Retro games and emulation - Discuss retro shit in case you're stuck in the past or a hipster

I was going to make a thread but fuck it. I had a bug up my ass to finally finish Wolverine on the NES.

I rented this POS from a Blockbuster when I was about 7. It seems like a good little game but you're introduced to the first quirk. As noted in the AVGN episode, when you hit Select to take out the claws you end up damaging yourself whenever you attack enemies... For whatever bizarro world reason. Did Marvel demand that using the claws hurts you? Did a guy on the dev team just not understand how Wolverine's powers worked? Then there's other issues like there's no post-hit invincibility so one enemy could drain all your life or most of it if you make one mistake. I couldn't make it past the 2nd or 3rd level as a kid.

But fear not. Game Genie codes. Romhacks. AIDS.

There's a romhack and a Game Genie code that disable the nonsense where using the claws hurts you. So you think "Okay, the most fundamental and obvious game design problem has been fixed. Maybe the game will be really good now?" No.

Constant enemies appearing just off screen already throwing bullshit at you where you have nanoseconds to jump out of the way.

A TON of fucking pain in the ass long jumps where you have to make the jump at the very edge of the platform or it's instant death.

There's a Berserker mode. Something never discussed in the AVGN episode and this is the AIDS right here. So every time you kill an enemy it fills the bar for Berserker Mode. This is not optional. This is not something you can toggle. It just automatically happens when the bar is filled. In Berserk Mode you flash red and attack randomly. The problem with Berserker Mode is pretty obvious but it gets worse, it makes jumping way harder because the random attacks will eat your input for a jump, and while you do have invincibility it does not mean you have invincibility against any instant death pit or spike or fire. So it's almost completely worthless and whenever it happens your best bet is to just stand somewhere safe and wait 30 seconds for the fucking thing to play out and go away.

By the time you get to level 5, assuming you're masochistic enough to get that far, this is when the game just decides to say fuck you, and it becomes like I Wanna Be the Guy. There's instant death fire pits everywhere and disappearing platforms that you have to memorize and if you fuck up that also leads to instant death. It is abundantly clear by now that this game was not intended to be completed. At least by kids. The masochism continues with more precise long jumps that need to be done correctly or you just die.

Limited continues as well.

The last level is unfinished. Just look at it:

Wolverine NES sucks.png
There's no background unlike the rest of the levels and that purple thing that looks like a platform? That hurts you. I mean, at least it's not an instant kill?

Then you fight Magneto. And if you know anything about Magneto then you go into it expecting some kind of gimmick related to magnetism or something. Yes, it's the 8 bit era but they could still do something clever.

Wolverine NES sucks 2.png

That thing above the force field randomly dumps boulders on you (no homo). So you think there's some kind of gimmick where you have to hit a control panel, or wait for something, or maybe you hit the boulders or destroy the machine? No. You just slash at the little force field for 2 seconds, then you hit Magneto 3 times and that's it. Enter cut scene:

Wolverine NES sucks 3.png

WTF is that black and white thing? Domino? The other sprites look good but you never see these characters in the rest of the game. At first I thought that was it but you do fight Sabretooth in one of the shittiest final boss fights ever. The gimmick it has is okay, you just keep hitting him until he falls off a cliff. But it's handled poorly.

After all these years I finally beat this POS and it was not worth it.

wolverine nes sucks 4.png
 
Well, now that you're finished practicing with cheat codes, you should be able to win it easily. Good luck!
You beat it without cheat codes, nigga! Jeeze! I look forward to your autistic Let's Play.
 
I should hunt down every smug nerd that claims to have beaten Silver Surfer without cheats and slam them into a locker.
That one I can beat without cheats... Minus turbo fire on the controller which I think is fair considering. When you compare it to other SHMUPS it's really not that bad. It's just the hit-detection is very biased. Once you figure out some of the patterns, use the bomb in the right places, it's not that hard. The funny thing is that the boss fights are a complete joke like two different people worked on it. One guy worked on making a hard as fuck level and the other guy phoned it in and made piss-easy boss fights that a 6-year-old could beat.
 
Last edited:
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the Atari 2600+ yet. It's an 80% sized replica of the original Atari VCS woody, only with 4 switches rather than 6 and HDMI output. It uses the original Atari joystick and paddles, but you can buy new ones if you don't have any old ones lying around.

Its main party piece is compatibility with most original 2600 and 7800 game cartridges. There are a few showing as untested or not compatible, but hopefully this will be fixed in a future firmware update.
 

Attachments

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the Atari 2600+ yet. It's an 80% sized replica of the original Atari VCS woody, only with 4 switches rather than 6 and HDMI output. It uses the original Atari joystick and paddles, but you can buy new ones if you don't have any old ones lying around.

Its main party piece is compatibility with most original 2600 and 7800 game cartridges. There are a few showing as untested or not compatible, but hopefully this will be fixed in a future firmware update.
I'm not surprised. 2nd gen is sort of the black sheep of classic gaming, most people respect it for its historical significance but don't really care much about it.

That's still kinda neat though, I guess.
 
I'm not surprised. 2nd gen is sort of the black sheep of classic gaming, most people respect it for its historical significance but don't really care much about it.
It's really something how there are thousands of games for 2nd gen consoles, but the only ones that actually held up past the NES days are like, Yars Revenge aaaaaaaaaaand that's about it.

I mean like, if you want good games from that era, you're sticking with the arcade. And even then, when you're going pre-'83, you can't stray too far away from the biggest ones, like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong.
 
I'm not surprised. 2nd gen is sort of the black sheep of classic gaming, most people respect it for its historical significance but don't really care much about it.

That's still kinda neat though, I guess.
Because most of the games suck. You play 'em for 5 minutes (or less sometimes) and you've seen everything there is to see. No one cares about high scores unless you're autistic.
 
I'm not surprised. 2nd gen is sort of the black sheep of classic gaming, most people respect it for its historical significance but don't really care much about it.
It's really something how there are thousands of games for 2nd gen consoles, but the only ones that actually held up past the NES days are like, Yars Revenge aaaaaaaaaaand that's about it.

I mean like, if you want good games from that era, you're sticking with the arcade. And even then, when you're going pre-'83, you can't stray too far away from the biggest ones, like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong.
The ColecoVision had stacks of great arcade ports on it, though to be fair it's probably more like 2.5 gen due to its superior sound and graphics capabilities over the rest of the 2nd generation cohort.

Unfortunately, it was released just before the North American video game crash and therefore got buried in the rubble, so it gets overlooked by a lot of people.
 
It's really something how there are thousands of games for 2nd gen consoles, but the only ones that actually held up past the NES days are like, Yars Revenge aaaaaaaaaaand that's about it.

I mean like, if you want good games from that era, you're sticking with the arcade. And even then, when you're going pre-'83, you can't stray too far away from the biggest ones, like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong.
Yeah, that's true. The thing for me is my favorite 2nd gen games all have better versions elsewhere, like Burger Time. Sure, the old one is playable and has a nostalgia factor, but if I'm gonna play it then it may as well be the better one.

I think what really holds back 2nd gen consoles is the sound. The graphics are ass and the gameplay is primitive, but there's basically no music, just harsh sound effects.
 
I'm not surprised. 2nd gen is sort of the black sheep of classic gaming, most people respect it for its historical significance but don't really care much about it.

That's still kinda neat though, I guess.
Yeah, that's true. The thing for me is my favorite 2nd gen games all have better versions elsewhere, like Burger Time. Sure, the old one is playable and has a nostalgia factor, but if I'm gonna play it then it may as well be the better one.

I think what really holds back 2nd gen consoles is the sound. The graphics are ass and the gameplay is primitive, but there's basically no music, just harsh sound effects.
No second gen is pretty shit ngl. Its like those bootleg dos platformers from epicmegagames and the like, products of the time. Atari games are fucking terrible in physics more than graphics, NES games slightly improved but only so slightly even if their visual design significantly improved. 2600 games are unplayable, I cant even play adventure which is supposed to be the most accessible on the system.
 
Because most of the games suck. You play 'em for 5 minutes (or less sometimes) and you've seen everything there is to see. No one cares about high scores unless you're autistic.
I thought a direct and abbreviated experience might appeal to the TikTok generation but it seems kids these days prefer cinematic walking simulators like Wolverine. Maybe give Robotron 2084 or Joust another shot after you get your Adderall refilled.

The ColecoVision had stacks of great arcade ports on it, though to be fair it's probably more like 2.5 gen due to its superior sound and graphics capabilities over the rest of the 2nd generation cohort.

Unfortunately, it was released just before the North American video game crash and therefore got buried in the rubble, so it gets overlooked by a lot of people.
Thing about ColecoVision is that if you're emulating anyway you might as well emulate the arcade version, and one might argue that a 95% accurate ColecoVision port is less interesting to check out than a 10% accurate Atari 2600 port (demake, basically). ColecoVision didn't have a lot of notable exclusives afaik, but it's interesting that the NES's arcade ports were actually a step down compared to some of the 2nd gen ones. Despite the CV's controller being a minor struggle to use those plastic inserts for the numpad are quite slick.

Even the Intellivision looks like space age tech next to the Atari 2600, and it's still pre-Pac-Man 70s consumer hardware.


Personally, what I'd want out of an Atari 2600 miniconsole is wireless everything and not to mess with cartridges at all. Even the Genesis mini can only be powered on with a button on the device, great for those who want to relive the nostalgic days of pushing buttons to do things perhaps, but I cbf to get off the couch unless the house is on fire or something.

Also, the 2600+ lacks Texas Chainsaw Massacre compatability, how DARE they.
 
Thing about ColecoVision is that if you're emulating anyway you might as well emulate the arcade version, and one might argue that a 95% accurate ColecoVision port is less interesting to check out than a 10% accurate Atari 2600 port (demake, basically).
That's a fair comment. Whilst it was impressive to see near-perfect arcade conversions on a home console 40 years ago, it's even more impressive in hindsight to see how Atari developers managed to squeeze out what they could and how they managed to do so without straying too far from the arcade version.

In some ways, the ColecoVision feels like how a NES may have turned out had Nintendo cribbed from the MSX specifications. Part of me wonders just how far game developers could have pushed the Coleco's limits had it stayed on the market for another couple of years, and whether we would have seen a bunch of MSX ports.
ColecoVision didn't have a lot of notable exclusives afaik, but it's interesting that the NES's arcade ports were actually a step down compared to some of the 2nd gen ones.
Probably because it was heavily pushed as an arcade machine for the home. Though to be fair, many of the ColecoVision arcade ports kicked different amounts of ass. I couldn't tell you how many hours I lost to Mouse Trap, Donkey Kong Jr and Lady Bug BITD.

Full disclosure: The ColecoVision was my first console, so I'm biased as fuck.
 
It's really something how there are thousands of games for 2nd gen consoles, but the only ones that actually held up past the NES days are like, Yars Revenge aaaaaaaaaaand that's about it.

I mean like, if you want good games from that era, you're sticking with the arcade. And even then, when you're going pre-'83, you can't stray too far away from the biggest ones, like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong.
There are a handful of Activision titles like Pitfall 2, Barnstorming and HERO worth playing but I can confidently say 96% of the Atari's library is not anything anyone needs to play. It's mostly primitive and uninteresting shit. A footnote in a history book and not much more.
 
Part of me wonders just how far game developers could have pushed the Coleco's limits had it stayed on the market for another couple of years, and whether we would have seen a bunch of MSX ports.
Yeah, if you look only at the NES (well, Famicom) games that actually came out during the Coleco's lifespan, you could easily say the Coleco had more impressive games on average.

I couldn't tell you how many hours I lost to Mouse Trap, Donkey Kong Jr and Lady Bug BITD.
Lady Bug is a refined choice.

About Donkey Kong Jr: not too long ago I went googling through dead forums to learn once and for all how the springboard in DK Jr is supposed to work. Apparently there are like 3 frames where pushing the jump button gets you a high jump... spread across a 5 frame window. Every other frame works. It might as well be random for all human purposes. Apparently even the top DK Jr world record expert hi score ninjas just mash and hope they get lucky.
 
IMG_6909.jpeg

On eBay, the prices for Tron Bonne’s game range from $300 to almost $500+ dollars, and possibly even more after typing this.

As of yesterday, I’ve been doing nothing but watching longplay videos of this game as an alternative to actually playing it on my PS1



In the future, I’ll have to get Duckstation installed and play this on there, so I don’t have to watch longplay videos anymore.
 
I’ve been playing a lot of Earthbound’s PK Scramble randomizer within the last few days. I have a soft spot for RPG randomizers in particular because they tend to turn a 20 hour RPG into a roguelite that can be completed in 2-3 hours depending on your settings. For PK Scramble, key items are shuffled as expected, but story-significant events instead unlock new teleport locations or Poo’s next level of Starstorm (for example, eating the Magic Cake in Summers might give you the ability to teleport to Threed). There are a ton of other additions like new weaker levels of PSI to accommodate for enemy scaling, holding Y to mash through dialogue, and a fucking run button (or run by default + a walk button), but long story short it’s a good excuse to replay the game. I say pick one of the default presets and don’t change anything.
There’s another Earthbound randomizer made by someone else, though it’s significantly worse. I was going to rant about how one of the 19 random character sprites you can get is gay pride Ness, meaning every playthrough has a 4/19 chance of shoving gay pride in your face, but there are now 192 custom sprites + a ton of vanilla, so it’s only a 4/192 (~2%) chance at worst. Still, the fact that it’s there at all should tell you a lot about the creator.
 
There’s another Earthbound randomizer made by someone else, though it’s significantly worse. I was going to rant about how one of the 19 random character sprites you can get is gay pride Ness, meaning every playthrough has a 4/19 chance of shoving gay pride in your face, but there are now 192 custom sprites + a ton of vanilla, so it’s only a 4/192 (~2%) chance at worst. Still, the fact that it’s there at all should tell you a lot about the creator.
Yeah, I've played that a few times, that's earthbound.app. I just manually set the sprites to whatever I wanted.

There's also a troon Ness:
1695751852443.png

"13% / 73% conversion" = they're not even complete sprite sheets
 
Back