Rika thread

[BT 075]

Let's stop the autistic whodunnit shall we?

We are friendly people. We can help you. It's not relevant who you are. The past is the past. Let's look ahead.

 

[Lil]

Let's stop the autistic whodunnit shall we?

We are friendly people. We can help you. It's not relevant who you are. The past is the past. Let's look ahead.

But Robert's triggering my autism and it's offending me

 

[Backwards Harvester]

Half of the people on here are NOT respecting me or my simple wishes and are attacking me based on personal vendettas. The people who don't attack me (but they CAN criticize me still) will remain respectable in my opinion


This was a joke account to fuck with /cow/. I didn't even claim to be Stiles, I simply got labeled as him

Chill . I don't even know who you are, so I cant really judge. Most people here are all right. But seriously. I think you should calm down. You seem all right. Just my two cents, man.

 

[LionSandwich]

Let's get back on the topic of your problems. You keep saying you are so ugly, and you asked advice about whether or not to alter your body. Instead of getting all upset over who you are, or over who you are not, why not try and get to the bottom of your problems?

See based on what I see here, you have some self-esteem problems. You don't need HRT as much as you need therapy. And probably some medication. Go and see a professional if you can, is my advice.

We're not bad people. It's just that there are a lot of similarities between you and this "Rika" person and the more angry you get, the more fuel you give people to continue calling you Rob, Robert, Rika or whatnot. It's in your own best interest to stay calm, civil and polite. If someone called David Bowie Mick Jagger do you think he would rage and get pissed off? Or would he just laugh and dance his magic dance in the streets?

Look, I feel my body doesn't accurately reflect who I am on the inside. I may put on the persona of someone who is tough, persistent and obnoxious but in reality, I don't have a dominating bone in my body. I yearn to be someone's bitch.

I don't like having pop eye arms, or a hairy chin, they make me feel completely out of place and lie about who I am. I want to be as soft, cuddly and non-threatning as I feel. I also don't want hetero guys who get my heart pounding to be afraid of me cuz I am mentally the same as the girls that attract them. I wish they could see that.

 

[LionSandwich]

Let's stop the autistic whodunnit shall we?

We are friendly people. We can help you. It's not relevant who you are. The past is the past. Let's look ahead.

And btw, Satan, I really respect you for saying this. I'm human and deep down, I'd much prefer friendship over being in the position to manipulate anyone.

You're totally free to call me out on anything cuz I know you're at least willing to understand I'm not COMPLETELY evil. and I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you.

 

[BT 075]

Look, I feel my body doesn't accurately reflect who I am on the inside. I may put on the persona of someone who is tough, persistent and obnoxious but in reality, I don't have a dominating bone in my body.

Then you need to learn how to row with the peddles you've been given. Make lemonade out of life's lemons so to speak. You need to man up and be yourself. Your true self. And everything will be alright.

I yearn to be someone's bitch.

That's just weak, bro. You need to make someone else your bitch. It's not fun being a bitch. Like the trolls? Make the trolls your bitch, bitch. It's more fun being a boss instead. Or else you will be miserable.

I don't like having pop eye arms, or a hairy chin, they make me feel completely out of place and lie about who I am. I want to be as soft, cuddly and non-threatning as I feel. I also don't want hetero guys who get my heart pounding to be afraid of me cuz I am mentally the same as the girls that attract them. I wish they could see that.

You're not a girl though. And you will not suddenly be super girly unless you had a shit ton of surgery. Why not get therapy and learn to accept yourself for who you are? David Bowie accepted himself for who he was too and he didn't get any surgery. He just acted like himself. You should do the same.

 

[Trickie]

God, I hate being a fucking freak. I can't stand how the people who I'm attracted to will always be creeped out by me unless I start altering myself heavily. I really must ask, will HRT help me in anyway become less disgusting and monstrous?

Just a quick run down, as someone who is actually on HRT right now...

What HRT will do:

• Muscles will begin to naturally atrophy (in other words if you're pretty muscular, this will help)
• Relocate fat deposits (male and female hormones cause your fat deposits to collect in different areas)
• Reduction in body hair thickness, increased thickness in scalp hair and pubic hair (pretty self explanatory, although it wouldn't completely get rid of facial hair, and if you've already gone bald, you're not going to get your full head of hair back.)
• Smoother skin
  
• Breast growth (yes, if you start early enough, you start to grow breasts. It's best to start on HRT as early as possible for a more pronounced effect, but breast will continue to grow well into your 30's. Then again, it might not help, because lol genetics or something.)
• Hypogonadism! Not a word I get to use every day. It means your testes are going to become smaller from disuse.

What HRT won't do:

• It won't change your voice back. If you've already gone through a voice change during puberty, you'll have to actually work on that on your own. Luckily, with enough coaching, you can pass very well.
• It won't cure baldness or chase away your facial hair. I mentioned it before, but I thought I'd make sure to repeat it just in case.
• It won't change your bone structure. Unfortunately, if you have wide shoulders, there's not much you can do about it besides wearing boat necked tops...
• Won't get rid of adam's apples. If you've got a huge one that you can't hide or explain away, the best you can do is get a trachial shave, and that's some dangerous surgery.

I probably forgot a few things, but that's the rundown I have from the top of my head.

 

[LM 697]

Autism.

 

[LionSandwich]

Just a quick run down, as someone who is actually on HRT right now...

What HRT will do:

• Muscles will begin to naturally atrophy (in other words if you're pretty muscular, this will help)
• Relocate fat deposits (male and female hormones cause your fat deposits to collect in different areas)
• Reduction in body hair thickness, increased thickness in scalp hair and pubic hair (pretty self explanatory, although it wouldn't completely get rid of facial hair, and if you've already gone bald, you're not going to get your full head of hair back.)
• Smoother skin
  
• Breast growth (yes, if you start early enough, you start to grow breasts. It's best to start on HRT as early as possible for a more pronounced effect, but breast will continue to grow well into your 30's. Then again, it might not help, because lol genetics or something.)
• Hypogonadism! Not a word I get to use every day. It means your testes are going to become smaller from disuse.

What HRT won't do:

• It won't change your voice back. If you've already gone through a voice change during puberty, you'll have to actually work on that on your own. Luckily, with enough coaching, you can pass very well.
• It won't cure baldness or chase away your facial hair. I mentioned it before, but I thought I'd make sure to repeat it just in case.
• It won't change your bone structure. Unfortunately, if you have wide shoulders, there's not much you can do about it besides wearing boat necked tops...
• Won't get rid of adam's apples. If you've got a huge one that you can't hide or explain away, the best you can do is get a trachial shave, and that's some dangerous surgery.

I probably forgot a few things, but that's the rundown I have from the top of my head.

Thank you SO MUCH for this. I'd follow you Trickie, you're so awesome but I know people don't want to be associated with someone of my stigma.

I don't see one thing I'd consider negative on here. I have a tiny adams apple, shoulders that I had to make broader by weight lifting but are otherwise narrow for a guy and a rounder face that's less chistled. My only question is do you know if it'll keep my skull this level of round cuz I'm horrified to hear that my face is gonna get more pronounced if I don't go on HRT. :/

Still, the rest sounds like a DREAM. It's really going to help me come to terms with my body. aw man, Thanks again!

 

[CatParty]

Thank you SO MUCH for this. I'd follow you Trickie, you're so awesome but I know people don't want to be associated with someone of my stigma.

I don't see one thing I'd consider negative on here. I have a tiny adams apple, shoulders that I had to make broader by weight lifting but are otherwise narrow for a guy and a rounder face that's less chistled. My only question is do you know if it'll keep my skull this level of round cuz I'm horrified to hear that my face is gonna get more pronounced if I don't go on HRT. :/

Still, the rest sounds like a DREAM. It's really going to help me come to terms with my body. aw man, Thanks again!

why would you want to pretend to be such an undesirable person like robert? isn't that counter productive?

 

[LionSandwich]

Then you need to learn how to row with the peddles you've been given. Make lemonade out of life's lemons so to speak. You need to man up and be yourself. Your true self. And everything will be alright.



That's just weak, bro. You need to make someone else your bitch. It's not fun being a bitch. Like the trolls? Make the trolls your bitch, bitch. It's more fun being a boss instead. Or else you will be miserable.

You're not a girl though. And you will not suddenly be super girly unless you had a shit ton of surgery. Why not get therapy and learn to accept yourself for who you are? David Bowie accepted himself for who he was too and he didn't get any surgery. He just acted like himself. You should do the same.

I get where you're coming from Satan, you think this is the whole beta/alpha male thing where a male feels he's inadequate and wants to become a woman for whatever reason, to be a "lesbian" or get a "fresh start" or something like that.

I'm sorry but it's not. I have had a successful "career" as an alpha male, I've been to parties, "banged bitchaz" and gotten wasted as fuck. The thing is, this was all me playing pretend. When I was 13, I was extremely ashamed of myself becuz I found myself turned on by the same sex, I couldn't stop checking out the dudes on my football team and I was flat out in love with male musicians like Rick Wright, David Bowie, Peter Hammill and Nick Drake (especially the latter, he is JUST the epitome of cuteness with his shy/bashful appearance and I pretended he was singing all his lovely songs about me! sorry, i'm fucking raving here.) I came from a christian family( who is now treating me horrible since I came out about this) and I knew back then that all I'd get was scrutinized for this so I kind of over played my masculinitiy to the point of almost-no-return.

I decided to channel all of my troubles throughout the years into a comic and this is why Watch Ur Mouth is so personal to me and I DON"T want Stiles being associated with it. When Starfish was bullying me and taunting me, the reason I freaked out was becuz even though I was trying to play this off as a troll comic about trans people, it was really about me. That's why it stung so much to get mocked by that mean lady who was so much of a kool-aid drinking SJ, I even admitted to my gender issue and she straight up ignored it cuz she wanted to villify me as the ultimate evil.

So, sorry for this lengthy post Satan but I hope this clears some stuff up. I don't feel inadequete as a male, its just I don't feel like a male at all and I can't stand how people associate someone like me with the male gender and the traits that go with it.

 

[Trickie]

Thank you SO MUCH for this. I'd follow you Trickie, you're so awesome but I know people don't want to be associated with someone of my stigma.

I don't see one thing I'd consider negative on here. I have a tiny adams apple, shoulders that I had to make broader by weight lifting but are otherwise narrow for a guy and a rounder face that's less chistled. My only question is do you know if it'll keep my skull this level of round cuz I'm horrified to hear that my face is gonna get more pronounced if I don't go on HRT. :/

Still, the rest sounds like a DREAM. It's really going to help me come to terms with my body. aw man, Thanks again!

I should tell you, though, that HRT is not something to take on lightly. Like all medication, it's only to be done when there are no more options that are safer, especially so with HRT. After a few years on HRT, you're on it for life one way or the other, and you'll need to see a specialist periodically to make sure your endocrine system is okay. Even if you decide you want to have male hormones again, you will need to take male hormone pills. You'll also need to take damn good care of your liver, which means you need to reduce or give up smoking and drinking, or else you're going to likely have a lot of liver problems either now or later in life. This isn't some fun ride where you can get off wherever you want, and if you decide to go back, you're stuck with whatever breasts you've grown, and can only get rid of them with surgery.

If you're dead serious about this, though, (and by dead serious, I mean that you're just about willing to kill yourself over it) you should find a mental health professional. Make sure that they're qualified to make diagnosis and prescribe psych meds (doesn't have to be the same person, usually a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist, although there might be some GPs or endocrine specialists who are comfortable prescribing hormones).

Lastly, though, if you're doing this for anything less than to make your life livable, then I can't say that HRT will make you happy. You won't stop being a freak, because we are all freaks. At some point, you need to look into the mirror and accept some things, embrace them, because otherwise no amount of surgery or medication will ever make you happy, and you'll eventually become Joan Rivers.

 

[A-Stump]

Why is physicality so important to you? You treat the body you have as if it's the problem or at least a major point of, but it's clear you can't even come to terms with your own psyche. A major factor of almost every conversation you have is being transgender, wanting to be, whatever.

It's clear that you're not confident in yourself, and you have a lot of psychological issues. It's ok, but don't make wild allusions that the past never happened. It did, and changing your name, body, whatever won't change the fact that you are still the same person inside.

And you like men, so what? It's 2014, you can like men, it's actually really socially acceptable (btw probably more than gender transitions because you'll look like twelve year old boy unless you go under major body reconstruction). You think that is a bandaid for all the problems you have in life? Because if you do, go to Tumblr and rock it. Only a group of morons would advise you to undergo a process which, more than anything, would exaggerate your problems and lead nowhere but debt and further self-indignation.

Find yourself, find who you are rather than what you are.

 

[LionSandwich]

I should tell you, though, that HRT is not something to take on lightly. Like all medication, it's only to be done when there are no more options that are safer, especially so with HRT. After a few years on HRT, you're on it for life one way or the other, and you'll need to see a specialist periodically to make sure your endocrine system is okay. Even if you decide you want to have male hormones again, you will need to take male hormone pills. You'll also need to take damn good care of your liver, which means you need to reduce or give up smoking and drinking, or else you're going to likely have a lot of liver problems either now or later in life. This isn't some fun ride where you can get off wherever you want, and if you decide to go back, you're stuck with whatever breasts you've grown, and can only get rid of them with surgery.

If you're dead serious about this, though, (and by dead serious, I mean that you're just about willing to kill yourself over it) you should find a mental health professional. Make sure that they're qualified to make diagnosis and prescribe psych meds (doesn't have to be the same person, usually a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist, although there might be some GPs or endocrine specialists who are comfortable prescribing hormones).

Lastly, though, if you're doing this for anything less than to make your life livable, then I can't say that HRT will make you happy. You won't stop being a freak, because we are all freaks. At some point, you need to look into the mirror and accept some things, embrace them, because otherwise no amount of surgery or medication will ever make you happy, and you'll eventually become Joan Rivers.

The only thing is I want to be androgynous or gender queer, vs fully female cuz I feel I'm not gonna be good with eye liner and makeup (due to being an autie) as much as I wanna wear it and be "pretty" for the boys. I think I'd look like the stereotypical drag queen if I went all out so I just want to get to the point where nobody can tell what gender I am. That's how I can be truly comfortable cuz nobody will pidgeonhole me as a male anymore. My masculine appearance relates not at all to who I am on the inside and that's whats so painful for me.

I'm not doing for alterior motives, though. I'm doing it for me. I want to show who I really am to the world and I fear being typecast as a male far more than anything hormones could do to me. I don't even drink anymore and I hate weed so I think I'm good liverwise!

 

[Lil]

Isn't it shallow to base your entire life and focus on just your gender?

 

[BT 075]

I get where you're coming from Satan, you think this is the whole beta/alpha male thing where a male feels he's inadequate and wants to become a woman for whatever reason, to be a "lesbian" or get a "fresh start" or something like that.

Not quite. I don't believe the whole alpha-beta bullshit. But because your motives seem a bit strange to me and your mental state less then ideal, I think it may be best if you talked about these things with a professional. Anonymous people on the internet can say all sorts of shit... you need to talk to someone who studied this shit. He or she will be able to help you better.

I'm sorry but it's not. I have had a successful "career" as an alpha male, I've been to parties, "banged bitchaz" and gotten wasted as fuck. The thing is, this was all me playing pretend. When I was 13, I was extremely ashamed of myself becuz I found myself turned on by the same sex, I couldn't stop checking out the dudes on my football team and I was flat out in love with male musicians like Rick Wright, David Bowie, Peter Hammill and Nick Drake (especially the latter, he is JUST the epitome of cuteness with his shy/bashful appearance and I pretended he was singing all his lovely songs about me! sorry, i'm fucking raving here.) I came from a christian family( who is now treating me horrible since I came out about this) and I knew back then that all I'd get was scrutinized for this so I kind of over played my masculinitiy to the point of almost-no-return.

This just sounds like you are saying you are gay? That's quite alright. There is no shame in being gay. I know some awesome people who are gay, or bisexual. You don't have to undergo a sex change in order for you to live your life as a gay man.

I decided to channel all of my troubles throughout the years into a comic and this is why Watch Ur Mouth is so personal to me and I DON"T want Stiles being associated with it. When Starfish was bullying me and taunting me, the reason I freaked out was becuz even though I was trying to play this off as a troll comic about trans people, it was really about me. That's why it stung so much to get mocked by that mean lady who was so much of a kool-aid drinking SJ, I even admitted to my gender issue and she straight up ignored it cuz she wanted to villify me as the ultimate evil.

You have gender issues, yes. You seem to be under the impression that in order for you to be submissive, you need to be a lady first or more lady-like? You really need to get therapy dude. You have deep-seated internal issues neither me nor anyone else on these forums can really help you with.

So, sorry for this lengthy post Satan but I hope this clears some stuff up. I don't feel inadequete as a male, its just I don't feel like a male at all and I can't stand how people associate someone like me with the male gender and the traits that go with it.

If you don't feel like a man that's just fine. If you are transsexual that's okay too. But you need to talk to some professional first before you go and take any drastic steps. See... you can just break stereotypes on your own. You can ignore any traits you feel aren't "you" enough. You having girly traits does not make you a girl. I know quite a manly fellow who enjoys baking pies and cookies. Just be who you want to be.

You don't need to go under the knife for it, really. Nor change your entire hormone system over it with heavy medication. Not before you talk to someone in the know-how first. The impression I am getting is that you have some underlying issues that you probably want have looked into first.

 

[DC 740]

Let me ask since it was brought up a while ago; why do you think anyone should respect anyone? It's gotta be earned. I have zero respect for you and I couldn't give a fuck if you had any for me, and I'm not going to cry like a bitch about not getting yours or anyone's respect here. And checking your past, you have done nothing to gain any respect from anyone it seems.

 

[LionSandwich]

Why is physicality so important to you? You treat the body you have as if it's the problem or at least a major point of, but it's clear you can't even come to terms with your own psyche. A major factor of almost every conversation you have is being transgender, wanting to be, whatever.

It's clear that you're not confident in yourself, and you have a lot of psychological issues. It's ok, but don't make wild allusions that the past never happened. It did, and changing your name, body, whatever won't change the fact that you are still the same person inside.

And you like men, so what? It's 2014, you can like men, it's actually really socially acceptable (btw probably more than gender transitions because you'll look like twelve year old boy unless you go under major body reconstruction). You think that is a bandaid for all the problems you have in life? Because if you do, go to Tumblr and rock it. Only a group of morons would advise you to undergo a process which, more than anything, would exaggerate your problems and lead nowhere but debt and further self-indignation.

Find yourself, find who you are rather than what you are.

I love myself on the inside, I think my opinion is the best opinion in the world because its so humanitarian and loves hearing other peoples opinions so it can become more worldly. I love all races and genders of people who love everyone else who loves everyone too (circular logic yes but love is a circular motion)

But right now my body is just a vessel for my opinions, that's it. Its completely irrelevant to anything I want out of life and in fact it harbors me greatly to the point I'm terrified to do anything related to people. The reason I focus so much on psychicality is cuz of stuff like today. I don't want men who are that gorgeous to be afraid of me when mentally I'm a heterosexual woman, the same kind as any other, just in a biologically male body. They'll never see me for what I am on the inside if they can't get past my appearance (and that is a problem with a majority of humans even myself, though not as much cuz I really do just want to find love)

But like I said, I'm not changing for anyone else but me. I want to be as I am on the inside, that is why I'm doing this, so I can love myself outside as much as inside.

 

[CatParty]

I love myself on the inside, I think my opinion is the best opinion in the world because its so humanitarian and loves hearing other peoples opinions so it can become more worldly. I love all races and genders of people who love everyone else who loves everyone too (circular logic yes but love is a circular motion)

But right now my body is just a vessel for my opinions, that's it. Its completely irrelevant to anything I want out of life and in fact it harbors me greatly to the point I'm terrified to do anything related to people. The reason I focus so much on psychicality is cuz of stuff like today. I don't want men who are that gorgeous to be afraid of me when mentally I'm a heterosexual woman, the same kind as any other, just in a biologically male body. They'll never see me for what I am on the inside if they can't get past my appearance (and that is a problem with a majority of humans even myself, though not as much cuz I really do just want to find love)

But like I said, I'm not changing for anyone else but me. I want to be as I am on the inside, that is why I'm doing this, so I can love myself outside as much as inside.

do you love yourself inside even though you claim to be manipulative?

 

[Lil]

It doesn't sound like you're changing for yourself, Rob, it sounds like you're changing to get with "men who are that gorgeous."