The Game Oversimplification Thread - Take any game and intentionally make it sound boring

Two orphans get more than they bargained for when they buy a trinket from a shifty merchant.
 
A fat author in a dungeon learns his wife was kidnapped by his dad, so he sends you to wander around the tropical island they're hiding at. The non-english speaking natives eye you with distrust and provide no help in any manner.
 
You wake up six hours later and wind up playing detective to find out what happened to your mates.
 
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