The Days Ahead

[CatParty]

The medallion was MADE FROM HIS HAIR?!?! Where is that from?

From the Jackie email dump, May 7, 2011:

This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social
Progress with the Mary Tyler Moore hairstyle, with Better
Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also
have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered
them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a
plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing
my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and
recovery.


Oh, also:

I also have had my ears pierced with
amythest studs (my birthstone) recently. I have been more
self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts,
and I am greeting women left and right. Hello.

he's already a witch.

 

[Marvin]

In an odd way, he's almost becoming aware of how unaware he is. I think this is why he's kicked into overdrive the whole "I need other people to find me a girlfriend/take care of my needs" thing. He always had it because he's lazy, but now it's exacerbated by his dim realization of how helpless he is.

Well, I don't know about any specifics about that... might not even be public, I don't remember. But it's not a new concept that Chris will bet the farm on dream prophecies he receives.

Probably a big part of why he's now ready to declare God a troll... too many such "prophecies" have passed unfulfilled. And after becoming occasionally dimly aware, Chris is starting to say "hey, wait a minute" any time he thinks back on all those promises of glory and happiness God supposedly made him.

Of course, Chris being Chris, he jumps to the notion that God was talking to him in his dreams, but just lying. He doesn't think about the simpler possibility, that his dreams were just ordinary dreams, without any supernatural message behind them.

With due respect for his mental problems, I can't help but wonder whether Chris's faith in his dreams wasn't simply more of his wishful thinking.

Eh, the problem with that theory is that Chris genuinely believes his magic shit. Even normal people who believe in god and prayer and things like that will still waver on their beliefs and have trouble holding to them.

Chris was watching his father die in the hospital, what would end up being his literal death-bed, and he was able to ignore that. It's either autism (he can't tell what a dying person looks like) or he really believes in the magic shit. Or maybe a combination of the two, I don't know.

The medallion was MADE FROM HIS HAIR?!?! Where is that from?

It wasn't the sonichu medallion that was made from his hair. When Barb forcibly cut his hair, he kept the cut hair in a talisman around his neck, to stimulate growth or something spergy.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also
have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered
them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a
plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and I am wearing
my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and

I was watching king of the hill the other night, and I noticed that John Redcorn wears a similar pouch around his neck.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

I also have had my ears pierced with
amythest studs (my birthstone) recently. I have been more
self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts,
and I am greeting women left and right. Hello.

Rereading this really sinks in how utterly creepy this is.

 

[Anon]

In the end, after Snorlax passes away, OPL will be forced to venture out of the home. Think if in Homeward Bound instead of trying to get back to their owners, Chris was trying to get to the GAMe PLACe to exact his final revenge.

Spoiler

He wouldn't make it

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Whoops - looks like I used the wrong word. Should've said "talisman" or "pouch".

 

[Ryan Rash]

It is not looking good for Chris. Barb is not in good health, and it's not a stretch to say that she may not be long for this world.

Once she passes on, Chris may well be screwed. I doubt any of his relatives will take him in (Cole wants nothing to do with him, Dr. Alan probably forgot he exists, and his older sister [the mathematical] probably isn't even aware he exists). On the off chance that one of them takes Chris in, he's gonna have a miserable time living with someone whose house rules are several times stricter than Borb's ever was, and it wouldn't be too long after when they get sick of Chris's bullshit and throw him out on the streets.

A group home run by the government might take him in, but he faces the same afformentioned problems as before: stricter rules. The chances of him being booted out are more than likely the same.

In the end, Chris may well find himself destitute, homeless, and sucking cock for money to buy Big Macs.

 

[Trombonista]

I have been more
self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts,
and I am greeting women left and right. Hello.

Sure, Chris, sure.

 

[KatsuKitty]

I have been more
self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts,
and I am greeting women left and right. Hello.

Sure, Chris, sure.

It's not too far off. Trans people have pretty shit confidence until they acknowledge to themselves who they are. Chris isn't trans but he is more feminine, and I can only guess that he'd feel most confident at his most feminine. That's all of course disregarding how Chris just completely fails at being feminine and how his half-assing it looks strange enough to drive everyone away.

 

[Trombonista]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

 

[QI 541]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

He's creeping out girls left and right.

 

[Marvin]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

He might've grown a pair and talked to a girl here or there, but long term? No, I really doubt Chris consistently talks to girls anymore than he used to.

 

[Anon]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

The girls are his left and his right.

 

[wikiwikipedia]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

He might've grown a pair and talked to a girl here or there, but long term? No, I really doubt Chris consistently talks to girls anymore than he used to.

I guess what I envisioned when he said that was him just winking in the general direction of girls and hoping they noticed a giant manchild wearing eye shadow staring at them?

Like the attraction sign except 45% more likely to end up as a serial murder.

 

[c-no]

Barb's future is facing death thanks to her age, the pets will either run away or die, 14 Branchland court will be lost, either to disaster or by building condemnation. Chris will pretty much either be homeless, put in some care facility, live with any family member who would actually take him in, or end up in jail after getting in trouble with the law. Eventually, Chris will die due to his health.

 

[CatParty]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

He might've grown a pair and talked to a girl here or there, but long term? No, I really doubt Chris consistently talks to girls anymore than he used to.

I can only imagine what goes through a girl's head when she sees that trainwreck eye-raping her then sashaying (waddling) over to her for awkward "mmyeahs" and talks of sonic recolors.
What I wouldn't give for another "tale of the crazy pacer" posts to show up.

 

[Marvin]

I was thinking more along the lines of how Chris has talked about being so shy, not to mention his general laziness. Sure, he may be more confident, but is he really talking up girls left and right?

He might've grown a pair and talked to a girl here or there, but long term? No, I really doubt Chris consistently talks to girls anymore than he used to.

I can only imagine what goes through a girl's head when she sees that trainwreck eye-raping her then sashaying (waddling) over to her for awkward "mmyeahs" and talks of sonic recolors.
What I wouldn't give for another "tale of the crazy pacer" posts to show up.

God, the use of the word "sashay" by Chris was the worst. Chris is pretty bad at communicating usually, but every now and then, he'll paint a picture.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Along with "sashay," I was pretty disturbed by his, what were they, "sweet hair and wink flirts." Does he REALLY think just going like counts as "a flirt"? What is the rest of his face doing at the time? If it's leering at the girl like in the picture that icon is cropped from, I can see her jumping into the mall fountain to get away from the thing coming toward her. And if a "hair flirt" is just flipping around one of his atrocious pigtails, I still bet there is no planet on which a girl who liked guys to any extent would find that smexxay. But the whole thing is just described so... robotically. More than usual for the 'tism. It's like if he does Subroutines A and B, he'll get Result Z. Except never.

 

[The Dude]

Here's how I see it going down:
Within the next three years Barb's health will continue to fail. She will either die in her sleep on her filthy, broken down recliner or will get sick enough to be hospitalized where she will die as Bob did, in a hospital bed while her cross dressing mentally handicapped son plays on a handheld video game.

Chris will be deeply saddened by his mother's passing as she was the one parent that placated and pandered to him. He will try to block out the bad feelings by playing PS3 and probably drinking more.

Chris will continue to spend his money on games, fast food, makeup, and girl's clothing far too small for his rotund figure.

He will fail to pay his property taxes and the house will be taken from him. The authorities will see the terrible condition of the house and have it condemned for public health reasons. While going through the piles of garbage in the house the corpses of many tiny kittens will be discovered from litters long since abandoned by the Chandler cats. The pets will be taken by animal control officers. The dogs will be adopted out and the cats destroyed. The house will be demolished and the property auctioned off.

Chris will now be homeless. He will live out of one of the cars, probably the Mitsubishi but maybe the van since it has more room. He will try to get by with his tugboat, but he will spend it too fast on McDs and will soon be hungry.

I see two things being likely. He either A. Starts begging for money and eating out of garbage cans, or B. Tries the male escort thing again. He will be seen wearing girl's clothes and will be solicited by other men who are in to trannies.

Either way Chris will soon end up in jail and his monthly tugboat will probably be taken from him. He will get out a few months later. He tries one more time to attack Michael Snyder and is again arrested and goes to jail.

After he gets out he will go in and out of halfway houses and homeless shelters. Then one cold night behind the dumpster of the local McDonalds Chris will freeze to death as he sleeps.

 

[YouDorks]

He'll probably forget to pay his taxes/bills someday and end up on Charlottesville's version of Skidrow.

I stand firm in my belief that there is no way Chris will be able to support himself. According to the Ivy Q&A, he doesn't even clean up his *you-know-what*. At best, he'll end up in a group home or some other form of assisted living facility. At worst, his intoxicated corpse will be found under an overpass in 10 years.