(Serious) Advice for Chris

[bradsternum]

Change your name for starters.

Then, go back to school, get a real degree in something useful, and get a real job.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

GFYS, your sig comes across rather A-Loggy, as far as I'm concerned...

Oh, really now? It's from one of the mock propaganda campaigns, after the events of 28/10/11 started to unravel. Frankly, considering his known behavior over the past few years,I don't think Chris has empathy. It would seem I'm not the only one.

Are you concerned enough to try and make me change my sig?

Well, I naturally prefer sigs with ponies, love, friendship and tolerance in them. But I'm also loving and tolerant enough to tolerate sigs with less love and tolerance

(and no, I didn't know it was from the poster campaign)

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Brother, the Hulkster's advice for Chris is to finally follow the demandments of Hulkamania.

Train. Say your prayers. Eat your vitamins. Be true to yourself. Be true to your country. Be a real American!

 

[BillRiley]

He can heed advice from people other than his parents. Rocky, for example. But anyway, people frequently bring up that Chris doesn't listen to advice and when they bring this up, I wonder what advice they're talking about. Who would be giving Chris advice, other than his parents or Rocky?

After all the heartsweet sagas died, Chris still watches TV and movies and also plays games. A lot of his behavior seems to be him emulating the most base or selfish behavior he sees on his TV screen, seemingly missing that most of it parodying such ill behavior. So why doesn't Chris ever seem walk away with the positive lessons in these same shows, movies, or games?

I don't see many references to TV in his behavior. Or, anything that would make me wonder about him missing the positive lessons. Any examples?

Uchinos Evol, Canine. UCHINOS EVOL!

or how about this bit of cartoon logic:

Chris: [pitch rising, he's getting desperate] I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme— Gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it—

Chris sees something on tv, misinterprets it, and tries to apply it to real life - often with hilarious results. One does't need to follow a Red String of Fate to spot that pattern.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

 

[Sexual Stallone]

In my opinion Chris has made himself irredeemable, his attitude that everything should be handed to him because of his autism pretty much prevents him from improving his life. I guess my advice to him would be to drop his ego and accept that he should work for what he wants, no one is going to magically give you everything you want Chris, the Sweetheart, the high paying job, an athletic physique, anything.

 

[Marvin]

After all the heartsweet sagas died, Chris still watches TV and movies and also plays games. A lot of his behavior seems to be him emulating the most base or selfish behavior he sees on his TV screen, seemingly missing that most of it parodying such ill behavior. So why doesn't Chris ever seem walk away with the positive lessons in these same shows, movies, or games?

I don't see many references to TV in his behavior. Or, anything that would make me wonder about him missing the positive lessons. Any examples?

Uchinos Evol, Canine. UCHINOS EVOL!

or how about this bit of cartoon logic:

Chris: [pitch rising, he's getting desperate] I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme— Gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it—

Chris sees something on tv, misinterprets it, and tries to apply it to real life - often with hilarious results. One does't need to follow a Red String of Fate to spot that pattern.

Sure there's stuff like that, but I wouldn't see Chris imitating those things and wonder why he isn't also imitating moral characters from television and becoming a good person. Plus Chris already sees himself as the good guy and the hero. He's the mayor of cwcville and he's being persecuted by all the bad guy villains.

 

[pickleniggo]

(1) Clean your room. Take everything off the walls. Get new curtains and (please!) new bedding. Scrub the floor, the windows, furniture, couch. (2) Take a damn shower everyday and get your hair cut. (3) Tell Barb you're cleaning house and do it. She won't kill herself and she won't die from heartbreak. She's full of shit (literally and figuratively) and don' buy into her histrionics. You'll be doing her, yourself, and the dogs a great service by cleaning the house. (4) I know you think you're an AUTISTIC WONDER, but you're nothing in the grand scheme of things. Learn some humility, accept your limitations, and give up your adult autistic world of cartoons and Cwcville. (5) Get a job. Any job will do, but don't think you're getting "office work". Do what you can and you'll be happier. You'll get to talk to people, you'll get to move around, and you'll have a sense of purpose. (6) After your house is clean, go out and get groceries. And by "groceries" I do not mean Hungry Mans and and nine american dollah cake.

I could write a novel but those are the main points I'd have for Chris.

 

[GGGBYBYBY]

The world is not against you Chris, people have lives beyond you. Chill bro, chill. You are not in highschool and are not your highschool self, you can't go back no matter how good it was so try and work on making your life better than that instead of moping about it. Get a job, if not do some voluntary work at least, even if it's only four hours a week, it's something. Stop focusing so much on how you don't have a girlfirend because it makes it worse. Shower. Daily. Read something decent, listen to some different kinds of music watch something other than adult swim and Excel Saga, just get into stuff so you can meet new people. Buy some proper art materials, possibly some anatomy books or classes and LEARN ABOUT THE WAY THE HUMAN BODY IS CONSTRUCTED. Buy a cook book so you have a resource for making good foods, get out and stay out of McDonalds, go for long walks, take the dogs out everyday it's fun! Get rid of all the toys you don't play with, all the stuff from ex-sweethearts or trolls- basically anything reminding you of the internet. Tell Barb you are 31 years old and do not need her cutting in on your life, get her to a counsellor about her hoarding. Shut up about your autism, you're 31 now you need to realize autism or not that the world is not going to wipe your bum and does not owe it to you to do so. Go and see a counsellor yourself. They might not say what you want to hear but it's what you need. Get off the games, cut them down slowly. Work on something original if you've lost inspiration for your fanfiction (that is all it ever was and is) read some more real life stories, watch the news, go to a museum. Clean the house when Barb is recovering from her hoarding. Make it so you can bring any friends or ladyfriends you meet home. Letting somebody into your home is letting them into your heart after all.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

...do some voluntary work at least...

And this does not mean: playing pokaymans with small children.

If Chris really likes dogs, couldn't he work at an animal shelter? Many autistics are good with animals.

 

[GGGBYBYBY]

That opens up the possibilities.

 

[CatParty]

...do some voluntary work at least...

And this does not mean: playing pokaymans with small children.

If Chris really likes dogs, couldn't he work at an animal shelter? Many autistics are good with animals.

True, but he sees the dogs as an annoyance.

 

[Snorlaxative]

All this advice is good.

Do you really want to get back at the trolls, or the forumers, or who ever else?

Take control, turn your life around, be productive, and be happy. Once you take control of your life, nobody can say anything. All these people that tease you, well they won't have anything to tease about. The fact is, most of the people who do give you shit are not much better. Just take care of yourself, forget the trolls, and live your life.

 

[3Yikes]

If he lived in a country with intact social services (e.g. European), I'd advise him to go to the social services office and ask to get a councilor. Where I live, you have the option to ask to have someone help you manage your life if you are unable to do so on your own, a psychiatrist and a judge will decide whether your request is legit and if so, you get set up with a councilor. This councilor could help Chris manage his finances, get therapy, get into an employment program for mentally sick/disabled people.

He can already do this with various organizations in Virginia, just one example: http://www.thearcofthepiedmont.org/The_ ... vices.html

He can apply for services with this: http://thearcofthepiedmont.org/AdultSer ... p06-11.pdf

 

[Anchuent Christory]

All this advice is good.

Do you really want to get back at the trolls, or the forumers, or who ever else?

Take control, turn your life around, be productive, and be happy. Once you take control of your life, nobody can say anything. All these people that tease you, well they won't have anything to tease about. The fact is, most of the people who do give you shit are not much better. Just take care of yourself, forget the trolls, and live your life.

This!

Everybody keeps saying your a loser, can't get a job. can't get a girlfriend, can't draw etc.

PROVE THEM WRONG

Believe it or not, many people on this forum will be the first to cheer you on.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

The one good thing about being at rock bottom: there's nowhere to go but up.

Really, if he learned to draw better and to take constructive criticism well, that would be a massive improvement. If he practiced hygiene more consistently and applied for some jobs that didn't include writing comics, he really would be getting his life back on track.

I absolutely agree most people on here would cheer him on to improve himself and do something with his life. I know I would, because if he can make it, anyone can make it.

 

[sethrutgers22]

I would totally be Chris's cheering section if he improved his life. I keep thinking, "what would I do if my soul/brain/essence was transported into Chris's body today?" and all I can see is an eBay gold mine. Tons of video games, systems, and one of a kind Chris-Chan trinkets that could fetch prices in the $20 to $100 range (and up).

Anything that wouldn't sell and has no significant sentimental value would be thrown away. New clothes would be bought. Three hours a day would be spent cleaning (best to take it slow since my body wouldn't be ready for an 8 hour cleaning marathon). Barb's status would shift to "told" instead of "not told". Seven dumpsters worth of trash bags would appear on the side of the street. Dogs would be walked and played with, exercise would be constant, fresh fruit would be ingested. Hair would be trimmed, new glasses, and a regular washing regimen would be established.

With my money, I'd probably get a name change, move to another state, live in my car, and disappear from society. I'd alter my appearance (thinner, different hair, clothes, mannerisms) get a job for 20 hours per week and live in my car for a while, and just disappear off the internet's radar like the Into the Wild guy disappeared from his family. No one on this forum would know what the hell happened to Chris, it would be just like..."what the hell just happened?" and it would be the Internet's greatest mystery until the end of time.

 

[pickleniggo]

With my money, I'd probably get a name change, move to another state, live in my car, and disappear from society. I'd alter my appearance (thinner, different hair, clothes, mannerisms) get a job for 20 hours per week and live in my car for a while, and just disappear off the internet's radar like the Into the Wild guy disappeared from his family. No one on this forum would know what the hell happened to Chris, it would be just like..."what the hell just happened?" and it would be the Internet's greatest mystery until the end of time.

And then one morning in the far away future, you're having a cup of coffee and reading the paper and you come across an article about Ian Brandon Anderson - the Autistic Body-Building Multimillionaire with a wife and child named Crystal who just sold the rights to his life story to a big-shot Hollywood producer. And for once, you are the one with DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

In order to start changing his life, Chris would have to do something of fundamental importance: GET A GRIP ON REALITY!

He needs to stop believing in a worldwide conspiracy against him which is being controlled by Michael Snyder from the GamePlace HQ. To stop believing that his hedgehogs are real wouldn't hurt either.

 

[QI 541]

I've always wondered whether or not Chris should even try to find a job at this point, when a single Google search can screw him over.