Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[RockVolnutt]

"some woman picked me as pity inoffensive loser to use me as front while she got her pussy licked by some broad and she didnt let me even watch". and boeberto think thats a good story to tell?

this is how bob chipman looks like. i pity the poor girl at hooters that has to be nice to the retard who comes every friday to eat by himself a family sized meal.
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Obligatory for your edits

 

[iRON-mAn]

So he has the same understanding of the female body as Eric Cartman. Got it.

Cartman has at least seen a vagina in person though.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

I think he knows that if he tried to describe sex he would be exposed because it would be readily obvious that he hasn't had it. The fact that he won't confirm or deny anything is absolute proof of this.

That's the premise behind the opening scene of the 40-Year Old Virgin. Which makes it even funnier that Bob is a 40-Year Old Virgin.

 

[Koby_Fish]

The analogy is meant to indicate that Bob almost always hooks up with somebody at a social gathering. Whether it be a bar outing or some other event. According to him he rarely fails to hook up with a piece of ass. The plate metaphor is meant to mean that he's hit it off with a girl at a BBQ and she's now making his plate for him at the cookout.

For a supposed progressive feminist, he sure does have some traditional views on what the woman is supposed to do for him.

Yeah, this was so weird even for a northeasterner. I thought they were supposed to be super-progressive? Over here in the great progressive West Coast, women do not make plates for their lazy ass boyfriends/husbands unless said boyfriend or husband is profoundly disabled and completely incapable of doing it his damn self. And we're talking religious families, too, here.

It's just such a tortured metaphor for a one-night-stand it's unreal (because shit son, not even one night stands would literally fix a guy a plate, I would hope, LOL).

I just really hope that wherever Bob thinks he's meeting women, it's not family reunions, because that would just make his idiotic tweets about "sisterfuck county, AL" or "Senator Cousinporquer from AL" just that much more pathetic and hypocritical.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

Yeah, this was so weird even for a northeasterner. I thought they were supposed to be super-progressive? Over here in the great progressive West Coast, women do not make plates for their lazy ass boyfriends/husbands unless said boyfriend or husband is profoundly disabled and completely incapable of doing it his damn self. And we're talking religious families, too, here.

It's just such a tortured metaphor for a one-night-stand it's unreal (because shit son, not even one night stands would literally fix a guy a plate, I would hope, LOL).

I just really hope that wherever Bob thinks he's meeting women, it's not family reunions, because that would just make his idiotic tweets about "sisterfuck county, AL" or "Senator Cousinporquer from AL" just that much more pathetic and hypocritical.

If you pay $699 for the "girlfriend experience" I imagine prepping his meals like a good mommy is one of the easiest and fastest ways the prostitute can make Bob happy while minimizing the total time she'll have to spend touching him.

This is assuming Bob's broke ass can even afford a hooker and he isn't just pulling this from his hippo-sized unwiped ass.

 

[Koby_Fish]

If you pay $699 for the "girlfriend experience" I imagine prepping his meals like a good mommy is one of the easiest and fastest ways the prostitute can make Bob happy while minimizing the total time she'll have to spend touching him.

This is assuming Bob's broke ass can even afford a hooker and he isn't just pulling this from his hippo-sized unwiped ass.

i think the whole point of the metaphor was that he was trying to convince everybody that wimmin will slep with him for free.

 

[Pokemonquistador2]

If you pay $699 for the "girlfriend experience" I imagine prepping his meals like a good mommy is one of the easiest and fastest ways the prostitute can make Bob happy while minimizing the total time she'll have to spend touching him.

This is assuming Bob's broke ass can even afford a hooker and he isn't just pulling this from his hippo-sized unwiped ass.

I figured that a woman saw Bob approaching the food table at a barbeque, quickly made him a "small amount of food for an average size person;" (aka: she piled three steaks, four burgers, and as much fries as she could into a chinet plate and shoved it at Bob,) hoping that this would keep his mouth shut for most of the party and Bob interpreted that to mean that the girl was in love with him.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

There is no plate. Robert is a pauper at the Banquet d'Amour.

Robert is fat, etc, etc.

The analogy is meant to indicate that Bob almost always hooks up with somebody at a social gathering. Whether it be a bar outing or some other event. According to him he rarely fails to hook up with a piece of ass. The plate metaphor is meant to mean that he's hit it off with a girl at a BBQ and she's now making his plate for him at the cookout.

The implication that Blob goes to barbecues apart from family ones is

For a supposed progressive feminist, he sure does have some traditional views on what the woman is supposed to do for him.

 

[ChampFantana]

i think the whole point of the metaphor was that he was trying to convince everybody that wimmin will slep with him for free.

No need to overthink things, Bobert is still a virgin and always will be. Not even the desperate troons he simps for will stoop to sleeping with him.

 

[starborn427614]

No need to overthink things, Bobert is still a virgin and always will be. Not even the desperate troons he simps for will stoop to sleeping with him.

It's funny too, because I'm sure if he didn't act like he does he could at least get a pity lay. His own narcissism will stop that from ever happening.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Rate me late if you must but Bob's sperging at Elon Musk made me think: has it ever been pointed out to him that even if and when commercial space travel becomes viable Bob won't be able to use it because he's a fat diabetic sack of cum?

I am no science man, but I'm pretty sure the effects of space on a normal, healthy human body are bad; I can't even imagine what zero-G would do to Bob's corpulent husk.

 

[Chad Holdenford]

Rate me late if you must but Bob's sperging at Elon Musk made me think: has it ever been pointed out to him that even if and when commercial space travel becomes viable Bob won't be able to use it because he's a fat diabetic sack of cum?

I am no science man, but I'm pretty sure the effects of space on a normal, healthy human body are bad; I can't even imagine what zero-G would do to Bob's corpulent husk.

IIRC, astronauts need to be in a relatively state of constant movement so the zero-G doesn't bust their bones and tissues. They also must drastically change everything about their lifestyles, such as shortened sleeping cycles and a very sparse meal program, so the whole process of digestion can adapt to the gravity conditions. Even the act of breathing in and out must be changed once the body leaves the stratosphere. There is a reason the program for astronauts has an incredibly small rate of approval. It's extremely grueling from beginning to end.

You bet the lump of flesh and blubber has not thought about the downsides of space travel with our current technology.

 

[Positron]

Let me point out that if I was trying to colonise Mars, I wouldn't send a fat autistic pedo in any of my colonial ships.

Getting him away from Earth children is a worthwhile enough goal.

Go help make the spaceships then, asshole.

Ahem. The plot, nay The Prophecy, says only a young BIPOC woman like Ree-ree Williams is capable of building a spaceship.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

IIRC, astronauts need to be in a relatively state of constant movement so the zero-G doesn't bust their bones and tissues. They also must drastically change everything about their lifestyles, such as shortened sleeping cycles and a very sparse meal program, so the whole process of digestion can adapt to the gravity conditions. Even the act of breathing in and out must be changed once the body leaves the stratosphere. There is a reason the program for astronauts has an incredibly small rate of approval. It's extremely grueling from beginning to end.

You bet the lump of flesh and blubber has not thought about the downsides of space travel with our current technology.

None of that physical stuff will matter when Bob's consciousness is uploaded into an immortal robot body, duh.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Getting him away from Earth children is a worthwhile enough goal.

Has anyone tried telling him that the superior future is on the other side of that airlock?

 

[Oliver Onions]

IIRC, astronauts need to be in a relatively state of constant movement so the zero-G doesn't bust their bones and tissues. They also must drastically change everything about their lifestyles, such as shortened sleeping cycles

I'm hazy on the specifics but I recall a video about astronauts that explained how dangerous sleeping in space is, because of how no gravity affects oxygen/C02 in your lungs, which means they need to be strapped into a specific position or something.

Doesn't Bobbo need a c-pap machine, or am I thinking of a different fatso? Either way, I'm gonna guess he already has breathing issues; sleeping in space would be a guaranteed death sentence for him.

 

[Mola Ram]

Doesn't Bobbo need a c-pap machine, or am I thinking of a different fatso? Either way, I'm gonna guess he already has breathing issues; sleeping in space would be a guaranteed death sentence for him.

We've guessed that Bob has undiagnosed sleep apnea, or he's too embarrassed to mention it online because it's a condition commonly associated with (but not exclusive to) the morbidly obese. Either way, Bob would be a poor candidate even for amateur astronaut work.

 

[Chad Holdenford]

I'm hazy on the specifics but I recall a video about astronauts that explained how dangerous sleeping in space is, because of how no gravity affects oxygen/C02 in your lungs, which means they need to be strapped into a specific position or something.

Doesn't Bobbo need a c-pap machine, or am I thinking of a different fatso? Either way, I'm gonna guess he already has breathing issues; sleeping in space would be a guaranteed death sentence for him.

Yes, I also read they need to sleep in short shifts and strapped to a wall, as if laying down on their left side. Can you imagine not being able to sleep a normal 8-or-so hour shift on a normal place, because otherwise your freaking lungs may collapse with CO2 build-up?

This is why astronauts need to be on top-tier physical and mental conditions. That excludes Generalissimo Blobo out of every possible standard. As @Mola Ram mentioned, he most likely has sleep apnea due to his severe overweightness, and most likely has woken up choking on his saliva a few times; Not to mention a severe case of loud snoring. Trust me on this one, those happened to me when I was packing some extra kilos and pretty much lost it when I changed my diet and started exercising more regularly. No chance on that for our subject, though.

 

[starborn427614]

We've guessed that Bob has undiagnosed sleep apnea, or he's too embarrassed to mention it online because it's a condition commonly associated with (but not exclusive to) the morbidly obese. Either way, Bob would be a poor candidate even for amateur astronaut work.

Not necessarily, we could always use more satellites.

 

[No Exit]

Not necessarily, we could always use more satellites.

The weather has already been bad in the last few years, we don't need another moon messing with the tides.