Artcow Rose3212

[Lady Houligan]

Geez, that reminds me of a person I met on a Transformers fan site I used to post to when I was younger. She wrote tons and tons of fanfiction of herself as Megatron's wife and having children with him. It was . . . weird.

How would that even work? Would she have a robotic uterus or something?

Does Megatron have robosperm

Sadly I'm aware of some of the theories due to a friend being a hardcore GeeWunner. According to her they "merge their sparks" and somehow that creates a new spark that rides on the "mama" Transformer and then gets stuck in a new Transformer body or something. She wrote essays on DA about how it all worked.

 

[Himawari]

Cress looks Chili, Chili looks at Cress....Something clicks in their minds....They seem to be in love with each other, despite the fact that they're brothers.

Can I just say that, even if you ignore the whole incest thing, this is the absolute shittiest way to build up to romance.

btw this is the very first sentence of the story.

 

[The Hunter]

Cress looks Chili, Chili looks at Cress....Something clicks in their minds....They seem to be in love with each other, despite the fact that they're brothers.

Can I just say that, even if you ignore the whole incest thing, this is the absolute shittiest way to build up to romance.

btw this is the very first sentence of the story.

This whole time, I thought "clicking" meant talking to someone for months and getting to know each other until you realize you have a lot in common and discover there's a mutual interest going on. I had no idea all one has to do is look at someone and then they fall in love. This whole time I've been doing it wrong. Clearly, I am autistic and Rose 3212 is the most romantic person I will ever have the good fortune of meeting.

 

[CalmMyTits]

I would comment on her profile or 'stories' but she'd just hide them as spam and block me, so I shouldn't bother.

 

[Himawari]

That's one of the most infuriating things about DA, if someone tries to even offer advice but it exceeds the hurtful truth level, a user can just immediately mark the comment as spam and never have to see or think about it again. DA isn't a place where artists can learn and grow, it's a personal hugbox.

It would be better if their spam flagging feature were more like Youtube's.

 

[Niachu]

"Morty...Let...Me...GO!"Eusine pants.
"No...I...WON'T, Eusine!"Morty refuses.
"What...Do...You...WANT...From...Me?"Eusine pants.
"All...I...Want..Is...Love!"Morty sighs.
"L-Love?"Eusine asks in shock.
"Mm-hmm...I wuv u."Morty says.

C'mon, really? Chris's romantic prose is better than this.

 

[The Hunter]

"Morty...Let...Me...GO!"Eusine pants.
"No...I...WON'T, Eusine!"Morty refuses.
"What...Do...You...WANT...From...Me?"Eusine pants.
"All...I...Want..Is...Love!"Morty sighs.
"L-Love?"Eusine asks in shock.
"Mm-hmm...I wuv u."Morty says.

C'mon, really? Chris's romantic prose is better than this.

I wuv u

Eusine pants

Those two things are pissing me off the most right now, not the fact that it sounds like Eusine's being raped.

 

[Lady Houligan]

"Morty...Let...Me...GO!"Eusine pants.
"No...I...WON'T, Eusine!"Morty refuses.
"What...Do...You...WANT...From...Me?"Eusine pants.
"All...I...Want..Is...Love!"Morty sighs.
"L-Love?"Eusine asks in shock.
"Mm-hmm...I wuv u."Morty says.

C'mon, really? Chris's romantic prose is better than this.

Well I can't speak for Eusine but I'd love some goddamned editing and maybe less "..." Seriously. That shit's the literary equivalent of listening to Chris hem and haw while trying to figure out what the person he's talking to WANTS to hear.

 

[Himawari]

I took a peek at Rose's other DA account and I found an answer for why losing the cafe means death!

See now it all makes se- no.

 

[CalmMyTits]

^Yeah... no.

Someone please put her in a padded room, far, far, far away from the Internet, or any sort of screen.

 

[The Hunter]

I took a peek at Rose's other DA account and I found an answer for why losing the cafe means death!

See now it all makes se- no.

wut?

Also, the elves in LOTR were beaten up by local thugs and had meth poured down their throats. I don't know what the hell she watched.

 

[Himawari]

Oh man I just noticed Mjisawesomenumbers' signature.

It's like it's mocking how Rose's used to say "taken/Cilan's sexy slave!" or whatever.

EDIT: Also Rose has a new alt account so she can cheat on Cilan with Eusine.

 

[José Mourinho]

I took a peek at Rose's other DA account and I found an answer for why losing the cafe means death!

See now it all makes se- no.

This sounds like a "Romeo and Juliet" rip-off, but the only difference is that "Romeo and Juliet" actually did the death parts pretty good. This isn't.

 

[Himawari]

I said I wouldn't bother her again, but hey, I was bored. So I left a comment on her newest deviation.

I adjusted my language to be more on the level of your typical tartlet, maybe she won't block me this time.

EDIT: Victory! She even responded.

No that's not what groping looks like...

 

[CalmMyTits]

This girl claims to be 23 but she writes like a 11 year old.

 

[Himawari]

I seriously thought she was actually 13 and just bumped her age by ten years in order to get around COPPA when she signed up for DA.

Then I looked back in her gallery and realized that if that were true she would have been writing sexy fanfic about her and Michael Jackson since she was like 6...

 

[The Dude]

This girl claims to be 23 but she writes like a 11 year old.

Having the mentality of a child can do that to ya.

I seriously thought she was actually 13 and just bumped her age by ten years in order to get around COPPA when she signed up for DA.

Then I looked back in her gallery and realized that if that were true she would have been writing sexy fanfic about her and Michael Jackson since she was like 6...

"Billy Jean was not his lover. Of course she wasn't, she had a vagina. She was older than twelve years old."

 

[Himawari]

Rose posted some shitty fanfic of her and Eusine and I feel like doing commentary on it.

Spoiler

Mysteryshipping-RosexEusine-1

According to the official fandom shipping name list Mysteryshipping is already taken by Looker and Shauntal, sorry Rose.

Chapters:As many as I can write, XD!

Rating:NC-17/X/R
Reasons:Nudity, Eusine implying sex, sexual actions, sexual comments, Eusine making lewd remarks, sex, Eusine and Rose talking in sexual terms, pregnancy, childbirth.

wow way to spoil the ENTIRE STORY.

Eusine and Rose are still hunting for Suicune in Johto, when Eusine sees Rose in the North Light...
"Mm...Minaki wants...Not Suikun, a woman, the one helping him....Ah, it is Rose that Minaki wants!"Eusine sighs.

Okay I know Eusine can be considered to not be completely... all there, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't refer to himself in the third person, and with his Jaoanese name.

Rose cuddles her Suicune plush toy.
"Mm? Hey, do you have another one of those Suicune plushes? I'd like one too, please."Eusine says.
Rose hands Eusine the other Suicune plush she has.
"Thankies."Eusine says.

this is absolutely 100% the kind of conversation two well-adjusted adults would have in the real world.

"You're welcome."Rose says.
"But I have a secret to tell you..."Eusine says.
"Hm? What is it?"Rose asks.
"I don't want Suicune anymore..."Eusine says.
"Really? Then what do you want?"Rose asks.
"It's not a "what," it's more of a "who," Rose dear."Eusine says.
"Okay then, who is it?"Rose asks.

Eusine slides close and puts his arms around Rose.
"You're the one I want, my Mystery Woman!"Eusine says.

boring confession is boring.

"M-Minaki wants ME?"Rose asks.
"Mm-hmm, Minaki wants you."Eusine says.

No stop with the third person Japanese name shit what is that even.

"When did this happen?"Rose asks.
"Remember the night you and Morty slept over and shared my bed with me?"Eusine asks.
"Yup, Morty and I had just watched "Snakes On A Plane," Minaki."Rose says.

Snakes on a Plane really???

"Mm-hmm, you two had flipped out in fear and hid behind my couch."Eusine says.

okay Snakes on a Plane is NOT that scary. It's not even a horror movie???

Later...
"May I feel you up?"Eusine asks.

Wait, that's it?? You just go from Snakes on a Plane to making out???

"Yes."Rose says.
Eusine reaches his hand under her dress and feels her up.
"Permission to look you up and down, Minaki?"Rose asks.
"Permission granted."Eusine says.
Rose gives Eusine eyes.

the first thing I make after my doctor gives me the go-ahead to start drawing again and it's this shit

Shortly after, Eusine has sex with Rose and impregnates her.

omg hottest sex scene evar

"Minaki?"Rose asks.
"Hm? What is it?"Eusine asks.
"I'm pregnant."Rose says.
"Oh this is so wonderful!"Eusine smiles.

wait when is this happening? Is this pillow talk??? There is no way Rose would know she is pregnant that quickly, hell she wouldn't even BE pregnant yet at this point!

"If it's a boy, we'll name him after you, if it's a girl, we'll name her Suicune."Rose says.
"Okay."Eusine agrees.

no those are the dumbest names

Eusine and Rose secretly marry in the yard of his mansion in Celadon City.
Rose and Eusine prepare for their baby's birth.
"Everyone bought us gifts, Morty bought us the crib."Eusine says.
"Good."Rose says.

8 months pass.

this is so interesting

"The baby's due in a month."Eusine sighs.
"Yup."Rose says.
Another month passes, and Rose goes into labor.

OH GOD THE BUILDUP I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS SUSPENSE

"Holy Suicune, Eusine! It's coming!"Rose gasps.
"The baby is! To the hospital!"Eusine says.
Eusine rushes her there, they go into L&D 1, where Rose's water breaks quickly.
Rose is pushing.
"Okay now, come a little more..."Eusine says, holding her hand.
Rose pushes more.
Rose pushes for 5 hours,

omg I don't know THAT much about childbirth but spending a full five hours pushing sounds like something is seriously wrong to me??

and a baby boy who looks like Eusine is born crying.

He came out looking exactly like full-grown Eusine? Creepy.

"It's Chibi Minaki!"Rose says.
"Eusine Jr is here!"Eusine sighs.

stop that's not how "chibi" is used.

Eusine cuts the cord and wraps Eusine Jr in a pale blue blanket.
"Goo goo gagaga....:"Eusine Jr coos.
Translation:Suiiicuuuune.

Okay it's dumb enough when people do this shit with Pokemon, but human babies??? They don't even have the cognizance to have actual coherent thoughts that can hypothetically be translated!

"Haha, he's already obsessed with Suicune!"Eusine laughs.
"Yup."Rose smiles.
end part 1.

kill me.

 

[The Hunter]

Shortly after, Eusine has sex with Rose and impregnates her.

Wow. How erotic.

 

[Bugaboo]

Shortly after, Eusine has sex with Rose and impregnates her.

Wow. How erotic.

What would Cilan say!