Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[A Very Big Fish]

I love that Jerry/Lily is probably the only person on the face of God's green Earth who actually seems to think Bob is as smart as he says.

I like Lily's thread, because some poor bastard on there reads all the fanwork she writes, so you get to see what Star Wars, Pokemon, and My Little Pony would be like if they were written by a psychopathic coomer.

Too bad I don't think Senpai Bob knows that Jerry exists.

 

[TowinKarz]

Bob has long made it obvious that he's insecure about the legitimacy of film critique as a genuine job. I have a sneaking suspicion there's the ghost of Pa Chipman lurking behind that sentiment. It's no wonder he thinks The Critic is the greatest show ever, it's what he WISHES he was.

Jay Sherman is an obvious D-tier professional critic in his own universe and is beset by the fates time and time again, yet still a "hero protagonist"

Does Bob aspire to that because it's no different than what he already perceives to be the case?

Or is he holding out hope that it's the best he may yet accomplish?

Either way, it's sad

He's set a humiliatingly low bar, and then failed to clear it.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Bob has long made it obvious that he's insecure about the legitimacy of film critique as a genuine job. I have a sneaking suspicion there's the ghost of Pa Chipman lurking behind that sentiment. It's no wonder he thinks The Critic is the greatest show ever, it's what he WISHES he was.

It can be a genuine job. The issue with Bob on film criticism is that he clearly only does it so he can act superior to all the "plebs" and dictate what they can or can not watch which is why he clearly gets butthurt when people show rotten tomato scores that conflict with critics and audience ratings (ironically there are times where the reverse can happen where critics are right on something, but in those cases Bob is the one who is on the opposite spectrum to that like how he shills shitty Kaiju movies that everyone else doesn't like).

 

[CharlesBarkley]

You wonder if that's because Jay Sherman is an obvious D-tier professional critic in his own universe and is beset by the fates time and time again, yet still a "hero protagonist"?

Jay Sherman wasn't malicious and wished death upon everyone. Although, he might share the same weight goals and calorie consumption.

 

[Mola Ram]

Jay Sherman wasn't malicious and wished death upon everyone. Although, he might share the same weight goals and calorie consumption.

The important thing to remember about Jay Sherman when it comes to Bob's fantasies:

Yes, he was fat.

Yes, he was a loser.

Yes, he struck out with the ladies (although he had enough influence to have a hot actress sleep with him for a good review, and later got a cute Southern girlfriend when Fox demanded his image be softened).

Yes, he was constantly mocked.

But he was still rich and successful. He was famous, he lived in a fancy Manhattan apartment, he had enough money to send his son to a school full of diplomats' kids, he had a tv show, he could travel the world on a whim, and he won two Pulitzer Prizes for criticism.

This is Bob's fantasy. He believes it's still in reach, and the sad part is, if he wasn't so committed to being a colossal hateful asshole and hadn't spent years cultivating such a toxic online personality, it still could have been.

 

[Juan's Sombrero]

Jay Sherman wasn't malicious and wished death upon everyone. Although, he might share the same weight goals and calorie consumption.

I think it's because, unlike Bob, Jay actually managed to sire a son (even though he still got a divorce) and later hooked up with a single mother, Alice.

So, you could say that Roberto has his usual aspirations. That some fat loser still managed to score that much gives him some grimy smidgen of hope in dipping his disgusting wick into something that isn't made of silicone.

 

[TowinKarz]

I know Bob is always aggro, but he's REALLY aggro now.

What's eating him?

Honestly? I think it's the fact that he's realizing his 20 years of internet warrior-ing hasn't, isn't and cannot bring the futcha he wants and he's not going to get that immortal robot body. It's a crisis of techno-faith.

Everyone has dumb ideas as a kid/adolescent.


When everyone else in his peer cohort grew up and realized that the gleaming-tower-and-spaceships future of pop culture wasn't coming in their lifetimes, if at all? They worked for what they could get in the real, existent world and not a hypothetical "future" one. While their plebian goals and baser desires (In Bob's eye) were pooh-pooh'd as meaningless, simple and below him, they at least were achieved. Bob's dreams and goals? (Which he never worked for , just thought he deserved for having visualized them?) They continued to be unfulfilled, year after year.


Nevertheless, He held on to his belief in the Human Techno-Transcendence solving all his problems and rocketing him ahead of all the bullies and Chads with a smug "You'll see" arrogance....

Bob doubled-down and sat on the corner, suitcase in hand, waiting for them to build the hyperloop by his house so he could be the first to ride it in his shiny, new, Robobob body from which he'd look down upon all who ever mocked him and laugh at their lesser existence. (Said body hasn't been build yet, but no biggie, I'm sure it will be... did you see that article in the news about that little robot that can walk up and down the stairs unassisted? It can't be that far off! I've done the only thing I have to do... pick out what color I want mine to be!)

He expected this all to happen by the year 2000

When it didn't, eh, he was bummed, but, these things can have a delay or two, right? (Darn Mayoghouls) I'll be magnanimous and accept a 5 year delay, but no more! Them scientists just got to work a little harder, don't they know the stakes?

But then time slipped to 2005... 2008... 2012... and before you know it, here we are, 2021, and the streets around his house look pretty much exactly the same not only as they did when he was kid, but when his parents were kids.... the cars are newer, but they're still cars, they don't fly, and there's no robots..... and it's painfully dawning on him that there never will be, which means he won't get his robot body before he dies.


That's what really has him cheesed: the despair setting in as he realizes he's nominally on the backside of life and his "eh, super-smaht scientists will solve it, they've got 50 years to do it!" mantra that was stupid, but comforting, when he didn't have the life experience to see it as such in his teens? That is now breaking down under the cold, hard, fact outside his very window:

The projected date of that breakthrough that will enable his immortality has now been moved well beyond his own projected check-out date, even under the best of circumstances.

And far from there being a quantum-leap in science to make up for that deferred success, everything he sees around him tells him science is stagnating, what with people refusing to trust THE SCIENCE (tm) that the modern left pushes.... his only shot now is a desperate hail-Mary that some supreme comic-book level intelligence somewhere will just jot down the solution to mortality on a napkin, but he now fears such a person will drop dead in the street after a passing Trump supporter who wouldn't get the jab coughs on them..... ruining everything, even though we were SO CLOSE!!!

He's TERRIFIED of the implications of this scenario and MAD at those wasted years he can't get back, and furious at all those he sees as "wasting" the resource points of the human RPG on things in the tech tree that don't bring robots. Like, ugh, sports, and farming. (but not movies, those are important)

Since his own ego won't allow introspection, the anger has to attach to someone else.

TL : DR - Bob's mad because he's suffering the technocrat's mid-age crisis: The future he simped for arrived, and it looks less like The Jetsons and more like The Simpsons and they still haven't overcome that triviality that is uploading your brain into a computer so you can live forever. HOW HARD COULD IT BE??!

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Honestly? I think it's the fact that he's realizing his 20 years of internet warrior-ing hasn't, isn't and cannot bring the futcha he wants and he's not going to get that immortal robot body. It's a crisis of techno-faith.

Everyone has dumb ideas as a kid/adolescent.

He held on to his with a smug "You'll see" arrogance.... when everyone else in his peer cohort grew up and realized that the gleaming-tower-and-spaceships future of pop culture wasn't coming in their lifetimes, if at all? He doubled-down and sat on the corner waiting for them to build the hyperloop by his house so he could be the first to ride it in his shiny, new, Robobob body.

He expected this all to happen by the year 2000

When it didn't, eh, he was bummed, but, these things can have a delay or two, right? (Darn Mayoghouls)

But then it slipped to 2005... 2008... 2012... and before you know it, here we are, 2021, and the streets around his house look pretty much exactly the same not only as they did when he was kid, but when his parents were kids.... the cars are newer, but they're still cars, they don't fly, and there's no robots..... and it's painfully dawning on him that there never will be, which means he won't get his robot body before he dies.


That's what really has him cheesed: the despair setting in as he realizes he's nominally on the backside of life and his "eh, super-smaht scientists will solve it, they've got 50 years to do it!" mantra that was stupid, but comforting when he didn't have the life experience to see it as such in his teens is now breaking down under the cold, hard, fact outside his very window:

The projected date of that breakthrough that will enable his immortality has now been moved well beyond his own projected check-out date.

And he's TERRIFIED of the implications and MAD at those wasted years he can't get back, and since his own ego won't allow introspection, the anger has to attach to someone else.

TL : DR - Bob's mad because he's suffering the technocrat's mid-age crisis: The future he simped for arrived, and it looks less like The Jetsons and more like The Simpsons.

There's also the fact that death cures have yet to be made since Bob for a long time wants immortality and had a belief that death can be defeated.

 

[TowinKarz]

There's also the fact that death cures have yet to be made since Bob for a long time wants immortality and had a belief that death can be defeated.

Indeed, when Bob says "The Futcha", what he's REALLY saying is "My Promised Immortality"

 

[A Very Big Fish]

I guess Bob's Church never read first Corinthians. Death is the last enemy to be destroyed, I think he'll be waiting for quite a while.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I guess Bob's Church never read first Corinthians. Death is the last enemy to be destroyed, I think he'll be waiting for quite a while.

Nah Bob does not give a shit what those obsolete religious people say, he and his atheist buddies on that forum believe death is just a force that can be defeated with ease.

 

[EnemyStand]

There's also the fact that death cures have yet to be made since Bob for a long time wants immortality and had a belief that death can be defeated.

Honestly, I'm not sure we'll ever solve death itself. The natural order is death. Hell, without death we wouldn't have food (plants are living things too!) and the world would have literally been destroyed by overpopulation before we made it to AD. Bob and his ilk cannot accept what is NATURAL, they want to not just live unnatural lives, but force people who want to live natural lives give their full throated support. That's what makes these people so disgusting.

 

[TowinKarz]

Nah Bob does not give a shit what those obsolete religious people say, he and his atheist buddies on that forum believe death is just a force that can be defeated with ease.

"Local man too angry to die"

Honestly, I'm not sure we'll ever solve death itself. The natural order is death. Hell, without death we wouldn't have food (plants are living things too!) and the world would have literally been destroyed by overpopulation before we made it to AD. Bob and his ilk cannot accept what is NATURAL, they want to not just live unnatural lives, but force people who want to live natural lives their full throated support. That's what makes these people so disgusting.

Even the Sun has a natural life.... if stars die out, and they do, what chance do those that orbit them stand to do better?

Everything has a lifespan.

To not is, as you point out, unnatural.

 

[Bolo]

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I believe Bob is one step up from being an alcoholic, and I would not be surprised if he has a monthly booze bill that would make the Founding Fathers blush.

Nah, Robert is too much of a pussy to become a full on drunk, and judging from some of the fruity drinks I've seen him posting before, i don't think he likes any hard liquor, not to the point of being constantly inebriated.

I know families can get by with 3K, but Robert has middle class tastes and probably is paying out the some of the house expenses as well, since his mom is a school nurse and most likely doesn't make much either, with that, 3k aint much, and I doubt Matpat is giving out the big bucks so Robert can wikipedia capeshit for him.

With that, I think Robert is probably helping out his brother with his money problems, not much, but enough keep his head over water.

@Neko GF already posted this, but just to refresh:

As usual, Robert misses the point. The point of the score discrepancy isn't the fucking professional acumen of critics vs the audience, it is the rejection the audience is having for political leaning entertainment, more so the liberal ones that are overly represented in the main stream, which isn't new, but they are becoming obnoxious and intrusive and these scores are representative of that.

Also, I think media criticism is a useless endeavor. Yeah, I like to talk and say which movies/comics/whatever I like and don't like, and I do like to hear some people talk about media, like the RLM guys, but I find zero merits in any "professional" critic talking about any sort of media, that means nothing to me, unless there is a effort to explain and explore some of the process behind the product, like explaining how film making works for example.

But media critism as just a assessment of value, nah, I don't have any need for it, I know what I like or what I don't like, and I can always find new stuff elsewhere. Professional media criticism means nothing to me.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Nah, Robert is too much of a pussy to become a full on drunk, and judging from some of the fruity drinks I've seen him posting before, i don't think he likes any hard liquor, not to the point of being constantly inebriated.

I know families can get by with 3K, but Robert has middle class tastes and probably is paying out the some of the house expenses as well, since his mom is a school nurse and most likely doesn't make much either, with that, 3k aint much, and I doubt Matpat is giving out the big bucks so Robert can wikipedia capeshit for him.

With that, I think Robert is probably helping out his brother with his money problems, not much, but enough keep his head over water.

@Neko GF already posted this, but just to refresh:

View attachment 2631630

As usual, Robert misses the point. The point of the score discrepancy isn't the fucking professional acumen of critics vs the audience, it is the rejection the audience is having for political leaning entertainment, more so the liberal ones that are overly represented in the main stream, which isn't new, but they are becoming obnoxious and intrusive and these scores are representative of that.

Also, I think media criticism is a useless endeavor. Yeah, I like to talk and say which movies/comics/whatever I like and don't like, and I do like to hear some people talk about media, like the RLM guys, but I find zero merits in any "professional" critic talking about any sort of media, that means nothing to me, unless there is a effort to explain and explore some of the process behind the product, like explaining how film making works for example.

But media critism as just a assessment of value, nah, I don't have any need for it, I know what I like or what I don't like, and I can always find new stuff elsewhere. Professional media criticism means nothing to me.

The thing with Bob is that he says all this shit about media criticism yet would go out of his way to insult the intelligence of other movie critics if they like something he hates or don't like something he loves (see his spergouts over people loving the Sonic movie, screaming at critics for not understanding how intelligent King of the Monsters is, and his tirades about Joker)

EDIT: Hell i am going to bet Bob will insult everyone from both critics and audiences about how Mario is a terrible movie and the worst thing ever when it's likely a mediocre kids film

 

[TowinKarz]

Also, I think media criticism is a useless endeavor. Yeah, I like to talk and say which movies/comics/whatever I like and don't like, and I do like to hear some people talk about media, like the RLM guys, but I find zero merits in any "professional" critic talking about any sort of media, that means nothing to me, unless there is a effort to explain and explore some of the process behind the product, like explaining how film making works for example.

But media critism as just a assessment of value, nah, I don't have any need for it, I know what I like or what I don't like, and I can always find new stuff elsewhere. Professional media criticism means nothing to me.

Yeah, going to the game and watching Tom Brady play while sitting in the stands, where you can't hear the play-by-play and color man? The experience isn't lessened nor the pass he just threw without meaning if you can't instantly get 3rd party feedback of an "expert" on it.

Bob lives in a delusion where a person on the sidelines of a game literally doesn't know what's happening unless they can be told how to interpret what they just saw.

 

[Giga_Nigga_28]

Imagine checking your notifications thinking people were interacting with your tweet and you see it's all one guy writing an essay length spergout just to say, "all technology is militarized."

 

[Mola Ram]

Imagine checking your notifications thinking people were interacting with your tweet and you see it's all one guy writing an essay length spergout just to say, "all technology is militarized."

Why use four words when four thousand will do?

 

[Darksy DePhil]

Why the fuck would someone like bob want to live forever anyway. How would immortality improve his already shitty life? So that he gets to consume the eventual 214th Star Wars movie in his lifetime?

 

[TowinKarz]

Why the fuck would someone like bob want to live forever anyway. How would immortality improve his already shitty life? So that he gets to consume the eventual 214th Star Wars movie in his lifetime?

It's raw spite, I'd wager....

We know as-is that Bobby:

Can't out-compete you economically.

Can't out-argue you on the finer points of philosophy.

Can't out-fuck you in the bedroom.

Can't out-last you in a physical competition,

Can't out-perform you in a talent show.

Etc etc etc

But once he gets his mitts on that prized immortal robobody? Well he can at least OUTLIVE you, and if he can wheel that trashcan he calls a body up to the cemetery and park it on your grave, who really won?