Star Trek - Space: The Final Frontier

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The Ocampa are the bizarro lolis of Trek. They're too young for normal men to be attracted to and look too old for degenerate cunny connoisseurs.
 
Seriously thought, I feel bad for Jenifer Lien but like, shit I was so glad when she gets booted off the ship in favor of Seven of Nine. Sure she was a ploy by the executive to add more tits and ass to the show but the writers and Jeri's performance led to one of the best character on the show. Sorry Kes you are not missed.

Also it's so funny how they realized having her shackled up to fucking Neelyx was a problem so they wanted to split them up but the way it happens makes no sense. She's literally possessed by some dude controlling her when she dumps him. Yet when the bad dude is expelled from her they go back on their merry way, they just stay broken up.

I can just imagine the conversation off screen. "So um, sweetie, you um, weren't in control since when?" "Since we brought the man in sick bay." "So does that mean you didn't really mean to break up with me?" ".....Actually."
 
Mr. Racewar1488 said:
The Ocampa are the bizarro lolis of Trek. They're too young for normal men to be attracted to and look too old for degenerate cunny connoisseurs.
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Their biology makes even less sense. They can only give birth once in their lives, deliver babies from their backs, and live less than a decade.

Either evolution has a sick sense of humor, or the Caretaker seriously fucked up the development of this species.
 
Ultraman Orb Dark said:
Their biology makes even less sense. They can only give birth once in their lives, deliver babies from their backs, and live less than a decade.

Either evolution has a sick sense of humor, or the Caretaker seriously fucked up the development of this species.
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This was another thing that bothered me about the Voyager pilot: you could draw a lot of really nasty conclusions about the Caretaker given how fucky the Ocampa were. If I were captain, I'd be disturbed by what the Caretaker did.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
This was another thing that bothered me about the Voyager pilot: you could draw a lot of really nasty conclusions about the Caretaker given how fucky the Ocampa were. If I were captain, I'd be disturbed by what the Caretaker did.
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General Order 24 was created for good reasons. This is one of them.
 
1000073207.webp

STAR TREK: PICARD S4​

Paramount+ Original Film Event
Written in the Style of Nicholas Meyer (or so the villain insists)

COLD OPEN​

INT. CHIPOTLE – NIGHT


A fast-casual burrito joint in San Francisco. Greasy counters, limp tortillas.


Behind the register: CAPTAIN BRENT GARVEY (60s), once a decorated Starfleet officer, now a hollow-eyed burnout in an apron.


Garvey sets down a burrito bowl, then calmly arms a hidden THERMAL DEVICE.


The device detonates—
BODIES ERUPT. Customers splattered across walls. GUACAMOLE SPATTERED WITH INTESTINES.


From the carnage, Garvey produces a battered Canon Rebel DSLR.


He crouches over a dying WOMAN (20s), who pleads weakly.
Instead of helping, he photographs her blood pooling across the salsa bar.


GARVEY
(whispering, ecstatic)
Mmm.… this is cinema.


TITLE CARD: STAR TREK: PICARD



ACT ONE​


EXT. SPACE – THE ENTERPRISE-G


Picard and crew investigate a string of attacks by Garvey’s private army: the MASHABLE POTATOES—malfunctioning androids sculpted from vat-grown flesh.


GARVEY (V.O.)
Living flesh is obsolete. You exist to be molded… like buttery tubers.



ACT TWO – THE TWIST​


Picard confronts Garvey during a skirmish.


GARVEY
Did mummy never tell you, Jean-Luc? When she remarried, Starfleet made a little insurance policy… A clone. Me. Your step-father’s son.


He turns to CAMERA.


GARVEY
This very compelling, genre-defying film… directed by Nicholas Meyer.



ACT THREE – THE TRIAL​


INT. ROMULAN COURT – INDOOR MALL


Yes, it looks like a suburban shopping mall. Escalators. Food court banners.


JUDGE QUARK presides, in full robes. His voice echoes Crane from The Dark Knight Rises.


JUDGE QUARK
(spitting rage)
I’ll beat and sodomize the lot of you with a steel pipe unless Picard… spills his guts!


The crew stands accused.


Picard produces a crinkled Kroger trash bag.


Inside: two Medieval Times crowns, spray-painted gold.


PICARD
These are sacred artifacts… from the founders of this world. Synthetic. Believers in peace.


The Romulan spectators murmur—UNREST—confusion in the mall-court. In the chaos, the crew slips free.



ACT FOUR – THE TWIST OF DEATH​


EXT. ROMULAN MAIN STREET – NIGHT


Worf and Geordi stroll through the aftermath.


WORF
That was… dishonorable.


GEORDI
Crazy, yeah. Except, fun fact: we’ve both been dead for an hour.


SMASH CUT:


Their mutilated corpses sprawled in blood, Shining-style flood across Romulan cobblestones.


JADZIA DAX’S SEVERED HEAD rolls past like a soccer ball.


Ghost Geordi shrugs.


GEORDI
Being dead makes me feel… funny.


He does a Fortnite dance.


WORF
Do not worry. Our spinal fluid will be harvested. Resurrection… awaits the sequel.



FINAL IMAGE​


The Enterprise sails into the void. Picard, weary, clutches the crowns.


Behind him, faint laughter—Garvey’s voice—echoes through the stars.
 
Captain Syrup said:
1000073207.webp

STAR TREK: PICARD S4​

Paramount+ Original Film Event
Written in the Style of Nicholas Meyer (or so the villain insists)

COLD OPEN​

INT. CHIPOTLE – NIGHT


A fast-casual burrito joint in San Francisco. Greasy counters, limp tortillas.


Behind the register: CAPTAIN BRENT GARVEY (60s), once a decorated Starfleet officer, now a hollow-eyed burnout in an apron.


Garvey sets down a burrito bowl, then calmly arms a hidden THERMAL DEVICE.


The device detonates—
BODIES ERUPT. Customers splattered across walls. GUACAMOLE SPATTERED WITH INTESTINES.


From the carnage, Garvey produces a battered Canon Rebel DSLR.


He crouches over a dying WOMAN (20s), who pleads weakly.
Instead of helping, he photographs her blood pooling across the salsa bar.


GARVEY
(whispering, ecstatic)
Mmm.… this is cinema.


TITLE CARD: STAR TREK: PICARD



ACT ONE​


EXT. SPACE – THE ENTERPRISE-G


Picard and crew investigate a string of attacks by Garvey’s private army: the MASHABLE POTATOES—malfunctioning androids sculpted from vat-grown flesh.


GARVEY (V.O.)
Living flesh is obsolete. You exist to be molded… like buttery tubers.



ACT TWO – THE TWIST​


Picard confronts Garvey during a skirmish.


GARVEY
Did mummy never tell you, Jean-Luc? When she remarried, Starfleet made a little insurance policy… A clone. Me. Your step-father’s son.


He turns to CAMERA.


GARVEY
This very compelling, genre-defying film… directed by Nicholas Meyer.



ACT THREE – THE TRIAL​


INT. ROMULAN COURT – INDOOR MALL


Yes, it looks like a suburban shopping mall. Escalators. Food court banners.


JUDGE QUARK presides, in full robes. His voice echoes Crane from The Dark Knight Rises.


JUDGE QUARK
(spitting rage)
I’ll beat and sodomize the lot of you with a steel pipe unless Picard… spills his guts!


The crew stands accused.


Picard produces a crinkled Kroger trash bag.


Inside: two Medieval Times crowns, spray-painted gold.


PICARD
These are sacred artifacts… from the founders of this world. Synthetic. Believers in peace.


The Romulan spectators murmur—UNREST—confusion in the mall-court. In the chaos, the crew slips free.



ACT FOUR – THE TWIST OF DEATH​


EXT. ROMULAN MAIN STREET – NIGHT


Worf and Geordi stroll through the aftermath.


WORF
That was… dishonorable.


GEORDI
Crazy, yeah. Except, fun fact: we’ve both been dead for an hour.


SMASH CUT:


Their mutilated corpses sprawled in blood, Shining-style flood across Romulan cobblestones.


JADZIA DAX’S SEVERED HEAD rolls past like a soccer ball.


Ghost Geordi shrugs.


GEORDI
Being dead makes me feel… funny.


He does a Fortnite dance.


WORF
Do not worry. Our spinal fluid will be harvested. Resurrection… awaits the sequel.



FINAL IMAGE​


The Enterprise sails into the void. Picard, weary, clutches the crowns.


Behind him, faint laughter—Garvey’s voice—echoes through the stars.
Click to expand...
Jesus Christ, Denton. I'll post my greentexts in a different thread or something.
 
Rabo 2: Electric Boogaloo said:
Does anyone like Kes?
Like genuinely?
Click to expand...
I hate to quote some internet reviewer but SFDebris put it best, it’s like you traded in your electric guitar for a Harley. Yeah, cool, badass, your nuts are rattling, but you also lost your guitar.

1000073231.webp

Kes could vibe with any lifeform Voyager bumped into. Without her, half those other characters (Tom, the Doctor, Tuvok) would’ve just stood around the bridge doing not much. She was basically the scaffolding they built arcs on. Unfortunately, Kes never got a corner of the ship to call her own, and her skills got appropriated by everyone else.
 
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I'm a bit late but I finally watched the SNW episode with Patton Oswalt. Ya that was dumb as fuck. The episode would have been slightly less dumb if Oswalt had not been in it at all. Also, Spock saves the day pretty much with a tango dance, let that sink in.
 
Captain Syrup said:
Unfortunately, Kes never got a corner of the ship to call her own, and her skills got appropriated by everyone else.
Click to expand...
At most, she became the EMH's nurse and grew plants on the side I think.

Side note, how does nobody else on Voyager have medical training to the point where the closest thing the crew has to a nurse is either a random three-year-old girl and the guy whose main job is flying the ship? Yeah, I get that the medical team was killed when the ship was flung to the Delta Quadrant, but nobody else has first aid training?
 
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