Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Pokemonquistador]

It’s amazing how Bob consistently has the worst pitches imaginable.
Kevin Sorbo still works and regularly does conventions where people pay actual money to get autographs and be photographed with him. That’s more than Bob can say. I think it’s fair to say no one is going to a convention to see Bob.

And if they are it's only to see if this is the day when his heart explodes and hundreds of chicken nuggets start pouring out.

 

[Asa_Spades60]

Anyone with a gun is going to threaten Bobby's already feeble sense of masculinity.

Even kids with toy guns and Super Soakers, craft-obsessed grandmothers with glue guns, and do-it-yourselfers with nail guns. And movies like Guns of Navarrone or The Man With The Golden Gun.

 

[Judge Dredd]

The left (including Bob) turned a blind eye to all the brownshirt esc behaviour of Antifa, BLM, and other far-left groups, but now suddenly they are aware of troubling historic parallels when it's someone they don't like? How convenient.

Superior taste.

I've put off this particular :powerlevel: for a while, but since this keeps happening I think it's time I mention it.

An acquaintance I've spoken to only a few times mentioned how he shared an office with people in the TV industry. I don't know what their title was, but they were the people who pitched shows for a living and the acquaintance often overheard said pitches. He claimed that it was all the worst shit imaginable. I don't remember any specific examples, but it was stuff like "He's a caveman that solves crimes!" or "He's a used car salesman that ...wait for it... rides a skateboard!". Suddenly the current state of TV makes a lot more sense.

As bad as it sounds, Bob could theoretically hold a job as a TV pitch man.

Others said this in the comicsgate thread, but I do wonder if there's anything that hipsters actually enjoy. Everything they claim to like, they claim to only like with a huge slice of ironic self aware camp. And even that must get must get old at some point because it's the same joke repeated over and over.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

The left (including Bob) turned a blind eye to all the brownshirt esc behaviour of Antifa, BLM, and other far-left groups, but now suddenly they are aware of troubling historic parallels when it's someone they don't like? How convenient.

"It's okay when we do it!" - Anyone who turns a blind eye to it.

 

[Mola Ram]

As bad as it sounds, Bob could theoretically hold a job as a TV pitch man.

It's horrifying, but not inaccurate. Like I said, his kung fu lawyer (see, Bob; that's how you do punchy loglines) idea isn't a bad one, if you treat it as schlock, or at least a fun adventure that doesn't take itself too seriously -- maybe something like Face/Off would be about as serious with it as you could get. But as has been pointed out, the "techno-paranoia" line suggests he actually thinks this mad notion could be taken seriously, and that's where it goes off the rails.

Perhaps more importantly, I can't imagine Bob working well with others, and unless you're already a wildly successful writer, you really can't do this shit all by yourself.

 

[Slowboat to China]

Agreed on kung-fu lawyer story. There's some good, silly fun to be had there, and you could play it a couple of different ways. I'm picturing either a "Kung Fu Hustle" style deal with special powers and wire-fu, or completely dead-ass serious a la the Yakuza games, where the fun comes from a goofy premise treated straightfacedly.

I agree that Bob wouldn't be the writer for it, though. Any questions of skill or professionalism aside, he just ... doesn't seem to know how to switch off and have fun, or understand what other people find fun. It's a little saddening.

 

[Capsaicin Addict]

Is Jet Li even doing kung fu movies anymore?

Bob's idea is particularly funny because Li initially rose to prominence through the kung fu derived sport of Wushu, which is more for an audience than for self defense and emphasizes acrobatics over combat effectiveness. There really aren't secret techniques in it. It's done primarily to compete and please audiences.

I couldn't even remember the last time I saw a film with Jet Li in it. From what I looked up, he's mostly just doing Chinese films now. His last American film as far as I can tell was with The Expendables 3. Though he will be in Disney's live-adaption of Mulan.

He was semi-retired from films due to hyperthyroidism, but nowadays he's concentrating on charity work.

 

[GeePee]

Count Jackula has given Movie Blob the beat of his life:
https://twitter.com/Count_Jackula/status/1053705438275850240

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Count Jackula has given Movie Blob the beat of his life:
https://twitter.com/Count_Jackula/status/1053705438275850240

Damn, I didn't know it was perfectly acceptable to beat up retards.

 

[Exceptionally Exceptional]

MovieBlob is still alive?
Goddamn it obesity, you had one job!

 

[Red Hood]

Damn, I didn't know it was perfectly acceptable to beat up exceptional superior individuals that matter.

FTFY

 

[Flexo]

I imagine Bob's politics are not necessarily left leaning, I think he is an opportunist who just follows whatever side will get him closer to his superior future.

No, like I said before, I knew him when he was just a random nobody on the internet (I mean, less a nobody than now) and he was still lefty then. He was just in less of a bubble so he was SLIGHTLY less insufferable.

For all his posturing his politics doesnt really integrate into the left wing very well. He despises the working classes, idolizes corporations and consumerism. He shat on the Bernie sanders pretty much non-stop during the election and still does to this day. He doesnt really like power being handed to the common man. He also has a"us vs them" mindset which is disturbingly simular to racism in how aggresively he hates people for not being his kind of people. He's also probably a eugenicist and is really comfortable looking the other way with violent authoritarian regimes such as China.

He's only really left wing by the fox news definition of the word-the sort of shit you throw at your enemies if you're stupid....except bob actually believes it. More honestly his beliefs are an incoherant mess with some lip service to egalitarianism and neo-liberalism.

To sum up a long argument (and we can take it elsewhere if you wish) but I've heard it described that the left is divided between the True Believers and the Exploiters. (Think Lenin vs Stalin.) Moviebob is somehow both - he believes in the cause, and is blabbing about the exploitation to all the other faithful. He's the first useless idiot.

I'm not saying the data is accurate in any way (I've worked in too many databases to believe that) but until Bob et al provide what we SHOULD be measuring this with, I'll be saying the video game company has won.

REEEEEEEEEE HUNTERS.

I'm beginning to get the sense that Bob has no sense or ability to budget...

I dunno. I think it sounds schlocky enough to be pretty fun, and having courtroom scenes in a kung fu movie is just ridiculous enough to be entertaining. If Bob had any writing ability (*gigglesnort*) he might even be able to make a decent screenplay out of it. Just two problems:

1) Bob can't write.
2) He'd have to stop being an insufferable cunt.

Oh for fuck's sake...

IT'S CALLED DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE, PEOPLE!

Bob never has an original idea. If you think it is one, you just haven't found out what he's ripping off yet!

 

[Gordon Cole]

In case of criticism, ignore what they say and call them a Literally Who.

 

[Positron]

I couldn't even remember the last time I saw a film with Jet Li in it. From what I looked up, he's mostly just doing Chinese films now. His last American film as far as I can tell was with The Expendables 3. Though he will be in Disney's live-adaption of Mulan.

Jet Li said he basically retired from the action scene in 2005. The hot property in fight films the past 10 years or so has been Donnie Yan, and more recently, Eddie Pang Yu-Yan.

On topic: has there ever been a MovieBob pitch that isn't a WTF crossover or a revenge fantasy?

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

In case of criticism, ignore what they say and call them a Literally Who.
View attachment 572154 View attachment 572153

Because constantly trying to wave your “semi-popular YouTuber” dick around doesn’t make you seem at all like a petty condescending jackass, now does it?

 

[LordofCringe7206]

On topic: has there ever been a MovieBob pitch that isn't a bad crossover or a revenge fantasy?

No, because Bob is incapable of producing an original story that isn't just a hodgepodge of other stories. He really reminds me of a child who uses all his favorite cartoon characters to write one big story. I myself did that as a kid, but had stopped by sixth grade.

Bob's approaching 40 and still hasn't.

 

[RodgerDodger]

It’s amazing how Bob consistently has the worst pitches imaginable.
Kevin Sorbo still works and regularly does conventions where people pay actual money to get autographs and be photographed with him. That’s more than Bob can say. I think it’s fair to say no one is going to a convention to see Bob.

Heck Sorbo owned a substantial piece of Hercules, Xenia and Andromeda. And even his Christian movies made a stunning ROI. He actually gets to play with a camera and get his projects made. The Autographs and Conventions he does because he enjoys them. He could walk away and live comfortably to his dying days.

Whereas Bob lives in a moldy dungeon like the cave troll that he is.

 

[BubbleButt]

Count Jackula has given Movie Blob the beat of his life:
https://twitter.com/Count_Jackula/status/1053705438275850240

Oh, God, I forgot about that Sucker Punch travesty Bob made.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Kevin Sorbo is a god damn treasure.

 

[Red Hood]

No, because Bob is incapable of producing an original story that isn't just a hodgepodge of other stories. He really reminds me of a child who uses all his favorite cartoon characters to write one big story. I myself did that as a kid, but had stopped by sixth grade.

Bob's approaching 40 and still hasn't.

I hate to give a point to Doug Walker, but for one of the Hulk Hogan movies (Mr Nanny, I think) he outlines that the plot sounds like a kid made it up by basically doing Bob's movie pitch schtick. That's who Bob is, in real life. A throwaway Nostalgia Critic joke.