- Joined
- Apr 25, 2019
I have a bit of a suspicion silverseren (the one guy who still posts there) might be the bloated beanbag himself
Speaking of reddit here’s a post I found on r/Mauler about that delivers one of the most thorough accounts of diabeto’s origin:
One night changed the life of young Cinema Roberto forever, while watching “The Wizard” in theatres with his parents at 30 years old, what he saw was burned, no seared into his memory. An event that was as impactful as JFK’s assassination or 9/11, the reveal of “Super Mario Bros. 3” on the Nintendo Entertainment System, also his parents were killed. After the movie, his parents took a shortcut down a dark alley, then someone wearing a Call of Duty shirt approached them, he shouted at them “THIS IS GAMERGATE COUNTRY!” His name was Bro Chill, he didn’t just shoot Roberto’s parents, Chill first-person-shot Roberto’s parents, he then proceeded to teabag them and vanished in the night. Roberto knew what he had to do, buy an air conditioner and play Super Mario Bros. 3. While some would assume his is living in his parent’s basement, Roberto had successfully moved into a basement apartment with an independent landlord who was also his brother. As he sat there, he discovered a supernatural power, he had consumed sugar, Mario, and movies from the Marvel Cinematic Universe separately, but when he consumed all three elements, he became a Consoomer. This combination gave him the power to see the world that very few people would comprehend. While Roberto consoomed the first X-Men movie and saw Magneto’s childhood as he was torn away from his mother. To the unwashed masses, one would see that as the tragedy that shaped Magneto’s destiny, however to Roberto, what came to his mind was, “hmm perhaps that should be done to people I don’t like or agree with”. Roberto began to sympathize with Magneto, to him Magneto was right, the world belongs to the superior. Roberto adopted that mindset and gave himself a moniker to establish his superiority and as a tribute to his spiritual mentor, Diabeto. In his pursuit to be superior, he followed his one creed, “There are no bad tactics, only bad targets”. As he consoomed, he immediately thought of superior and innovative ideas for movies like Paradise Lost in the style of the Care Bears and a Terminator move where Skynet is the good guy. Diabeto discovered that research, critical thought, and honest debate were obsolete concepts that could be superseded by superior methods like skimming through Wikipedia and passive aggressive remarks on Twitter. He also thought of ingenious concepts like turning all of New York State into one giant city and taking away the ability to vote from poor farmers, coal miners, and anybody that doesn’t agree with him politically. As Diabeto consoomed, he saw those people not as human beings, but an evolutionary offshoot that does not deserve to prosper. Some critics would claim these ideas are “removed from reality”, “idiotic”, and “similar to eugenics”. Diabeto continued to consoome and gained the power of deflection by proclaiming “Sorry sport, those are just jokes I said years ago.” even though those statements were spoken that day. Diabeto would continue his campaign of consooming until he reaches his goal of a Superior Future, a world where he is the sole intellectual and cultural elite in a completely mechanized and automated society with an underclass only voting for what Diabeto agrees with. A superior future that replace the Washington Monument with Shigeru Miyamoto, Satoru Iwata, Hillary Clinton, and Diabeto himself. A superior future that will correct the unjust crime by canonizing that the Mario Bros. were from Brooklyn, not The Mushroom Kingdom. The future that Diabeto earned by making third rate movie reviews in front of a poorly color-corrected green screen that he painted on his wall. Diabeto will not stop until he is defeated or the battery of his Little Rascal scooter runs out.
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