(Serious) Advice for Chris

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mendoza

mendoza

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 25, 2013
So we all pretty much agree that Chris' life is one gigantic steaming pile of honest and true fail.

With Barb's assistance he has walled himself off now and doesn't even seem reachable any more.

But what if he was? And what if there was a way to get serious advice that he might listen to?

You get one paragraph to offer advice to Chris on how to pull his life together while he still (theoretically) has a few years of relative youth on his side.
 
Get a job at fast food and do everything you can to maintain it. Your quality of life will improve drastically. You will have something to do, a sense of responsibility, a sense of having contributed to society, you'd earn your own keep, you'd have spending money and you'll be forced to socialize with other people.

There's a reason why every laughingstock on the Internet has no job. It's the biggest contributing factor to being a gigantic loser.
 
I yield my time to Herb Alpert and the The Tijuana Brass.

[youtube]mML2fPec7xU[/youtube]

It's as useful as any advice you can give him.
 
Tubular Monkey said:
I yield my time to Herb Alpert and the The Tijuana Brass.

[youtube]mML2fPec7xU[/youtube]

It's as useful as any advice you can give him.
Click to expand...


nailed it.

another good piece of advice would be

[youtube]kf8BT3wbZSo[/youtube]
 
The best advice I could give: Your mother is insane, learn to have some balls and stand up to her.

Also Mendoza, whenever I see your name I think of this:
35h8x8.jpg
 
You won't be taken seriously as an adult when you still look, act and think like a child.

Stop always talking about Sonichu, the trolls, your love quest and your autism. Nobody cares.
 
Chris, listen to the people who posted above me.
Also, stop letting your mom control you, and for the love of GodJesus, stop using AXE.
 
And if you're not going to learn to cook, at least learn how to buy a salad mix and/or cereal with a decent fiber content and pour them into a bowl every once in awhile. And stop eating at McDonalds every meal for Christsakes.
 
Buy decent clothes, get a haircut, shower daily.
Next step should be securing a job.
Then, move to his own place, far away form 14 Branchland Court.

Congratulations on becoming a normal person. He should be able to find a "sweetheart" by then.
 
Shave your head and throw out your striped shirts. Take the dogs for a walk at least once a week. Before you get your tugboat, make a list of upcoming games, mark the ones you really want with a heart or star, and then only buy the games on the list you marked with a heart or star. Clean your room every week.
 
Shower regularly (as in, every day). You won't smell as bad and maybe, just maybe, girls will approach you. Dousing yourself with Axe doesn't help one bit.
 
CatParty said:
Tubular Monkey said:
I yield my time to Herb Alpert and the The Tijuana Brass.

[youtube]mML2fPec7xU[/youtube]

It's as useful as any advice you can give him.
Click to expand...


nailed it.

another good piece of advice would be

[youtube]kf8BT3wbZSo[/youtube]
Click to expand...


Well, you both make great points, and I can't add much more than that. Well, other than the following:

[youtube]3WZha_LHVS8[/youtube]
 
Sent to him in the form a YouTube video.

(Showing him a picture of a successful, handsome, slim, athletic, well-groomed man and NOT a morbidly obese, pasty-skinned, shitstained tomgirl)

"Hello, Chris...
Look in a mirror. Now look at me. Now look at the mirror again. Now back to me.
Sadly, you aren't me. But if you tried to be less like you and tried to be more like me, you'd stop sucking.
In fact if you showered instead of spraying Axe on your shitty ass, you could at least smell almost as good as me.
Look down. Back up. Where are we?
We are in my mansion, and you are looking at the man who you'd could be if you tried hard enough.
Look at me now. I'm on a Clydesdale. Not a my little pony horse, but a real one."

Then the clockwork orange chair comes out, straps him down, pins his eyes open and shows him all the best Courage Wolf Memes until he fucking GETS IT!
 
You don't like your current situation. Change it. Nobody can improve your life but you. Also stop dying your hair. Seriously it is terribly unattractive and looks awful.
 
Those in the know seem to know of Barb's pernicious influence far more than we do. I'm going to take their word for it and suggest that Chris do whatever the fuck he can to learn some life skills and move out of 14 Branchland Court.
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
The best advice I could give: Your mother is insane, learn to have some balls and stand up to her.

Also Mendoza, whenever I see your name I think of this:
35h8x8.jpg
Click to expand...
Me too. Well, or this:

Mendozanew.JPG

(that's Manuel Mendoza from Halo, he gets eaten by space parasites)
 
Saney said:
Alec Benson Leary said:
The best advice I could give: Your mother is insane, learn to have some balls and stand up to her.

Also Mendoza, whenever I see your name I think of this:
35h8x8.jpg
Click to expand...
Me too. Well, or this:

Mendozanew.JPG

(that's Manuel Mendoza from Halo, he gets eaten by space parasites)
Click to expand...
Good references, both of them.

But considering the subject of this forum I HAD to go with the anime/80's cartoon version this time.
 
If he lived in a country with intact social services (e.g. European), I'd advise him to go to the social services office and ask to get a councilor. Where I live, you have the option to ask to have someone help you manage your life if you are unable to do so on your own, a psychiatrist and a judge will decide whether your request is legit and if so, you get set up with a councilor. This councilor could help Chris manage his finances, get therapy, get into an employment program for mentally sick/disabled people.
 
I think we can mostly agree it would be futile, since he'd never heed any advice that wasn't "do the same thing you already do..." Still, I'd also want to reiterate that he needs SOME kind of work - even if it isn't a paying job - to help keep him occupied, build some kind of appreciable skill in case he needs a job to supplement his Social Security, challenge him to expand his mind, and maybe bring him some sense of accomplishment. Volunteer work within his congregation might be good, because they would likely be tolerant of his developmental issues, and may be willing to hold his hand as he slowly improves. He's not so mentally handicapped that he couldn't improve, if only he had the will to do so and hadn't burnt every bridge leading from the hell that is 14 BC.

Hey, does anyone think there was a point in time where Chris might have heeded such advice from someone other than his parents? Personally, I think he was already too broken - too set in his self-destructive ways - to fix, by the time he was discovered by the internet. If there was such a time, I think it probably had to be sometime before his breakdown at PVCC.
 
GFYS said:
Hey, does anyone think there was a point in time where Chris might have heeded such advice from someone other than his parents? Personally, I think he was already too broken - too set in his self-destructive ways - to fix, by the time he was discovered by the internet. If there was such a time, I think it probably had to be sometime before his breakdown at PVCC.
Click to expand...
Yes, during his highschool days would probably have been the best time. He most likely was more flexible back then and maybe willing to change and improve.
 
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