Surtur and littlebiscuits guide to F.A.T.A.L

littlebiscuits

littlebiscuits

mean girl
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Have you ever felt like D&D wasn't fucked up enough? Or that pathfinder didn't offer enough gratuitous torture porn?

Well, have we got the thread for you!

Welcome to F.A.T.A.L. Run while you can.

Note: we will not be playing this game as a forum. Ever. Ever Ever.

Why? Well, let's go ahead and take a peek at the cover.

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Yeah. And that's the tamest image image in the whole book. no really.

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Welcome to F.A.T.A.L. You have been warned.


Let's begin! What will we need to play?

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Okay, seems easy enough, but Math? Fuck that, I'm not doing math for fun.

Alright but what race can I play?

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Wow. Okay, that's pretty graphic. But which one should I choose? How bout we look at what the races think of each other to help us along?
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Well, that's very helpful, but I think we need some specific information before we can settle on one.

Bugbears:
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Good to know.

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Uh, wow. Let's not choose bugbears then. How bout Dwarves?

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Or maybe not. How bout elves? Everyone likes elves!

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Dark skinned and ugly and unable to control their sexual urges. Good God.

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Well, what about light elves? Could they be any better?

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Such racism....and they're not even real races!
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Lense flares are cruse control for sexy, don'cha know?

Kobolds are probably normal though, right? It's just kobolds. No tabletop game could possibly fuck up Kobolds?

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GOD WHY?

And the ogres are only worse...

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...And that concludes our sporking of the Rules& Races section! Hope you made it through okay!

EDIT: SHIT I forgot a race. And you guys would REALLY need to see this one.

Anakim's are like little, whatever the fucks, vampireish things.

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So yeah, let's check out the benefits to playing one of these guys!
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Yup. The ability to inspire the desire for anal sex in others AND call frog. This is basically the dream race of Nick Bates, played in his ideal fantasy world.
 
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So when rolling a character what is the most important thing you can come up with? Race? Class? Nope, Gender is. Why is this? Well, you see according to Aristotle women are bitches and as such this needed to be included in the game. See the text below.

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This is straight up WizardChan shit. Men are literally better than woman at fucking everything.
 
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Everyone please roll your weight stat. If you fail your privilege check, please consider yourself a hideous oppressor.
 
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Now, not only is the game horribly offesinve, but the mechanics are godawful as well. The game requires stupid amounts of math and then you get shit like this.

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For every so many pounds you are over the average, you get a bonus to stregths. This means an epic fat guy will be the best fighter in the game. Sure you loose attractiveness, but if you are playing FATAL you probably are not going to seduce the wenches with your looks.
 
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