Build-A-Bear, huh? Turns out this entire corporation was set up as a cover by the Foundation to contain something, using something called Procedure 6852-BEAR that should be kept secret from civilians. Off the bat it sounds like some wacky Dr Wondertainment shit using a rehashed set of containment-related tropes again and I suspect the worldwide civilian-facing undercover containment procedures will heavily test my suspension of disbelief here.
Description: so it's the childhood monster under the bed. Conveniently these monsters are invisible to people older than 12 at all times and during daytime to children. They "reside" in closets and come out at night but none of this is explained. I think it would have been pretty cool if the Foundation had gone on a hunt to capture one of these entities using advanced scientific or even anomalous tools at their disposal to detect them, but nooo, that's too much hard science in this fictional urban fantasy universe. So far it's just a low-effort SCP adaptation of something you've been aware of since you were a kid, which puts it on par with what's generally agreed to be the lowest quality Series I content.
Bear procedure: Oh my gosh you guys the bear ceremony at Build-A-Bear is actually thaumaturgic in nature to create a bear infused with "Life Energy" (TM) which protects children from the childhood monster. Includes a link to
SCP-6330 which, upon reading, appears to be... well, basically the
exact same fucking SCP but from a different author... huh.
Level 4 clearance: OMG YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS, THE MONSTER ACTUALLY HARMS THE KIDS AND DOESN'T JUST SCARE THEM!!!! What the fuck bro that's crazy, I've never seen such a twist in my life before! Also more details about the bears that I've already read in 6330 so I don't give a shit. Also SIDS is a made up phenomenon and in fact is used to cover up killings done by the monster. Also also the monsters are capable of "localized noise cancellation." I'm sure this technology was legally licensed from Bose so as to avoid legal controversy.
Still no description or even any attempt to figure out where these monsters come from and what they are about btw, but we get some oh-shit-oh-fuck Real Statistics to ramp up the grimdark horror factor since the article is almost over and so far the author himself seems aware that it all reads like bullshit. We're told the bear almost always loses the fight against the monster. The bears are programmed to reclaim the dead kid's "Life Energy" (TM) to power up and improve the odds. That's actually a neat idea but we're also told that by 2030 25% of all children will be killed by the skip and that medical authorities are just lying to the public about the prevalence of SIDS. This is where the article definitively loses steam for me because that is just fucking stupid, the author just says this nonchalantly and there is nothing else in the article to expand on the immense gravity of this situation. You can't drop a bombshell like this on me and expect me to brainstorm my own ending to this nigga. The outcome of this is the most interesting part of the whole story, it should've been in the article and you should be the one writing it.
Discussion: the author says he likes to point at random shit when out with his "girlfriend" (who uses "them" pronouns lol) and say "SCP idea", and this is how he decided to write an SCP about Build-A-Bear... by copying another article and changing the containment procedures a bit? I don't get it. He sounds like a fag and his shit's all retarded.
RealFeel Rating: 3/10, fucken lazy like always