Roger Ebert thread

[DeadwastePrime]

@Deadwaste Is a Roger Ebert fanboy.

 

[MadStan]

I invite supporters to Roger to actually go back and see his original reviews of classic films prior to his “revised reviews” he did later on. This guy called so many films bad that are considered cult classics and called so many good that are rightfully considered garbage.

I could give examples but it’s more fun if you don’t know to find out. You’ll soon realize he could t recognize good film making if it slapped him in the face while getting a tan in the Valley of the dolls

 

[The Feline Solution]

The only film critic worth listening to is Armond White, even if his takes on the Safdie bros. films are shit-tier.

Edit: That Clockwork Orange review is ridiculous. How did this man ever get lauded as a critic? Did he watch the same movie i did? What is it with all the personal attacks against Kubrick? This reads like some early version of the current woke-mindvirus drivel or an elaborate shit post. Pure fucking pleb opinions all over.

My bad, i misread part of that paragraph about Ebert's analysis of Alex as directed at Kubrick.

We all want to live that dream, mang.

View attachment 5228501

God, i love Ralphus. BSF is a timeless classic of the genre.

The most notable thing i remember about this fag is that in the 60s he wrote a dogshit review about Africa Addio and how evil and racist it was for "portraying poor innocent black people as savages that kill anything".

Topkek, again, did me and him watch the same film?!

 

[I Love Beef]

Roger Ebert inspired Zac Bertschy, an anime reviewer, to be one of the most insufferable faggots who ever lived, to live and thrive before everyone called out his horseshit before drinking himself to death and dying alone. Roger Ebert also caused the whole "video games aren't art" debacle which got the video games industry in an identity crisis and pushed out shit "playable movies" into the 2010s.

I hope he's sucking all of the STD ridden cocks in hell, or is now non existent if he is an atheist. Fuck Ebert.

 

[Cats]

Someone named Deadwaste left a rating on this thread, and I felt it was ironic because that's exactly what Ebert is.

 

[UnKillFill]

Roger Ebert should lay off the fatty foods.

 

[TV's Adam West]

John Wayne was a Nazi.

 

[Shart Attack]

Say what you will about the current state of film criticism, but at least the internet has dispelled the illusion that film critics are anything more than regular people who watch movies. Being published in newspapers when they were still culturally relevant and later having his own TV show were things not everyone could do, which seemed to elevate him and Siskel above the common man, seemed to give their opinions an air of legitimacy. If he was just getting his start now, he'd be posting reviews online, and he'd be an unremarkable nobody in a sea of unremarkable nobodies with bad taste in movies, because that's exactly what he was.

 

[PeriodicTrouble]

Siskel and Ebert really seemed to be morally righteous when it came to horror movies. Siskel condemned the makers of Silent Night Deadly Night and how the profits they were making from the movie was blood money.

Siskel doxed Betsy Palmer for being a part of the original Friday The 13th.

 

[Marc]

 

[Your Starter for 10]

He's not as bad as Pauline Kael, but I'm still glad he had a horrific death.

 

[Pissmaster]

Ebert was woke to euphoric levels years and years before wokeness got big. His takes were so awful that I can practically use his reviews in reverse: if he hated it, I might like it, and vice versa.

 

[Commander X]

Speaking of Armond White, that crazy gay Negro, he reviewed an Ebert documentary:

One eulogist credits to Ebert the phrase “democratizing criticism” (a notion parroted by bloggers) but the ass-kissing term is peculiarly inaccurate since the expertise that is inherent to professionalism cannot be “democratized.” Praising Ebert for his Average Joe approach to movies may flatter Internetters but it encourages criticism to aim low. Ebert’s lowest common-denominator style recalls old journalist mythology, reeking of barroom arrogance and newsroom smugness, yet James’ film doesn’t follow that mythos to TV, the consecutive news medium that gave Ebert a larger audience than print criticism ever had (a dubious achievement now mistaken for proof of importance).
[...] One on-screen mourner describes the Siskel & Ebert TV show debates (with the Chicago Tribune’s Gene Siskel) as “Towering figures clashing. Because they couldn’t agree, that raised the temperature of the movies they discussed.” That’s just publicist gibberish. It confuses Marshall McLuhan’s media theory with belief in hype as cultural determinant. The clips of Siskel and Ebert’s chew-toy growling over Benji: The Hunted shows the level of their erudition.

Ebert primarily opened the door for all the critics who followed in his shallow groove, exhibiting the same lack of skill and intelligence, starting with the likes of David Edelstein, Dana Stevens, Owen Gleiberman, Peter Travers and so on, and followed by even less intelligent generations of critics.

They use vague buzzwords to say vague things about an art form they evidently lose interest in after the closing credits and tend towards sheep-like group consensus on movies. Their "professional" reviews are samey, low-effort and full of empty adjectives (moving, frenetic, slick, entertaining, singular, beautiful, hilarious, thrill-ride, etc.) and PR-speak, to the point they might as well not bother writing a review and simply submit a numerical rating directly to Rotten Tomatoes. The only real reason for their jobs to exist is that they will put the stamp of approval on enough crap so as to not to put off advertisers. That's what it comes down to, these film critics and their dumbed-down writing and rating systems are advertiser friendly, "Two thumbs up", "four out of five stars", "89% on RT".

Ebert said nothing notable about anyone he liked and frequently disliked filmmakers for the dumbest reasons, see his long hatred of David Lynch's films starting with Blue Velvet. I mean, sure, fine whatever you think of Lynch, Ebert was a reliable thumbs down for Lynch, so much so that Lynch ran an ad for Lost Highway that said, "Two Thumbs Down--Two More Reasons to See Lost Highway".

Fast forward twenty years, and after watching Lynch's Mulholland Drive, Ebert did a complete 180 on this director and decided there was something to his work after all. I'll spare you the trouble of trying to figure out what made the difference: Mulholland Drive's lesbian sex scene, which was one of Ebert's "critical" preoccupations. (Of the many retarded statements in his review: "The way you know the movie is over is that it ends.")

There is no thought, no real analysis or real insight or appreciation of the medium in the reviews of Ebert and his ilk, just thoughtless scarfing down of films like junk food and belching out opinions.

 

[Waifu Days]

I can't find it, help please, but there was a one particular Howard Stern interview (there are a few) where Ebert claimed to be loosing weight and was dancing to some gerne of Bollywood music and the name of the genre was funny sounding. I will give him this, Ebert could roll with the punches in the day. Too bad he was a corporate shill.

Edit - Near the end he became a thin skinned bitch.

Also, in another Stern interview, he claimed to be "pumping iron".

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

God must have wanted Ebert to shut the fuck up very bad, to go and improve his facial anatomy like that. Amen.

 

[Pitbull Victim]

To play devil's advocate, two points in Ebert's favor:

1. He gave Speed and Natural Born Killers perfect 4/4 scores.

2. At his worst, he still had better taste than living soyjak AO Scott.

 

[Larry Potterfield]

Was Ebert the guy who said eventually people were going to use media to fill their lack of personality? Because if that were the case, he was right. Besides that, I don't like him.

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

I wanted to make a thread on Ebert because he seemed to be the cause for modern "film reviewer rockstar" syndrome which created notable lolcows and made pretty much every modern reviewer think he is more than a floating head who's job is to convince people to watch the new goyslop.

 

[The Feline Solution]

Praising Ebert for his Average Joe approach to movies may flatter Internetters but it encourages criticism to aim low. Ebert’s lowest common-denominator style recalls old journalist mythology, reeking of barroom arrogance and newsroom smugness

Based Armond. Also, i'm convinced he posts on /tv/ and i called him a nigger over his tastes on more than one occasion

so that Lynch ran an ad for Lost Highway that said, "Two Thumbs Down--Two More Reasons to See Lost Highway".

That's hilarious. The only way to interact with critics should be ridicule.

 

[Product Placement]

Some shit movies he liked
Home Alone 3 he thought was the best one

https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/home-alone-3-1997

Ghost of Mars. he gave a 3/4 to

https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/ghosts-of-mars-2001

The Phantom Menace

Knowing, 4/4

https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/knowing-2009