Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Jetpack Himmler]

Here's the review for Infinity War.

I'm afraid to watch because the last thing I want is Bob on my mind when I go see it tomorrow.

 

[A Watchful Ghost]

Also, Bob's extended Twitter monologue on Venom proves only that he knows how to read a Wikipedia page. Reading the summary isn't the same as actually reading the comics, but we should know by now that basic common sense is beyond our Bob.

The entire thing read like a wikipedia article. Not like a genuine reaction the character. He wants to come off as smart, but even his bullshit levels still peak the roof. He's extremely petty to the point of showing he's still have the raimi version deep down on his head.

But again, he's bound to call a big fish's attention with his monthly controversy, and backlash.

 

[TheImportantFart]

Here's the review for Infinity War.

The screening Bob saw for his review isn't actually the first time he saw the film. He just didn't finish watching the first time. How do I know this I hear you ask? Well that question has a very interesting answer, so grab some popcorn because boy do I have a story for you.

My cousin's currently studying an MA at Harvard Business School in Boston. As anyone from the US knows, tuition isn't cheap, especially if you're an international student (he, like me, is from the UK), so to support himself during his studies, he took a job at one of the local movie theatres. I'm not going to name it in case anyone tried to dox him and by extension me. I've just been on Skype to him and he told me about the most incredible thing that happened last night.

My cousin was drafted into working at the theatre during a particularly busy period in the run-up to when the manager had secured advance screenings of Infinity War. He was prepared to deal with hordes of people clamouring for tickets and popcorn, but he wasn't prepared for what happened last night.

It was roughly 7pm and my cousin was dealing with a long line of people at the concessions stand. All of a sudden, he felt a small tremor run through the ground. Then another, and another. Every time he felt a tremor it was slightly larger than the last until he could barely stand the ground was shaking so much. A rhythmic thumping sound began to accompany the tremors which had developed into a full-blown mini earthquake by now. My cousin looked towards the doors to the theatre to see a... mass approaching.

Something akin to a more rotund Jabba the Hutt thumped through the doors, making a beeline for the concession stand. People dived out of the way as it barged its way to the front of the line, pushing aside women and children alike. As it drew closer, my cousin realised it was an obese man, over 6-foot tall and more than twice that across, with a bald head and glasses. When he described it to me, I knew immediately he was talking about our old friend Bob Chipman.

Bob was wearing a greasy "Marvel rules, DC drools" t-shirt which was stretched tightly across his chest and belly, a belly he could barely see over as he stared down at my cousin with a look of barely restrained contempt.

"Give me four tickets for thah Ahvengers ahnd ahn extrah lahge cahmbo," Bob grunted at my cousin.
My cousin looked behind Bob, as if expecting to see more people, before realising that Bob couldn't possibly fit in one cinema seat. He rang Bob up for four tickets and was about to do the same for an extra large combo when -
"Um, sorry sir... we only go up to large for combos."

Bob snorted derisively down at my cousin. As he did, my cousin heard a rattling sound off to his left and turned to see two of his colleagues hurrying over, one wheeling a wheelie bin, the other a sack truck with an empty oil barrel on it. They shooed my cousin out of the way as they arrived, shooting each other "here we go again looks" as they did. The one with the wheelie bin began scraping handfuls of popcorn into it, while the other began filling the oil barrel from the soda fountain. They only stopped when both were filled to the brim.

Bob nodded approvingly, slammed some cash down on the counter and held his hand out for his tickets. Still trying to process what he'd just witnessed, my cousin gave him his tickets and Bob shuffled off. The other two workers followed him, one wheeling the bin full of popcorn, the other the oil barrel full of soda, which left my cousin to explain to a line of angry parents and crying children that they were out of popcorn and soda.

Twenty minutes later, a woman approached my cousin to complain about a disturbance in screen 1. She said a large man at the back had been whooping, drooling and rapidly moving his hand around near his groin with accompanying noises that sounded like... this story's horrifying enough already and I'm sure your imaginations have made the leap so I won't go any further.

My cousin followed the woman back to the screen. He could hear the sound of whooping and yelling as they approached. He entered the cinema to see that sure enough, Bob was excitedly jumping up and down on four seats that were barely managing to hold up his weight. The second he saw my cousin approaching, he immediately quieted down.
"Is there a problem here?" my cousin asked as he reached Bob.
Bob rolled his eyes at my cousin.
"Nah, ahm just enjoying thah movie," Bob said.
"Well try and keep it down, we've had complaints," my cousin replied.
He walked off, hearing Bob mutter to himself about limey trash as he did.

Another twenty minutes passed without incident before another worker rushed up to my cousin to say they'd had another complaint from screen 1. Him and my cousin rushed to the screen, hearing the sound of angry yelling as they approached. They burst through the door to an incredible sight.

Bob was trying to hold court in the fucking cinema.

He was stood at the front of the theatre, his enormous mass blocking the screen, making some kind of speech to the audience who were angrily shouting at him to sit down. Some audience members were throwing popcorn and drinks at Bob, but they either bounced off or were absorbed into the rolls of his fat.

My cousin didn't catch all of what Bob was blathering about, but at one point he heard:
"We'll have films like this all the time if you seize the Superior Future with both hands!!!"

My cousin and his colleague began making their way towards Bob, but as they did, a collector's tub of popcorn went sailing across the theatre. It beaned Bob right on the head. He swayed where he stood, before collapsing onto the floor sending a massive shockwave through the theatre.

The screening had to be cancelled and a small fortune in refunds handed out. Bob crashing to the floor had also created a massive crack in the foundations which might mean the cinema's closed for good now. My cousin and his colleague were debating removing the roof of the theatre and getting a crane to hoist Bob out, when he came to and hauled himself to his feet. He muttered something about "obsolete, mediocre white people", before waddling out of the cinema, leaving my cousin to clean up the mess.

So that's what Bob won't tell you about his actual first viewing of Infinity War and is also the reason why my cousin's now looking for a new job.

 

[Gordon Cole]

...I don't mean to sound like Bob, but does anyone else want Venom to be good out of spite?

 

[Doctor of Autism]

What did Bob say in his review?

 

[Assorted Nuts]

The screening Bob saw for his review isn't actually the first time he saw the film. He just didn't finish watching the first time. How do I know this I hear you ask? Well that question has a very interesting answer, so grab some popcorn because boy do I have a story for you.

My cousin's currently studying an MA at Harvard Business School in Boston. As anyone from the US knows, tuition isn't cheap, especially if you're an international student (he, like me, is from the UK), so to support himself during his studies, he took a job at one of the local movie theatres. I'm not going to name it in case anyone tried to dox him and by extension me. I've just been on Skype to him and he told me about the most incredible thing that happened last night.

My cousin was drafted into working at the theatre during a particularly busy period in the run-up to when the manager had secured advance screenings of Infinity War. He was prepared to deal with hordes of people clamouring for tickets and popcorn, but he wasn't prepared for what happened last night.

It was roughly 7pm and my cousin was dealing with a long line of people at the concessions stand. All of a sudden, he felt a small tremor run through the ground. Then another, and another. Every time he felt a tremor it was slightly larger than the last until he could barely stand the ground was shaking so much. A rhythmic thumping sound began to accompany the tremors which had developed into a full-blown mini earthquake by now. My cousin looked towards the doors to the theatre to see a... mass approaching.

Something akin to a more rotund Jabba the Hutt thumped through the doors, making a beeline for the concession stand. People dived out of the way as it barged its way to the front of the line, pushing aside women and children alike. As it drew closer, my cousin realised it was an obese man, over 6-foot tall and more than twice that across, with a bald head and glasses. When he described it to me, I knew immediately he was talking about our old friend Bob Chipman.

Bob was wearing a greasy "Marvel rules, DC drools" t-shirt which was stretched tightly across his chest and belly, a belly he could barely see over as he stared down at my cousin with a look of barely restrained contempt.

"Give me four tickets for thah Ahvengers ahnd ahn extrah lahge cahmbo," Bob grunted at my cousin.
My cousin looked behind Bob, as if expecting to see more people, before realising that Bob couldn't possibly fit in one cinema seat. He rang Bob up for four tickets and was about to do the same for an extra large combo when -
"Um, sorry sir... we only go up to large for combos."

Bob snorted derisively down at my cousin. As he did, my cousin heard a rattling sound off to his left and turned to see two of his colleagues hurrying over, one wheeling a wheelie bin, the other a sack truck with an empty oil barrel on it. They shooed my cousin out of the way as they arrived, shooting each other "here we go again looks" as they did. The one with the wheelie bin began scraping handfuls of popcorn into it, while the other began filling the oil barrel from the soda fountain. They only stopped when both were filled to the brim.

Bob nodded approvingly, slammed some cash down on the counter and held his hand out for his tickets. Still trying to process what he'd just witnessed, my cousin gave him his tickets and Bob shuffled off. The other two workers followed him, one wheeling the bin full of popcorn, the other the oil barrel full of soda, which left my cousin to explain to a line of angry parents and crying children that they were out of popcorn and soda.

Twenty minutes later, a woman approached my cousin to complain about a disturbance in screen 1. She said a large man at the back had been whooping, drooling and rapidly moving his hand around near his groin with accompanying noises that sounded like... this story's horrifying enough already and I'm sure your imaginations have made the leap so I won't go any further.

My cousin followed the woman back to the screen. He could hear the sound of whooping and yelling as they approached. He entered the cinema to see that sure enough, Bob was excitedly jumping up and down on four seats that were barely managing to hold up his weight. The second he saw my cousin approaching, he immediately quieted down.
"Is there a problem here?" my cousin asked as he reached Bob.
Bob rolled his eyes at my cousin.
"Nah, ahm just enjoying thah movie," Bob said.
"Well try and keep it down, we've had complaints," my cousin replied.
He walked off, hearing Bob mutter to himself about limey trash as he did.

Another twenty minutes passed without incident before another worker rushed up to my cousin to say they'd had another complaint from screen 1. Him and my cousin rushed to the screen, hearing the sound of angry yelling as they approached. They burst through the door to an incredible sight.

Bob was trying to hold court in the fucking cinema.

He was stood at the front of the theatre, his enormous mass blocking the screen, making some kind of speech to the audience who were angrily shouting at him to sit down. Some audience members were throwing popcorn and drinks at Bob, but they either bounced off or were absorbed into the rolls of his fat.

My cousin didn't catch all of what Bob was blathering about, but at one point he heard:
"We'll have films like this all the time if you seize the Superior Future with both hands!!!"

My cousin and his colleague began making their way towards Bob, but as they did, a collector's tub of popcorn went sailing across the theatre. It beaned Bob right on the head. He swayed where he stood, before collapsing onto the floor sending a massive shockwave through the theatre.

The screening had to be cancelled and a small fortune in refunds handed out. Bob crashing to the floor had also created a massive crack in the foundations which might mean the cinema's closed for good now. My cousin and his colleague were debating removing the roof of the theatre and getting a crane to hoist Bob out, when he came to and hauled himself to his feet. He muttered something about "obsolete, mediocre white people", before waddling out of the cinema, leaving my cousin to clean up the mess.

So that's what Bob won't tell you about his actual first viewing of Infinity War and is also the reason why my cousin's now looking for a new job.

What the fuck am I reading?

 

[Mr. Duck]

Here's the review for Infinity War.

Not even past the first minute and he's already treating like shit the people who don't want spoilers.

Does Bob even know how to mantain an audience long-term?

 

[TheImportantFart]

Does Bob even know how to mantain an audience long-term?

Well we've stuck around for over a thousand pages, but not for the reasons he'd like.

 

[Gordon Cole]

Not even past the first minute and he's already treating like shit the people who don't want spoilers.

Does Bob even know how to mantain an audience long-term?

Maybe it's like Channel Awesome/DSP where he has an cult of autists who are insanely loyal to him.

This legitimately happened, right?

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Maybe it's like Channel Awesome/DSP where he has an cult of autists who are insanely loyal to him.

Oops my bass lol.

 

[Gordon Cole]

Eh, we need another Ralphthemoviemaker-tier slapfight.

You're right Bob, that uppity black Kanye needs to know that only you can post barely comprehensible screeds on Twitter.

 

[GrayWater]

Eh, we need another Ralphthemoviemaker-tier slapfight.
View attachment 435176

You're right Bob, that uppity black Kanye needs to know that only you can post barely comprehensible screeds on Twitter.
View attachment 435183

I always felt that Jon was the Anti-Bob in a way.

 

[LN 910]

Even then, Raimi fucked over a lot more characters than Homecoming in my honest opinion. Particularly in Copy-Paste-of-Green-Goblin Doc Ock, Dull and Boring Mary Jane, Cringey and Gay Venom, Emotionally manipulative Sandman, and utterly stupid motives for Peter to quit being Spider-Man (no, I don’t care if it is “comic accurate”). But Bob shills it because it was the first one he saw.
For fucks sake, this one moment in Spectacular Spider-Man seems to take a good shit all over Spider-Man 2.

If Bob ever saw this, he’d insist that it encourages, “Toxic Masculinity” by having Peter continue to do the right thing regardless of what his friends think of him, rather than quit because he made some bad decisions (and because it isn’t the poorly-aged 90s cartoon).

Does he even like the '90s cartoon? I thought he hated it or would have hated it due to its pretty frequent use of Venom if I remember right.

Eh, we need another Ralphthemoviemaker-tier slapfight.
View attachment 435176

You're right Bob, that uppity black Kanye needs to know that only you can post barely comprehensible screeds on Twitter.
View attachment 435183

I thought the pressure being put on Hank was that of a whiny fat sped with no sense of humour? Like Bob but darker.

BTW, did he get into a fight with Ralph at one point? I'm lost on that.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

You're right Bob, that uppity black Kanye needs to know that only you can post barely comprehensible screeds on Twitter.

Bob doesn’t get it that black people can think differently from one another.

I bet you he’s going to get triggered when he sees Kayne’s signed MAGA hat.

I always felt that Jon was the Anti-Bob in a way.

And more successful than Bob.

 

[Mr. Duck]

BTW, did he get into a fight with Ralph at one point? I'm lost on that.

Yes, then Bob tried to act superior by giving Ralph advice on his content, probably unaware that Ralph has a much bigger audience than him.

Bob doesn’t get it that black people can think differently from one another.

I bet you he’s going to get triggered when he sees Kayne’s signed MAGA hat.

Well, there is this.

Bob calling Kanye and Trump "man childs"

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Well, there is this.

Bob calling Kanye and Trump "man childs"

How ironic because Bob’s a bigger man child than both Trump and Kayne.

Second, it’s fools like Shaun King, DeRay McKesson, and Black Lives Matter who manipulte blacks more than Kayne does.

 

[LN 910]

Yes, then Bob tried to act superior by giving Ralph advice on his content, probably unaware that Ralph has a much bigger audience than him.
View attachment 435204 View attachment 435205 View attachment 435206

Well, there is this.
View attachment 435207
Bob calling Kanye and Trump "man childs"

Bob: "I'm not going to dogpile another critic with my legions of four, maybe five fans. Also, that niggo Kanye needs to shut up and listen to his mastahs."

 

[TheClorax]

What the fuck am I reading?

A Masterpiece

 

[Lensherr]

Here's the review for Infinity War.

A few notes:

- How the fuck was Age of Ultron “self-serious”? In fact, I clearly remember one of the main complaints being the ham-fisted humor, particularly from the villain. Also, Bob, stop trying to insist these movies must always cater to children. They have a very broad appeal.

- Was anyone else kind of annoyed by the subtle contempt that he has for geeky shit? Like, he talks about how the only people who care about that thing are socially maladjusted (while admitting himself to be one of those people in a self-loathing manner) and takes a very condescending tone when it comes to talking about it in general. Is he basically admitting that he wants this stuff to be as dumbed-down for normies as possible?

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Even if one knew absolutely nothing about Bob, anyone who would ever use the phrase "hamartia via synechdoche" deserves to be slapped in the teeth