTIC drama scenes played straight! We have some good fucking acting on display from the chick who plays Jade, Billie and most shocking of all the Big bad lesbo chick Evelyn!

She fucking NAILS the soulless Hillary Clinton look in her eyes. The false platitudes, appeals to compassion and humanity behind the mind of a power hungry monster. She delivers a fantastic evil performance and I love how the vein’s in her neck just pop the fuck out like a cardassian every time she gets pissed.


In the future: Jade shockingly enough completely owns up to her fuck up in the last episode and outright begs her husband to condem her for what she’s done, and big shock he does! Actual consequences and personal responsibility in a Netflix “diversity” show? Color me surprised.

Umbrella didn’t immediately try to storm the boat, they want to exchange Jade for the crew’s lives. It’s total bullshit, but it leads into another favorite scene of mine.



Evelyn is a people puppet for Billie, the new head of umbrella. She’s gone full Asian ubermensch and it’s great. She needs Jade’s blood to survive and take over the planet.

It sounds silly and it Is, but the actors sold it! They elevated it beyond cartoony and really made me give a shit for their relationship. Billie is going to forcefully take her blood and blow up all her buddies, so jade wips out a zombie puke bomb and attracts a shit ton of zombies


come on you apes.JPG

COME ON YOU APES. YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?

ODST.JPG


I was laughing my ass off throughout this whole scene, Just 10 mins of guys in halo ODST armor fighting zombies and getting their asses kicked. Great final, and they tease a giant ass alligator fight in the next episode, so im looking forward to that shit.

BUT I CANT FORGET ABOUT BERT!



Berts great, he’s the star of the flashback shit. Science Dad gets captured, so Bert, a smart, violent and bread-stick craving clone madman, breaks out of umbrella prison. He attempts to bond with the kids, fails, and violently beats the shit out a couple umbrella guys before getting captured.

The kids find out Science dad Wesker made them to slow down his clone disease and Billie breaks down. Lots of well-acted angst was had.




This was like the perfect mixture of drama and Ham, I cannot wait till the final episode of this fascinating show.
 
Maurice Caine said:
No, but seriously, when are we actually going to have a made for TV Resident Evil film with the vibe of the original PSX game?
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I don't think this would actually be possible to do without it sucking.

It'd just be some cops walking around a mansion looking for chess pieces and cranks and shit occasionally knifing a zombie to conserve their ammo.

They probably should have just left Resident Evil alone tbqh.
 
Michael Wade said:
OH MY GOD :story: HAHAHHA Holy shit this was good. This is the best episode . THE BEST.

Were the fuck do I begin?

The cheese gate has been lifted. The Narm has come home. LANCE FUCKING RIDDICK HAS BOTH AN ICONIC CLONE ROLE AND IS MOTHERFUCKING BLADE WESKER

https://youtube.com/watch?v=s3c1jwpFSWA:41
Holy shit! We have the full on reveal and he looks fantastic and shit at the same time, its glorious. AND HE HAS SUPERPOWERS. FUCK YEAH.

So in this continuity Wesker has got soul, he cloned 3 guys to build him shit because he couldn’t trust no mofo and he still somehow died in a volcano.
Im still processing how amazing this is. They are straight up ripping off metal gear and it is glorious. He aged up these 3 clones 20 years in 6 months. One of them dies, one becomes a violent retard and the other gets to become a science dad. They all need transfusions to survive, so science dad made kids to secure some blood bags.

My mind is just… its Swiss cheese from all the crazy shit in this. The last 15 mins alone were the lovechild between Starship troopers and Resident evil! And the hell of it is there are some FANTASTIC drama scenes played straight! We have some good fucking acting on display from the chick who plays Jade, Billie and most shocking of all the Big bad lesbo chick Evelyn!

She fucking NAILS the soulless Hillary Clinton look in her eyes. The false platitudes, appeals to compassion and humanity behind the mind of a power hungry monster. She delivers a fantastic evil performance and I love how the vein’s in her neck just pop the fuck out like a cardassian every time she gets pissed.


In the future: Jade shockingly enough completely owns up to her fuck up in the last episode and outright begs her husband to condem her for what she’s done, and big shock he does! Actual consequences and personal responsibility in a Netflix “diversity” show? Color me surprised.

Umbrella didn’t immediately try to storm the boat, they want to exchange Jade for the crew’s lives. It’s total bullshit, but it leads into another favorite scene of mine.


https://youtube.com/watch?v=PqbCNV5j9FY
Evelyn is a people puppet for Billie, the new head of umbrella. She’s gone full Asian ubermensch and it’s great. She needs Jade’s blood to survive and take over the planet.

It sounds silly and it Is, but the actors sold it! They elevated it beyond cartoony and really made me give a shit for their relationship. Billie is going to forcefully take her blood and blow up all her buddies, so jade wips out a zombie puke bomb and attracts a shit ton of zombies


View attachment 3529449
COME ON YOU APES. YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?

View attachment 3529450

I was laughing my ass off throughout this whole scene, Just 10 mins of guys in halo ODST armor fighting zombies and getting their asses kicked. Great final, and they tease a giant ass alligator fight in the next episode, so im looking forward to that shit.

BUT I CANT FORGET ABOUT BERT!


https://youtube.com/watch?v=_-6AEF7mmyc
Berts great, he’s the star of the flashback shit. Science Dad gets captured, so Bert, a smart, violent and bread-stick craving clone madman, breaks out of umbrella prison. He attempts to bond with the kids, fails, and violently beats the shit out a couple umbrella guys before getting captured.

The kids find out Science dad Wesker made them to slow down his clone disease and Billie breaks down. Lots of well-acted angst was had.




This was like the perfect mixture of drama and Ham, I cannot wait till the final episode of this fascinating show.
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After reading that, all I can say is this:

Postmodernism is humanity’s greatest mistake.
 
Maurice Caine said:
No, but seriously, when are we actually going to have a made for TV Resident Evil film with the vibe of the original PSX game?
Click to expand...

If you're going to do a Resident Evil film with the vibe of the old PS1 games, I'd instead go for the Direct-to-DVD/Blu-Ray market and go for one of the smaller streaming services on Roku like B-Movie TV or possibly Tubi.

Hell, I'd aim for that "Hard" R-rating and go full Roger Corman/Lloyd Kaufman with that shit. I'd make it look and feel like a cheap, sleazy and schlocky Z-grade 90's direct-to-video horror flick that you'd find in some dingy flea market, a little Mom-and-Pop video store or airing in the late night graveyard shift timeslots on some old bygone third-rate premium cable channel back in 1999.

Just ramp up the gore, follow the actual plot of the PS1-era games for once, embrace the camp value and all the edgy 90's schlock in all of its "problematic" and "degenerate" glory.
 
Milwaukee Macho Man said:
I don't think this would actually be possible to do without it sucking.

It'd just be some cops walking around a mansion looking for chess pieces and cranks and shit occasionally knifing a zombie to conserve their ammo.

They probably should have just left Resident Evil alone tbqh.
Click to expand...
Remember Evil Dead 2? It can be done.
 
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