The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

[DrJonesHat]

It's cool if I plug in a few surge protectors for the booth next to me, right?

At least they are plugging it into a supply outlet. The genius I worked with plugged the surge protector into itself, and was baffled why it didn't work. Fortunately, my previous occupation prepared me for working with adults with the minds of children, and I was able to explain it to him and almost managed to keep the contempt out of my voice.

 

[Clownfish]

At least they are plugging it into a supply outlet. The genius I worked with plugged the surge protector into itself, and was baffled why it didn't work. Fortunately, my previous occupation prepared me for working with adults with the minds of children, and I was able to explain it to him and almost managed to keep the contempt out of my voice.

Make a how to thread on this? The world full of difficult folks

 

[XYZpdq]

Make a how to thread on this? The world full of difficult folks

I'm pretty sure there's already a thread on being drunk / high.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I suspect the company kept him around so if something went wrong, we could blame it on him.

 

[Burgers in the ass]

textbook examples of poo-in-loos bought out the shop i work at. they managed to get 80% of the workers to quit in under two months due to the most egregious display of incompetence i have ever witnessed. i had to take over as manager, and run the shop for a fucking week straight with no breaks since nobody else was there. these cocksuckers didn't give me a single dollar of overtime on an 80 hour work week. turns out they claim we're working as independent contractors, but nobody's been given a 1099. we're not on any sort of tax form, which is fucking illegal! i was supposed to get a raise as well, but that sure isn't happening. i'm about to quit, but not before taking a bunch of shit with me and reporting them to the department of labor. i did a little research and found out they've been buying hotels, running them to the ground until they file bankruptcy, and moving to the next one. how about that.

i'm pretty fucking mad at the moment.

Holy shit dude, I mean, I know there are fucked up people in the world but jesus.

 

[neverendingmidi]

textbook examples of poo-in-loos bought out the shop i work at. they managed to get 80% of the workers to quit in under two months due to the most egregious display of incompetence i have ever witnessed. i had to take over as manager, and run the shop for a fucking week straight with no breaks since nobody else was there. these cocksuckers didn't give me a single dollar of overtime on an 80 hour work week. turns out they claim we're working as independent contractors, but nobody's been given a 1099. we're not on any sort of tax form, which is fucking illegal! i was supposed to get a raise as well, but that sure isn't happening. i'm about to quit, but not before taking a bunch of shit with me and reporting them to the department of labor. i did a little research and found out they've been buying hotels, running them to the ground until they file bankruptcy, and moving to the next one. how about that.

i'm pretty fucking mad at the moment.

If you do go to the department of labor, they'll come down like a ton of bricks on them. A family member wound up getting a check (years ago) when a place they worked for (and had quit months before) was investigated for not paying overtime. The company had to go back and was audited and every single person was paid what they were owed, including backpay, going back several years.

About the only worse people in the government to screw with are the IRS. And if they weren't giving you tax sheets, they are probably cheating them too, so be sure to tip them off as well.

Edit: Also if they're cheating the IRS and you turn them in, you get a percentage of what the IRS takes from them as a reward. Sooooo, not a bad deal.

 

[Bassomatic]

Ok it's a bit of an older story but this came up tonight so I'll respin it here.

I had been in my new (at the time) job for about 3 months and so far we were a bit slow, over staffed and my boss said hey bassomatic, can you take a look at this company for a purchase? I did and it looked like shit. Nothings really going on, so my boss to get a way I tick and throw busy work asks me why. I list some problems (was a ghetto ass grocery store) Fridges were dying out, they had awful losses over stocked causing a lot of spoilage and only one payment system aside cash.

Couple days go by... on my desk in the morning I see a folder.. with the name of the company on it. Apparently, my company bought it. Because... there's some clean energy grant so could knock a few bucks off the replacement fridges. Aside this... it was BAD. There's a sticky note... set up EBT.

Ok, this is a smart move as it's literally in the ghetto, people use foodstamps(EBT) Still, it's rather insulting to give to ME. And even with some projections... EBT wasn't a great buy. But what does Bassomatic know?

I have all the info to start the entire fucked up ordeal to get gov payments going. The gov is some how more fucking retarded than my boss. They ask for a 10-k SEC form, for those whom unaware, that's a yearly report for a company with over 10 million dollars. My division, our CUT OFF is 1 million. Mr. Gov agent with his pension, knows better even though this is what they do for a living. I explained I have all the info they need, this is a sub million dollar company, there is no 10k. I'm told again, if I don't produce, we don't talk. For those not in the know you do not need to be a 10+ million dollar company to process gov payments. I swear this was his first day as he kept parroting this single paper that didn't fit was a requirement.

So I go back and explain to my boss, well you fucked up and welfare issuers are as dumb as welfare users. He didn't much approve. So I just locked myself (literally) in my office and did useful shit literally not talking to him for about 2 weeks. After I got over it and stopped locking my office, someone stole the bobble head off my desk

 

[Big Nasty]

I once worked with a guy who was later convicted of murder. He was drunk and knifed someone to death for sleeping on his couch.

 

[NQ 952]

I've been working since Friday morning on this issue we had with a client, because nobody could be assed to check in on an event properly.

I've just delivered an 8 page "forensic analysis" to C-level executives of my company and the client company that basically says "yeah, client's retarded"

 

[DrJonesHat]

When I worked with people with developmental disabilities, I worked for a company that handled profoundly disabled people. They weren't really there. There was no awareness, they just lied there and drooled. One of these peopled ended up in the hospital, and I was told not to come in until he was out, as the house had two female clients and I wasn't to be in there unless the male client was home. So, two days go by, and our shrill harpy of a boss calls me and demands to know why I haven't been at work. I told her, and she fired me on the spot. I told her to go perform an anatomical impossibility and hung up, pissed off. Two days after that, another boss calls me and demands to know why I haven't been at work all week. I said "do you people not talk to each other?" and hung up. Fortunately, I landed on my feet and found a job that didn't involve literally cleaning up other people's shit. About a month later the owner of the first company calls me and wants to know if I want to come back. I laughed hysterically and said no. They didn't call me back. My new job, you ask? Working for the state government auditing the type of company I worked for. I almost started believing in karma.

 

[RJ MacReady]

I've been working since Friday morning on this issue we had with a client, because nobody could be assed to check in on an event properly.

I've just delivered an 8 page "forensic analysis" to C-level executives of my company and the client company that basically says "yeah, client's exceptional"

Man, is being able to tell yourself "At least I'm not Doug Walker" what keeps you going at times?

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

I spend more time at work exercising than working.

Hey, at least you'll be in great shape when you get fired or retire

ImportantFart: Hello sir? I'm afraid we're not recruiting at the moment. We will of course keep your CV on file for six months and if anything comes up -

Dumbass: What do you mean you're not recruiting?

IF: We don't require any more staff at the moment, but as I said, we'll keep your CV on file and if -

D: That's not going to work for me. My Mum says if I don't get this job I have to work at McDonald's.

"That's not going to work for me"

Someone give this guy a CFO or CEO position, he talks like he's a top level exec

 

[NQ 952]

Man, is being able to tell yourself "At least I'm not Doug Walker" what keeps you going at times?

It's the only thing that keeps me from going for the high score

 

[DrJonesHat]

Hey, at least you'll be in great shape when you get fired or retire



"That's not going to work for me"

Someone give this guy a CFO or CEO position, he talks like he's a top level exec

Someone's got a sense of entitlement. I've heard of people offering bribes or sex in exchange for a job, but that's the first time I've heard of someone just saying "no fuck you I have a job there."

 

[XYZpdq]

So over many years in radio I've encountered Herb Alpert's Rise used as filler music a lot.

Catchy tune sure, but I never really thought about it popping up so much until youtubing old soap opera crap with a friend.

Apparently it came up quite often in General Hospital, as it was the "Luke is raping Laura" music, and would be played every time she had flashbacks.

Soap opera nerds tend to be way more low key on their power levels but I know they're out there.

I suspect it is some manner of running joke to use it as filler.

 

[neverendingmidi]

They decided to shuffle the engineers where I work. As far as I can tell the only reason is to force them to actually go through their desks and throw out shit they haven’t used in a decade. Anyway- they basically swapped people at either end of the building. Well today I saw the safety guy wandering around our area (a higher voltage area for testing) with a piece of equipment. Apparently one of of the engineers bitched about moving, claiming that moving would expose them to dangerous levels of electromagnetism and would affect their health, so he was sent out with a gaussmeter to check the levels.

He was pretty irritated.

Now, if he held the gaussmeter right next to equipment, especially cabelling, he could get over 20 gauss, but a foot away it dropped to .2 gauss. The people bitching are at least 40ft away. But he had to do this to prove their bitching was pointless.

I told him he should just give the whiners a roll of aluminum foil and a jug of vinegar to keep away the chemtrails.

One guy who used that equipment for testing mentioned that they used to use the old CRT computer monitors to check if the gaussmeter was working as just that would ping at 7 gauss.

I am now far more concerned with the designs of the shit we test if our engineers can’t even understand this shit.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

>Setting up email blast with email company
>Everything's set but email blast will not send
>Call customer support
>Hot potato with call transfers that go nowhere only to drop for half an hour
>Get someone on the phone
>American accent, not from India
>Expectations rise (regret later)
>Says he'll be out for ten minutes
>Go to vending machine
>Two minutes pass
>Phone rings
>Make a joke about him being early
>Tell him I'm away from desk & it'll be a few secs before I'll be back
>Tech support gets smug, says he's only been gone for exactly nine minutes
>Says he'll call me back exactly one minute from now
>Me thinking he has a sense of humor
>Does not call back at all, ever
>Call tech support, again
>Get called an asshole by different tech support agent for calling too much
>Spills spaghetti that they badmouth customers to each other over Skype
>Superior overhears, takes phone from me
>Demands refund
>Look for other solutions
>Discover G-Mass
>G-Mass works
>Hallelujah

 

[DrJonesHat]

>Setting up email blast with email company
>Everything's set but email blast will not send
>Call customer support
>Hot potato with call transfers that go nowhere only to drop for half an hour
>Get someone on the phone
>American accent, not from India
>Expectations rise (regret later)
>Says he'll be out for ten minutes
>Go to vending machine
>Two minutes pass
>Phone rings
>Make a joke about him being early
>Tell him I'm away from desk & it'll be a few secs before I'll be back
>Tech support gets smug, says he's only been gone for exactly nine minutes
>Says he'll call me back exactly one minute from now
>Me thinking he has a sense of humor
>Does not call back at all, ever
>Call tech support, again
>Get called an asshole by different tech support agent for calling too much
>Spills spaghetti that they badmouth customers to each other over Skype
>Superior overhears, takes phone from me
>Demands refund
>Look for other solutions
>Discover G-Mass
>G-Mass works
>Hallelujah

Pretty sure the first company is going under, and all the tech support drones know it, and they can't be bothered to give a shit.

 

[Cato]

Pretty sure the first company is going under, and all the tech support drones know it, and they can't be bothered to give a shit.

They deserve it but sadly I wouldn't assume so; I received comparable service from blue chip companies on a number of occasions while running a business.

I think they assume it's too much of a bitch to change providers once you have systems in place, so they think they can get away with it.

 

[Chemical snorfare]

This happened at a restructuring presentation yesterday...

Presenter: And we will be looking specifically at the engineering grades to accomodate women.
Attendee: And disabled people?
Presenter: Yes we consider women and disabled people to be the same thing.

[current year] feminism for the win