It's been a while since this was done, probably since anybody with eyes and ears would rather drink whatever's under their sink, but here's a write-up of Eric's two recent offerings; "A GREAT WEEKEND" and "BREAKFAST MUKBANG"
-Hullloooooo people
-Eric is rocking the half-caste hairdo, having opted to leave the house looking like he has dead seaweed on his scalp instead of the painful-to-look-at desiccated straw bouffant of recent times.
-Everyone in the car looks fat. Rickie and Becky (who is in the car with them) have matching reversed snacpbacks.
-They're going to see the children's film, Avengers: End Game, because targeted advertisements told them to. Becky knows all about the release schedule for the franchise's films, because when you're 28 and unemployable, that's what you spend your time learning. Nobody in the car has been a legal child for ten years. Amber isn't joining them; she must have been "busy".
-Chloroformic exposition from Eric about how they're seeing the movie and they're excited and they're on the way to see the movie and they're excited to see the movie that they're on the way to see, which they are excited for. Eric makes sure to comment on Rickie's driving, because we're three minutes in and he hasn't been a cunt to Rickie yet
-Cut to post-movie grocery shopping. Rickie and Mumbles loved it, Becky had mixed feelings but is too inarticulate to convey why.
-Becky hates tuna. Rickie makes a lesbian sex joke; Becky ambiguously replies with "no".
-Drag race memes from 7 years ago
-Cut to kitchen. Eric is trying to eat hulthier; this consists of drinking water and avoiding red meat, because anaemia is super healthy.
-Eric has "made himself" turkey bacon; he brags about his culinary skills because he seasoned it with exotic spices: salt and pepper. Rickie probably cooked it.
-Eric's second chin is overtaking his first
-Becky's nephew's birthday is today; this one's not dead
-Eric congratulates himself for his genius diet strategy of a light breakfast so he can eat more at the party
-They went to Wommart
-Every item they got is enumerated, in case the viewer was starting to exhibit interest in the video
-They got the nephew a dinosaur tent. Amber would approve; I hear she's lidurly obsest with dinosaurs
-Cut to some cheap nasty gift shop
-Rickie mumbles something which turns out to be a plan to get "personalised candles" because the 78 candles they have aren't enough
-They get a shitty gift bag to put the tent in because wrapping gifts is too hard. The gift bag is grey, ugly, cheap, and a child wouldn't like it
-They also got some tawdry rainbow shit to combine with the unattractive gift bag for aesthetic effect
-"We" are thinking of buying some balloons; something tells me "our" money is Rickie's money.
-Extremely abrupt end because the video's over ten minutes now so Eric will get money for ugly clothing and candles
Comments Corner:
-people who think they're extremely insightful by pointing out that Becky is happier when Amber isn't around. This comment, on every Becky video for the last 18 months, just keeps getting wittier. Keep it up, normies!
-people making extremely obvious tuna-vagina jokes even though Eric did it in the video
-Amber didn't come because too fat for car (she is indeed too fat, but probably didn't come because she was sleepeeen)
This looks even less interesting; let's go!
-Turkey bacon and eggs mookbong
-Expensive water bottle because Eric is the exact kind of moron they market fancy bottled water to
-Lastht weekend was stho fun
-Eric apologises for not vlogging a small child's birthday party because he was "rethpecting their wisheth"; apparently one of their wishes was for his previous vlog to end in the middle of nowhere because it was already long enough for adsense shekels
-One minute in and Eric is talking about how he was going to make coffee, he didn't, he might later, but he didn't make coffee even though he was going to. Strong exposition!
-He's just drinkeen wadur, from a $5 disposable bottle. This was motivated by some nebulous clickbait information about water's miracle healing powers that he can't even remember the source of, but he read it somewhere at some point so he's an expert just like Chantal
-He has a fork, no knife, and is eating mostly with his fingers. On camera. Just like Chantal
-Eric reveals, with the tone of a shocking revelation, that the food he intentionally chose and prepared for himself tastes good
-Rambling anecdote about different kinds of salsa. Eric claims it's "rully weird" that he likes this salsa, because he doesn't usually like spicy food. It's almost like that salsa is mass produced for white trash with no experience of authentic salsa or something
-We hear once again about the birthday on the weekend
-Beckphew's parents got him some plastic garbage or something who cares fucking hell
-He eats more greasy fried meat with his fingers, but does it in the most effiminate way possible so it's totally dainty and not trashy whatsoever. I admit that I am a table etiquette sperg, but just look at how he holds his seldom-used fork:
-He now resorts to just describing what he did in his one-day-prior vlog
-Eric didn't want to see a late showing of Superhero Kiddie Film, presumably because he needs to get to bed early to wake up and spend Rickie's money on his iPad in bed until 11am
-There's some new album Eric is excited about and he orders us to listen to it. Yeah let me pause the Bach Matthauspassion to hear some pop garbage recommended to me by an autistic llama
-Eric has now resorted to describing IN DETAIL the method by which he eats pop tarts. He then has a "lol I'm so eccentric" moment because the way he consumes children's toaster treats is just so unrepentantly zany. Maybe it is; nobody was listening so we'll never know
-Eric says he has dyslexia because he
says things "all jumbled up and mixed around". That would be dyslogia Eric, except I think the real root of the problem might be that you're legitimately borderline rètarded
-Eric addresses the nonexistent turkey bacon haydurs and tells them it tastes good
-We hear for the third time about a child's birthday party that Eric went to with a group of adult friends. I can't even bring myself to listen to what he's saying at this point but be assured it's not important or interesting
-Eric is "upset" about becoming a fatter slob than he already was
-Confucius say: "You know what they say; you're doomed to repeat the same habits... or failures... you don't make change, you'll continue to make the same mistakes or something like that along those lines I don't know"
-The extremely mild spice is making Eric's sinus go into overdrive, not helped by his "allergiesth"
-We hear for the fourth time about what the food is and how good it was. Eric used "sea salt" and pepper, because qualifying the salt means he's classy when he eats fried eggs with his fingers.
-"I love water" swig of the bottle - pure Amber
Comments Corner:
-You're the new Amber
-this was really fucking boring
-I can't understand half of what you say
FIN