(Serious) advice you wouldn't tell someone without anonymity

[dick brain]

Love is not enough. You have to want the same thing. It doesn't matter how much you love someone; if you're compromising your dreams or your goals or your values to be with them, you will be unhappy, and not only is it not worth it, but the relationship probably won't survive either.

Also it's incredibly easy to get laid if you're reasonably attractive, all you really have to do is smile, maintain eye contact, say their name a lot and keep them talking about themselves. It's not a good idea and if you're chasing casual sex there's probably something wrong with you and you're better off addressing it sooner rather than later, but it's not hard or complicated, the way some incels build it up is just ridiculous.

Also, if you're jacked, you don't have to listen to anyone. Like, almost ever. Especially if you also carry a gun. People inherently understand that there's nothing they can do to make you do something, or stop you from doing whatever you want, except threaten consequences that may or may not come. They inherently understand that your compliance with their made-up rules is entirely a courtesy on your part, or a transactional choice, and basically treat you with automatic gratitude just for not wrecking their shit. Fit guys won't tell you this because it invariably makes you sound like a psychopath, but it's like the second or third best thing about being physically fit.

 

[umseriously]

Here are the five cornerstones of life, heed well to them and do not doubt them:
1. Trust your gut instinct.
2. Exceptions are not the norm.
3. Never trust a cheater twice.
4. Don't throw pearls before swine.
5. If a woman isn't willing to help you murder, escape, and bribe your way to success, she is not a keeper.
If you keep these sayings in your heart, your life will go well.

 

[NoReturn]

Never relax.
I'm not saying that for the memes. I'm being serious. Don't leave a drink unattended, don't fall asleep in public, always assume the crackhead on public transportation will target you in particular, etc. etc. etc.
Good lord are there so many people out there who just seem to be comfortable and way too trusting.

 

[whiterock]

You can reinvent yourself whenever you want. You have to be a little obsessed with yourself to have any fun- if you don’t look at your life like a grand narrative you will flatline.
You can accept almost any miserable situation if you can conceive of yourself as the type of person who experienced x, saw y, et cetera. The term for this is radical acceptance, I think, but another piece of advice I have learned from extensive exposure is to never use someone else’s words to describe what you’re experiencing. Therapyspeak was made for people who can’t rotate an apple in their mind. You are not “practicing mindfulness”, you “ain’t thinking bout much”. If you rely on canned therapy expressions to describe your own mind you are in the prodromal stage of trooning out.

 

[ReasonablyRetarded]

Despite being active here, I'm all for positive discussion around mental health questions, destigmatizing the majority of them & developing understanding.
That being said:

Be or become so fucking acutely aware of what cluster B personality disorders are and how to recognize them, as soon as you can. Especially if you yourself are a damaged person, you'll attract them like flies to shit or moths to a flame.

Cluster B types will not and can not get better and are often malicious with their actions. They're often(not always) well aware of this fact but simply do not care how they impact those around them, they only look out for number 1.
Specifically bordeline personality disorder has become sort of a meme, but be so fucking aware of how to recognize it because these types, if you let them attach to you, will ruin your own wellbeing in ways you can not even imagine.

And it's not as easy to recognize outside of extreme cases as you'd imagine.
These people often masquerade as damaged victims of circumstance, often with legitimate backstories and reasons why they're damaged, the deceit comes into play when it comes to their identity & personality and how those circumstances actually shaped their being.
They're well aware of what they have to say and display in order to lure you into a sense of empathy and caring.
If you do this, if you lay yourself bare in order to be there for someone who you think just needs help, a good friend or God forbid a partner, they've already won and you've already set yourself up for a world of manipulation, being used & hurt.

The easiest way to recognize specifically borderline types is after they told you the horrible shit that happened to them, if you respond with any kind of empathy and care, or acknowledge the heaviness of what they told you, their demeanor will actively shift towards a more positive one.
This can be either subtle, or not at all, depending on how well they can play their social game.

Make no mistake, to these people, your wellbeing and status as a human is null and void, you're a pawn in their meticulously constructed social game, ready to be sacrificed to get ahead the moment you lose your value to them. They'll act in grace if there's stuff left to gain or if they think they still have you fooled or have control. The moment the cat is out of the bag, the mindset switches to active hurting & ruination.
No matter how much feigned care & intrigue they show, it's an act to pull you in closer.
These people care about exactly one person and that is themselves.

 

[Lovely Kin]

You cannot fix most people, yes you can try to fix him or her, but they will more than likely not change. Dealing with pathological liars, sociopaths, psychopaths, severe anger issues etc. are best left to actual therapists and those who specialize in behavior. Do not ever risk yourself with trying to fix these people, you will wind up tiring yourself out at the least, or putting yourself in danger at the worst.

 

[Michael Wade]

This should probably be obvious but don't ever try to "warn" your coworkers about their performance being perceived as bad behind a bosses back. Its none of your dam business and they are not likely to act rationally and not immediately confront them and rat you out as the source. I got really lucky, you probably won't.

 

[PaleTay]

Pretty people are nice and ugly people are mean.

 

[Second Alter Ego]

Keeping alternate personas for different aspects of your life has become a lost art.
For most public and professional dealings it is most useful to play stupid, naive, and clueless, and allow others to assume you are less capable or knowledgeable than you really are. This has the added effect of allowing others to puff up their egos comparing themselves to "you" and thus view you as less of a potential threat.
Use honesty shrewdly. You can get people to believe very different things depending on how and when you say things. Even if you say something technically 100% true, depending on the context people believe to exist, their conclusions can end up being complete lies.
Remain noncommital and vague in your speech. If no one has a direct quote from you regarding something, they cannot use it against you later. Redirect conversations and allow people to draw false assumptions when you can.
People are emotional and selfish. Always draw attention away from you and onto their own lives. People love to talk about themselves, encourage it and remain a spectator.
Never take favors and remain independent of all outside influences. The greatest harm you can do to yourself is to owe another person anything and especially to foster an ongoing relationship of reciprocal favors. Keep to yourself and do not get involved with other people.
Do not involve yourself in the emotional experiences of others. If they try to draw you in, remain neutral and uninterested. Do not become a target or a character in the soap operas they create. You do not want to be memorable or referenced by anyone.
Keep your secrets. Do not hint that you have any. Do not give others any excuse to become interested in you or remember your face/name. Be as dull and uninviting as the wall and take advantage of the weaknesses you see in others.
Humanity is brutal and evil and if you let your guard lapse in the slightest you will pay for it. Stay on your toes. Do not ever become a topic of conversation to anyone. Always be ready emotionally to wipe yourself off the map and skip town.

 

[BigBadBastich]

You can't lose weight your willpower isn't strong enough, stick to being fat and funny.

 

[ChompChomp]

Read the title of the thread before posting something. Like, the one we're currently in:

(Serious) advice you wouldn't tell someone without anonymity

This thread is full of the opposite of that. Non verbatim examples;

1. Don't lend money to family; give them money.

Wow, so brave and risky. Could ruin your street cred if people found out you said this.

2. Trust your gut instinct.

Daring and not something you'd want other people finding out you said, for sure.

I'm too lazy to allude to most of the mainstream posts here.

---

Conversely, @Frank(en) Castle is probably the closest with this comment

I was thinking this thread would be more about:

1. "If you want to cheat and never get caught, try..."
2. "Here's three ways to kill an attacker using only your pinky finger..."
3. "Want to launder money from your employer? Here's what I did..."
4. "It's almost impossible to beat a first-degree murder convictions, unless you do this..."

You know, shit that's most anti-social (read: not asocial) and might get you in trouble if anyone found out.

Says a lot about the userbase here when even simple directions are forgone.

 

[Moms New Boyfriend]

@ChompChomp 100% I've seen less cringe Reddit advice threads.

* I'm a classist, I believe that people natively act in the best interest of their current social class. The class your born into is the largest determiner of success in America. This is why the 1% always are colluding across political and international barriers. Americans get extra fucked because they were all lead to believe that class Communist construct or that they too will one day be a millionaire. I have found in the workplace that when one coworker from a wealthy connected family is assertive, that shows leadership qualities to the execs. When someone who struggles to get by does so in the same way, they're shown as being a problem even if they're the same race, sex, etc.

Now here's the part I cant say. I am also a racist (while keeping in mind that class is still the biggest determiner of sex), and as soon as I make the same arguments about race and replace the word class with race it's an issue. It's an open secret that Indian people only hire other Indian people (Cisco also had a major lawsuit where Indian management was enforcing Indian social classes in the work place), and black executives hire black employees, DEI, etc. Even though a poor white is less well off than a rich black person in America, they are shamed to believe that they have all this 'privilege' and need to step aside for wealthy blacks, foreigners, and women.

* Sometimes winning means swallowing your pride, though you need to decide if winning or optics are more important to you. In college I sold pot. I let someone talk me into fronting them an eighth (mistake). They never paid me back, but they kept coming back for more. I just shorted all their bags 0.1 to 0.15 grams per gram. I ended up making more money that way and they never had the balls to call me out because they owed me money. Either that or I made more money while they think they pulled one over on me.

I had a class in another country where a failing grade was still a passing grade for me at my university. My partners were completely rude assholes who were difficult to work with, so I purposefully dropped the ball on the presentation and told no one. The professor bitched us out and the class was like WTF was going on, but I took the class pass/fail at my home university and the two other kids failed a basic language course for the country they were living in. Oops!

As much as I wanted to gloat about all of this, I've never brought up these things even years later because some people will hold shit like this against you still. So I figure it makes for a good point to make here.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Someone here on the Farms told a story about a bad work environment in a place that hired mostly illegals, and was very firm that you should NEVER work for a place that does that- that popped back into my head at my last job when my boss gloated that he used to hire a ton of illegal immigrants and they'd all eventually get rounded up by ICE and he'd hire a new batch.
If your workplace is either covertly hiring illegals or making a big show about hiring "UnDocUmentEd WoRkerS ️" you need to ask-
"What other labor laws is my employer willingly breaking?"
"Is there a reason that my employer specifically wants people that aren't protected by the government?"
"When my boss said this is the first business he's run totally over the table and legit, was he lying out of his ass?"

 

[ReasonablyRetarded]

Never take favors and remain independent of all outside influences. The greatest harm you can do to yourself is to owe another person anything and especially to foster an ongoing relationship of reciprocal favors. Keep to yourself and do not get involved with other people.

I want to add to this(and you might disagree, which would be fair):
If you live in an apartment building or something, somewhere where you're bound to have to interact with people in an elevator or something, don't act like a social autist.
Especially if your building has a lot of elderly people, just being outwardly milquetoast polite & kind is enough to get results.

You can get away with a fuckload as long as you can portray yourself as the "quiet but nice neighbor who always says hello and sometimes helps 87 year old Annie carry her groceries to the elevator.".

I'd know because this is exactly how in the past I've gotten away with so much shit that I'm not going to share here, that 100% would've gotten me evicted.
Because other retards who thought acting like one of those ski-mask up, stay anonymous, never talk to anyone, hustle and grind wannabe gangsters is the way to keep shit under wraps when you live in a building filled with geriatrics who have nothing better to do than gossip and peep through your windows while you're at work or something. It isn't. You'll just be the odd one out and draw more attention to yourself.

 

[Moms New Boyfriend]

* You can't expect people who can't respect themselves to respect other people or their surroundings. And frankly, it's hard to respect people who don't know how to respect themselves.

As far as I'm concerned this is the delineation between what makes or breaks someone from being a nigger, spic, or white trash. You don't have to TOLERATE them, but it will give you an expectation on how they will treat others, why they litter, destroy their environment, etc. There is also a difference between people who are fat and happy and secure being fat and those that are miserable being fat and try to control the environment around them rather than themselves. Being fat is a choice to a point. Yeah you might need to literally learn how to not eat junk food for every meal but that's life.

* Read the books that people tell you to never read or to don't bother reading. The Unibomber Manifesto, The Turner Diaries, Hunter, Mein Kampf, Lolita, The Gospel (it's the same short story four times, you can do that in a day), the Gnostic Gospels, LGBT children's books, the books you genuinely don't think should exist whatever they are, etc, etc. You're not going to agree with everything you read; some of it is going to be outright awful writing and that's the fucking point. Get a $4 dollar copy of Dianetics - it's a fucking awful book but it's helpful to see how something so fucking retarded could be turned into what Scientology is today.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

If a nigger actually walked up to one and complimented them and said "What's up homey" they aren't going to be thinking "eww a nigger" or whatever super duper upvoted racist post they last saw, they're going to be thinking "oh he thinks I'm cool, I think he's cool too".

Darwin award mentality. I'd be thinking "he's going to rob or kill me, never relax around blacks".

 

[dick brain]

The term for this is radical acceptance, I think, but another piece of advice I have learned from extensive exposure is to never use someone else’s words to describe what you’re experiencing. Therapyspeak was made for people who can’t rotate an apple in their mind. You are not “practicing mindfulness”, you “ain’t thinking bout much”. If you rely on canned therapy expressions to describe your own mind you are in the prodromal stage of trooning out.

I see this sentiment a lot and it's dogshit.

Yes, on one hand it doesn't matter what you call something, you can call your brake parts pads and rotors and calipers or you can call them Jeff and Josh and Doug if it's just a way to refer to something and distinguish it mentally in your own mind. But you can't go to the auto parts store and ask for a Doug, you can't google how to replace a Doug, it does little to help you. Refusing to ask for help or even humor the names of things is the attitude of a retarded mongoloid who's going to be sitting on the side of the road with a seized caliper banging on it with a hammer and getting nowhere. If you don't have the wherewithal to humor other people's protocols for fixing problems without letting a headshrinker trick you into cutting your dick off you're not qualified to advise anybody on anything.

You don't know what radical acceptance is and you don't know what mindfulness is either, by the way. Stick to Doug and Josh.

 

[whiterock]

I see this sentiment a lot and it's dogshit.

You have a point and yeah it’s worth clarifying that I don’t think it’s useless to know the descriptors for these things. I’m being a bit hyperbolic and offhand in my original post- but I do think there’s a disadvantage to using formal terminology to deal with yourself. The reason I say that it’s a first step to trooning out is that overuse of therapy terminology is so prevalent among the kinds of people that do. Maybe radical acceptance would work contrary to stinkditch installation in pure form, but people tend to encounter psychology and therapy in a context where currently normative, historically aberrant behavior is unquestionable, and the culture of that world just enables it all.
It’s all in moderation and people can generally figure out how best to apply it to their lives. A lot of the discipline of therapy and self help comes from a pretty crazy place, though- no harm in using terminology when it fits, but you don’t want to let a 70 year old Jewish woman with two PhDs play around in your internal monologue.

Spoiler: powerlevel

for what it’s worth, I’m very familiar with this kind of thing- I was a kid of the troubled teen industry for many years. Obviously that sours me on the whole apparatus and I won’t pretend to be unbiased. It does give you a certain perspective on it all, and I would say I lost a fair bit of free will to the therapy meatgrinder over the years. I got out around when social media self help was taking off, and it was pretty remarkable to get back online only to find that everyone in the real world now talked exactly like people in residential treatment.

You don’t know how to do something until you can arrive at a solution multiple ways. If you can solve a math problem in reverse you know the technique better, if you get to know yourself via straightforward self-talk as well as clinical terminology and help, you’ve got a better understanding of the issue. Relying on one or the other doesn’t work.

 

[Sneedenhagen Chew]

also I didn't think anyone else read pulp in the 21st century, they are fun reads.

The best way to get back into reading actual books if you've let the skill atrophy is by reading pulp and low-brow genre fiction, specifically the old kind you find in used bookstores with bizarre covers. If it's entertaining and fun then you're going to do more reading, and if you like low-brow/stupid/"popcorn" content in other mediums then you'll like it in book form.

Edit a day later:

Some actual advice I'd never give someone face-to-face: you can have a severe addiction and kick it on your own, and even go back to a healthy dynamic with whatever you were extremely addicted to. Most people can't do that, so if you can, keep it to yourself; it'll put bad ideas in peoples' heads. When it comes to any self-discipline that runs contrary to conventional wisdom/common knowledge - not just with addictions - and can blow up in other peoples' faces if they try it, that's just the best MO: keep it to yourself; it'll put bad ideas in peoples' heads.

 

[dick brain]

powerlevel

I was institutionalized and pilled up as a teen for the grave crime of admitting passive suicidality to an authority figure and it demolished my ability to trust anyone with anything for about fifteen years but when I finally got over that I almost immediately found useful information in books written by clinicians and learned the terms for things that helped me find existing support groups and resources and protocols for getting better. You have to trust yourself enough to tell a headshrinker that they don't know what the fuck they're talking about but it's a lot better than bumbling around in the dark.

Freud was a nutter but he described it as being lost in a dark woods and that feels accurate, you can blaze your own trail out but if you come across an existing trail it's kind of retarded to ignore it, worst case scenario you end up going the wrong way, and then you just turn around with a better understanding of which way to go.