Reveal something totally unexpected about yourself - Shock and awe awaits - Don't powerlevel

[Bloitzhole]

(Note: Not the US, irrelevant country with even less relevant army)

I avoided the draft by telling the psychologist doing the psych-eval that I know exactly how long they can put me in jail for non-compliance, and that I'd be 100% willing to go through with serving time, because I sure as fuck am not wasting even a single day of my life in my shithole's military, driving a bunch of old, fat, worthless pencil pushers whose existence (and salary) is entirely unjustified to- and fro for a wage that a roman slave would scoff at.

The military psychologist diagnosed me with "Rigid Personality Disorder" and let me go. When people tell me that my stubbornness is borderline moronic, I let them know that I have it on good authority that my stubbornness is not merely moronic, but proper mental illness.

 

[Soup Sammiches]

This will shock many but I'm okay with it. I'm neither soup or a sandwich.

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

I shot a sheriff but I didn't kill his deputy.

 

[Shidoen]

I unironically enjoyed the Scott Pilgrim movie and once I discovered negative XP’s music it made the movie a 100 times better.

 

[I AM RETARDED!]

That I listen to MATI while I work out.

 

[Shidoen]

That I listen to MATI while I work out.

So do you gain the necessary rage to do weights or the necessary calm to jog?

 

[Shidoen]

Lando Calrissian is my favorite black guy in any movie.

 

[Sundae]

A few years ago I got into Reggae music, and I love it. I've found I tend to like music from different cultures more than music from my home country.

 

[Super Guido]

I like to sing in falsetto.

 

[Agarathium1066]

The military psychologist diagnosed me with "Rigid Personality Disorder" and let me go. When people tell me that my stubbornness is borderline moronic, I let them know that I have it on good authority that my stubbornness is not merely moronic, but proper mental illness.

I salute you for being such an obstinate fuck that the doctor gave you a pass.

On topic: I once farted so hard I made my significant other thing it was my death rattle.

 

[Londo]

I am a functioning member of society with a furfilling career in health care despite wanting to punch some lolcows in to the dirt.

 

[Shidoen]

I have a cloak I bought at Dragoncon in Atlanta that’s hanging in my closet.

 

[Ookoo Squad]

I'm Jimmy Hoffa.

 

[Doppelmonger]

I am allergic to peaches, not to the degree of being killed by them, but they make my skin all itchy.

 

[Cats]

I was thinking about this story earlier today and wondered if I couldn't find a good place to share it here, it's pretty crazy:

This is a long story but I will try and keep it as short as possible. There is a lot more info to this however as well as the aftermath.

When I was like 16 or 17 I had a friend who was around 2 years older than me. He joined the Marines at 18 after graduation and just a month or so before he was leaving for basic training he gets a call from this girl he had been fucking on the side. She said her boyfriend and (future) baby daddy had found out they were fucking and beat her up. She called to warn him that her boyfriend was driving around with his two buddies and looking for my friend to beat his ass. We knew that meant they would be coming to his house first so my friend decided he wanted to go to the girl's house to make sure she was okay.

So we get there and for the record this is a nice neighborhood. like real nice. This isn't the country or the ghetto or anything this is like upper-upper-middleclass. We get there and he tells me to stand outside and keep an eye out for these guys and holler at him if I saw them coming. Then he just goes inside her house and leaves me out in front. So here I am standing guard basically outside some girl's house at 11pm in an empty ass neighborhood. Neither me or my girlfriend at the time really knew this chick so she was basically a complete stranger and here I am protecting her retarded ass. Her bedroom window was like 10 feet away from the front door and after awhile I can hear them banging.

About 5 minutes passed before the black F150 turned the corner barreling down the street toward her house.

I fought with these three dudes for what felt like an hour but was probably only 8 to 10 minutes at most from the time they stopped the truck. Two of them had aluminum baseball bats and gave me plenty of heavy shots, the worst of which resulted in a pretty badly cracked rib as well as a small skull fracture...but as much as I could give, I gave it to them hard. I wasn't going to be beating all three of their asses, but they got hurt plenty too. I remember glancing over at some point and seeing the faces of my friend and his dumbass, bad-taste-in-men-having bitch watching us out the window. Thankfully for me I guess they called the cops because eventually the police arrived and arrested these guys. There was a lot of fallout after this both legal and otherwise but for me I luckily just escaped with just the light battery. This was before Ring doorbell cameras but the cops saw that these dudes were all against me and armed as they drove up so I never got in trouble.

The funny part is that I still have a tiny little dent in the back of my head where I was tinked with one of the aluminum bats

 

[EpicGamerMoment]

My grandfather killed 4 men in Okinawa

Last week

 

[Meiwaku]

I once went on a date with a girl and it turned out we were both lolcow farmers.

 

[Nero Fiddled]

I have never played a computer game.

 

[Seafarer]

My Great-Grandad was a State Senator, never met him but I’m told he was a cool guy, also pretty amazing he got elected since he had a very unfortunate first-name last-name combination.

 

[Meiwaku]

I like the ocean but sand is gay