Surtur and littlebiscuits guide to F.A.T.A.L

[HG 400]

My Epic Quest to Roll a FATAL Character

Name ; Byron Hall
So, it looks like name is the only thing that isn't determined by die rolls, so I actually get to choose this one

Race ; Kobold
Sub-Ability Points
Strength -40
Bodily Attractiveness -15
Facial - 15
Vocal -15
Kinetic + 15
Rhetorical - 10
Hand-Eye Coordination + 15
Agility + 15
Reaction Speed + 15
Enunciation + 15
Language - 10
Analytic - 10
Spacial + 15
Drive - 15
Morality - 50
Sanguine - 25
Choleric + 25
Phlegmatic + 25
Skills
Directional Sense +3
Mining + 3
Trickery + 3
Weapon (Spear) + 1
Base Current Armor
10
Base Life Points
15

Okay, rolled the random chart and got myself a kobold. I've dumped all the kobold stats here for now, as I'm sure I'll have to apply them to something else a few chapters in.


Racial Hatred
Anakim ; 5
Bugbear ; 4
Dwarf, Black ; 5
Dwarf, Brown ; 5
Dwarf, White ; 5
Elf, Dark ; 5
Elf, Light ; 5
Human ; 5
Kobold ; 1
Ogre ; 4
Ogre, Cliff ; 5
Ogre, Gru ; 4
Ogre, Kin ; 5
Troll, Borb ; 5
Troll, Hill ; 5
Troll, Sub ; 5

Rolled a total of 48 dices to randomly determine my racist attitude towards every sentient race, including my own. Good thing too, otherwise I might be liable to, y'know, think up my own personality for this character I'm expected to roleplay. My racist leanings line up exactly with the racist leanings a kobold is supposed to have, no variation there whatsoever, making this the first of (I'm sure) many stupendous wastes of time. So anyways, it turns out that I'm extremely, voraciously racist towards everything that's not kobolds. I'd like to see how any kind of compatible adventuring party can come out of this weird 'errything is random' system, since I'm now expected to enslave any non-kobolds or die trying.

Gender ; Female
Physique ; Physical Fitness (-5%)
Physique ; Strength (-30%)
Physique ; Body Attractiveness (+3%)
Charisma ; Facial (+3%)
Intelligence ; Language (+2%)
Intelligence ; Math (-3%)
Intelligence ; Spatial (-2%)
Wisdom ; Drive (-2%)
Wisdom ; Intuition (+5%)
Wisdom ; Reflection (+5%)

Had to skip foward 6 chapters to "Offspring Sexuality" to find the chart for determining gender, based on my race. Skipping back now. Dumping all the female modifiers here too, even though I'm not supposed to apply them for another couple chapters.

So ends chapter one, and I'm taking a break from this horseshit. I've determined that I'm a female Kobold called "Byron Hall", and that I'm legit racist towards everything except other kobolds. Total die rolled so far ; 50. Fucking hell, gg FATAL.

 

[Burned Man]

My Epic Quest to Roll a FATAL Character

Name ; Byron Hall
So, it looks like name is the only thing that isn't determined by die rolls, so I actually get to choose this one

I hope you put a lot of thought into this decision and exercised all your will on this, because that's all you get. This adventure shall be awesome as everyone is forced to be racist towards each other while trying to overcome their base sexual urges whether they want too or not. I can't wait to see what class you get and if it will be remotely beneficial to a party.

 

[exball]

>tfw no d100.

 

[HG 400]

Alright, so 50 die in and I've determined that I'm a female kobold of average racistness for koboldkind. I'll point out that so far, the game is completely broken. Not only are we supposed to determine our race randomly, but most races are incredibly, hatefully racist towards each other. The author asserts that random selection of race is 'more realistic, because nobody chooses their race in real life'. He's not wrong, but clearly this game has never, ever been playtested. How are we supposed to explain an adventuring party made up of elves, trolls, kobolds, ogres and humans alongside each other, trying to haterape and murder each other before the game even begins? Oh well, now it's time to get to the really important stuff ; what my delectable little kobold minx looks like.

CHAPTER 2 ; BODY

Age ; 15 (Young Adult)

Okay, little bit uncomfortable with that, but here's another immediate gamebreaker. I could have rolled a baby. Technically, I could have rolled somebody who was negative-twenty-five years old. So, whatever, I'm a fifteen year old and sooner or later I'm going to roll for anal circumference. Please don't put me on a government watchlist, kobolds reach sexual maturity faster than people, just like nekoshota and ghost loli and all those other pederast excuses for looking at pederast porn, so it's not technically immoral, right guys? Right?

Height ; 4'4" +2 strength

Still taller than framergirl, so whatevs. Also, It's spitting out modifiers I'm not supposed to apply yet based off errything, so from now on I'll just list every modifier in red so I don't forget to come back and apply it

Weight ; 69lb

Nothing special here, except I'm rolling a retarded amount of dice to be told 'average', over and over again.

BMI ; SUCK MY BALLS FAGGOT

Okay, first real hurdle. "Simply divide your weight by the square of your height, then multiply it by 705. Simple. But what the fuck is my height? My height in inches? My height in feet, with a decimal for the inches left over? Every concievable combination I've tried has returned a nonsense answer that can't possibly be a functional BMI. I'm skipping this faggotry until one of you mathfaggot nerds does it for me.

Most Attractive Quality ; Chest +4 Bodily Attractiveness

Augh yeah, suckers. Byron the Kobold's got some bitchin' sugar pillows, and... and she's 15 years old. Dammit

Most Repulsive Feature ; Face -8 Facial Charisma

Make your own butterface joke here and oh wait, she's still 15 years old. This fckin game...

Hair Colour ; Light Brown
Skin Colour ; Silvery White
Hair Length ; 23-30" or lower back
Hair Thickness and Type ; Medium Thickness, Curly & Oily +4 Facial Charisma
Eye Colour ; Brown
Breadth ; 26"
Vision ; Perfect Natural Vision
Facial Features ; Large Forehead, (presumed Irascible, Cruel) -3 Facial Charisma

All standard shit here so far, as far as FATAL goes. Roll for hair colour, length, type, eye colour, etc. Skin colour wasn't random, all kobolds are silver-white, and breadth was just my height halved (so despite everything else that has to be totally in keeping with IRL statistics, I can't be unusually stocky or lanky What gives there? Anyways, roll for nearsighted/farsighted, then a weird as fuck one where I roll for my facial characteristics and apply some medieval physiognomy shit to it. Am I supposed to play as an irascible and cruel character or is that just the prejudice I'll face? I'm scared and confused, being told I actually have a choice in anything about my character now)

Freak of Nature ; No
This is the part where I roll a D1,000,000. I'm counting it as ten rolls cause apparantly I roll 10 D10's in sequence and count each 10 as a 0. If I rolled 0000001 then I'd be a freak of nature. I rolled a six on my first time, but rolled the other nine anyway cause otherwise it'd be cheating. If I got that one-in-a-million freak of nature thing, I'd then have a 1 in 5 chance of getting to play as a kobold dickgirl. Oh well, someday maybe

Aereola Diameter ; 1"
Aereola Hue ; Light
Cup Size ; B
Welp, there's my amazing boobies. K, so I had to add a modifier to cupsize from my 'Most Attractive Feature ; Chest', which I'll now go up and delete the note reminding me to do that. Stats like this shit are important, dammit. I need to know exactly what my aereola look like. WHY ISN'T THERE A ROLL FOR MY NIPPLE SIZE, THOUGH?

Nipple Length ; 1/4"
Oh.

Vaginal Circumference Potential ; 6"-8"
Another shocking display of ridiculous game planning, I'm supposed to add modifiers if I'm a mother, nymphomaniac, or slut. But that shit won't be for another six chapters or so when I roll my entire family background and mental illnesses and lasciviousness (I can't even choose how chaste or slutty I want to play, the dice choose for me.) For a game that seems to be all about exploring your weird, D&D-themed rape fetishes, the player is given a ridiculously small amount of choice. What happens when you enter this game seriously and want to play a eight-foot-tall rapist with a massive troll dong? "Nah sorry bro, you rolled a female dwarven baby. Now determine her anal circumference"

Anyways, I rolled a 68. I might have to come back and adjust my vagina size once I find out if I'm a MILF or not. Also, 15 years old, fuck this shit.

Vaginal Depth Potential ; 6.4"
"A female's vaginal depth potential equals her height in feet converted to inches and then (2d20)% is added." At first I was like 'hooray, no dice, a straight up faggotmath conversion, then it's like ROLL TWO DICE ANYWAY AND THEN CALCULATE THE PERCENTAGE TO ADD, FAGGOT. Fuck this game. Also, don't any of you dare forget that this a fucking 15-year-old we're talking about, fuck this shit."

Tongue Size ; Normal Sized Tongue (2")
I need to know exactly how far I can push my tongue up a bugbear's anus, you guys. NO, I CAN'T JUST ESTIMATE! I need to know exact specifics

Anal Circumference Potential ; 6"-8"
Here is is, the fabled roll for anal circumference roll. I'm not even gonna make a joke about this or remind you how old the character in question is, or how old she could have been, or that there's a fucking modifier for being a baby. It's just, here's my anal circumference roll. I rolled an 81, so I'll come back to maybe adjust this once I find out if I'm a nymphomaniac or accustomed to anal sex or not.

Okay, fuck this. Taking another break for now, even though I'm not all the way through Chapter 2. Coming up next it looks like it's gonna make me roll a shitload of die to chart my menstrual cycle, but after that I get to roll for infant mortality to find out if I died 14 years ago. That would kinda be a relief, although I wish they let me roll that one ninety-one dice rolls ago.

Total Dies Rolled ; 92

 

[Surtur]

My Epic Quest to Roll a FATAL Character

Name ; Byron Hall
So, it looks like name is the only thing that isn't determined by die rolls, so I actually get to choose this one

Sad part is, if you use the character generator program, you can't even choose that.

 

[exball]

Hey prags I want to play.

 

[Burned Man]

Alright, so 50 die in and I've determined that I'm a female kobold of average racistness for koboldkind. I'll point out that so far, the game is completely broken. Not only are we supposed to determine our race randomly, but most races are incredibly, hatefully racist towards each other. The author asserts that random selection of race is 'more realistic, because nobody chooses their race in real life'. He's not wrong, but clearly this game has never, ever been playtested. How are we supposed to explain an adventuring party made up of elves, trolls, kobolds, ogres and humans alongside each other, trying to haterape and murder each other before the game even begins? Oh well, now it's time to get to the really important stuff ; what my delectable little kobold minx looks like.

CHAPTER 2 ; BODY

Age ; 15 (Young Adult)

Okay, little bit uncomfortable with that, but here's another immediate gamebreaker. I could have rolled a baby. Technically, I could have rolled somebody who was negative-twenty-five years old. So, whatever, I'm a fifteen year old and sooner or later I'm going to roll for anal circumference. Please don't put me on a government watchlist, kobolds reach sexual maturity faster than people, just like nekoshota and ghost loli and all those other pederast excuses for looking at pederast porn, so it's not technically immoral, right guys? Right?

Height ; 4'4" +2 strength

Still taller than framergirl, so whatevs. Also, It's spitting out modifiers I'm not supposed to apply yet based off errything, so from now on I'll just list every modifier in red so I don't forget to come back and apply it

Weight ; 69lb

Nothing special here, except I'm rolling a retarded amount of dice to be told 'average', over and over again.

BMI ; SUCK MY BALLS FAGGOT

Okay, first real hurdle. "Simply divide your weight by the square of your height, then multiply it by 705. Simple. But what the fuck is my height? My height in inches? My height in feet, with a decimal for the inches left over? Every concievable combination I've tried has returned a nonsense answer that can't possibly be a functional BMI. I'm skipping this faggotry until one of you mathfaggot nerds does it for me.

Most Attractive Quality ; Chest +4 Bodily Attractiveness

Augh yeah, suckers. Byron the Kobold's got some bitchin' sugar pillows, and... and she's 15 years old. Dammit

Most Repulsive Feature ; Face -8 Facial Charisma

Make your own butterface joke here and oh wait, she's still 15 years old. This fckin game...

Hair Colour ; Light Brown
Skin Colour ; Silvery White
Hair Length ; 23-30" or lower back
Hair Thickness and Type ; Medium Thickness, Curly & Oily +4 Facial Charisma
Eye Colour ; Brown
Breadth ; 26"
Vision ; Perfect Natural Vision
Facial Features ; Large Forehead, (presumed Irascible, Cruel) -3 Facial Charisma

All standard shit here so far, as far as FATAL goes. Roll for hair colour, length, type, eye colour, etc. Skin colour wasn't random, all kobolds are silver-white, and breadth was just my height halved (so despite everything else that has to be totally in keeping with IRL statistics, I can't be unusually stocky or lanky What gives there? Anyways, roll for nearsighted/farsighted, then a weird as fuck one where I roll for my facial characteristics and apply some medieval physiognomy shit to it. Am I supposed to play as an irascible and cruel character or is that just the prejudice I'll face? I'm scared and confused, being told I actually have a choice in anything about my character now)

Freak of Nature ; No
This is the part where I roll a D1,000,000. I'm counting it as ten rolls cause apparantly I roll 10 D10's in sequence and count each 10 as a 0. If I rolled 0000001 then I'd be a freak of nature. I rolled a six on my first time, but rolled the other nine anyway cause otherwise it'd be cheating. If I got that one-in-a-million freak of nature thing, I'd then have a 1 in 5 chance of getting to play as a kobold dickgirl. Oh well, someday maybe

Aereola Diameter ; 1"
Aereola Hue ; Light
Cup Size ; B
Welp, there's my amazing boobies. K, so I had to add a modifier to cupsize from my 'Most Attractive Feature ; Chest', which I'll now go up and delete the note reminding me to do that. Stats like this shit are important, dammit. I need to know exactly what my aereola look like. WHY ISN'T THERE A ROLL FOR MY NIPPLE SIZE, THOUGH?

Nipple Length ; 1/4"
Oh.

Vaginal Circumference Potential ; 6"-8"
Another shocking display of ridiculous game planning, I'm supposed to add modifiers if I'm a mother, nymphomaniac, or slut. But that shit won't be for another six chapters or so when I roll my entire family background and mental illnesses and lasciviousness (I can't even choose how chaste or slutty I want to play, the dice choose for me.) For a game that seems to be all about exploring your weird, D&D-themed rape fetishes, the player is given a ridiculously small amount of choice. What happens when you enter this game seriously and want to play a eight-foot-tall rapist with a massive troll dong? "Nah sorry bro, you rolled a female dwarven baby. Now determine her anal circumference"

Anyways, I rolled a 68. I might have to come back and adjust my vagina size once I find out if I'm a MILF or not. Also, 15 years old, fuck this shit.

Vaginal Depth Potential ; 6.4"
"A female's vaginal depth potential equals her height in feet converted to inches and then (2d20)% is added." At first I was like 'hooray, no dice, a straight up faggotmath conversion, then it's like ROLL TWO DICE ANYWAY AND THEN CALCULATE THE PERCENTAGE TO ADD, FAGGOT. Fuck this game. Also, don't any of you dare forget that this a fucking 15-year-old we're talking about, fuck this shit."

Tongue Size ; Normal Sized Tongue (2")
I need to know exactly how far I can push my tongue up a bugbear's anus, you guys. NO, I CAN'T JUST ESTIMATE! I need to know exact specifics

Anal Circumference Potential ; 6"-8"
Here is is, the fabled roll for anal circumference roll. I'm not even gonna make a joke about this or remind you how old the character in question is, or how old she could have been, or that there's a fucking modifier for being a baby. It's just, here's my anal circumference roll. I rolled an 81, so I'll come back to maybe adjust this once I find out if I'm a nymphomaniac or accustomed to anal sex or not.

Okay, fuck this. Taking another break for now, even though I'm not all the way through Chapter 2. Coming up next it looks like it's gonna make me roll a shitload of die to chart my menstrual cycle, but after that I get to roll for infant mortality to find out if I died 14 years ago. That would kinda be a relief, although I wish they let me roll that one ninety-one dice rolls ago.

Total Dies Rolled ; 92

I now know the sexual characteristics of a 15 year old Kobold girl. I would like to say my life is complete but it is so much worse. Knowing that you would have had to have rolled all that if you were baby only makes it so much worse. Man fuck this game and the autistic that made it. I' still can't wait for the next part.

 

[HG 400]

Okay, small update, Surtur just helped my feeble kobold -2 womanbrain thought the math portion of determining my BMI. Thanks Surtur.

Surtur ; 4'4 is 52 inches, 52*52 = 2704. 69/2705= 0.0255177514792899. 0.0255177514792899*705 = ~17.9
Surtur ; "Quadratic equations have no place in a RPG"

17.9 is on the lower end of ideal weight for a Kobold female, so I thankfully don't have to adjust anything. Otherwise it would be +5 attractiveness for every 0.1 you are under the 'underweight' limit, with no lower cap. Meaning the more unhealthily skin-and-bones skinny you are, the prettier you are. Auschwitz victims are the highest form of sexy according to the malignant cunt who wrote this. In any other game, this would be the most offensive thing about it. Fortunately, FATAL has babyrape with meticulously modeled anal breakage, so glamourising anorexia doesn't even raise an eyebrow at this point.

 

[Surtur]

Going through this damn thing again I noticed this:

Notably, dippy thinks that if a woman's ass tears, it becomes one with her vagoo. Aside from the sheer agony this would cause, this is impossible to do withough killing someone. Check this (NSFW) image of a crosssection of a womans lower body:

Spoiler: NSFW

Note that this bick of tissue between the vagina and the rectum? If someones asshole tears open, its just going to widen the anus, not rip away that much flesh. BUT REALISM!

 

[Le Bateleur]

Going through this damn thing again I noticed this:

Notably, dippy thinks that if a woman's ass tears, it becomes one with her vagoo. Aside from the sheer agony this would cause, this is impossible to do withough killing someone. Check this (NSFW) image of a crosssection of a womans lower body:

Spoiler: NSFW

Note that this bick of tissue between the vagina and the rectum? If someones asshole tears open, its just going to widen the anus, not rip away that much flesh. BUT REALISM!

It sounds like he's conflating a perinieal rupture with a vaginal fistula.

 

[HG 400]

Roll for vaginal fistula diameter plz.

 

[Not There]

I would like to 'like' something in this thread, but I feel like I'm on some kind of watch list right now.

How are any of you still sane?!

 

[Surtur]

I would like to 'like' something in this thread, but I feel like I'm on some kind of watch list right now.

How are any of you still sane?!

I do great on my sanity rolls.

 

[HG 400]

Okay, 92 rolls and still truckin'.

CHAPTER 2 : BODY (cont.)

Hymen Resistence ; 39

Any man who gets into my sweet jailbait Kobold cooze will have to roll 1d100, then divide his Manhood Circumference by my Vaginal Circumference Potential, and then multiply the quotient by 100, then apply that as a modifier to his roll to find out if he popped my cherry or not. Putting aside just how incredibly gross and autistic that is, vaginal circumference is given as a range (mine is 6" - 8"). How the fuck do I divide by 6 to 8?

Menstrual Period ; 8 days
Pre-Menstrual Discomfort ; Yes
Tender Breasts/Bloating ; For 7 days prior to menstruation
Pre-Menstrual Symptoms ; Headaches, Irritability, Nervousness, Fatigue, Crying Spells, Depression with no Apparent Cause
Menstrual Cramps ; No

Okay, so despite dodging the menstrual cramps I rolled up pretty much the worst shark week imaginable. Apparently when I'm PMSing my Choleric Temperament and Melancholic Temperament will increase by d100, cause roleplaying is apparently all about charting every possible emotion and thought via random die rolls and then acting accordingly, if you're cripplingly autistic. That said, PMSin' bitches, am I right bros? I'm so right.

Infant Mortality Roll ; Damn

This one I think is supposed to be to see whether your baby dies after you get raped by a hill troll and give birth to some fetish-baby or whatever, but I decided to use it to try and have my character retroactively die in infancy so I wouldn't have to keep doing this bullshit. Unfortunately for poor Byron the kobold, she lives on. Thankfully I get to skip the next section cause it's all about dongs, so moving on...

Foot Size ; 10" to 11"
Fist Circumference ; 10" to 11"
Handedness ; Right-Handed

There are the 'rare attributes', which are optional. I did them anywhere. Right/left-handedness is considered an unimportant minor detail, but the hue of my nipples and circumference of my vagoo is considered vital and necessary? Okay, whatever. At least now I know what size assholes I can break with my oafishly large kobold fist. Moving on...

Head Circumference ; 23.36"

Screenshot because this one is ridiculously complicated, even by FATAL standards. d100 x 0.97 for female, and a random +/- of d100 hundredth's of an inch. I can't help but think the "hat" they expect players might want to wear is more likely to be an ogress vagina than a fedora.

Allergies ; Come back to this after determining Health Sub-Ability in Chapter 3

Another shitty design forcing me to leaf back and forward through this shitty rulebook like an attention-deficit chimp. I'll come back to find out whether or not I'm lactose intolerant after I find out what my character class actually is. There's a big list of diseases and intoxicants here, but I don't think I have to roll any of them as a new character. Okay, looks like this chapter's done.

Total Dies Rolled ; 109

 

[Randall Fragg]

Damn it, I don't want to roll a bunch of dice. I just want to play my psychotic, female to male transsexual, serial killing rapist character. Who has a metal dick. That shoots spike because HORRIFIC RAPE WORLD OF DEATH!

 

[ASoulMan]

The amount of dice rolls, IS TOO DAYUM HIGH!

 

[HG 400]

Okay gamers, 109 rolls in and it can only get worse from here. I've slogged through the vag-size fluff and I'm ready to delve into my actual abilities. I'm gonna go ahead and bet that I'll roll no less than 500 die and come out average in almost every field. At this point I should note that I've found another couple of blogs attempting to roll up a FATAL character, and I've now gotten further than any known mortal has ever come.

CHAPTER 3 ; ABILITIES

Physique ; Physical Fitness ; 83.41

Okay, so this is a subability. The five core abilities each have four subabilities, which I determine by rolling (10d100 / 5) -1, then adding any modifiers I've accrued so far. So, I roll a 444, divide by five, subtract one, then scroll up to see I have to subtract -5% for being a useless woman, leaving me with 83.41. Not sure if this is supposed to be integers or not so I'll just leave the decimals there and delete them later if I find a rule about rounding up or down. The next three physique subabilities are calculated the same way.

Physique ; Strength 35.2 -6 Life Points

Took a pretty huge hit for being a kobold, then lost a third of what I had left for being a weak, mewling rapebait woman. This might be my first stat that isn't incredibly average, unless you count my large feet and bitchin' PMS.

Physique ; Bodily Attractiveness 76.52
Physique ; Health 109.8
Charisma ; Facial 68.8

Pretty glad I rolled so low here, considering I'm supposed to be a butterface. The section on determining your most repulsive trait suggests discussing some kind of compromise with a GM if you roll high on Facial Charisma, which I have no intention of doing. Playing this shit as it's supposed to be played, through hundreds of autistic dice rolls.

Charisma ; Vocal 91.2
Charisma ; Kinetic 125
Charisma ; Rhetoric 90.2
Dexterity ; Hand-Eye Coordination 130
Dexterity ; Agility 107 +1 Armor
Dexterity ; Reaction Speed 101
Dexterity ; Enunciation 123.8

Rollin pretty good on the dexterity stats. Maybe I'll make a decently nimble kobold archer or spearwoman yet, assuming I don't roll 'inkmaker' or 'delouser' for my profession.

Intelligence ; Language 79.1 (max languages 2)
Intelligence ; Math 70.1
Intelligence ; Analytic 96
Intelligence ; Spatial 107.2
Wisdom ; Drive 118.2 +1 Life Points
Wisdom ; Intuition 73.5
Wisdom ; Common-Sense 94
Wisdom ; Reflection 99.9

Welp, okay. That's all my subabilities done and it only took 100 rolls. Now I have to average each group to find my Core Stats. Really glad I read ahead to the 40+ pages of bullshit charts that come next, because Physical Fitness modifies body attractiveness, and I'd have to recalculate my bullshit scores if I missed that before doing the averages. Again, I've also noting any modifiers in red that I think I might need to apply later. Luckily my health is high enough that I don't have to go back and roll for allergies.

Physique ; 76.23
Charisma ; 93.8
Dexterity ; 115.45
Intelligence ; 88.1
Wisdom ; 96.4

Okay, 100 rolls and 24 equations later, I have my core stats. A bit weedy, plain to look at, not especially bright, but nimble. I missed out on getting the 'retard strength' bonuses here, unfortunately. It was something I was hoping for. Anyways, moving on, I can skip the 'aging effects' chart because 15 is considered a 'young adult' for a kobold, with no modifiers attached (if there's grass on the field, play ball, amirite bros? I am so rite.) So ends Chapter 3.

Total Dies Rolled ; 209

 

[HG 400]

The next chapter looks quick so I think I'll pump it out before I crash into self-loathing and despair. This is where I randomly roll my personality, because there is literally nothing about my character that I get to decide for myself. Again, how do people with the weird-ass fetishes required to actually want to play this game actually manage? I can't figure out how this could appeal to anybody. Ever. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, and it doesn't work on any level.

CHAPTER 4 ; DISPOSITION

So, there's a moral/ethical alignment system, which is very obviously and blatantly stolen from D&D's alignment system. Nevertheless, the autistic oxygen-thief who wrote this bullshit is citing Aristotle and some other pretentious old sources that nobody is ever gonna believe he's actually read. You stole it from D&D, faggot. Just admit it. The only thing different is I'm gonna have to roll about a million dice to find out if I'm Chaotic Neutral or Lawful Evil or whatever.

Piety Points ; 56.75

Fuck almighty, it looked simple at first. Just roll a D100. I got a 35. But then there's a 75% chance I need to adjust it because of my age, 25% for attractiveness, 50% for culture, 75% for drive, 25% for facial charisma and 75% for health. So, rolling all those, and I have to adjust for... age, attractiveness, drive and health. I have to keep flitting up to the charts in the last chapter for each one... fuck this, man. Just, fuck it. Alright, I have my Piety Points. I go to church regular, but I only bother to listen to the preacher sometimes. That'll do.

Disposition ; UI / NI

Okay, I take it back, there's far more to this than just a cribbed D&D system. Apparently, I'm "Unethical Immoral with Strong Neutral Immoral Leanings" or something? I don't know. I don't even fucking have a clue at this point. Let's just say that I'm as cruel and immoral as they come and I get off on being an evil shit, but I'm willing to act ethically and within the guidelines of the law occasionally if it suits my own purposes. So, I guess I don't have to try and rape the captain of the town watch just because he's standing there, but I should probably think about doing it and smile to myself, or something? Whatever, I'm a bad girl. I like doing bad shit, but I don't always do it because people might kill me for it. Let's just call me "Chaotic Evil But Not Completely Fuckretarded" and call it a day.

Next up is a ridiculously long monologue that explains pretty much every character trait or emotion that you could think of. It doesn't look like I have to roll for anything in the section, so I just skim-read it and moved the fuck on.

CHAPTER FIVE ; MIND

This one looks pretty quick too, let's get a doublechapter done here and then I'm gonna go and hate myself quietly in the dark.

Sanguine ; 56
Choleric ; 95
Melancholic ; 16
Phlegmatic ; 15

Okay, Captain Autism is using the old greek 'humours' system, which I know a little about, to determine your personality. Why that couldn't just be left up to the player I have no fucking clue, but there's what I rolled. Now, I take the dominant two humours and ignore the others, so I'm Sanguine and Choleric... this basically makes me a passionate person. Friendly and talkative, yet hot-tempered and violent. Okay, I can deal, I guess this isn't too restrictive. I'm a cheerfully fiesty little jailbait Kobold who loses her temper easily and is generally an evil fuck whenever she thinks she can get away with it.

Everything else here is just long boring monologuing about the nature of the humours and etc. If I rerolled any of my subability stats, I would have had to roll for a mental illness each time I took a do-over, but I don't have to do that. But y'know what? Fuck it, let's live dangerously. I'm gonna take a mental illness, because why the fuck not? Rollin' a D1000 and...

Random Mental Illness ; Sexual Sadism +70 Debauchery

Eh, it's not the worst I could have rolled, not by a long shot. I'll take it. I had to modify my sanguine and plegmatic humours, but nothing's changed, I'm still Sanguine-Choleric. According to the book, I'll have 74 months of sadistic sexual urges (after which I'm cured, I guess?) where I'll have to pass a skill check any time I see a sexual or violent encounter, lest I uncontrollable hurt somebody. My drive's not that bad so I think I'll be okay. The +70 it adds to debauchery later on scares me, though. No idea what that even does yet, but I'm scared.

Okay, I've had enough for now. Two chapters done, I'll do the rest tomorrow.

Total Dies Rolled ; 233

 

[Quail]

The thing with FATAL is that the author really wanted the game to be 'historically accurate' (in a fantasy setting) and 'realistic' (again, in a fantasy setting) but he neglected to think out how you'd actually play the game. As Dynastia has pointed out you have to roll for both race and racial hatred (with every roll being heavily weighted towards unconditional hatred except for the characters own race), meaning that if you actually want to roleplay properly your groups first encounter should involve them all trying to murder each-other.

Another symptom of this 'realism' fetish is in the classes available, ranging from Knight to Cheese-monger and each one has it's own way of getting experience. given that these classes also have their own attribute requirements to get you can quite easily end up with a party that not only hates each-other but has no reasons to work together or complimentary skills. For example a baker may gain experience for every bread roll they bake, a maid may gain experience for every day they satisfy their employer (with the flavour text commenting that this often amounts to sex) and the bandit gaining experience equivalent to the amount of money they steal (I'll admit I haven't got the rules before me but from memory this seems roughly right). So a FATAL game is most likely going to involve a group of people with absolutely no relation to each-other having a short race war before the one player who was lucky enough to get a decent fighting character wins the fight and then walks off wondering why they spent all that time rolling things for their genitals.

Also for some classes it'd take literally most of a characters life to level up because of how their specific experience is gained and magic using characters gain handy spells to do things such as give people poison semen but also have to correctly pronounce the incantations for the spell else they risk having it backfire causing anything from an uncontrollable urge to sodomise their opponent to accidentally casting the spell 'FATAL' which destroys all life for some reason.

By the way, have /tg/ running some fights with the ruleset:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/24153803/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/24482103/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/32167084/
(No clue where the third thread is)

Honestly the sex obsession and racism isn't what makes this the worst RPG ever, it's the completely non-functional rules.

 

[The Dude]

Why did I click this thread? Why did I read the whole damn thing? You know what? Fuck it. Bring on the nukes. This planet doesn't deserve to exist anymore.