Reveal something totally unexpected about yourself - Shock and awe awaits - Don't powerlevel

My username was almost going to be Hotel Horse 28 as a reference to the Collateral Murder video until I decided Panzermensch was better.
 
I have been in a nerf gun fight, paintball gun fight, airsoft gun fight, and a real gun fight more than the other 3.
 
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C.U.N.T. said:
Every shit I take is over in less than 1 second as the entire contents of my bowels is forced out by a massive fart immediately after sitting down. It covers the entire bowl and has the consistency of oily clay. It's like a shit shotgun, a shitgun if you will.
I always completely take off my underwear and pants to take a shit even though it is over so quickly, as I need the feeling of freedom and what if I have to unexpectedly sprint off after/while taking a shit? You'd look pretty silly trying to run with your pants around your ankles.
Inevitably some splatters back and hits my hairy ass and legs. I call it "cosplaterral damage".
It takes 2 flushes before I can even think about using the brush.
I wish they made disposable toilets.
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Weird, I have the same thing as this guy.
I wonder if he too is devilishly handsome. He sounds handsome.
 
Someone actually gave me a Mega Milk t-shirt back when they were popular. I have wore it exactly once in public, but since then I use it to sleep.

Shocking, I know.
 
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I always feel a zombie apocalypse is imminent and mentally prepare myself for the possibility.

The feeling of it mounting will always be strongest when I'm sleeping over with any of my girlfriends, be it in a hotel or at their house.
 
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glass_houses said:
I have played paintball once in my life. I lost, rather badly. I ended up with technicolour bruises the size of my hand.

It was glorious.
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Well paintball bruises are better than beanbag shotgun bruises. One shot to the chest on the correct heartbeat will kill you instantly. Also regular bullet hurt just as bad.
Doppelmonger said:
Someone actually gave me a Mega Milk t-shirt back when they were popular. I have wore it exactly once in public, but since then I use it to sleep.

Shocking, I know.
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I knew a girl who had one of those. It was weird because one day it split open during the bus ride home when the driver hit a speedbump too hard, so I gave her my jacket as not to unleash the embarrassment of the bus driver stopping the bus.
 
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I helped a guy from his organs spilling out after he go hit by a car. Atlanta is the bastard incest child of LA and New York.
 
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yasscat said:
Not a great idea when they're already bulging because of infection and fluid pressure.
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Fair point I’ve had ear infections since I was born and it probably made my hearing worse doing that too.
 
Despite making a career out of automobile repair and tuning, I actually hate driving fast. Burns gas, puts my life at risk, and my blood pressure is high enough.
 
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