Shit films that you want to discuss - Opposed to the film recommendations thread, I suppose

[Abstract Horror]

October is a great time to go back and visit that rash of disposable horror films that popped up between 1998 to 2002.

Just recently saw the 2001 classic "Thirteen Ghost" or "Thir13en Ghost" (pick your poison) and I'm baffled by the insane laziness around such a great concept. I understand that in terms of running time it would be impossible to go into the back story of each and every ghost, but it's not like they were suspended for an already action-packed plot. The bulk of the movie is just the cast going up and down different hallways and screaming. The kill count is...one. Tension is zero. The only interesting thing about it was all the unique ghost and their place is the black zodiac. It's just one of those movies that had so much potential and it makes me sad to wonder what might have been.

As tired as it sounds, it would be pretty neat if Netflix somehow picked up the rights to the film and did a single season, thirteen-episode run. There could be a similar over-arching plot like the movie had, but each episode could focus on one of the ghosts.

 

[RumblyTumbly]

I think I am one of maybe 10 people that both saw and remember the film "Draft Day" but since I am a Football fan, its badness shines through even greater.

The idea of doing a movie about Draft Day COULD be interesting given all the crazy crap that has happened over the years with drafting NFL players. I would have rather had a documentary, but I thought maybe it could work as a film, even as a work of fiction.

Unfortunately, the film is so outside of the realm of what actually goes on for Draft Day that it kind of left me speechless by the time it was over. A friend of mine (one of the other 10 people that both saw and remember this film) shares a joke with me related to the film. There is a moment where Kevin Costner's character is figuring out whether or not he should draft this player, but then begins to suspect that he was unliked by his college team, which then leads to a hilarious exchange with him trying to find out how many of his teammates attended his birthday party. It was just so ludicrous that my friend and I joke with each other every draft "I wonder if anyone went to his birthday?" "Oh Johnny Manziel, NO WAY anybody went to that jerk's birthday", and I took it a step further by suggesting that "Teammate Birthday Attendance" is a stat that should be recorded on NFL trading cards.

The movie portrayed the drafting process as a complete and utter mess and run by unprepared buffoons that ask stupid questions and act like children. Oh and they tacked on a romance between Jennifer Garner and Kevin Costner, because, you know, the film needed that.

The best thing in the film is Frank Langella, who is basically doing an impression of my favorite batshit crazy team owner in NFL history, the late great Al Davis.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

I stumbled across this on a torrent tracker, and holy fuck.

Cuck (2019) - IMDb

Directed by Rob Lambert. With Zachary Ray Sherman, Sally Kirkland, Timothy V. Murphy, Monique Parent. When a frustrated loner gains popularity as an Alt-Right vlogger, the online echo chamber turns his fears into a deadly rage.

www.imdb.com

In other badness news, I saw Blair Witch 2 (Book of Shadows) and it's probably more watchable to a modern person than the original, its attempts at being 'meta' are pretty lame, but it has an affable Buffy/Angel kind of tone.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

October is a great time to go back and visit that rash of disposable horror films that popped up between 1998 to 2002.

Just recently saw the 2001 classic "Thirteen Ghost" or "Thir13en Ghost" (pick your poison) and I'm baffled by the insane laziness around such a great concept. I understand that in terms of running time it would be impossible to go into the back story of each and every ghost, but it's not like they were suspended for an already action-packed plot. The bulk of the movie is just the cast going up and down different hallways and screaming. The kill count is...one. Tension is zero. The only interesting thing about it was all the unique ghost and their place is the black zodiac. It's just one of those movies that had so much potential and it makes me sad to wonder what might have been.

As tired as it sounds, it would be pretty neat if Netflix somehow picked up the rights to the film and did a single season, thirteen-episode run. There could be a similar over-arching plot like the movie had, but each episode could focus on one of the ghosts.

I thought more than one person died in that. The guy who gets cut in half by the glass door and the villains.

 

[lil bitch]

i watched jack and jill recently. i heard it was bad so i thought it would be fun, but it's actually so bad it's terrible. you can tell the writers relied solely on the concept of adam sandler playing two characters of different genders and talking in a "funny" voice. zero plot, you can almost count it as a huge advertisement for shit like pepto bismol or dunkin donuts or whatever else. only part of the film i enjoyed is when sandler pulled out a "highlights" magazine and al pacino did a commercial for dunkin donuts, as much sense as that didn't make at all.

oh, also our good kid-diddling pal jared fogle made an appearance too so it has that going for it. overall i had no idea how it made its budget back at the box office but it did and people are idiots i guess.

 

[The Cunting Death]

i watched jack and jill recently. i heard it was bad so i thought it would be fun, but it's actually so bad it's terrible. you can tell the writers relied solely on the concept of adam sandler playing two characters of different genders and talking in a "funny" voice. zero plot, you can almost count it as a huge advertisement for shit like pepto bismol or dunkin donuts or whatever else. only part of the film i enjoyed is when sandler pulled out a "highlights" magazine and al pacino did a commercial for dunkin donuts, as much sense as that didn't make at all.

oh, also our good kid-diddling pal jared fogle made an appearance too so it has that going for it. overall i had no idea how it made its budget back at the box office but it did and people are idiots i guess.

because people are idiots.

Luckily this was the straw that broke the camels back in regards to Sandler movies being successful, nearly all of his movies since bombed

 

[BrunoMattei]

i watched jack and jill recently. i heard it was bad so i thought it would be fun, but it's actually so bad it's terrible. you can tell the writers relied solely on the concept of adam sandler playing two characters of different genders and talking in a "funny" voice. zero plot, you can almost count it as a huge advertisement for shit like pepto bismol or dunkin donuts or whatever else. only part of the film i enjoyed is when sandler pulled out a "highlights" magazine and al pacino did a commercial for dunkin donuts, as much sense as that didn't make at all.

oh, also our good kid-diddling pal jared fogle made an appearance too so it has that going for it. overall i had no idea how it made its budget back at the box office but it did and people are idiots i guess.

Obligatory:

 

[Jason Wynn]

As bad as Jack and Jill is, it still isn't as bad as Going Overboard. You know a movie is shit when even Adam Sandler has disowned it.

I still think that would have been the movie to break Joel or Mike on MST3K

 

[Draza]

Suicide Squad. Everything up to the characters is so bad and out place.

 

[lil bitch]

because people are idiots.

Luckily this was the straw that broke the camels back in regards to Sandler movies being successful, nearly all of his movies since bombed

oh, he's went to netflix. they keep giving him money to make more films. not even gonna bother watching anything he's shat out onto netflix after i tried with the ridiculous 6.

Obligatory:

totally forgot the boys did videos on this. thanks, i'm gonna check this out right now

As bad as Jack and Jill is, it still isn't as bad as Going Overboard. You know a movie is shit when even Adam Sandler has disowned it.

I still think that would have been the movie to break Joel or Mike on MST3K

to be fair, that was sandler's first movie, before his SNL stuff. and he did have billy madison and happy gilmore after that, but then he made his own studio and shit got a lot worse.

 

[Overcast]

Alien Resurrection is one of those so bad its good kind of films. Fucking Ripley clones, a mad scientist trying to make out with a Xenomorph through the glass, a gun toting midget in a wheelchair, motherfucking Ron Perlman destroying the mood of whatever scene he’s in, and a human-xenomorph hybrid screaming “OH NO!” as its innards get sucked out into space.

Kinda want to watch it again.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Alien Resurrection is one of those so bad its good kind of films. Fucking Ripley clones, a mad scientist trying to make out with a Xenomorph through the glass, a gun toting midget in a wheelchair, motherfucking Ron Perlman destroying the mood of whatever scene he’s in, and a human-xenomorph hybrid screaming “OH NO!” as its innards get sucked out into space.

Kinda want to watch it again.

Agreed, it's a mess that is professionally produced and enjoyable for its (to me barely canon) use of a fascinating property. It has some very late 90s stuff that dates it badly, which only makes it more enjoyable to watch without taking seriously. I also find it quite coherent tonally, since its clashing design briefs means it doesn't fail as purely comedy or a drama as different players might have preferred it to be, because it's a rather light, action-based combination of the two. About as mundane a middle as you can find with the series, and more enjoyable than AVP.

 

[Pomniman]

I'm almost impressed by how much the Hellraiser series went to shit. The first two movies were cool enough, the third was somewhat crappier but still fun enough, everything after just gets progressively worse. It was never high art or anything but the first three movies were fun and they just drove the concept further and further into the ground after them. I've read a bit of the stuff about the production issues and such, and I guess this sort of thing is almost inevitable when Hollywood wants to crank out sequel after sequel (not to mention the abortive reboot attempts) but actually seeing the results in practice is startling in a way.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Hellraiser 3 is one of the most disappointing declines in a franchise mostly because it didn't have to be that bad. It suffers a lot from the "bigger, better" attitude of blockbusters at the time and loses a lot of the creeping otherworld appeals. It's definitely still watchable, however - I can't even stomach what comes after.

Amityville is another of those absolute defilements of a property - it's gotten so bad that I'm not sure if all the films are even under the same IP, or whether some are getting away with using the town name to masquerade as a genuine production (seems unlikely, the studio would surely have gotten the rights to that name on lockdown).

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

I'm almost impressed by how much the Hellraiser series went to shit. The first two movies were cool enough, the third was somewhat crappier but still fun enough, everything after just gets progressively worse. It was never high art or anything but the first three movies were fun and they just drove the concept further and further into the ground after them. I've read a bit of the stuff about the production issues and such, and I guess this sort of thing is almost inevitable when Hollywood wants to crank out sequel after sequel (not to mention the abortive reboot attempts) but actually seeing the results in practice is startling in a way.

I've heard that the big issue with Hellraiser sequels nowadays is that they never start out as Hellraiser movies but completely unrelated original films that haphazardly get the name and characters slapped on them because the producers hope that it would somehow attract more attention.

All it does though is diminish Hellraiser's already ruined reputation.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Hellraiser 3 is one of the most disappointing declines in a franchise mostly because it didn't have to be that bad. It suffers a lot from the "bigger, better" attitude of blockbusters at the time and loses a lot of the creeping otherworld appeals. It's definitely still watchable, however - I can't even stomach what comes after.

Amityville is another of those absolute defilements of a property - it's gotten so bad that I'm not sure if all the films are even under the same IP, or whether some are getting away with using the town name to masquerade as a genuine production (seems unlikely, the studio would surely have gotten the rights to that name on lockdown).

Hellraiser: Inferno was decent I thought. The rest after 3 were pretty awful, but Inferno had an interesting plot and setup.

Amityville 2: The Possession I think is the only decent sequel in that series. It becomes a shameless Exorcist ripoff in the second half, but the first half was pretty good.

 

[Dom Cruise]

Worst movie I've seen in recent times is the 2018 Tomb Raider reboot.

I knew it was going to suck from literally the opening narration, when I learned how loose an adaption it was going to be and it was only downhill from there, almost every single interesting element and character from the 2013 game was systemically scrubbed out of the movie, I was aghast that they didn't even bother to include Jonas or Sam despite Sam being crucial to the game's story line.

The whole thing just felt cheap and dull, the only decent scene being the one with the plane wreck as that was the only thing resembling something from the game.

And yet I've heard somehow that garbage is getting a sequel?

 

[Rice Is Ready]

The Abominable... Movie Trailer - 2006 Cine Excel King Kong Mockbuster

Trailer for the ultra low budget King Kong mockbuster The Abominable... 60 Feet of Vengeance Served Cold! A well-meaning but somewhat dimwitted animal rights...

youtu.be

GiAnts Movie Trailer - 2008 Cine Excel - Giant Ants Attack NYC!

Trailer for the ultra low budget and little seen 2008 giant ants on a rampage flick GiAnts. Tongue-in-cheek sci-fi monster movie about earth under siege by g...

youtu.be

These movies were only ever released in Japan on DVD. Very happy to have them.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Worst movie I've seen in recent times is the 2018 Tomb Raider reboot.

I knew it was going to suck from literally the opening narration, when I learned how loose an adaption it was going to be and it was only downhill from there, almost every single interesting element and character from the 2013 game was systemically scrubbed out of the movie, I was aghast that they didn't even bother to include Jonas or Sam despite Sam being crucial to the game's story line.

The whole thing just felt cheap and dull, the only decent scene being the one with the plane wreck as that was the only thing resembling something from the game.

And yet I've heard somehow that garbage is getting a sequel?

I hadn't gotten around to it, but was hoping it might be okay (a lot of recent films based on subject matter that would traditionally be trash have been farmed out to self-aware production staff who can often produce something at least interesting).

It's not exactly a unique opinion any more, but I really enjoyed the first Tomb Raider film with Angelina Jolie, but never hear anything said about its sequel (which I am not familiar with) - has anybody seen?

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

Has anyone seen a movie called “The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror?” Its a terrible movie about gay couples who stay at a B&B and then are murdered and fed to a love child between a George W. Bush fanatic and 100 republicans. It was on Netflix in 2013ish

Wtf Shenmue was in it?